Nora Farris
Tuesday, March 5th 2019
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

chapter forty-two- plan b's and evil mothers

         "LETS HAVE A BABY AND RUN AWAY." Ezra jokes as I pull my jeans back up, I shove him hard. I'm annoyed.

Because I kinda liked the feeling and because he's saying stupid things that he shouldn't say and because the roller coaster feeling won't leave my belly. I'm giddy when I should be sad and scared, but he's here so it can't be all bad.

"I'm serious," he kisses my hand the way he always does, reaching out to me. All mine.

I take him in for a hug because I don't want him to see my dorky smile, even though I know he still feels it against his chest.

"One day," I say, against him. Soon, I want to add, but the future scared me enough, this right now, with him was enough.

He holds me tight, still holding onto one of my hands. "Let's go get a plan b." he says. He pulls away to look down at me with his gorgeous eyes and charming princely smile. "Unless...." he trails off.

I can do nothing, but laugh. "There's a Walgreens around the corner."I say through laughs.

We exit the bathroom as boyfriend and girlfriend, holding hands. I can see Dani and Kat huddling around the couch whispering and peeking. Dani nearly falls off the arm of the couch when she sees us. They scatter like mice to the kitchen.

"They're so weird," I whisper, shaking my head with a smile nonetheless, because I knew they were just worried about me.

"Fix your hair," I whisper up at him, it looked liked it had been tousled.

He ignored me as we entered the kitchen. I give a nod to the two sisters who were sipping lemonade at the counter.

Kat looked scary as ever, her face was ghost white and beat with full goth makeup and her hair was dyed red and black. She wore huge boots and chains.

"Later," Kat says, with a peace sign before exiting the kitchen. She turns around in the doorway, stopping. "No fucking drinking." She shoots an angry finger before leaving.

Silence falls and Dani's blue eyes look at me asking for answers. She all but scoffs at Ezra. "Isn't he leaving?" She gestures to him, tilting her head, the way she did when she was angry.

"We're dating, Dani."

"But he's a fucking liar, are you kidding me?"

"He wasn't lying, Chase made everything up."

She holds onto the counter, swaying a little. She was already drunk. What the fuck?

"What were you even doing at the club with her then?" She's growing angrier at him, I knew it was because she cared, but this was unnecessary and uncalled for, she was only drunk. She didn't mean it, she liked Ezra.

Ezra's eyes soften, he knows too. "Dani, it's okay." he says, in a calm voice.

"Fuck you." she points a black fingernail in his face. I've never seen her look so mean, Ezra really struck a nerve.

"It was fuck Ezra only a minute ago, what happened, Nora?"

I sigh, closing my eyes, trying to collect myself, I was still a little high from the bong.

"Wait outside," I turn to Ezra, sternly. He looks like he wants to say something, but turns to leave.

"Yeah, wait outside, Ezra," Dani taunts as he walks passed, I can tell his patience was being tested, but she was too drunk.

"Dani!" I shout at her. "Where's the fucking bottle?" I grab her wrist, once Ezra leaves.

She smiles, sliding down onto the floor. "Fuck, I don't have time for this, I need to get a plan b." I say grabbing her by her shoulders and shaking her.

Her smile vanishes, and she smacks my hands away. "Why do you need that?"

"Because we fucked, Dani."

She stands to her feet, knocking me off my balance, i'm sitting on the kitchen floor beneath her, the tile is cold and calming beneath me.

"When?" my eyes are closed, but her voice pierces through, she's livid.

I don't answer. That's answer enough for her.

"You're disgusting." her voice is low. "Get the fuck out of my house!"

I stand to my feet, shameful. "I need you to give me the bottle first, Dani."

"You're the worst fucking friend ever, you know that?" silent tears fall from her eyes, smearing her mascara.

Her words cut deep, making me want to vomit. Was I? She'd know better than anyone, she was my only friend.

"I'm sorry," I'm crying now too. "I'm sorry." I want to approach her, but i'm scared, but if she lashed out I deserved it.

"You never have time for me, you never ask how i'm doing or what's going on in my life, I'm sad, Nora and you don't even notice, it's always Ezra this Ezra that, fuck that, people have real shit going on in their lives." She wipes her tears, angry again.

"And then you go and get creampied in my goddamn bathroom, fucking whore, i'm going to tell everyone." She is swinging her arms everywhere in anger.

"And I'll tell them about your hereditary drinking problem and they'll think you're a lying drunk."

"Fuck you," the anger is gone, it makes her sound like she means it. She sounds sobered up now, good.

I push passed her, hard, out the kitchen and through the front door slamming it so she doesn't see me crying like a baby.

Ezra is there, he hugs me. I'm silent the rest of the way. I'm happy for the dark night, it's breezy and cool. I'm glad it's dark so Ezra can't see me crying. I'm tired of people seeing me cry.

Ezra asks for the plan b at the counter, and pays for it and gets me a candy bar, takis and sweet tea, after the cash register eyes him.

She smiles flirtatious, but notices the plan b and blushes putting it in the bag. She must not notice me standing behind him, i'd be embarrassed too.

"I'll take it when i'm home."

Ezra nods, taking my hand walking me home. I don't feel as sad as I should, It's more of a guilty feeling. I pray Dani doesn't finish the bottle.

