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•••
"sometimes we need some time
to clean up a mess left behind
by someone we let in,
but promise me-
        promise you'll open
        that heart again."

-cdlv
•••

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Taehyung's POV

His eyes widened in disbelief, taking in every oh so little detail of her like a drug addict. He didn't want to trust his own eyes, for a moment he contemplated whether he could still be drunk and all of this was some fucked up mind trick-

-but then Cassia, a very real Cassia moved, hugging his pillow a little tighter to her chest, her body shaking, shyly glancing up at him, her bare legs dangling from the edge of his bed.

She looked different. Her hair was chopped off to shoulder length and sticking to her neck in wet caramel-coloured strands. Her clothes and shoes were wet from the rain, his bedroom floor and bed sheets fully soaked from her. Her face looked pale but the cheeks were blushed a rosy red from the cold outside.

She couldn't have been in here for long. Taehyung stopped breathing. Cassia's lips were trembling, an icy blue, wide eyes never leaving his. She looked petrified, as if she was afraid of him and what he would do next.

Cassia. Cassia on his bed. Cassia back in America. Cassia staring at him. Cassia with him. Right now!

The situation seemed so bizarre to him, so absurd, that he had a sudden urge to start laughing about his own misery, it felt like he was stuck in some shitty drama.

He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling, desperate for more air, he was quite out of breath from rushing up here into his room.

This is ridiculous, he thought.

He still couldn't stop staring her down, taking in everything about her, comparing it to the image of her he carried around with him in his mind. Yes, this was definitely Cassia.

"Taehyung.." he almost flinched back when he heard her voice, so soft but still..she sounded frightened.

They made eye contact. Taehyung felt like he had been shot. He was supposed to do something now, say something. Oh, how many times he had let this scenario play out in his head throughout the past weeks.

He was still dead silent, frozen to the spot, drinking Cassia up. He felt completely, utterly overwhelmed.

"T-Tae-?" her face sunk, very carefully she slid off the bed and took one small, hesitant step towards him. The rain had made her dress seethrough but Taehyung kept his eyes on her face. And as she took another step, he finally felt something..

"What are you doing here, Cassia?" Anger. Pure, unfiltered anger. Who the fuck did she think she was just stepping back into his life now that she suddenly felt like it?! She had been gone for months, leaving him with nothing, no message or goodbye, no explanation, not even a goddamn break up note. NOTHING.

How could she just stand there now and look up at him with her big brown eyes, playing innocent like a deer trapped in headlights? What the hell did she expect from him now? To fucking run up to her and embrace her?

He wanted to scream at her, ask her what the fuck she had been thinking to play with his heart like some cheap toy you could grow bored of, but instead he bit his lip and calmed his voice. The anger stayed, boiled up inside him, bottled up, ready to explode any second but he didn't let her see it. He built up a blank facade just like she had done with him so many, countless times. A wall, if you will. Cold eyes. Empty expression. Calm voice. "Why are you here?"

Her eyes were swimming with fear, Cassia carefully watched Taehyung's every move, her light eyes trained on his dark ones. She stayed silent, waiting, watching his face and eyes. He got this feeling she could see right through him. Cassia didn't answer, not until his fake act broke and came crumbling down in pieces at the sight of her big brown eyes and his anger won over.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE?!" he screamed. He had had enough. Enough of her mindtricks and games. She owed him answers. So many goddamn answers.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, WHAT IS IT?" he yelled, frustration building up further and further at her silence. Cassia flinched back as if he had just slapped her across the face. He watched fear take over her face once again but his anger didn't fade, if anything it got worse.

"Are you still not done with me?!" he asked, desperate for an answer, any answer.

"Can't you see?" he spat out. "Can't you see I'm done! It's over, okay? What more do you want from me? What more do you fucking want, Cassia?!" his voice broke off. His lips spat out curses, fingers running through his wet hair, pulling and ruffling it in frustration.

He watched her expression drown in guilt and sadness, she didn't look scared anymore, only sorry. He felt a mess but he didn't need her damn pity.

Cassia noticed the tears before he felt them cascade down his own face. He tried wiping them away but they wouldn't stop and he got overwhelmed with anger, anger at himself for being so goddamn weak and anger at Cassia for- for ripping his heart out like he had never even meant anything at all to her.

"Why?" Taehyung whimpered, unable to fight the tears any longer. There was no use hiding them, there was no use for a mask. Cassia had already broken him, let her have this last bit of victory too, he thought.

"T-Taehyung-" Cassia stammered, clumsily taking another single, tiny step towards him. He was shaking with sobs and Cassia looked like she wanted to say a million things but didn't know how to get them out. "I needed to come home.." she whispered, voice raspy.

