It was me, I was the problem.

After crying to sleep all night, I called my therapist in the morning. We Facetimed and I had an "A-Ha!" moment.

I was looking for something that was not for me. I was looking for someone to be like my daddy. And I wanted to be Angel so bad.

It made sense. They were the only two people I looked up to. And I could never measure up. I went to the same college as Angel, majoring in the same as she did. I wanted to work where she worked. I wanted to marry someone like my father, and have two kids like Angel. Live in a big house in a fancy neighborhood like Angel.

I had things to think about. What did I want? I had to start living for myself.

I did not know what to say to King, so we kind of only texted each other the rest of the week and did not hang out. I did not need to face him until I got my head together. My trip home for two days would be just the thing.

"Bring me back some Red Hot Riplets!" Gay shouted out to me as I grabbed the last of my things to load in my car.

"Red Hot Riplets? What do you know about my favorite St. Louis potato chips?"

"I know I need some."

I shared several of my St. Louis favorites with her, and she was addicted to them like I was. I would be sure to make her a gift box of things as our parting ways for the summer present.

We hugged as if I was going away on a long journey. It was amazing to see how our friendship grew over the school year. Imagine crushing on her, kissing her, dating her brother, and now we were roommates and best friends. We could sit and talk for hours about everything.

Once my car was loaded up with as much crap as I could fit in it, I made the two-hour drive back to good old St. Louis. The city I loved and never planned on leaving. My family was there. Why would I want to live anywhere else?

Soon as I pulled up in the driveway and parked outside of the garage, I grabbed as much as I could carry to take to the house. My father could help with the other stuff when he came home. I could not wait to hold my baby sister.

I was shocked to see my father asleep on the couch, little Angelique asleep on top of his chest. That wasn't safe at all. I dropped my things and went to pick up Angelique.

I loved the smell of new baby. I took a long inhale of her. What a doll! Her color coming in, she was going to be a brown-skinned girl like me for sure. A head full of curly thick hair, but she sure did not look like me.

"Hey, baby girl." My father woke with a stretch. "You snuck in quiet."

"What are you doing at home in the middle of the day?"

"I'm on paternity leave, just as Angel. We wanted to do these first few weeks together." He stood and kissed my cheek. "Perks of owning our own business."

Sometimes I forget my father had his own business. I only ever thought of Angel because her business was more interesting to me. I knew little to nothing about cars. Maybe someday my father would hand the business over to AJ, his only son. Or maybe me.

"Dad, can I intern at your shop this summer?"

My father threw me a confused look. "Angel and I assumed you wanted to work with her again."

"I mean...I did...but I want to learn about your business too. I can work the front desk and greet customers, but you can show me other parts of the business."

He laughed at me. "Okay, I like the idea, but Angel will be so mad at me for taking you away from her."

"Just want to spread my wings. Learn from the two of you, and how successful you have become."

"I probably don't pay as much as Angel."

"Like I care about the money."

"Oh, that's right, you're a rich girl!"

My father and I sat and talked for a bit before he had to get a bottle prepared for Angelique. Soon as she woke up she would be hungry. He said it was true, all babies did was eat, sleep, and poop.

"How's that boyfriend of yours?" My father asked this while he took out what I assumed to be frozen breastmilk to be thawed and warmed. It was interesting for me to watch.

"Uhh..." I was not going to talk boy talk with my father, I was going to use Angel for that. "He is great, just great, Dad."

"Uh-huh, you're holding something back, baby girl."

"Okay, well look, it's like this...I think I'm in love with him. But like, how do I know if he's the one I'm supposed to be with?"

"Mm-hmm, you think too hard about things. Like me. And you keep it inside. You're afraid to get hurt, but baby girl, just trust your heart. First of all, do you "think" you love him, or do you "know" you love him?"

"I know how he makes me feel. When I am with him, when he looks at me. Or just even when I think of him."

"Love is complicated sometimes. I wish I could tell you it is easy."

"I didn't think it would be. This is all so new to me. Like with my mother...when you two had me, you thought you were in love, right? But it didn't work out. And you had a whole baby together and couldn't make it work."

"Yes, I loved your mother, at the time, in the moment, but we were so damn young. Too young, and wild. Looking back now, in my old age...that wasn't real love. I had love for her, sure. It was more an infatuation...lust even. Something I had to go through. And the difference is, you're a whole lot smarter than I was at that age."

"King told me he loves me, but I haven't told him the same...yet."

"Then that's half the battle won, baby girl. Getting a guy to tell you how he feels is a big step. I respect him for that. Some guys will never admit their feelings and let a good thing go." He pinched my cheek. "You're a good thing."

Talking with my father about this was easier than I imagined. I was hearing things from the male perspective and that was good. I was so afraid to talk to my father in the past about boys because I feared like most parents, he wouldn't want me to grow up and date at all. It was always easier talking to Angel about it.

He was actually listening to me, instead of just telling me what to do. This was an improvement. Never once did he ask about my grades or finals. He was having an adult conversation with me.

Angel woke from her nap after Angelique was fed, and then my father started on dinner. I was allowed to go pick up AJ from daycare, and then we all had dinner together as a family. It felt so normal, like I never left.

I asked them if I could bring Chantel and JuJu over Saturday to meet Angelique. I told them that Chantel was very pregnant now and all alone. I'm sure my father and stepmother could give her some much-needed advice.

