Haerin pov

I tap my fingers on the bench anxiously.  I'm in a park near Tae's hospital, so that Jungkook can visit him and be here for me if I need him.

I hope I won't be needing him but already I feel slightly insecure without him by me. Can I...do this by myself after relying on him for so long?

"Haerin?"

I try not to flinch as I wave, a familiar yet unwelcome face coming into sight. "Yoongi."

He looks tired, disheveled, and just sickly. Seems like he's suffering too, this is the best for the both of us.

"Haerin listen, this is really, I mean-"

"I need you to get out of my life." His brows furrow as he stares at me, "What?"

"I need you to leave me alone and forget me, okay? Okay." I brush off my legs before getting up and beginning to leave before he grabs my wrist, "Excuse me?"

"What more do you need me to say? I've made it clear to you, simple and sweet, that I want you gone." I yank my hand but his hold remains firm.

"I need you to tell me why." I scoff, "Does there need to be a reason?"

"Yes. I need a reason. At the beginning, when I first met you, I wanted nothing to do with you. But then, I didn't understand what was going on, because suddenly I did want to be around you, all the time. And once I thought you felt the same, you left."

"And now you're pushing me away, and you won't even tell my why. Is there really something wrong with me? Am I that unlovable?" His voice cracks and I feel a cover of guilt fall over me.

"Did you know, how much you meant to me? For once, I felt like I was receiving company that meant a lot to me and I, although it didn't seem like it and it was risky, entrusted myself with you."

"I thought you understood the pain of being left by someone you love and I thought we could share that pain and be together."

I open my mouth to say something but I can't. He looks so pitiful, "Haerin if it was that easy to get out of your life, I would've been gone already."

"As you said, we both have pain. Putting us together won't mend that."

"Are you even going to try?" He looks so desperate, but I know I need to cut this off, I'm sorry.

"This time I really need you to go though, it's not a game anymore."

His eyes reflect hurt, "Is that what this was, a game?"

I'm sorry.

"Yes it was, don't act like you weren't playing too. That whole time where you lead me on when you had Ara."

His eyes widen, "Is this what this is about? I would leave her in a heartbeat I promise, she just gave a sense of false security-"

"STOP!" He closes his mouth and looks at me, my vision blurring slightly although I don't want to cry and seem weak in front of him.

"Just leave me alone."

I'm sorry.

Hi hand drops from my wrist as he looks away, the hurt quickly being covered up with a straight face, "Was it a lie, did you ever even feel something or were you just toying with me."

"You meant nothing to me." My words are icy and cold, and I hope they make him crumble.

I'm sorry.

But then, he's pulling me in, and kissing me. My eyes go big in surprise as I try to push him, but he won't budge.

Then I see her, a girl, looking straight at us with a smirk on her face.

I forcefully push him, harder this time, making him get off of me.

She's gone.

"Forget me already! Leave me already! Stop making it hard!"

"So you really don't care, huh."

"I don't."

"You're so cold, you know that? Using me, hurting me, pretending that you cared and then dumping me like I was nothing! And now you're acting like you're the victim and surprise here, you're probably going to drink it off, you're just like your father."

He mumbles the last bit but I hear him clearly. Then I'm turning around and running, I feel the buzzing of my phone in my pocket but I ignore it, I just want to leave.

As I get further away, I stumble my way into where I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. 

...

"Haerin!"

My vision is blurry, I can't see straight but I smile, "Leave me alone, this is such a joke. You think this is funny? Me like this, miserable, sad, LONELY!"

They're tugging at me, lifting me up, and I feel so hurt.

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" I swing my arm aimlessly and hear glasses crashing. "Why can't you just leave me, Yoongi."

Then I'm blacking out, my body going limp.

...

I see my dad, he's ahead of me. His work clothes are on and his hair is neat, short and slicked back. 

"Dad?"

I see myself, when I was younger, going down the steps of my house, heading towards him.

"Don't go! Don't do it! He'll hurt you!"

The younger me ignores my yells, she can't hear me. My father turns around, eyes red and teary, face wild with devastation and anger.

I can barely watch as I see him beat me.

"Useless!"

"Worthless!"

"I hate you!"

"Daddy, why? Why are you hurting me? What did I do wrong? I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you upset, forgive me."

I see myself sobbing at his feet, bruises on my face and body. I want to tell her to not be naïve, to face that her dad doesn't love her anymore.

"Shut up, you're not my daughter."

"Dad..."

She's on the floor, waiting for someone who's not there anymore, and I lay beside her, wishing I still didn't feel the pain she did from so long ago.

Am I really, the same?

I blink slowly, staring up at my ceiling, I'm on the couch. I see a bowl on the table as I rub my head.

I roll over and pull the table closer to me, bringing a spoonful of soup to my lips.

It's hot, probably recently made. I push myself up and look around, "Jungkook?"

I hear footsteps and there he is, in front of me, "Yes?"

"What should I do..." I remember everything that happened and I feel like I'm being stabbed repeatedly as more comes back to me.

"Tell me, are you okay? Why were you drinking, did something go wrong?"

"I think Ara was there."

He tilts his head, "That's good, isn't it? She could see that you're making closure unless, she didn't hurt you did she?"

I shake my head, "She, me and Yoongi, we...kissed."

He groans, ruffling his hair, "Haerin why couldn't you-why are you like this? What is wrong with you? This makes everything-I don't even know anymore."

I feel like my body is on fire, "So this is my fault? I tried to push him away. How do you think I feel? I didn't ask for this, and right when I'm trying to end this, I don't know if Tae might be dead tomorrow, or Jimin, or you..."

Then I'm crying, I can't do it anymore, I don't know how much longer this can go on.

"You wouldn't understand, I'm a monster...you're right, I can't do anything."

I feel his hand on my back and I stand, shrugging him off before marching to my room, slamming the door.

I take out my phone.

Yoongi- Haerin, come back

Yoongi- Where are you?

I skim through the rest before checking my other messages.

Ara- You're done, I've reached my limit.