Nora Farris
Tuesday, January 15, 2019
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

chapter six- an apology text

BY THE TIME I MAKE IT HOME I'M AN ICE CUBE AND ITS NEARLY TEN O'CLOCK. Ever since the accident, I avoided cars at all cost. I could have taken a train, but I didn't feel like being around that many people willingly.

When I open the door, I kick my shoes off quietly and tip toe through the quiet house. "Where have you been?"

Jackie's voice rings through the quiet house, making me nearly jump out of my skin. She sits at the dining room table, sipping on a cup of mint tea, with two sugars and honey. I watch her dip the bag in and out of the water, like I used to as a kid, when I tolerated her.

"Out," I say, trying to make my way through the hall.

"Eleanor, i'm not done talking," She says venom in her words.

I sigh deeply, giving her a side eye. "Yes?" I say trying to make my voice perkier, my attempt at trying to avoid a fight.

"How was therapy, I pay so much for it, the least you can do is tell me how it is," she takes a long sip, not looking away from me. She wears a robe and pajamas. Her long dark curls are pulled back from her face, revealing disappointed and sad eyes.

Jackie was gorgeous, even in a state of depression, I hated to admit it, but she was.

"In case you forgot," I begin slowly, trying to hold my composure. "I did not ask for therapy, I did not ask for anything from you, just...just butt out." I say lowly, getting frustrated.

"You're so ungrateful, I lost my husband and you make me the villain when it was you...you," Her voice trails off, and even in the dark dining room, I can see that she's crying.

I don't cry, instead I clench my fist so tight my skin rips and my knuckles ache. "Say it," I grit through bared teeth, not peeling my eyes from Jackie.

Tears still pool her eyes and she says nothing. She doesn't finish her statement, just open and closes her mouth like a dumb fish.

"Whatever we give you it's never enough, do you any idea how much it cost to raise you, do you think I like working doubles at the hospital so you can go to therapy?" she begins. "You think it's easy raising you, you're never satisfied, there's no winning with you."

"Give me a number," I say after her rant, never taking my eyes off of her, still clenching my fist tightly.

"What?" she asks, shifting in the seat, her tears replaced with anger.

"Give. Me. A. Number," I spit out. "You give me a number for how much it cost to raise me, and i'm gonna get older and make a lot of money and write you a check for how much I owe you, so that I never have to speak to you again."

Jackie is taken aback, she takes a sip and lets out a little laugh. "Well I highly doubt that you will get a job good enough for you to do that," she remarks.

I refrain from throwing the tea in her face, making my way to my room. I didn't think it possible, but somehow I hated her more.

When I get to my room, I don't cry, instead I fall face first into my bed, screaming into a pillow, I scream and scream until my throat is sore, until I run out of breath, and then I scream some more.

After, I rise from the pillow, I retrieve the slip of paper with Ezra's number.

Before I talk myself out of it, I type the number, and bring up the chat.

Me: Hey, it's Nora, from therapy!

I deleted the text thinking it sounded dumb. What other Nora's had he given his number to, that i'd feel inclined to add 'from therapy'. I try again.

Me: Hey, it's Nora, I'm sorry for my outburst, I was way out of line. Hope you're okay!

I send it, throwing my phone on the floor, heart racing. Because holy shit I just texted a guy, a guy that gave me his number. If it hadn't been for the fact that we met at therapy it would be normal, but nothing was normal about anything these days and I wished that it was.

I lay on my stomach, reaching for my phone to see if he responded, and he hadn't and he probably wouldn't. It didn't matter, he didn't need to respond, I texted him for myself, to make me feel better, it wasn't necessarily about him.

I place my phone on the nightstand, climbing into bed, only bothering to kick my jeans off, still in the sweater—I know gross, but i'm depressed so I can get away with things like this.

I don't know how long I dose off for, but I awake hours later, to my phone buzzing, I pick it up, the light hurting my eyes and see that Ezra had responded.

12:26 am
Ezra: it's okay, was just a little upset about something, i apologize for ignoring you, i get in these moods ig

I read the text over and over again. Why was he apologizing to me? And why was he upset?

