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disclaimer: a slight panic & ptsd attack. mentions of death. not too graphic but still.

CELESTE'S

disappearance didn't hold that much value when she arrived back to the Tonks residence. In any other time it would had been a big deal, but the remaining Tonks family had just found out about Ted's death. 

Andromeda was withdrawn, unable to process what had happened. Everything reminded of Ted, every piece of furniture, every small detail of the house reminded her of her husband. Of her husband whom for she left her own parents, sisters for but there hasn't been a day she has regretted that choice. Her family was with Ted and now he was gone. 

If someone took the death of Ted Tonks even harder, it was Nymphadora Tonks who was soon to give birth. She didn't do anything else than cry and curse the world for taking her father. Edward Tonks was never to see or know his grandchild, and that broke everyones' hearts. Andromeda tried to remain strong whenever her daughter was around, but when Nymphadora went to bed at the late hours, Andromeda cried.

It was another late evening at the Tonks residence when Nymphadora had gone to bed. Celeste was laying on the couch, her head on Leo's lap. The Marchal boy was still slightly upset at his girlfriend's disappearance act a week ago but with everything else that was going on, he only thanked that she had returned safely. He ran his fingers through Celeste's blonde hair.

"You should go to sleep," Leo said when he checked the clock on the wall. "It's getting late."

Celeste merely shook her head. "I can't, not until Tonks has. She cries, and I can't hear it," she whispered, a tear running down her cheek. She glanced at her right, where Andromeda was, sound asleep. She hasn't slept in her bedroom since Ted, she didn't dare to go there and know that he will never return. 

"Okay," Leo said, not wanting to press on the matter. He understood, the painful sobs coming from Nymphadora's room were heartbreaking. The only way Celeste, Leo and Remus had managed to make Andromeda fall asleep was to give her a sleeping draft but they didn't want to give one to Nymphadora, they wanted to be on the safe side when it came to her pregnancy.

"I hate this," Celeste sighed, lifting her head from Leo's lap. "Why does bad things happen to good people? They don't deserve this, none of them. I mean, Ted was so innocent. Merlin, the world is just so cruel. People die, loved once die."

"People get hurt by words or physically. People get lost, they are taken and they are finally getting out of an orphanage after two years, and the world just seems so perfect, then people die again. And you never find out why. And then you live your life and---" she rambled with silent sobs. She placed her hands on top of her mouth and breathed rapidly. 

"Were they meant to die? My mum and dad, were they meant to die because of me? Because, if they would be here, I wouldn't. They wouldn't had allowed me to stay here. They would had probably done everything in their power so that I wouldn't be here, in danger," Celeste wondered out loud, tears falling down her beautiful face. "I really miss them."

Leo knew Celeste was talking about her adoptive parents. 

"Celeste..." Leo sighed but the girl kept going.

"Was Ted meant to die because he fell for a pureblood, and because he was a muggle? Was I taken from mummy and daddy because of who they were, or are? Did mum and dad die in that crash because other wise I wouldn't had come here?" Celeste's breathing had gone so fast, her heart was ticking like a time bomb. 

Her hands were sweating and the memory of Ted laying on that alley flashed through her mind. Then that moment when she found out that her parents had died appeared to her head. She hasn't thought about that in years, she had buried that memory deep inside of her. It was like her world had stopped. Celeste loved her adopted parents so much, they were the kindest, most caring couple there was.

"Celeste..." Leo said and took Celeste's hands, making her to look at him. "Breath," but Celeste just kept hyperventilating. 

Leo took a deep breath in and out. "Like this, see. Follow my lead, okay? It will make you feel better. Now one in," he said and Celeste took one rapid breath in. "Good, good and then out."

Celeste breathed out and then in again and kept doing this for several minutes. She felt Leo's hands reaching her cheeks and he wiped her tears away. It has been a long time since Celeste had an attack like this, but she didn't wonder. Everything that was going on, it was only a matter of time when this was going to happen.

"Thank you," she sighed with a tired smile and leaned to kiss Leo. 

"Celeste," a voice came from the stairs, it was Remus. Celeste kissed Leo one more time before getting up and walking towards the staircase. 

"Yes?" She asked, trying to hide the fact that she's been crying.

Remus noticed Celeste's red eyes. "Are you okay?" He asked and Celeste nodded. "Are you sure? Because I don't want you to get more upset..."

"I'm fine, really. Is everything all right with Tonks? Should I wake Andy?" She asked, worrying that it might have something to do with the baby but luckily Remus shook his head.

"I-I just don't know what to say to her," Remus sighed, and sat on the stairs. He massaged his temples. "I worry that this might affect the baby as well, her crying and everything...My, my parents died of natural reasons, they weren't killed."

