Nora Farris
Sunday, February 11th 2019
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

chapter twenty-three: drive me crazy

                DANIELLE'S PLACE FELT MORE LIKE HOME THAN MY OWN HOUSE IN THE PAST FEW DAYS. I avoided home like the plague, I only stopped by Friday evening to get a few articles of clothing and toiletries. Only because I was sick of going to school like Danielle's siamese twin. Her clothes didn't suit me well.

I felt like nothing suited me well, I felt unwanted and unloved. My own mother...I tried not to think about it, but if I wasn't thinking about my mothers cruel words it let my mind wander to Ezra.

I was embarrassed and filled with great uncertainty. I couldn't bare to face him or talk to him, but that didn't stop him from trying. I stopped carrying my phone around, the constant buzzing just made me feel an indescribable heartache.

Danielle treated me too good. It made me feel bad for moping and sulking the weekend away, but it's all I wanted to do. Lie around feeling bad for myself.

Danielle didn't leave my side, she bought me all my favorite food, watched all my favorite movies with me and distracted me best she could.

As I played with her cats, Thor and Macaroni, by the spot near the window I liked, Bri bustles through the door. She hadn't been home in days, but that was usual Bri behavior.

Bri looked terrifying, she reminded me of Raven from Teen Titans. She was goth and had metal in her face and tattoos everywhere, her hair was currently pink and black. Bri looked terrifying, but she had one of the sweetest souls.

Bri mumbled a tired hello, but sat with us for a while. She said she knew someone that could beat my mom up. She asked me about Ezra too.

When she did, Danielle's blue eyes bulge out her head. "Bri—" she warns.

I let out a sigh, while playing with Thors paw. He tries a sassy swing at my hand, but I avoid his claws, turning to the two sisters in front of me.

One pair of ocean blues, another pair of bronzey brown eyes stare at me, waiting. "I don't know," I admit.

I lean back against the wall, near the window. The cold is beginning to nip at me. I glance out if briefly, it's wet, cold and dark out. Thor plays with a loose string on my sweater sleeve.

"I haven't spoken to him, I don't know what i'd say, so i've decided to say nothing."

"It would help if you answered him, he's worried, everyone's worried about you." Danielle says quietly, like she's scared to say it.

"Well, everyone needs to stop," with that I rise to my feet and leave for the bathroom.

I don't even get the door all the way shut before i'm crying. I smack my cheeks a few times to try and get myself to stop crying. Just stop fucking crying. I do it to myself, every time. I pinch my arm and look up to the ceiling, sucking the tears back in.

I do it to myself every time. Self sabotage. I don't deserve to be happy, I don't deserve to text him.

Before my mind can slip any further into the sunken place there's a quiet knock on the door. It makes me jump out of my skin. "Y-yeah?"

"Jackie's on the phone." Danielle's voice is quiet again. She's so calm and careful around me, she must think i'm a loose cannon ready to explode any moment.

"I don't want to talk to her right now," I respond, opening the bathroom door. Danielle tilts her head with an almost amused face, pulling me by the arm, towards the phone.

The whole house is quiet as I stare at the phone. Everyone holds there breath in anticipation, including myself. I was a loose cannon.

I pick up the phone and stare at it for a long while. "Pick it up, bitch!" Bri whisper yells to me.

I roll my eyes, flipping her off, holding the phone up to my ear. "I don't want to talk to you." I finally say, my voice is venomous and mean.

"Ouch," Ezra says. I gasp when I hear his voice. "I mean I figured that was obvious when you were ignoring my calls and texts, but to hear you actually say it...wow, just wow." He's trying to be humorous.

I don't say anything for a long while, I'm shocked and then I remember who i'm dealing with. This is exactly like Ezra. He was always unpredictable.

"Ezra," I begin, not sure of the words I want to get out to him. The other side of the line is quiet as a mouse, Bri and Danny gawk at me, at the edge of their seat. "I just needed some space."

Even though he's several miles away, I know what his face looks like. It's scrunched up right now with his eyebrows slightly raised. He gave me that look when I said something weird or something that he didn't understand.

He gave me that look when I told him I like ranch on my pizza. He gave me that look when I grabbed his hand in mine to crack his knuckles for him. Each finger cracking with a rickety pop. He winced hard when I got to his index finger. He mumbled a quiet fuck and then explained that when he was thirteen he fell off his skateboard and broke his finger. I remember apologizing and kissing his finger, I remember him using his other hand to rub my legs that rested on his lap, from my calves to my thighs, sending shivers through me.

I knew that his face was making that same expression and it made me lightly smile, I turned my back to the two nosey sisters on the couch. Even the cats seemed to be lingering and looking.

"You can't just...." he pauses. "I was worried about you, why didn't you tell me?"

I'm filled with a knot in my belly, guilt consumes me. I was being so fucking selfish. Always, all the time.

"I was embarrassed Ezra, you're the last person I wanted to talk to right now." I hear a gasp, it's undoubtedly Danielle.

Ezra let's out a pained laugh. The knot gets bigger and bigger.

"Did I do something to upset you, Nora?" He sounds concerned, his voice is pleading, he's no longer humored.

I'm falling, how can I escape from the demons in my head? I should tell him no I should apologize for being a bitch, but I don't. I remain silent.

"I just...don't want to talk to you, and tell Jackie I don't want to talk to her either." I finally say.

Ezra says nothing more to me. He just hangs up. And the sun stops shining. I am sad, I am sad all the time and the sadness is so heavy I can't get away from it. It follows me like a shadow. It's bleeding and it makes me want to stop everything forever.

Danielle tries to reach out to me, but I mutter out an i'm fine and head for the door. Lies, such lies.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Ezra Montgomery
Sunday, February 11th 2019

Nora's mom looks up at me with worried eyes. "She's still upset." I say before heading towards the door to leave.

