Nora Farris
Sunday, March 17th 2019
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──

chapter forty-five- forever

              
                 NO, NOT LIKE THIS. My breathing is heavy and my chest is gonna cave in. I swear it. Why did he have to say it and like that? Why did he have to arrange the words in that order?

I lock the door behind me, crying over the sink like a newborn. I sink to the floor. I didn't mean to be this way. It was so freaking embarrassing, the meltdowns, every time.

I love you, forever. He can't say that to me. It hurts too much to hear. My dad used to say it everyday.

I hadn't heard it in almost a year now. I felt nauseous and sad, how had a year gone by?

I missed him worse. I needed him here to tell me everything he knew about everything. I wanted him to never leave out that door, I still needed to learn so much from him.

I love you, forever. Why not I will love you forever or I love you, always? And how can he know that? There's no such thing as forever.

We didn't know shit about shit, so how could I know about forever? How could we know?

What happens when springs over? When graduation comes and summer then after that where will we be?

Forever is scary and unpredictable and unattainable.

You love me, forever? You don't know that. My own best friend decided she didn't want to love me anymore in seconds.

I weep into my sweater. I can't keep doing this. There had to be light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel had some light, little cracks on the way to help me see, but they were feeling far and few these days.

Weeks in isolation was no help. Over that time my mom made me apply to colleges, colleges they were not in New York. Would he love me far away?

Ezra was a party boy, he likes girls and to have sex and if i'm not here to give that to him what will happen?

Before me he could have any girl he wanted with a look in their direction. He loves me now because it's still new and exciting and fresh, but eight months down the road will he get bored of me?

What are you so afraid of? I didn't raise this frightened little bird, I raised a lion, honey. A voice under all the self doubt and uncertainty.

My fathers voice. I still knew the sound, so I hadn't lost it. I wipe my tears, I needed to start doing that again. Wiping my own tears.

It's so hard without you dad. I applied to Columbia for him, yesterday. I knew I would never get in, my grades are average as can be, but they weren't always.

I use to be good, I use to be great, excellent even. Columbia was always the silly little what if hypothetical for me, but he always thought I had it in me.

I exit the bathroom. Forever could be as long as I wanted it to, for as ever long as it would have me.

Ezra's gone when I emerge. He declines my calls too. He's not in his room or anywhere else in the expensive condo.

Chase is though. He's in the hall, leaning against the wall hands in pocket, tall as a building.

"Hate to be the bearer of bad news—"

"Something tells me you don't." I can't help my angry outbursts, but he seemed up to no good always.

And Ezra bailing kinda hurt I couldn't lie. I felt a feeling in my chest that I'd never felt. Everyone always left me.

"Oh, but I do, darling." He says. "I hate seeing your cute face this sad."

"Okay." I start. "You need to stop the flirting, because I date your cousin."

"You do need to stop." Ezra places a hand on my waist, protecting me. My heart is light again, I need to stop doubting this boy.

I love him, forever.  

"You're back." Chase says plainly. He looks caught in the act.

"That's beside the point." Ezra is pissed. "Keep fucking with my girl, and I'll send your ass back to the hospital."

Chase is no longer smug, he's now matching Ezra's anger. He's still bigger and probably stronger.

"The only reason you won is because you fucking smashed a bottle over my head, let's go sober, one on one no weapons." He's puffing up his chest, like he's about to swing any second.

I squeeze onto Ezra tighter, than I already was. I didn't like where this was going.

"We can anytime, I promise you." Ezra says so calmly, I know he means it. The loathing for his cousin is strong and the hatred is oozing all over the hallway it was almost suffocating.

I want to say something, but family business is not my place. I could end up making it worse.

"Okay." he says. "Right now."

I stand in front of my boyfriend. I didn't care if it wasn't my place, Ezra gets beaten down enough, I don't want to see that.

I just wanted to spend time with my boyfriend after not seeing him. This was all so unnecessary.

"No, not right now." I intercept. "Ezra and I are busy right now."

His anger disappears and he smirks at me. "Raincheck then."

He turns to Ezra before leaving, devilishly. "That's cute, you have a girl as a bodyguard."

"Don't." I whisper to Ezra, grabbing his flexed bicep. Chase always had to have the last word, but what did it matter.

Ezra and I were here together under no restrictions and he loved me forever. All I wanted to do was kiss him all over.

"Fuck him."

"Who cares about him?" I say. "I love you, forever." I say into his lips, they're soft and warm.

He pulls away to look at me. "You're so pretty."

I can't hide my stupid smile with him this close. He stares for moments longer, almost hungry-like before opening the door to his room.

I look outside the window at the city, the way I always did. It was a breathtaking view. It always made my heart race at how high up we were and how little all the people and cars looked.

