March 18, 2011

No, I didn't die. Calm down.

And I wasn't trying to die. I was just trying to sleep, but that didn't happen either.

Meanwhile, when I went to pick up Dougie, he was so preoccupied that when he noticed me walk in he didn't even ask where Tom and Gi were.

"Hi Dougie." I say softly, closing the door behind me. His case is packed and next to the door, but he's sitting on his bed, looking out the window he always does when he's deep in thought. He turns over his shoulder, a bit startled.

"Hi Lilly." He says, giving me a fake smile. I know it's fake because I've given him the same smile before. I walk around his bed and I sit next to him.

"You worried about leaving?" I ask quietly, as if it will make it less hard to face. Dougie shakes his head.

"No. I know I can do it. It's just..." He stops himself.

"You can talk to me." I say, putting my hand on his shoulder. He sighs.

"Fletch visited last night." He says, looking at me. "He told me how the boys told the fans." I feel my shoulders drop.

"Are you mad?" He shakes his head.

"No. I know they had to do it. And I wouldn't want the fans to find out through the press but...I just wanted to tell them on my own time, you know? I wasn't ready to leave the Priory, go on tour and constantly be asked and judged about it." He says. "Plus, I told them all I have the flu...so I'm a liar, too." He turns back to the window.

Most of the time when one of the boys had a problem, I couldn't help them, but in this case I could.

"I'm a liar." I say. Dougie looks at me quickly. "I lie all the time. To the most important people in my life." I scoff at myself. "The only people in my life. I lied about my family life...my home...my education...my age. Hell, I'm still lying to Fletch about that." Dougie laughs a bit. "But I've turned out alright, I'd like to think. Sometimes you have to lie to protect yourself. And I lied for selfish reasons. I thought the rules didn't apply to me. I didn't want to live in an orphanage and be told what to do, when in all honesty, I probably should have." Dougie's small smile fades and he stares into my eyes.

"So what do I do?" He asks. I take a deep breath.

"Well...the truth, I've found, is always better than lies. But how can you be honest with other people when you're not even being honest with yourself?"

*********************************

After that, I told Dougie about my offer for him and Flea to stay at my house until tour starts in two weeks, and he took me up on it. I sent Tom a text while I waited for Dougie to put his things in the guest bedroom before we made our way to his mum's house to pick up Flea.

When Dougie meets me in the kitchen, he walks up to me very slowly.

"You ready to go?" I ask. He pauses.

"Just, before we go." He starts. "I know, you know, that it was more than just alcohol I had." He pauses. This clearly isn't easy for him. "The drugs-"

"Dougie." I stop him. "If this is something you feel you need to get off your chest and tell me, I will wholeheartedly listen to you and support you. But I'm not going to ask."

"Thank you." He says, and I can see he instantly feels better.

"Tom brought your car over earlier." I say, as we walk out to the garage and I unlock the car, but as we're walking past, he stops.

"These aren't my windshield wipers." He says. Shit. "What the hell? This is a whole new windshield!" He looks over at me. "Did Tom do this?"

"No." I say quickly. Shit. I should have said I don't know or something. "Maybe you just don't remember. Maybe you're thinking of the windshield of you old car."

"No. I know these are different." He says, as if someone's committed a crime.

Well...I guess someone did, technically.

"Did you do this?" He asks. I laugh nervously.

"Uh no. I don't care about cars. Now can we go-"

"Why are you rushing?" He asks taking a step towards me.

"I'm not rushing I just want to get Flea."I say.

"Don't worry. Q6's are fast." He adds

"It's a Q7." I correct him.

"You Pork! It was you!" He points a finger at me.

"Just because I know the model-"

"Give it up. I caught you red handed." He squints at me. I sigh.

"Okay. Okay, fine. Yes I replaced your windshield." I say.

"Why?" He asks. "That's really expensive, Lilly."

"I know! I'm the one that replaced it!"

"Well why did you?" He asks.

"Can I not tell you?" I ask.

"The truth, I've found-" He begins to quote what I had said earlier in the Priory.

"Alright, alright." I stop him. "I may have shattered it."

"You shattered my new car's windshield?" He exclaims. "On accident?"

"I already replaced it, okay. and Gi said if you try and send me to prison she'll find me a really good lawyer." I threaten.

"On purpose?" He asks. "Why would you do that?"

"Okay, that's enough questions. It's a story for another day. At least I replaced it. That's gotta count for something, right?" I ask. And to my surprise, Dougie laughs.

"Just get in the car."

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