That destroyed him. The way she looked into his eyes when she said 'home' was the final strand. She said it with the same look in her eyes to when she had confessed her feelings to Taehyung and he was unable to say it back all this time ago. Her eyes looked the same, like she was still in love with him. But Taehyung knew that wasn't true.

Cassia didn't love him. If she did, why would she leave him? If she did, how could she not even say goodbye? If she did, how could she throw away everything he thought they had as if it meant nothing, absolutely nothing to her..? Cassia didn't love him. He didn't understand why she was here. Sobbing out of frustration and confusion about his own feelings, Taehyung let himself slide to the floor, his hands sinking into his hair.

Thunder was still roaring in the background, bolts of lightning sending flashes of silver through the room. The storm reminding them it was still there and slowly growing bigger and worse.

He noticed her flinsh out of the corner of his eye but refused to look up at her. All he wanted was for her to go away. He wanted it to be like before they had met. He wanted everything back, the control over his life and feelings. He wanted his mind to stop being clogged up with thoughts about her and only her.

Cassia, Cassia.. all he thought about was her. His fingers brushing through her long hair, her eyes glimmering with joy when he made her smile, her laugh, her touch.. Where she was, if she was safe..who she was with. It only ever seemed to be about her. Before he fell asleep at night, he was sick with worry, every morning when he got up he was reminded that she was gone and how he hadn't been enough.

That's the only explanation he was able to come up with after she left. He just hadn't been enough.

He angrily wiped the tears as they kept coming and coming, pushing his wet hair away, pressing his fingers into his temples to calm his racing thoughts.

All he ever dreamed about the past months was for Cassia to come back to him. And now that she was here, all he wanted was for her to leave.

Never come back, take my goddamn broken heart with you, he thought, it's yours anyway.

He felt her presence beside him. Cassia was kneeling down next to him, only a few inches away.

She seemed hesitant to touch him, he kept his eyes on her shoes.

"I understand-" she spoke up, voice small "- if you want me to leave"

I do. I want you to leave. he silently thought.

"And I will, but there's something I need to tell you first" her hand very gently touched his knee and when he didn't object, she let it stay there.

"Taehyung, I-I didn't leave because of you" she started. Every word seemed like a battle for her, she was digging her nails into the back of her hand to force herself to focus on what she wanted to say.

"It had nothing to do with you and there's not a single thing you did wrong. It was all because of me. I'm the only one at fault. I now realize that I made a mistake, a really big mistake and that me running off didn't help anyone..I thought, I t-thought-" her voice broke off and Taehyung got the courage to look up at her. Her light eyes were swimming in pain. He had seen her cry endless amounts of times yet he was still never ready for it, it always felt like a hit to the chest to see her cry.

"I thought all of you were better off without me in your lives" she finished. "Taehyung- I.." she wiped her tears. "I'm so sorry for letting you down. I'm sorry for everything a-and.. I love you"

She stared at him, at his tears and he stared at hers and she looked like she had so much more to say- but couldn't. I love you. She said she loved him. He wanted to remind himself that it was a lie, that it could only be a lie but her eyes were begging him, begging him to believe her and Taehyung- he didn't know.. he didn't know what to do, or say, or feel.

All he knew was that, despite the pain and confusion and anger that had still not completely gone, it hurt to see her cry. He wanted her gone- but then he didn't.. He knew how much easier everything would be if he could just get over her and move on.

But that was the thing.. He couldn't get over her. Not because he so badly needed her around and couldn't function without a girlfriend but because he- he loved her too. He loved Cassia. With all of his shattered heart, he loved her.

When she stood up and broke her eyes away from him and walked to the door- he still felt it with all his heart. He loved her. Taehyung was in love with Cassia.

"Cassia, why did you come back?" he asked again and she stopped in her tracks. He stood up, wiping some of the tears.

"..to come home" she repeated and looked at him.

"And where is that home?" he asked.

She pointed at him. "y-you, Tae" she told him. "It's with you"

She stayed for a moment longer and in her eyes he could read that she was trying to let him go, take one last good look at what just couldn't be and let him go.

"Goodbye, Tae" a smile. A genuine one.

"So you're just gonna leave me again?" he asked when she was almost out the door.

Cassia frowned. "I thought you wanted me gone?" she asked. "I thought
you'd hate me?"

Taehyung shook his head. A bolt of lightning lit up the room in bright silver. He got closer to her until a mere reach of the hand was seperating them.