Me: don't apologize! i'm the same way, i'm not the fondest of talking these days

I cringe at my use of the word fondest and facepalm when I realized that I made the conversation about myself, when he said he was upset. I double text.

Me: are you okay? is there anything i can help with?

There's no response for a half hour, I'm nearly asleep again when my phone buzzes, beside my face.

Ezra: not unless you can fix my relationship, and or give me a family that is around every once in a while.

I read over his text, not sure how to respond, I type out messages and delete them, ultimately deciding not to respond at all, because what do I even say. My phone chimes again.

Ezra: let's hangout

Me: it's the middle of the night

Me: on a wednesday

Ezra: so?

Me: idk

Ezra: i'll pick you up

Me: i don't ride in cars

Ezra: so we'll walk

Ezra: i want to see you

Me: you saw me yesterday

Ezra: you cursed at me tho :(

Ezra: i want to see you not mad at me

Me: then stop making me mad!

Ezra: but i'm so good at it

Me: ...

Ezra: I'm omw

Me: noooo! my mom will kill me, ezra pls i'll kill u, don't even think about it

Ezra: i've already started walking

My heart begins to race because what the fuck, why was he on his way at one in the morning? Still I rise out of bed, and pull myself together a little.

I throw on a pair of leggings, and an old oversized baby blue Columbia University sweatshirt that belonged to my dad, ions ago. I sprits body mist and throw my hair into a ponytail and sit at the edge of my bed, waiting.

My heart skips several beats, feeling nauseous, similar to how I felt when speaking to Jackie earlier, but perhaps this was a good nauseous?

Several minutes go by of me closing and opening my phone seeing if Ezra texted me. I don't receive a text, but there was a tap on the window, I hold my breath, rising from my bed, tip toeing through my dark room, heart beating a million beats per minute.

When I make it to my window, I am met by a tall figure standing, peeking in. He is dimly lit by yellow street lights, making his blue green eyes look black. He wears a big coat, gloves and sweatpants. He doesn't smile at me, as I peer at him through the window, he just offers a small wave.

He raises a brow at me and I raise a finger, scurrying to quietly find my shoes and coat in the dark room. I throw on a pair of snow boots, and my coat and open the window, as quietly as possible.

The cold instantly seeps into my room, as I look down at Ezra. He is almost eye level with me, my house being one level.

"Good evening, Nora," Ezra says in a quiet shy voice.

"Shhh," I say, kicking my leg out the window, then my head and torso.

Ezra grabs my waist with cold hands, making me nearly yelp, as he helps me to the frozen ground.

"Your hands are freezing," I say to him, avoiding eye contact, as I reach to close my window a bit, leaving it open a crack.

"It's almost like it's the dead of winter," he whisper yells, sarcastically.

I shoot him a death glare, shoving my hands into my pockets, already regretting my decisions for the night. Ezra just matches my glare with a small smirk.

After moments of silent walking, he looks down at me, curls falling in his eyes. In the dark winter night I can make out only his strong jawline, none of his facial features were prominent which made me feel a little at ease. Good, so he probably couldn't see my face 100 percent either.

I wonder how he perceived me. I wonder why I cared.

"Are you, hungry?" His voice comes out mildly concerned, when he talks a puff of smokes envelopes his face, from the cold.

"I could eat," I shrug, trying to keep up with his long strides.

"Good answer, Nora," he smiles, bumping his broad shoulder with mine. I'm happy that the dark night hides my blushing face.

"I can't be out too late, Ezra," He looks down at me again, pulling on a curl that escaped my ponytail, I shove his shoulder. "I'm serious, Ezzie,"

He smiles, I think he liked the nickname."What...do you actually have parents that care about you?" he jokes, slowing his stride, so that we walk side by side, our arms bumping and grazing every so often.

I shutdown at the word parents. I can feel my social
battery die instantly and it takes everything in me not to stop mid stride and tell Ezra i'm tired and want to go home.

"It's a school night," I grumble.