"My parents died in a car crash," Celeste said, leaning against the wall. "I know it isn't exactly what happened to uncle Ted but I think I could talk to her," she offered.

"Are you absolutely sure? I don't want you to be in an uncomfortable situation," Remus asked.

Celeste placed her hand on Remus' shoulder and smiled at him. "I am sure. You should rest as well. I bet you won't be able to do that once the baby is born," she grinned and started to walk the stairs up. 

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SHE 

stood in front of Nymphadora's room for several minutes before knocking on the door. She had thought about what to say, she was preparing a speech when she realized, it won't help. Giving a speech won't bring Ted back. Saying that things are meant to happen and that Ted wouldn't want his daughter to cry, it won't help.

She heard Nymphadora muttering something that sounded like a 'come in', she Celeste pushed the door opened and entered the room. 

Her heart broke when she saw Nymphadora laying on her bed, her blanket over her body so you could only see her head. Celeste took a deep breath in, pushing all the bad memories of her life aside and walked over to her cousin. She sat on the bed and gently stroked Nymphadora's hair. 

"I know it hurts, and it's going to hurt for a long time," Celeste sighed and Nymphadora sniffed quietly. "And then there will become a time when it won't hurt so much, you just don't want to talk about it. Eventually it becomes a distant memory, but a painful one and once in while, you're going to let it out and cry your heart out. Like now. And then, it will get a little bit better but it will never heal completely."

Nymphadora listened to Celeste's words and carefully pulled herself to sit. She leaned against the head of the bed and placed her hands on her bump. 

"How long?" She asked. "How long until comes the time when it won't hurt as much?"

Celeste gave her an absent smile and thought about it for few seconds. "Give it a little bit over a year. That's at least how long it took for me. The anniversaries of that day, they'll be the worst ones. But instead of drowning yourself to sadness, think about the good times."

"It's going to hurt like hell, let me tell you that. But the one who has left us behind, they wouldn't want us to remember them with such sadness. Think about the times when you laughed together, the times when you sneaked behind your mum's back to get the freshly baked cookies."

"Did you do that? When your parents..." Nymphadora asked carefully. Somehow she felt ridiculous, her much younger cousin was there to comfort her but Celeste was wiser than her age and more experienced when it came to death and missing someone. 

"Yes," Celeste said. "Uncle Will told me to do all that. I was young when it happened, so at first I didn't know how to cope with it. I didn't have so many memories of them like you have with Ted but still, it's never easy. And in times like these, it's good to hold on to the good things in life. Being happy, feeling happy, doesn't mean that you're betraying the ones who are gone."

Nymphadora shook her head, tears in her eyes one again. "I don't think I know how to feel happy again."

"Yes you will. I know that right now, it feels like the last thing you'll ever be, but you will. When that baby of yours is born, you will be happy. But now, you can feel sad, you can feel crushed but just know that things will be alright," Celeste assured her cousin, unaware that there were now tears in her eyes as well.

 "Besides, they're never truly gone. Will told me, that they will always be there even if you can't see them. And while we can't see them, they can see us."

"S-so he will see my baby?" Nymphadora asked with a teary chuckle. 

Celeste leaned to kiss Nymphadora's forehead, just like Narcissa kisses her whenever Celeste feels down. She swallowed, pushing the fears of her family's well being aside. 

"He will. And he will watch your baby grow up. He will see the first words, first steps, first sparkle of magic, first wand. Everything."

The younger cousin sighed and noticed that her cousin had fallen asleep now. Celeste smiled, brushed some of Nymphadora's hair from her face and got up. She turned to face the door, where Andromeda was standing, her arms wide open for Celeste to run into her warm embrace.

"Thank you..." whispered Andromeda.

Celeste just nodded, her chin resting on her aunt's shoulder.

"Will and Liv are here," said Andromeda when she released Celeste.

"Thank Merlin," sighed Celeste and ran downstairs where William and Olivia were waiting for her.

She didn't twice before jumping on her uncle and aunt, small sobs escaping her lips. Talking about death ― the death of her adoptive parents ― was a subject she liked to avoid but she knew that as someone who knows what Tonks is going through, she had an obligation to help her cousin. While comforting Tonks did make her feel good, it didn't kill the pain she often feels in her heart whenever talking of the couple who loved her as their own before they were cruelly taken from her.  

It also made Celeste thinking the possibility of loosing her biological family now that things were so intense and dangerous. Then there were Uncle Will and Liv ― she couldn't live without them. 

"Please don't die," hiccuped Celeste against her uncle's chest.

William frowned, shot a concerned look at his wife before placing a kiss on top of Celeste's head.

"Don't you get it kiddo? You are stuck with us," he said.