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"The truth is
some days I sink
more than I swim"

-stacie martin
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Cassia's POV

Delicate, sweet, kind-hearted, obedient, polite, quiet, shy, beautiful, fragile. That's usually how society would picture a fairytale princess.

There was not a single droplet of royal blood in Cassia's body, no crown, no kingdom, no castle but the same high expectations, constant presence of the public eye judging her every move and the wealth of the upper class decorating her family name.

Cassia had always been touched with a silk glove, everything had been handed to her, she never had to work for anything, whatever materialistic thing she might have desired she could easily get. Spoiled, if you will. It's hard to stay grounded when everyone around you treats you as if you are above them.

Cassia let it get to her head, she was popular at school. The bad kind. The fake friends, a lot of gossip and rumours, being used by everyone around you- kind of popular. The It-girl, the arrogant brat, the rich girl, the ice princess.

She didn't have any real friends, not one. Just Jungkook who went to a different school and a kid named Hoseok that had always been nothing but nice to her, despite her awful attitude.

For a while she followed suit, for a while she wanted to be that perfect princess. For a while she desired to make her parents happy and proud, for a while she would have sacrificed anything for perfection.

Do you see the flaw in that? Perfection. It doesn't exist. You can't reach it. Not even if you're the richest, most popular girl in town. Not even if you do everything in your power to please your stone hearted father or your unimpressed mother, not even if you train to become Korea's wealthiest CEO for years, attend meetings, take additional business and econonmy classes at a private school, do press conferences and attend galas and high society events, get perfect grades and never talk back to your parents, not even if you follow every single order and command, give up everything that you're asked to give up and swallow down your thoughts and opinions.

Not even if you change everything about who you are or want to be, to fit into the tiny box that society, your parents and everyone in this fucked up world expects you to fit into, can you reach perfection. It's impossible.

7-year-old Cassia didn't realize that. 12-year-old Cassia didn't realize that. 16-year-old Cassia didn't realize that. 18-year-old Cassia started to realize that and for 19-year-old Cassia it was already too late.

Because what's the prize of giving up who you are to achieve something you never can? You end up as a marionette. You end up without your own identity. You end up as an empty shell.

You wanna know how you end up? Broken. The high expectations, the tiny box she was forced to fit into but couldn't, broke Cassia. With the only goal she had ever been working towards, chasing after, sacrificing everything for, gone, the rose tinted glasses dipping the world around her into a blissful, dream like, fairytale state- shattered.

She started to see things how they really were. She saw society and all her fake friends, she saw the abuse and manipulation from her parents, she saw the fucked up love-hate relationship between them that they so desperately tried to keep alive, she saw all the things she had, all the wealth and materialistic things she owned and realized how at the same time she had absolutely nothing, she saw who she had turned into and what a horrendous person she had become, kicking the people below her and kissing the feet of the ones above, spitting venom, filled up with arrogance.

Cassia suddenly felt like looking into a mirror and no longer recognizing the person that was staring back at her. She felt like she no longer wanted to be that girl that her reflection showed.

And so the princess, that had never really been one in the first place, carefully lifted the golden crown off of her head and, for the first time, fought back.

Cassia had changed a lot since she ran away two years ago, she had grown and become stronger, dared to be herself again and attempt to build a life that actually made her happy. She wasn't as weak as she thought she was, she could take a lot more than one might be led to believe.

Delicate, sweet, obedient, polite, quiet, shy, fragile.

Nothing about her fast strides through the large mansion her father still wanted her to call home was delicate. Cassia bolted down the halls in a fast run, Sooyoung's pale hand clasped in hers, determination glimmering in her eyes.

Nothing about the fire building up inside Cassia's body was sweet, no smile to be seen on her face, only one mission in mind. Tearing open doors and entering rooms that should have been locked.

Nothing about her behavior was obedient anymore, she knew her father was still playing a twisted game with her, he probably wanted her to snoop around, he probably wanted her to find something, maybe to further intimidate her. Fuck obedient, fuck waiting around and trying to figure out his motives, Cassia wanted to act.