I text Kat that Dani's drinking, I don't care if it makes me a snitch or if it gets her in trouble. Someone needs to look out for her, I'm worried about her.

Fuck you, words uttered only moments ago. Dani and I didn't fight, sure we bickered back and forth, but never this extreme. I hope she didn't stay mad at me for long, what I did was wrong, I'm willing to admit, but she's not innocent either.

I'm so consumed in thought it's not long before i'm home, Ezra pulling me the whole way, so that I can daydream.

"How was driving in the car?" He says stopping at my doorstep. The outside light is on, meaning mom left recently for a night shift. He's lit up and staring at me.

I shrug, but smile. "Scary, but I did it."

He nods, with a smile, looking happy for me. "We should get you more comfortable with driving again."

I reach up to give him a kiss goodbye. He looks down at me after I pull away, waiting for an answer.

"I'll think about it."

"Right." he says. "You'll think about it."

My mind is still on Dani. I kiss Ez, goodnight again and again and slip into the house, but sadly find my mom.

She pauses the tv and completely faces me, still in work scrubs. "Why the hell weren't you at therapy, today?" Her voice is stern and she's pissed, more than usual.

She rises to her feet, I know she's tired. I haven't seen her in two days, i'd always just missed her or she was coming in as I was going out.

"Dani had an emergency."

"No," She raises an angry finger. "That's not a good enough reason, i'm working like a dog day and night at the hospital to pay your therapy sessions and you won't even go and when you're they're you're uncooperative."

Strands of hair angrily escape her ponytail. "I never asked you to do any of that, I'd much rather you didn't, save your money and time, consider me cured."

I was equally pissed, first getting nutted in and having to suffer from plan b symptoms, Dani and now putting up with this. It was all too much.

"You think that boy is gonna solve any of your problems?" she rubs fingers against her temple like her heads about to burst. "He'll leave you for the next one any day now, it's time you got focused."

"Where are you going to school, Nora?" the question echos through my body, where are you going to school? I didn't think i'd make it this far.

"You need to forget this silly crush and get your
future set up, it's not about therapy or me or your dad anymore, this is your life, what are you gonna do with it?"

It's not some silly little crush. I loved him I didn't care. She was bitter and miserable and for whatever reason didn't like Ezra. Maybe because he was a rich kid and she grew up in the Bronx. Most people around me seemed to be rejecting Ezra.

No. They weren't just rejecting him. They were rejecting me too, everyone hated my guts and it felt suffocating like I couldn't breathe. My mom snatches my bag up, but not after I try to pull it tight.

The bag rips and her face is unreadable.

My infamous plan b, I have sex a few times and everyone hates me. Dad what do I do?

I'm crying now and gasping for air. God not again. My moms anger fades as she sees my condition. This couldn't be more embarrassing.

A panic attack was just what I needed to momentarily distract my mom. She puts the pill on the coffee table and reaches to grab my shoulders.

"Breathe."

"I-I can't, it's...hard," It's hard to see with tear flicked eyes, i'm breathing, but my lungs won't fill.

"You are not cured by a long shot."

Her words are enough to help my lungs find air, they sting like salt in a wound. I want to curl into a ball, i've never been so humiliated. All day long. It was my own fault.

I shake her grip off me, reaching for my peach sweet tea and plan b. "You're no fucking walk in the park either." My words are out before I can stop myself.

She strikes me hard on the face. We both pause, she never ever hits me, the disciplining was always saved for dad. I clasp my cheek in shock or anger i'm too stunned to decipher.

"Go to your room, I can't even look at you right now." She finds her voice, she sounds just as frazzled as I look.

"Gladly!"

"Keep talking, you're only making it worse!" She's furious, I know because her voice is calm and cold now.

But i'm already slamming my bedroom door so hard it rumbles the house and I swear I hear a picture fall off the wall.

I don't care, though because my cheek is burning hot and my feelings are crushed and I have no friends or future or dad. I have nothing, but a damn plan b.
***

The next morning I wake up with cramps so bad I puke a good ten minutes. I'm dehydrated and sick as a dog. Sweat causes my hair to plaster my forehead like a headband.

It probably wasn't my smartest idea to take the pill on an empty stomach, but my options were limited. I had no money and I didn't want to leave my room and encounter my mother again, it was just too much of a headache.

I rise, pulling my head from the toilet, dizzy and fatigued. My breasts were tender and the stomach pain was near unbearable. I hunch over the sink, splashing myself with cool water.

I looked clammy and gross. I felt gross too.

No matter how shitty I felt on the inside, it still didn't feel as bad as how I felt mentally. I have no one to talk to, no Dani. School would be hell.

I still had to go, symptoms or not, it was my punishment.

I make myself a hot tea and move slow. I take my time showering and getting dressed. I sip on my tea as I do, it gets colder and colder by the minutes.

Before I know it it's 9 am. My body is heavy, and i'm close to crying. This was torture. I was already an hour late.

I climb into bed, bra and jeans and all, tea half drank on the nightstand. I pull the covers over my head. The cramps were too bad, each round made me double over in pain.

It wasn't long until my back began aching and the nausea came again. I couldn't go to school in these conditions, it would be pointless.

I wished Ezra was here, but I didn't want to ruin anything else. Instead I dozed off through the pain.