"Whatever will I do without my little helper this summer," Angel said to me.

"I'm sorry, I just really want to-"

"No, it's fine. Work with your father, I think it's a great idea." We were all lounged out in the family room watching a movie. "Maybe Chantel wants to work with me. I mean, should I ask her?"

"That would be great!" Why hadn't I thought of that myself? She could either work on the sales floor or in the office with Angel.

"And just because she didn't go off to college doesn't mean she can't have a nice job and make good money for herself and her baby. And JuJu too, if they both want to come work this summer...or longer."

That is why Angel was the best. Soon as I picked them up the next day and told them about jobs at Angel's place, they grew excited. They both talked Angel's ear off about it and she said they could start right away. Angel was not going back to work for at least six more weeks, but Jared and Shay were there to train them. JuJu would work in the store, and Chantel wanted to work in the office with Angel.

The two talked about saving enough money to get a car and eventually move out into their own place. I was so proud of them.

I told them we could hang out all summer and get ready for the baby. I was as excited about the baby as if it was another sister for me. In this case, I would be the cool auntie.

And just like that, it was time for me to go back to school, take all my finals, and finish off my first year of college.

Before I hit the road, I saw there was a text from King. We had not talked all weekend, so I hurriedly read the text he sent me.

Miss you so much. When you get back we need to talk

I gulped at that. Was this a good news talk or a bad news talk? I stopped thinking negatively and let myself go with the flow. King loved me. I loved him. We would make this thing work if we both opened our mouths and communicated.

Miss you too. I'm hitting the road right now. I will text you when I'm there

I ran through all the things I wanted to say to King when I first saw him. The first thing that would come out of my mouth was "I love you." And then "Sorry" for acting like a sex-crazed teen. Obviously King was better than most guys, not pressuring me about sex, but here I was, doing something that if a guy did, I would blast him.

Get it together Rayvn Lawrence.

When I pull into the parking lot, I see that King is sitting on a bench by the back door, just waiting. This makes me smile.

I don't have anything to grab except a bag stuffed with snacks for Gay, so I get that and walk over to him.

"How long have you been waiting here?"

"Timed it so I would be here when you pulled up." He stood and pulled me in his arms. "I'm sorry about the other day...leaving like that. You forgive me?"

"No! I mean..." I was flustered now. I pulled away from his hold. "I'm not upset with you, I should be the one asking you to forgive me. I'm sorry I pushed myself on you like that."

He took my hand and we sat on the bench.

"King, will you forgive me for not being a great girlfriend and pushing you for something we both are not ready for?"

"It's all good...because Rave, I do want you, in every way. I just know you're not ready. And I want our relationship to be more than that."

"I know." I bit my lower lip. Nervous, but I had to get over that. "I love you."

King said not a word. It was so quiet I thought he would get up and walk away from me.

"And I love you," he replied, picking my hand up and bringing it to his lips. "I was worried you didn't feel the same about me."

"I do! I just...it's hard for me to express myself sometimes. I'm going to get better at it, I promise."

King wrapped his arms around me, pulled me closer, and planted a kiss on the side of my forehead. "If I could spend the summer with you like this I would be a happy man."

He melted my heart when he said things like that.

"We can drive, and meet here, the midpoint. Have dates. Or come to St. Louis, if you want to make that drive."

"Or you drive to Kansas City. I want you to meet my mom."

That was a huge step. Sure, he already met my parents, but that was different. Meeting a guy's parents meant we were serious.

"Let's promise to always be honest with each other and communicate. Don't hold anything inside. If we're mad, we'll talk through it," I said to him, thinking how hard this would be for me, but I was up for the challenge.

"No walking away," he said with a nod. "Got it."

"Will you call me every day?"

"Every day, promise." He pulled me in for a kiss. "Rave, I love everything about you. I don't want you to change because of me."

"I only want to change for the better."

Coming from where I came from, that was a big deal. But I had my father, Angel, a therapist, and my friends to talk to. I will use all of them to keep me stable. Maybe even one day I will be able to talk to my mother and have a real relationship with her.

"King, I have to tell you something. About how I am here...in college." He would be only the second person I told about the money, and I hope it did not change anything. "My mom...I mean, my stepmother, set up a trust fund for me years ago from money her deceased husband left her. Half a million or so. I would not have been able to afford college without it. I don't have any scholarships, or student loans. But next year I have a scholarship and free room and board so that leaves me a lot of money for whatever. I set up a savings account for my little brother because he deserves a chance for college as well."

"I think that's pretty cool you're sharing it with your brother."

"My mother barely takes care of him now. I wish I could do more for him."

"But you're not his mother." He kissed me. "But that's what I love about you, your big heart. You did not have to tell me about your money. I wouldn't care if you had millions, it's not mine, nor do I ever want you to spend it on me."

"I just wanted you to know since we're being honest with each other." And it felt so good to get it out. Now there was nothing I was holding back with King. He knew everything.

I still could not believe this boy that was near perfection was in love with me. My Hottie Tottie. I fell down those stairs and made an entrance for a reason. It changed my life.

"Tell me you love me one more time," I said with a smile at him.

"I love you Rayvn Nicole Lawrence. I will love you forever."

The End

Author's note next chapter!