Have I...ever...kissed...a girl?

Have I ever been kissed is the real question? I haven't been kissed by anyone, much less a girl. Was I ready for my first kiss to be with a girl? Gay, specifically?

Yes, I was attracted to her, but what did that mean? I was also attracted to her brother, King, and just about any other hot guy that gave me attention.

I was so confused.

I did not even know what to say to her. Lie? Tell her the truth? Tell her I was not ready to kiss anyone, because to me it was something so intimate, I had to be sure my heart was ready o go all in. I was not part of the "link-up" culture. I wanted more than just that, and maybe that's all Gay wanted from me.

How could I turn her down easily?

"Uh...umm...Gay, I think you're...pretty cool. And awesome...uh, gorgeous, and I-"

She smiled at me. "Do I make you nervous?"

"Well, yes," I say with a nod. "You're far more mature than any eighteen-year-old I know."

"I'm seventeen."

"Okay, so wow, you're younger than me and probably more experienced than me, so-"

"So you've not kissed a girl?"

"I haven't kissed anyone. Ever. I mean, my baby brother, on the cheek, or maybe my father...on the cheek-"

She chuckled. "You know that's not the kind of kiss I am talking about."

I was rambling. And when I rambled, the only way to stop the faucet from overflowing was to just turn it off. I had nothing else to say or else I would continue to embarrass myself. My high was wearing off. I wanted to crawl into my bed under the covers and forget about this conversation.

"Look, again, I am not one to peer pressure you or anything. I get it. That's probably why I like you, your innocence."

She finished the blunt and crushed it out on the edge of her bag.

"Sorry I made you uncomfortable."

"No...no, it's okay."

"I probably should let you go. You probably have studying to do, or homework." She stood, grabbing her bag.

"No, stay!" I say quickly, standing as well. "I like you too Gay...maybe not in the way you like me, but we can be friends. If that's okay."

She smiled. "Sure."

And we sat there and finished talking and watching stupid things on TV. Never mind I was supposed to read three chapters before my class tomorrow that I had not done.

Waking up somewhat early for my Tuesday morning class, I was dressed and out the door in record time. Waiting for me by the elevator, was Mr. Perfect, holding my favorite drink from Starbucks.

"Wait! For me?"

"Yes, I'm not drinking this toxic drink, but you help yourself," he said, handing it to me.

I was giddy and happy as I drank my first sip.

"I figured I'd run get it for you before class so you don't make us late again."

"That was so sweet!"

"I aim to please," he said, giving me that Mr. Perfect grin.

I can't believe just yesterday his sister was hitting on me hard, now I was blushing like a freak show for him. Buying me Starbucks, I didn't know if that meant we were dating now, or I was still just in the friend zone.

"How's your week been going for you?" he asked as we rode the elevator down.

I was not going to tell him it had been the worse, except for getting to know his sister.

"Cool," I simply say.

"Having any troubles, I am here as your RA to help with anything."

"Got it."

We walked to class pretty silently. Any time I thought to say something dumb, I took a sip of my drink to erase it from my thoughts. I did not want to make a fool of myself. I felt some kind of way for him, but it was too soon to tell what it was.

Was I even ready for a relationship?

Most kids my age were in and out of relationships by now, but not me. I wanted everything to be perfect before I made that decision.

"How'd your chapter reading go?" he asked as we approached our building.

"Ummm-"

"You didn't read them?"

"Ummm-"

"Okay, wait." He stopped walking and pulled out something from his backpack. It was a stack of notecards. "This professor is going to give us a pop quiz, I guarantee it."

"What? Wait, why?" I grab the notecards from him, written in perfect print (of course from Mr. Perfect) with terminology and keywords, color-coded and highlighted throughout them. There had to be at least fifty notecards. What was I supposed to do with all of them?

"Because he can. This isn't playtime Rayvn, this is the real world. If a professor assigns that much reading, they are serious about it."

"I mean, I just forgot."

"If you need a study buddy, I'll do that with you. I don't want you to fall behind."

I looked over his cards.

What was Sociology? Why study Sociology? And a bunch of terms I had no clue about. I did not have a photographic memory to memorize any of it in the ten minutes we had before class.

"I'm going to fail."

"Just breath," he said. "Maybe I'm wrong."

He was not. A pop quiz that would count toward our final grade. I had breezed through about half of Mr. Perfect's cards before the professor dropped the bomb and told us to prepare for the quiz.

I received a four out of ten.

I had to take what I was here for seriously. Getting my education.

After I left sociology class, I went directly to my next class, College Algebra, which was mostly a repeat of high school algebra. I was good at math, earning a B in high school, my highest grade, so I was not too worried about keeping up.

In the middle of class, I saw that I had a text from King.

Hey fresh, R U busy today? Want to hang out?

Oh crap! He was asking me out? I had to pause and think about this. My focus should be on the instructor trying to teach me something, but I stared at my phone screen.

R u there??

Hey! I'm in class

Sorry. text me later. For real. Text me later

OK

That gave me time to think about what I would say to the invite to hang out. I gave my attention back to class. If this was going to be my easiest class, at least I needed to get an A in it. The only way Angel and my dad would give me a new car was if I brought home good grades. A feat that was going to be harder than I imagined.

After class, I headed to the library, maybe knock out that reading I needed to do, plus the additional reading that was assigned. Ugh! School was not all fun and games.

Then I remembered I needed to text King back.

Hey, see, I listen. I'm texting u back

I waited a short moment and he replied.

Hey fresh. Done with classes for the day?

Yes

You want to hang out, grab something to eat?

Again, he was asking me out and I was speechless. Good thing I had an excuse.

I need to study and get some work done. Sorry.

I get it fresh, it's a lot, huh?

I flunked my pop quiz today. I might have to drop out and work at Mickey Ds.

One quiz. Second week of school. Give yourself a break. Have some study friends.

For some reason, I wasn't going to mention to him that one of my study friends happened to be my hot RA that I was crushing on. Right now I was feeling things out, just talking, making new friends. He was included in that friend group.

Gee, thanks for the advice soph

maybe later in the week we can study together

I smiled. More study buddies was nice, right?

Cool

What are your plans for this weekend?

Absolutely nothing. The second Saturday of my college career, I had no clue what to do. What did students do on weekends when their heads were not buried in a book and they were not out partying at night?

Anything fun to do?

There's always football.

I groaned. I was not much of a football fan. I already did that this past weekend with my roomies. I know this was a college town and everything, but I had no plans of going to a game every weekend. I just could not get into it. I was more of a baseball fan. Nothing could get between me and the Cardinals.

Nope. Have fun

I didn't say I was going.

Oh

Campus will get live and loud for the game. How about we escape campus for a bit

Was he asking me out? I held in a squeal to not disturb others in the library. I was getting asked out on my first date.

ok, sure

A'ight. We can talk about it later this week in class. Imma let you finish studying.

I stood up and did the running man in place like I was MC Hammer, I didn't care who was looking. My first date. Woo hoo!

Oh crap! But it wasn't with Mr. Perfect.

A/N: Pretty normal, basic college experience. Studying, tests, and meeting friends.