It was the twenty-fourth of June and Alexia and I had arrived in Sweden yesterday. We were here to celebrate Midsommar, a holiday that was so typically Swedish. It was a welcome change from the heat in Barcelona and for the first time in a while, it felt like I could breathe. The temperature was better for me, something I was used to and something my body could handle.

She would get to celebrate with my father's side of the family. I had no contact with my dad, he was dead anyways, but I hadn't talked to him when he was alive. He wasn't a good father, beatings were a regular thing before my mom moved us away from him and that made me scared of seeing him, scared of going home.

I hadn't told Alexia about him yet, which probably wasn't that good. I needed her to know exactly what he had done to me, everyone else there would know. She knew that he was a bad person and that I hated him, that I wasn't speaking to him because he hurt me, not just because he was dead.

"I need to tell you something, and I need you to listen to me until I am done. Ask me questions when I'm done" I informed her when I drove us towards my grandmother's place. From there a tractor would drive us to the place of celebrations.

Alexia nodded my way, signalling to me that I was fine to continue. "I do not speak much about my father, and that is for a good reason. I told you how he wasn't the best person, but he used to hurt me and my mother" I started before looking at the road ahead of us. The familiar road I had travelled so many times before.

Being in a car made me want to open up about everything, and this was no exception. It didn't help that I wanted Alexia to know about this before one of my nosy aunts told her. I should have done this earlier, but it was always so hard to talk about him.

I took a deep breath before continuing. "It made me feel kind of fucked up and it required so much therapy for me to feel alive again. No one in my family spoke to him after that, and it helped me. He passed away in prison after my mom reported him to the police, but you know that he is dead" I said with an uncertainty in my voice, and uncertainty that almost never was there.

I always took pride in being open to people about things. Alexia knew so much about me, and most people I trusted knew a lot about me. Barely anyone knew about my dad. But they weren't my girlfriend. They weren't Alexia.

"Shit, I'm sorry" Alexia apologized. "It wasn't your fault" I laughed. There were still more to the story, but this was more than enough for now. "It wasn't yours either" Alexia answered. If I wasn't on the road right now I would for sure be crying. I couldn't do that. My makeup was gorgeous and if I cried there would be tears of mascara ruining it.

Her hand found its way to my thigh and there she moved it up and down, reassuring me that she would be here. I needed her here with me and I loved having someone to join me around my family. They all knew she would be here, and that she was a Spanish football player. A star honestly.

I was nervous at the same time. My family was nosy, and they had always been. They had no understanding about what was too much to say and which subjects weren't fine to talk about. At least they were all nice and not even one was homophobic.

Five minutes later we arrived. The lawn was already filled with my family, and Ragnhild was the first person to greet us when we got out of the car. "This is the girlfriend I have been waiting to meet" she said with a big smile on her face. "I'm Ragnhild, this one's grandmother" she continued and stretched her hand out for Alexia to take. "Ta det lugnt med na, (Take it easy with her)" I told Ragnhild, and she nodded, barely reassuring me.

Alexia was pulled away to be introduced to everyone while I made my way to my small cousins. My family was big, and that meant that I had cousins who were tiny. The youngest was two, and she was the first one I talked to. With her on my hip I made my way back to Alexia. Some more of my cousins trailed behind, most certainly only wanting to see the dog we brought with us.

Nala was bouncing next to Alexia, and I could see how all the children were eying her. "Gå och hälsa på henne. Hon bits inte, (Go and say hello to her. She doesn't bite)" I said to my cousins. They were down on the ground a second later, cuddling with our dog.

"Everything okay?" I whispered in Alexia's ear. She nodded and held her hand out for me to hold. "It's better now that you're here" she whispered back with a smile. "You are terribly cheesy" I whispered back. My smile was even bigger than hers as I leaned into her.

"You look gorgeous with a baby, (Du är så vacker med en bebis)" my favourite cousin said with a smile. She was the closest one in age to me, and we had always been close. "Ha ett barn när vi båda är så här upptagna är ju inte ens okej, (Raising a child while we both are incredibly busy is not ideal)" I answered with a smile. After that we fell into a comfortable conversation, in English this time so Alexia could feel included.

I walked and greeted my family, it was a long time since I had been here last, a year to be exact. I had missed them terribly. At least I could show my incredibly hot girlfriend off.