Polite. Hah, Cassia pushed guards aside ignoring their commands and attempts to scare her back into bed. She knew they couldn't harm her without her father's consent and no matter where he was right now, no matter whether he had lied to Cassia, he wasn't here. There was nothing polite about the way Cassia handled her father's puppets now.

Quiet. One of the most important things. Shut up and listen, shut up and follow orders, shut up, no one cares, shut up your opinion wasn't asked for, shut up you're too young and inexperienced to understand, shut up and trust everything I say without ever doubting a single thing about it. Be quiet. No longer, Cassia spoke to Sooyoung, not caring about keeping her voice down, using stupid honorifics or polite speech anymore, she knew Sooyoung was her friend. She knew Sooyoung was trapped in this mansion as much as she was.

7-year -old Cassia was shy. 14-year-old Cassia was shy, 17-year-old Cassia was shy, at least at home. 21-year-old Cassia had no time for that, she had lost the last ounce of shyness inside her after seeing her mother's bruised, broken body.

Beautiful, I dare you to call Cassia beautiful. I dare you to call the 21-year-old girl that has been kept in this house against her will for days, broken down numerous times because her own father manipulated her and kept emotionally and physically abusing her into submission and obediance.

I dare you to call the girl that has lost everything before and thinks she is losing everything and even more than she had last time again right now, beautiful. I dare you to look at the bags and shadows under her eyes, her trembling fingers and bruises from fighting the guards on her arms, I dare you to look at the determination in her eyes and realize that after all this, she's still standing, thoughts with the people she loves and willing to fight the person she fears most in this world and only call her beautiful. Cassia wasn't beautiful right now. Nothing about abuse is beautiful.

Cassia's strong, she's fierce, she refuses to give up, she refuses to make herself smaller and smaller until she fits into that damn box again but she's not beautiful and she doesn't want to be. All she wants is happiness, all she wants is freedom.

And fragile..she might have been once. She might feel like her heart still is, like her sanity still is. But she fights against it with all her will. Sometimes you don't understand what strength really means until being strong is the only option you have.

"Miss, we're being followed" Sooyoung's lips barely moved as she whispered the warning to Cassia. Cassia halted, subtly nodding at Sooyoung.

The guards halted as well, their plan to stay hidden had failed but Cassia didn't turn around, she pretended she didn't know they were behind her.

"You said you would show me where she is!" Cassia raised her voice to Sooyoung, changing back to Korean.

"He's gone so why don't you take me to her room now?" Cassia shouted, glaring the maid down and taking a threatening step towards the frightened maid.

"I don't know where Madam is, Miss and even if I did, I am not allowed to bring you there. Mr. Song strictly ordered you to rest, I need to bring you back to bed right now. I'm afraid if you don't follow me I will have to call the guards" Sooyoung only slightly raised her voice but it echoed down the empty hall anyways and within seconds the guards had caught up to them.

Cassia turned around and widened her eyes in surprise. One of the guards Cassia recognized from forcing her onto the ground in her mother's room reached his hand out to grab Cassia's arm but she quickly flinched back, pretending to be scared of him.

"See, Miss? Your father only wants what's best for you but you really need to rest. Will I have to ask the guards to escort you back to your room?" Sooyoung asked, raising her eyebrows. Cassia tensed up looking at the tall guards and let out a defeated sigh.

"No, it's fine. I will come with you" she mumbled and Sooyoung happily nodded.

"You made the right decision, Miss. Come on now!" she said and started walking ahead down the halls. The guards seemed conflicted as Cassia passed them, the same one from before blocked Cassia with his arm as she tried walking past him.

"That's alright gentlemen, we won't need your help right now, right Miss?"

"Yes" Cassia said her eyes trapped in a stare down with the guard. He glared at her before slowly removing his arm.

"Follow me, Miss!" Sooyoung called out and continued walking down the hall. The guard's eyes were still fixed on Cassia.

He leaned into her ear and lowered his voice so that only Cassia could hear him. "One wrong move" he whispered and a shiver ran down Cassia's spine. "remember what happened last time"

She was left speechless at the sudden threat, with her father around he would have never dared. He wouldn't even have spoken a single word to her without her father's permission. Cassia couldn't find a hint of empathy in his eyes, only hate, cold, unfiltered hate.

