Ezra Montgomery
Sunday January 28, 2019
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

chapter sixteen- pastime

I WISHED THAT IT WOULD SNOW AGAIN. The streets were left wet from the melted mushy black snow. The winter sun was melting it fast, buildings dripped and dropped from the melting snow. Some landed on my head and slipped down my coat, making me shiver.

I wish that it would snow again, I liked the way it looked outside with snow. Without it, the busy streets were grey and colorless. The snow at least made it pretty. Never mind the snow Ezra, focus.

I have not been right since Friday. It was so incredibly fucked up that I had the best kiss of my life and I would never get to do it again, and I didn't even know why. Nora had put up a tight defense wall, and would not let me in.

Nora was resisting me, she couldn't just kiss me like that and then tell me we were friends. I don't want to be friends with her, I can't. I see her as way more than a friend, I was being selfish. I knew I was, but she was driving me fucking insane.

The hot and cold, the yes and no. She said we can be a thing, she was teasing me, playing with. She said I was her favorite pastime. Hearing that out of her mouth after a kiss like that was a punch in the gut. It shouldn't have hurt my feelings, but it did.

Pastime, huh?

I felt the way her body responded to me, the way she leaned into me and pined for me, the way her body melted into mine, my name on her lips. If that's what a pastime meant to her, maybe it wasn't so bad. I needed to know if she wanted me the same way I want her.

Even still I didn't know what to do, didn't know my next move or how to look at her without longing. I hadn't texted her because I assumed she wanted her space, I was secretly hoping she'd text me, but she was as stubborn as a tick.

That left me with her friend, Danielle. I may have lurked through Nora's social media to find her friend, but I was desperate. I wanted to ask Nora to the winter ball, but I wanted to make it special, I really didn't know that much about Nora, I hated to admit it. I would change that, I wanted to know everything and then some.

Danielle helped me plan, I spoke to her on the phone to try and get some ideas. I was scared Nora would say no, even after all the planning. She'd tell me she doesn't like high school dances or that she didn't like me that way. If she said no, I promised i'd stop pursuing her, if only to spare myself the heartache.

I spent all week gathering everything I would need to ask her, I would make the night special, I wouldn't ask her until the very end of the night, maybe even seal the deal with a kiss.

My stomach twisted and turned in knots just thinking about it. I never was this romantic with any girl, never tried this hard, I didn't know if that was a good thing or bad thing.

I wanted to text her or stop by her house in between errands, but I decided I would ask at therapy on Tuesday.

I gathered the rest of the miscellaneous things i'd need and tried not to think about Nora too much.

Tuesday couldn't come any faster.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I show up early. My nerves have been high since that kiss. What if she didn't like it? What if she never spoke to me again?

Right now, all I had was Nora. She was what got me out of bed in the morning, she mad me feel less hopeless and sad all the time.

I sit slouched in the chair, with a bouquet of  expensive flowers. The bouquet was arranged with pink, white, red and a splash of yellow. They looked silly in my hands. Geraldine, the secretary gawked at me with wide eyes above her thick glasses.

"Those for me handsome?" She smiled with thin, red painted lips. She was always being nosey and asking me questions that I didn't want to answer.

Before I can respond, she answers for me. "No." She begins. "They're not for me, they're for that girl with the pretty brown skin and the baggy clothes."

My face blushes red, and I stand there looking awkward and dumb with the flowers. I shrug, shaking it off. Who gives a fuck? So what I bought flowers for the girl that I liked?

"Did you mess up? Is that why you brought her flowers?" The old lady is completely prying now.

"Will you just sign me in already, lady?"

She mumbles something under her breath, while typing something in her computer, she then scribbles something on paper. I take that as a go ahead.

The waiting room is the same as always. Filled with all sorts of people, young and old. I feel bad for the little guys. Kids shouldn't have to get therapy so young. Parents should do a better job at protecting them from things that hurt their mental state.

I think I could have used therapy growing up myself, but I think I turned out pretty okay. Minus the failed suicide attempt.

I try to go on not thinking about it. I was raise to hide the ugly, to push it under a carpet, but sometimes when I allowed my mind to wander...how I felt like my life was not worth living anymore, how I felt so small, so broken, how I still feel, most of the time.

No doubt, it's gotten better. But I was still seriously messed up. Dr. V said I should stay away from Nora. That we weren't good for each other, but what I think she meant was that I wasn't good for her.

I know she's wrong. I need her to be wrong.

I can be good. I can love and be loved. I've never wanted anyone the way that I want Nora. That's why I know she's wrong.

I look down at the ridiculous flowers, and bring them to my nose. They smell sweet. Not much longer now.

I rise from the chair, and make my way through the hallway and stand outside of Dr. V's like I always do.

I think back to the first day I met Nora and how she threw that damn notebook at me, I remember being furious, I was always angry. I was rude to her, that was her first impression of me and it makes me nauseous a little.

She knows me now. She knows i'm not like that deep down.

Nora. Nora. Nora.

The door opens and she's in front of me. She stops and her eyes go wide. She looks from me to the flowers then back to me.

She stalks over and stand in front of me.

"Hi," she begins. "I'm sorry for ignoring you, or calling you a past time or any other stupid thing I may have said or done." She rambles on and on.

I just look at her with a big stupid grin, because all my worries and intrusive thoughts are out the window when I look at this girl.

The girl that wears big baggy clothes that belonged to her father, the girl that only smiled when she thought no one was looking, the girl who wore beat up converse, the girl who had chipped finger nail polish, the girl that didn't like attention, but got it anyways because she was so effortlessly beautiful, the girl that accepted me for me, with all my flaws and short comings.

"What?" she asks. "Are these for me?" she says looking down at the flowers.

"You're gawking at me, Ezzie," Her voice is low and she looks so flustered and confused and so cute.

I hand her the flowers and she smiles and we are standing there like two smiling idiots.

"I just like to look at you," I finally say.

She nudges my shoulder lightly, rolling her eyes. "Why the hell did you buy me flowers?"

"Because,"

"Ohhh," she begins, still smiling. "That's a good reason."

"I missed you," I blurt out.

"It's been like two days, Ez." She laughs.

"Two days too many,"

She nods, agreeing. "What's gotten into you?" She smiles still, smelling the flowers.

Behind her, I see Dr. V peek her head out of her office looking for me. She makes eye contact with me, pointing at her wrist.

"Wrap it up, lovebirds," She calls, before closing her office door.

Nora looks behind her a second too late as she's already gone back into her office, I blush a deep red.

"I gotta go," I say grabbing her free hand. "But I have something special planned for us tomorrow, I'll pick you up?"

Her face goes taunt and I realize within seconds why. "I mean we can walk, i'm gonna cook you dinner at my place, it will be fun, dress nice."

She looks down at our clasped hands, then to her beat up converse. "Like...a date?" she asks.

"Is that okay, do you not want to?" My breathing pauses, awaiting her answer.

"No," she says. "I do, i'm just concerned about your cooking skills."

"I'm like Ramsey in the kitchen, baby." I say with a cocky smirk.

She rolls her eyes, but a smile creeps on her lips. "You better go, before Dr. V gets mad."

"See you tomorrow then?"

She nods, before walking away, smelling her flowers again.

When I push open the door for Dr. V she is shooting me a death glare. "You just ate up 13 minutes of your therapy session."

Who fucking cares? I have a date with Nora Farris.

a/n
more consistent updates coming your way 😘