Alexia helped me up onto the trailer behind the tractor. It was strange that she was doing this for me, considering the fact that it was her first time here. You couldn't see that she hadn't met anyone here before because she was interacting with everyone. She was sitting next to me, her hand in mine, sitting on top of my thigh, speaking to one of my older cousins.

I smiled at her fitting right in with everyone and focused on the small girl that was sitting in my lap. For some reason, every small child in my extended family loved me. I hoped that one day they would love Alexia too.

I loved being an auntie, but parenthood had always scared me. It didn't get better when my mom passed away. In what world was I supposed to raise a child without my mother. Especially with my dad being such a bad father. What if I turned out like him and hurt our children? It was safer to not have any of my own. This was probably a conversation I needed to have with Alexia. It was also a conversation I feared to have with her. What if she wanted to have children and I couldn't give her that?

I pushed that thought out of my head. It was a problem for a later day, one which wasn't filled with celebrations.

"Nosotros podemos dormir en la casa de mi abuela hoy. Vamos a emborracharse, una tradición sueca, (We are sleeping in my grandma's house tonight. And we are also getting drunk, tradition)" I whispered to Alexia. Spanish was a treasure in these moments, and we could speak only to each other without anyone else understanding. It was just for us.

I turned towards her and saw her nodding at me. A smile covered her face before she turned back to speak to my cousin Wilma. I had a lot of cousins, but I also called almost everyone in my family cousins. Another family tradition. I don't know how many aunts I have, but most of them weren't even genetically related to me.

When we arrived the smaller people in my family pulled me with them. I was on flower crown duty while they picked the flowers. I was the best one in the family, and the one who barely was there, so I was almost exotic.

Two hours later and about fifteen flower crowns later, I was finally done. Alexia had one and she looked terribly cute in it. I wore one myself, along with almost everyone in my family that was younger than twelve.

"You look gorgeous love" Alexia smiled at me. "So do you" I smiled back and pecked her lips softly. This was not the place to make out, with young children running all around, wanting our attention.

Alexia had been sitting next to me as I did my crowns, playing with my youngest cousin while watching me work. It was sweet and scarily domestic. I had never been this in love with anyone before and that scared me. It scared me that we were in this routine that I had only ever seen couples in. But we were a couple and that should be okay. It shouldn't scare me.

Nala was also resting with us, by my feet. She was having constant attention and all the children wanted to play with her. They wanted to take her on walks, so I joined them, even letting them hold her leash with me.

Everyone helped dress the maypole with flowers and I explained to Alexia what she should do. We joined in with the silly dances and games. Having the time of our lives, laughing and dancing, all while spending time with my family.

When the commotion died down, we went back to my grandparent's house. Alexia was enthusiastic and told me all about her day, even though I had been there to experience it with her. If she was enthusiastic now, I had no idea how enthusiastic she would be after tonight. With a barbeque, food, dessert, alcohol, and songs. Midsommar was always a day to look forward to.

It was with her hand in mine that we continued the rest of the evening. Alexia cooked us dinner on the grill while I spent time with the people I had missed during the year.

We played games with the kids and sang songs with the adults. Most everyone above the age of eighteen were drunk, especially after the younger kids left.

I was playing football with Alexia and my older cousins. Wilma wanted to see what she could do against a professional footballer, and it was a lot since Alexia was drunk and wobbly on her legs. I was mostly in the way, but neither of them complained. For some reason I even managed to score a few goals.

That game of football lasted long, with laughter and jokes along with falls and grass stains. It was the perfect way to end the day. A day that was way better than the same day had been the previous years.

It was all better because I had Alexia by my side, my girlfriend was here with me and that was great. Her company made me feel better, it made me heal. Her smile lit up the room, even though this was the first time she ever met these people. She made me feel safe, she always did.

It was the first time she experienced this Swedish tradition, and it looked like she had been here for ages. It was honestly amazing to see how well she was fitting into my extended family, the family that I rarely saw but which still meant a lot to me.

The two of us slept on the couch, curled up together with the sun shining in from outside. That was how we woke up, with the sun kissing our faces, our heads pounding, but with big smiles on our faces.

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I exist on Fridolina Rolfö's instagram. And the national team's, and Jonna Anderssons. The places I got for the game was insane. I can add in a picture or two. 

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