Nora Farris
Thursday, March 28th, 2019
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

chapter fifty- breathe munchkin

                   MY FEET ACHE FROM WALKING SO MUCH AND STANDING ON MY FEET AT WORK FOR HOURS. Ezra rubs them gently, as I wince as he goes over blisters and particularly sore places.

"My poor, munchkin." He rubs my legs, lovingly and I almost purr. Butterflies always those damn things fluttering in my gut, making me a gooshy mess.

I should be comforting him, but he didn't want to talk about the Bentley situation, he was fine enough for now.

He wanted me to distract him, at least that's what he said on the phone call before driving over here.

I remember a time, not too long ago, when him referring to me as a distraction made me boil, now I was happy to be one.

"Munchkin?" I ask. "Like the little people?" I can't help my laughter, he wraps his arms around either side of me, warm and strong and smelling the way he always does.

He presses my nose, then squeezes my cheeks. "You're just so cute and adorable...like a munchkin." he says.

"Like the donut holes, I just want to eat you." He leans in to bite my cheek, making me flutter in my belly.

"You don't like being called that?" He asks, in my ear, quietly.

"No—it's just you never called me that before." I fiddle in my curls, nervous.

Would the sparkle in my tummy and the pounding of my heart ever go away around him? Would that glittery look in my eyes still flash and dance when I looked at him? Would my cheeks still heat like an oven from blushing like a school girl?

The feelings were still alive and coursing through me, like electricity. This boy was it. I didn't want anyone or anything else, I've never felt so sure of something it was terrifying and lovely all at the same time.

Here there was yearning and passion and dare I say unconditional love, sometimes I even forgot that I was a sad girl, that I wasn't like everyone else.

That sometimes when I was only it was hard to breathe from panicking so much about life and death. Always remember that I was forever changed.

The nightmares were less and farther apart these days. I'd wake up in a cold sweat, heart beating as if it's a fluttering bird in a metal cage. Shirt stuck to me, strands of hair plastered to my wet and clammy forehead.

in the dream i'm there with him, like how it was supposed to be. We both pick up the Chinese like we always do. The car crashes and I wake up.

"Well i'm always thinking it."

"What?" I find myself in a daze, staring at his strong arms, rub my tired legs, shaking the thought.

"That you're a cute munchkin, I think that every time I see you." His fingers trace my necklace, and his chain sits above his sweater collar, showing my name, in case I ever forget or anything.

It made me feel guilty to be happy, and it made me sad that I felt guilty and then that just left me with this feeling of doom and emptiness.

But still there was the happiness.

I jump when I hear the door slam and jingle of keys, I side-glance at Ezra who raises a brow.

She's not supposed to be here this early, nevertheless here she was. He rest a hand on my hip and his face nuzzled in my back, like he didn't want to deal with this right now.

Locks of his curls tickle my exposed back in my tank top. Distracting me from the intruder. Who was the distractor now?

It made me giggle, that my mom made him squirm so much, we had the same reaction.

My mom knew by now that this was my man and it's not like we were having sex, we were just hanging out, she's not that much of a terror to just harass us for nothing.

I hear her laughing, then another voice that freezes my spine, causing me to straighten up, nearly knocking Ezra from the fuzzy beanbag, where I sit in his lap.

The voice was male, i'm on my feet in seconds before I can think.

I clear the hallway in seconds, my strides fast and loud.

They pause, somewhere in the hall, Ezra has followed me, to nervous to come all the way out in the light, but not me.

The sight I see is gut wrenching and I nearly drop to the floor crying, in front of everyone, before my mother can explain.

I want to yell and scream at her, this man, who was this man with gelled hair, cologne and a date shirt on with flowers.

Instead I say nothing, she can explain. She doesn't know this guy, she found him on the street and was being nice, she bumped her head and he's helping her home.

His cologne in my nose was making me nauseous, the silence in the room was so loud and the smile on my moms face was so big and bright, before her eyes met mine.

It was gone, she was caught and she looked guilty. Ezra was beside me now, it made me remember to breathe again.

In and out, just like Dr. V said, whenever I wake up from those bad dreams. In and out, in and out, just breathe, it's not real.

"I didn't know you'd be home." Is all she can say.

I don't know why, but the response breaks my heart. How dare she bring him here and so soon, right with the anniversary coming up.

I can't focus on my breathing as easy as i'd like. I want to stand up for Dad, how can she move on so fast?

The air won't fill my lungs. "

What's this?" is all I can think to say, i'm focusing on not blacking out, and hiding my oncoming panic attack.

Last thing I want is an audience to see me in that state. Last thing I want is for Ezra to know that i'm broken.

"It's not what it looks like." She gestures to it all, I hadn't even noticed the unlit candles on the table and takeout.

The flowers in his hand all seemed so romantic, roses. Fucking roses, she was a damn sellout.

She hated roses, dad always bought her lily bouquets, so much so that that was almost my damn name.

I want to shove everything off the table and rip the flowers to shreds, the man was smart enough to not say a peep.

Ezra grabs my arm, softly, to calm me down, but I wouldn't. My dad was gone, this was a sharp and very painful reminder and she was already looking to replace him.

"How dare you bring him here in his home?" I shake Ezra's arm free, stepping in her face.

She is calm as water, fucking always. I'm seeing red and my eyes are flecked with tears, I was going to kill her.

"Nora, I think this is a conversation for private—"

"NO!" I'm hysterical, I want to hit her so bad, but I don't want Ezra to see, I can't let him see me like this, but my brain is slowly forgetting he's there.

My voice is loud and cuts through everything, the man looks uncomfortable, but like he intends on standing his ground. Fuck that.

"My questions need answering, i've been asking you for fucking months how are you not more distraught about this situation more...more depressed, and now I know, because you are a damn WHORE!"

She strikes me on the face hard. It has the same effect as my shout and now she's really done it. I touch my cheek, and it stings, not as much as her with this man.

No, this was just salt in the wound, bitch slapped in front of Ezra is not how I saw this day going.

I reach to choke her bony bird neck, but Ezra grabs my waist, firm, and final, but I squirm trying to reach for her, frantic.

"DID YOU CHEAT ON MY DAD, YOU BITCH?"

"ILL FUCKING KILL YOU, EZRA PUT ME DOWN!" I scream.

I'm punching his back, and trying to breath all at the same time, while fighting to reach her.

"GET HIM OUT OF HIS FUCKING HOUSE!" I'm weeping, being carried away like a baby, heart crushed all over again.

It was like he was taken away from me twice.

The only thing I get a hold of is the bouquet and I shred it to bits. Petals all over the ground and I kick the kitchen table hard, knocking some of the food off.

Pink and red petals dance the floor and cheese wontons, from our spot. I think I could have died.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!" I'm screaming and crying and clinging to everything to get to her, so my fist connect.

Ezra has his hands full, gripping me out, I get one last look and she's crying.

The air outsides no better. I can't breathe, I can't breathe and the tears won't end.

Ezra's hands are on my shoulder saying something to me.

I'm rested against the wall, nearly slipping down it, trying to teach my lungs again. Breathe Nora, or you'll fucking die.

Except, my lungs don't want to, and the sting of it all, was bringing a numbness to the pain in my heart that I suddenly welcomed.

"Munchkin, you have to breathe." Ezra has gone pale and he looks frightened as a ghost.

"Munchkin." he says again. "It's all in your head, breathe."

a/n
unedited but wohoo fifty chapters in the book let's gooooo id say we are a little over midway like may 60 ish percentile range through, there are still a few arcs to be written *mischievous laugh*