"Is me staying a good idea?" she whispered in the dark. I could see tears falling down her face. How I wish those tears could just disappear. "Only you can decide if it is a good idea. If your mental health declines with you being here, then you should go back home, but if you feel good staying and watching everyone play, then you should stay" I whispered back.

I did not dare to turn the light on, but I moved closer to her. Alexia pulled me in tighter. I was laying against her body, almost every part of my body touched hers. Her skin was warm, and incredibly soft. A stark contrast to my cold body. "Are you staying for the entire tournament?" she asked me. I felt the warm air from her mouth against my forehead with the words she said. "I am not. I need to look at some houses. So, I am leaving the day after tomorrow, but I will be back for the next game" I told her.

"But that was not what we were talking about. Do you feel bad for staying?" I asked her. She didn't answer me, but that was enough of an answer. "You shouldn't Lex. I know nothing about football, or about team sports for that matter, but I have seen how much you mean to some people in this team. How much you mean to Mapi. To Jana. And to Aitana. They need you here with them. You are their captain. Don't feel bad for staying" I whispered to her. I felt her tears in my hair, which resulted in me holding her tighter. Trying my best to comfort the broken girl next to me.

Her tears were quiet, still I turned my head towards her. Slowly moving my hand to wipe them away. "It hurts Ettie. I can't believe that I tore my ACL just days before such an important tournament" she whispered. "You will have more opportunities for going to big tournaments. The world cup next year. The Olympics the year after that. It will hurt, but you have more chances" I told her, looking into her eyes. She needed the reassurance, and I was going to give it to her.

"My first stop on this tour, over a year ago, I got laryngitis. Covid caused that to happen, and my voice disappeared fully. I had to rest my voice, which is hard on tour. So, I didn't sing during those first three weeks, just lip-syncing to the previously recorded songs. But it healed and I could continue to perform" I continued. It was my own story, but a similar situation.

She listened to what I said, nodding along. After I finished, she pulled my head closer to hers, resting her forehead on mine. "You never told me that" she whispered. Once again, I felt the air against my face. "If I continued to sing, I could have strained my vocal cords. Meaning speech therapy and it would take years for my voice to become strong again. It happened when I was younger, and I do not want to go through that again" I explained to Alexia.

The way she listened were amazing. She was always nodding, making me understand that she was taking every word to heart. "And you still sing?" she asked. "Yeah, because I love it. Just like you do with football" I answered. Because that was exactly what it was. II would never give up singing, if I did, then I would still write songs for other people. It was my passion, but it was also my work. "Seems right, I still want to continue play football, even though I got injured badly doing it" she said, while looking at me.

"We might be more alike than you thought before, huh?" I said with a smile. Alexia just nodded. That was the end of our conversation this night. I fell asleep in her arms before we could talk any more. The only thing separating us were the fabric of our clothes. Still, her entire body radiated warmth, and warmed me up. I had always been running cold, maybe sharing a bed with Alexia wasn't so bad.

The door stayed closed the entire night. No surprise visits from her coach. But the door was still not allowed to be locked.

I left as soon as I could in the morning, eating my breakfast at my own hotel. After that I decided to go to the gym. Almost an hour was spent there, working on my strength. Getting all my frustrations out and resetting my mind.

Alexia
Be there an hour and a half before the start. I'll go and hi if you do.

Odette
Only for you! No, but I'll be there. I have nothing better to do.

Alexia
What are you doing now?

Odette
I am going to shower and then have lunch. Spent the last hour in the gym, killing my body, but it was fun.

Alexia
I wish you luck.

Odette
What are you doing?

Alexia
The team is having one final practice, so I am watching them.

Odette
I think you would've had more fun here with me in the gym.

Alexia
I would've had more fun there. I am amazing at being a private trainer.

Odette
I can believe that!

I took a long shower, washing my hair slowly. Shampooing it two times, making sure it got everywhere in my hair. Two times to make sure all the dirt was removed. Then conditioner, leaving it in for minutes to ensure silky soft hair. After that I towel dried it and applied my products before letting it airdry.

Then I ordered some lunch. Sushi, but only avocado sushi. Some may argue that it isn't real sushi, but it was the only kind I could eat. The only vegetarian version.

Markus sat with me as I ate my lunch. He would join me to the game, making sure that nothing bad happened. I enjoyed having him there, it made me feel safe, even though he wasn't much for conversation. When he was working, he was not big for small talk, I mean I did pay him for that so I couldn't complain, but it would be nice to have a friend.