"Wait," the woman says, her voice is desperate. I stop, but I don't turn to face her, because if I do i'm afraid I will say something i'll regret, and out of respect for Nora, I bite my tongue.

"You have to go to her, she doesn't mean what she says, she's angry with me, please go see her."

I feel strings pull in my chest, my heart knows it's true, but I can't help thinking if Nora would be better off without me making her life harder than what it already is.

"I don't even know where she's at if I wanted to." I resume walking towards the exit, the feeling in my chest wouldn't subside.

I hear her mom shout an address before I close the door behind me. I can't do it. It would be selfish. If I go to her now, it would be for my own selfish reasons, of course I wanted to, god I wanted to.

She didn't want anything to do with me, but when had that stopped me before? The very first time I met Nora she hated me, even threw something at me, but look how far we've come.

I didn't care that she claimed she didn't want to see me, I wanted to see her, she was being stubborn. She had nothing to be embarrassed about. I get it, I get her more than she could ever know.

My parents were the same, I knew all about neglectful, emotionally and physically abusive parents. Why did she think pushing me away was the solution?

I decided i'd go to her. She'd come to me. Even if she didn't choose me, I would always choose her. That fact scared me shitless.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Nora Sinclair
Sunday, February 11th 2019

The streets were damp and lit up a fluorescent neon red and green as the traffic lights changed colors. I was freezing my ass off and had no destination, but I kept walking. They say that's good for your mind or some shit.

Even though it was Sunday and a cold damp night, the streets were still busy, honking horns, sizzling from food trucks and twinkling city lights. It was enough to distract me from my thoughts, temporarily.

Isn't this what I wanted? Solitude, loneliness, emptiness? I got what I was asking for and I was still not satisfied.

When I got too turned around, I head back the exact way I came, I thought I had been walking longer than what I was. It only took me about seven minutes to make it back to Danny and Bri's apartment.

I'm not surprised when I see him. I feel a sense of familiarity, like i've been here before, stuck in this messy Ezra loop.

"Persistent as ever," I coo, walking towards him slowly, hands deep in my pockets and eyes on the ground. All I could look at were my shoes.

Ezra let's out a deep tired sigh. "You really know how to piss me off," he begins. "I wanted to see you."

I say nothing, just fill the space in between us. I wrap my arms around his neck, standing on my tip toes to reach. I hug him for a long while, his cold hands wrap under my coat, but I endure because I miss his touch. The feel of his hands on my body.

"You drive me fucking insane, you know that?" His chin is rested on my head, I don't pull away. I'm done pulling away from him.

"You drive me fucking insane," I say lowly, looking up at him, his eyes look tired and sexy as he looks down at me.

I can tell he wants me, it feels good to be wanted. I want him to kiss me. We've kissed a few times, but I feel like it's always me to initiate, I want him to grab my face and pin me to the brick wall and kiss me like it will be his last kiss for the rest of his life.

I want to feel his body pin me, I want to feel the ice cold brick on the back of my head as his hands roam the places that only he's allowed to touch. I want his cold lips to touch mine, our tongues to dance. I have a craving and lust for him that's inexpressible.

He drives me crazy. He doesn't kiss me yet, he just stares at me, at my lips, my eyes, so slowly like he wants to memorize everything about me.

His hand reaches to cradle my cheek, he leans forward resting his forehead on my forehead. "I want you Nora, why won't you let me have you?" He says, grabbing me by either sides of my coat, pulling me closer to him, so close I could smell his scent of clean laundry and expense Versace cologne.

He doesn't waste anytime finding my lips, we instantly lock and I feel at home again, weighed to the ground and in the moment. The freezing air and my cold nose didn't even bother me anymore.

His kiss is like honey, it's like being dipped in gold and draped in silk. He makes his way to my neck, he knows me so well. It makes me moan and grip his soft hair slightly as he sucks it.

He pulls away. "What? he cocks his head to the side. "Does it feel good?"

I nod, leaning in to kiss him again, he pulls always with a smirk. "Tell me it feels good." The streetlight lights his face up giving him a eerie sexy vampire vibe.

"It feels so good," I say in a seductive voice.

Ezra's smirk never leaves, he kisses my cheek, then hugs me again, kissing the top of my head.

"I'm sorry you're mom said those awful things, and call me selfish..." He pauses briefly. "But i'm so glad it wasn't you, and I know you may think different, but you saved me and if it had been you, I don't think I would be here either."

I'm speechless and my heart shoots out a beam of light, i'm sure anyone within a 10 mile radius can see it. Ezra reaches down and zips up my coat for me, i'm a smiling idiot.

"I'm not ready to give you up just yet, why don't you stay with me for a few days?" He reaches down to grab my hand, he kisses it. I feel spoiled by his affection.

"What about your parents?" I get a wave of nausea when I think of my first encounter.

"They're on vacation."

"It's a school night, I don't know." I trail off.

"You love telling me no," he begins. "No one ever tells me that."

I deny his claim, nudging him. "What about Friday night?"

"What about Friday night?" I play dumb.

He gives me the look. I fight back a smile, biting my inner cheeks.

"Come over." He twirls a strand of my hair, giving me that pretty boy look.

"I think I already have a date that night."

He grabs my cheeks with his hand, tilting my head up forcefully, sending a wave of butterflies and excitement through me. "Yeah, with me. slut."

If two people can't stay away from each other maybe they aren't meant to be apart. We're like magnets, time moves so slowly with him.

He gives me one final goodbye kiss and it's longing and leaves me wanting more of him and then he leaves, Friday couldn't come soon enough.

a/n
surprise surprise, unedited