Ezra says nothing, just shrugs, as we make a turn down a busier, lit up street. I follow him as we approach a bright pink neon sign that says 24 hour cookies.

He pushes the door open, holding it open for me, I step through the door, met with a sweet warm aroma.

My mouth waters at the smell, as I look through the pastry glass where i'm sure you could find any cookie you could ever possibly want. Brownie cookie, chocolate and pretzel cookie, candy cookie, bacon and chocolate, vegan cookies, coconut cookies and so many more.

I look through the glass excitedly, as Ezra stands beside me hands in his pockets, he probably brings every girl he meets here.

I notice he steals glances at me, as my eyes scan through the glass case.

"Best chocolate chip cookies you'll ever have," Ezra states, nudging my shoulder lightly.

"Basic," I say nudging him back, making my
way to the front counter, where a middle aged man waits.

"Can I have a candy cookie and a chocolate walnut cookie,"

Ezra orders two chocolate chip and we sit in the back near the window, illuminated by the neon sign.

"Why were you sad earlier?" I ask Ezra, taking a bite from the chocolate walnut cookie, suppressing a moan. The cookie was probably top ten things i've ever put in my mouth.

Ezra, leans back in the chair looking at me with blue green eyes, the neon pink sign masking his features slightly.

"Nora, i'm always sad," He shrugs, like he's said the most normal thing in the world, like he was stating the weather.

Without thinking, I reach out to grab Ezra's hand because of the sadness the boy eludes, but decide better of it, my hand hovering over his awkwardly. I pull it back, clasping my hands under the table, staring down at them.

"Nora, don't do that," he grumbles, his hands clasped, leaning back in the chair examining me.

My face heats, as I raise an eyebrow. "Do what?" I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Look at me with pity, I hate that,"

"Not with pity....with....empathy," I yawn, leaning back in the chair, mirroring Ezra. "I'm sad and angry all the time...I know better than most, I think....so it's definitely not a look of pity,"

"Well look at us, two peas in a pod," he mumbles. Ezra's social battery was dying, and to be honest I wasn't sure I even had a social battery at the moment.

The smirk on his face was gone, left with a sleepy looking, sad boy. Whatever reason he'd hung out with me tonight, I don't think he found what he was looking for. This made me feel an unbelievable sadness, sadness that I felt in my heart.

"I'm sorry," I say, so quietly, I think only the walls hear me. "I'm sorry," I whisper again.

"For what?" Ezra asks just as quietly, looking into my soul.

"I couldn't make you feel better,"

Ezra perks up at this. leaning forward, staring deeply in my eyes. He reaches for my hand, not pussying out like me. He takes my hand in his, they're warm and large, the physical touch makes me melt like butter, right then and there. He smiles at me.

"Nora you did make me feel better, I like you," he says.

I look down at our hands, he what? This time it's his turn to blush.

He takes his hand back. "Like you as a friend," he adds.

"I know what you mean, I feel the same way," I laugh.

He looks relieved. "What do you want to do now?" he asks.

"It's a school night," I remind him.

"So, we're depressed, missing one day of school won't kill anyone,"

"I don't know, Ez," I say reluctantly.

"We can go back to my place," He offers, with a shrug.

"I'd better go home, I've missed a lot of school this year," I say. Which was a complete truth, in the earlier months, I'd ditch school almost everyday, my school allowed it temporarily because of my grief, but I was certain if I bailed on school anymore i'd have to repeat the school year.

"You're probably right," Ezra sighs, like he's disappointed our time together is over, it makes me smile slightly that he wants to hang out with me so bad.

I push the bad thoughts away, the ones that are in the very back echoing. It's because you're available, he'd hang out with anyone.

Ezra and I rise from the chairs, baring the cold, once more. I steal glances at him, I could not tell if he genuinely enjoyed hanging out with me or not. I think that I liked hanging out with him though, but it was too soon to tell.

a/n
oh mercy finally, i hated writing this chapter pls
also it is very very unedited so pls bare with me
i will be editing chapters 1-6 within the next few days
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