Slowly he reached out and took her ice cold hand in his. "You shouldn't have gone outside in this weather" he lectured her, warming her hand by enclosing it in his own.

Cassia was frozen to the spot, stunned by his close proximity for a moment. "You shouldn't have either" she mumbled, taking his other hand.

"Touché" he said and they softly smiled at each other. It felt good, her presence felt good, holding her hand felt good, knowing she was safe felt good.

"I was looking for Nari" Taehyung admitted. "I was worried she might go out looking for me and get hurt somehow"

"Why weren't you with her?" Cassia asked. They were still casually holding hands, pretending they didn't notice no one had let go yet.

"We're not exactly on good terms"

"I'm sorry to hear that"

"It's my fault. I kinda neglected everyone for a while and pushed them away because I thought I needed to be alone" Taehyung said, for the first time admitting his behaviour.

"Sounds familiar" Cassia looked to the floor and they almost started laughing.

"Come here" he gently pulled her into his arms and hugged her to his chest. "I really thought you'd all hate me and would never want to see me again" Cassia whispered into his neck.

"I could never hate you, princess" he whispered, a few tears still falling, he stroked her hair, feeling incredibly exhausted but so, so relieved.

"You drove me sick with worry all this time- you could've at least sent a message that you were okay" he mumbled, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"I know, I know- I'm so sorry. I thought the only way for none of you to find me was to cut off all possible contact" she sobbed, clinging onto him like a koala.

"Does Jungkook know you're back?" Taehyung suddenly remembered.

"No, I arrived two days ago but was too scared to face any of you but then Yoongi and I got wind of the horrible storm and I was so worried, Yoongi tried to stop me but I came straight to your house, hoping you'd be here- I got rid of my phone when I ran away and couldn't contact any of you. Yoongi and I have been staying in a hotel for the past days"

Cassia was full on crying again but this time he didn't feel his heart break, he knew it was best for her to let it all out.

"Oh, Cassia" he shook his head. "No one here hates you, no one"

"God, I'm so dumb" she shook her head.

"You are a bit dumb, I can't argue that" he shrugged and she hit his arm.

"I know but you're supposed to defend me" she smiled.

"Am I?" Taehyung snickered.

"Yes, that's what boyfriends do" Cassia said and her body went stiff in his arms when she realized what she had said. She looked up at him with widened eyes, taking a step back.

"I- I mean if you, only if- I thought-"

Shaking his head with a big smile he pulled her in by her waist and pressed their lips together, kissing her until the last tear was gone.

"I do, I really want to be your boyfriend, princess" Taehyung kissed her nose. "But you have to promise me a few things first"

"Tell me-"

"Right after the storm has cleared up we're driving to Jungkook and everyone else"

"Of course, of course! I wanted to do that anyway. I have a huge mess to clear up" Cassia sighed. "That's it?"

"No" Taehyung shook his head. "Promise me and yourself, you're forever done with running away"

Cassia smiled, thinking of Yoongi. "I promise, it doesn't solve anything and I will never do it again"

"I believe you" Taehyung nodded. "I know you'll get better Cassia, I believe in you. This is only the beginning"

"This is only the beginning" Cassia nodded.

"Cassia?" he looked down at the small girl hugging her arms tightly around her wet dress, shivering.

"Yes, Tae?" she blinked up at him, taking in his honey coloured skin and the golden eyes she loved so, so much.

The light in her eyes was back. It wasn't as blinding as it once was but the sparkle was back, Cassia was smiling, truly smiling. She hadn't give up. This was only the beginning.

Taehyung ran his fingers through her wet hair. He had her back, the old Cassia was back and she was willing to fight. He had never been so sure of his feelings and finally, he felt ready..

"I love you, Cassia"

"and if the end is us together
i'd go through everything again"

~THE END~

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A/N:
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I would like to thank every single person that has stuck with me this long and read gucci boy until the very last chapter, you motivated and inspired me so much, thank you!

Thank you to every silent reader, everyone who commented and voted, everyone who added this story to their reading lists, thank you from the bottom of my heart!❤️

Goodbyes are always bittersweet but I'm so so proud of this story and how much love it has gotten and is still continuously getting!

If you liked this story/ my writing I invite you to check out my other stories, this is my first fanfic but it surely won't be my last!

I don't want to make this too long, just know that this story and your support has made me incredibly happy and feel so so grateful!

I'll end this with a wish from my side, if you read this far, please leave me some sort of feedback, tell me your thoughts! It can be just a few words or however long you'd like. ✨

That is all. Thank you, thank you, thank you❣I feel eternally grateful to all of you.

All the love,

Umi xx