I talked to him as I ate, a mostly one-sided conversation, but he always answered when I asked about his two sons. He loved them more than anything else in this world if you didn't count his wife. I usually talked to her, she would occasionally join me at shows, only when we were here in England though. They lived here, and Markus hated travelling the world with me, missing his family as he did.

I always missed my mom as I travelled, but that was the only family I had. A bit sad, but I didn't speak to my dad anymore, not after what he did. My grandparents were all dead and I didn't have any siblings, but I spoke to my cousins occasionally. They attended my shows when it was possible for them, and it was something that I enjoyed.

Markus left when I was done, allowing me to get ready for today. I braided my hair into two Dutch braid, not having the energy to blow dry and style it. After that I did my makeup, going for a simple style. Very natural today, with nothing fun going on in that department.

Now it was time for my favourite part, clothes. The Mapi jersey was necessary, as well as the vintage mini skirt in a denim colour. I would need a jacket; wait I wouldn't need that. A white turtleneck. I could wear that under the jersey, and then I wouldn't need a jacket. I was a genius.

Of course, I added some jewellery, gold ones. They matched the jersey better. What else did I need? A bag. I needed a bag. There was a white one in my suitcase. I could totally use that. So, I did, and my outfit was done.

Markus rode with me to the stadium, along with two other guys from security. We didn't speak much; they weren't exactly people I would call my friends. Markus was nice, but the other two were intimidating to say the least.

Odette
Good luck today Mapi!

Mapi
Gracias Odette

Odette
Wearing your shirt today.

-One attachment-

Mapi
You look lovely in it. Need to go though. Gotta get ready for the game.

That was the end of my conversation with the only reasonable person I would talk to in a while. "Do you think my outfit looks good?" I asked Markus, desperate to make the car ride less awkward. "You always have the best outfits, Odette. You know that" he answered, still looking out the window.

"I think you all should be a bit less boring. I would enjoy being able not to die of boredom" I said, a bit excessively, but it was annoying to be here all alone when all they did was to look at their phones or out the window. "You know we are not here to make conversation. That is not why you hired me, but I can ask Amalie to go out for coffee with you if you want the company" Markus answered. I didn't respond to him as the stadium was approaching.

We were showed to an entrance by one of the employees. One which only the players family and friends had access to. It led directly to the family and friends' section which was almost empty. The stadium was almost empty, no one was here yet since the game started in an hour and a half.

Alexia saw me directly, making her way towards me to say hello. "Doing okay?" I asked as I pulled her in for a hug. She nodded, but I knew she wasn't okay. Being here must be emotionally exhausting for her, but it was great how she wanted to support the team. "Your outfits are always insane Ettie. I don't even know how someone can always look that good" she said with a smile. This made me laugh. She said everything I had wanted Marcus to say in the car. Just like a real friend would do. It's nice to have a friend like her.

She couldn't stay and talk for long, which was understandable. I made my way to a kiosk, buying myself something to eat. The only vegetarian option they had were fries. Not that they were fully vegetarian, they only had one fryer, so they weren't, but I needed something to eat. I also bought a bag of candy and a soda.

I walked back to my place, eating the fries as I wanted the warmup.

The game was not interesting at all. Aitana scored a goal which was the most interesting thing that happened all game. Spain won with 4-1. A victory which they could be proud of. Both Mapi and Aitana talked to me after the game. Smiling about their achievements as I waited for Alexia to arrive. She was the last person to be done with the fans. They all wanted something signed by the amazing Alexia. I wanted the same.

"Hola Ettie!" she said as she arrived at the box. I pulled her in for a hug. Dropping her crutches to the floor. "I would have preferred if you had played. Guess watching Mapi will have to do" I joked with her. Once again, her smile was back. But Mapi was the once who enjoyed it the most, laughing loudly at my comment. "And yet, you are wearing my shirt babe" she said. I knew she was joking. She had a girlfriend, but I decided to play along. "What would Ingrid say if she heard about this?" I asked while laughing. "Fuck off" she answered.

We continued to talk before they all had to shower. I would be leaving for Barcelona tomorrow to look at houses. I was excited. The green one was my favourite, but I would see as I toured them all.

___________________________________________

Found out my old coach was the vice manager or something like that for the Swedish national team. I did like him a lot at times, but at other times, I hatetd him. 

I'm grateful for what he taught me, especially now that I'm thinking about making my return to football.

___________________________________________