Ezra ruffles my hair, standing behind me. I feel his warmth and his presence slows my heart and makes it races all at the same time.

I lean back, resting on his chest. I like to feel him breathing. I like to smell his cologne and his fancy shampoo around me. I really missed him.

I really was falling hard. He wraps his cool hands around my waist, making me shiver against him. He holds me closer to him, though.

I could stay like that forever.

Eventually I turn around to kiss him, because the tension is too thick.

"I missed you." He says, kissing my neck. reading my mind.

He presses me against the window and the coolness makes me gasp as well as him gripping me up hungry.

"I missed you too." I say through gasps as he nibbles at my neck, tickling my sweet spots.

"I'm gonna fuck you, right here." He says gesturing to the window, hand placed above my head. Like we're high school sweethearts standing at neighboring lockers.

I say nothing, only lift his shirt over his head, throwing it to the floor. I see that damn necklace around his neck. I kiss it, then his collarbones than his jawline.

He works on unzipping my pants and I feel the exciting and electrifying feeling in my stomach. It's been weeks since we'd fucked and for Ezra i'm sure that's like and eternity.

The last time was in my friends bathroom. Yeah, I still refer to you as that, I wonder what she calls me now.

There's a pain that won't shake me, even after weeks of her walking passed like she's never known me a day in her life.

She doesn't whisper or point at me, i'm just completely not there.

It should make me mad, but it only makes me want to weep like a small child. And so close to the anniversary of my dad—

I'll start crying right now and freak Ezra out. I can't give this load to him right now, especially after all that.

Right now I wanted him. I wanted to turn off my brain.

He loves me, forever. My pants are around my ankles on the floor and my ass is pressed against the cool window. There's only him now.

"You love me forever?" I quietly, timidly ask, through a gasp as he rubs my clit through my panties.

"Forever." He whispers in my ear, he then licks the necklace that rest on my collarbone, while still rubbing circles, making my stomach do a dance.

I find my hands in his pants, stroking his dick. He lets out a delicious sound, that puts me on my knees. Literally.

I look up at him, while unzipping his pants. He looks so aroused. His hair falls into his face when he reaches down to kiss me, squishing my cheeks like i'm a baby.

He takes his pants off for me, and I begin to pleasure him.

"Fuck."He says when I twirl my tongue near the tip and stroke it at the same time.

I'm still learning and it's still too big to fit in my whole mouth, but he seems to be enjoying it.

"That feels so fucking good." He strokes my head. "Good girl."

It surprised me how much it was turning me on giving him head. I liked seeing him so turned on maybe, it turned me on.

"I need that pussy, now Nora." He looks down at me with gorgeous eyes, and i'm shy and trying to hide and an excited smile.

I stand to my feet on sore bruised knees. He grabs my neck, pinning me to the window.

"Do you need this dick?" He tilts his head when he asks me. He's close to my lips, I want to reach in and kiss him.

I nod my head, he grips my neck slightly tighter. Enough to arose me.

"Use your words, baby."His grip loosens, slightly.

"I need that dick, baby."

"Then why are these still on?" He whispers in my ear, pulling my panties off, tossing them aside.

I cannot answer because he slides it inside and the feeling is ecstasy. I let out a moan, holding onto his shoulders for stability.

I'm already so wet. He holds my leg up, wrapping it around his waist, thrusting into me. His arms and shoulders are so strong and his muscles flex, while he moves.

I arch my back into the window. The coolness is welcome now.

"Fuck." It feels too good, like the best it's ever felt.

Ezra kisses me, because I am moaning too loud. I couldn't help it. He breaks the kiss, to wrap both of my legs around him.

He bites his lip, concentrating deeply on making me pleasured. I claw at his back in pleasure.

"Fuck, baby, you feel so good." He tells me, pressing his forehead against mine, fucking me harder.

I feel it deep and I let out a gasp as he hits my g spot over and over.

"I'm gonna cum." I barely make out, as my eyes roll back into my head. I grip his back tight as I arch my back, trembling from orgasm.

He gently places me on the bed. Climbing on top of me again. He slides it in, no problem.

Our moans and the bed rattling are hard to control. He places a hand over my mouth, when he fucks me faster and harder.

I cum again and again and again. After thirty minutes of nonstop lovemaking i'm exhausted. Ezra has the stamina of a bull today.

I finish on top of him. He's so smiley when i'm on top like a dork.

"You're just so pretty." He says through a moan.

Our hands our locked as I bounce on him. He clenches, near completion.

He cums, and I lean down and kiss him hard. "I love you, forever." He says.

The phrase has a new meaning and host. I smile. I love you, forever too.

a/n
srry smutty lol