"Don't worry" Cassia met his cold eyes. "I didn't forget" she pulled the sleeve of her shirt up to show him the red bruises from his death grip on her. The guards cold face stayed unfazed by this.

He seemed suspicious like he was catching onto something not being right, Cassia quickly walked after Sooyoung not giving him any more time to keep wondering. They needed to hurry up before he actually found out what they were planning.

Not the whole mansion was covered in security cameras, there were parts in which you could feel relatively safe if that was even a word at this place, solely because Cassia's father no matter how inhuman he might seem also felt the need for a bit of privacy. Now, how would video footage of him beating up his wife or screaming at staff and verbally abusing them benefit him? Selfish reasons. The only reason why some areas didn't have security cameras was for his own safety, of course.

All his offices, for instance didn't have any cameras and while Cassia and Sooyoung of course couldn't leave the mansion and drive to his office at the Song Entertainment headquarters which probably held his most important documents and would have been the most beneficial to what they had planned, they could search his office at the mansion.

There were no guards in front of it, the door wasn't locked and neither were any of the drawers or cupboards. Cassia knew this should make her feel suspicious and it did but she had no time nor the energy to figure out why her father would want her to search his office, until she stumbled upon a stack of brown folders of his clients. One was resting on top of all the others, documents hastily stuffed back into it as if someone had just looked through it and been in a rush to put it back. Cassia's eyes widened at the name written across the top. 

Kim Taehyung. This was his folder. All his business documents. Cassia quickly opened it up ignoring an anxious Sooyoung watching from the door. The first thing she saw was his set-card, black and white headshots at the front of his folder and a paper of all his basic information, age, height, measurements, stuff like that. What followed were countless documents, all his personal information and history with the company, extracts from his past campaigns and shootings, contracts between him and the company, contracts with clients and-

..newspaper cut-outs? Cassia sat down on her father's leather office chair as her eyes scanned over the Korean newspaper article. It was from a local newspaper and dated back to about a year ago, it didn't look like it belonged in this folder with all these professional documents and business contracts. Cassia's stomach tightened as she read through the article and the statement of a hospital in Seoul.

Then she saw Taehyung, he was pictured with his father, his hair was a bright orange and he was showing off his infamous boxy smile. Then she saw the picture of her own father in his usual suit and tie pictured at the Song Entertainment headquarters, his logo printed in the back.

He was sick. Taehyung's father was sick. This article was an interview with Taehyung and Cassia's father, he had helped pay for the medical treatment, he had paid for the chemo therapy Taehyung's father had received, this article was painting her father as some sort of hero that deeply cared about his clients and their personal hardships.

Cassia could have disregarded the article, put it back and continue her search but she knew that it didn't belong in Taehyung's folder, she knew her father had purposely put it there. She started to feel sick reading all the praise the journalists were giving her father, Taehyung seemed so thankful. When Cassia turned the article around to keep reading she saw them pictured together, Taehyung, Taehyung's father and Cassia's father, side-hugging, smiling at the camera.

All that ran through Cassia's mind was 'why is he showing me this? Why does he want me to see this?'. He couldn't possibly still be trying to make Cassia believe he was a good guy deep down, could he?

There was more. More newspaper articles. This time not from local newspapers but gossip magazines, Korean and American ones and Cassia felt like throwing up.

They were recent, extremely recent, mere days ago. Pictures of her and Taehyung, holding hands, walking together, looking like a couple. The American press pictured her as his newest fling, they didn't seem to know who she was, the Korean press however knew all to well who Cassandra Song was.

Cassia couldn't stop reading, she knew she should but she couldn't. Rumours after rumours, conspiracies about the Song family and Cassia in America.

Close to none of them were nice, everyone seemed to picture her as the bad guy. Of course, Korea loved her father. Cassia knew that and the article before had only been further proof of that. A successful business man with a kind heart that treats his models like family and only wants what's best for his rebellious daughter.

Sooyoung was telling Cassia something but the words never reached her ears. Because what she saw next made her blood run cold. A note. There was a note attached at the end of the folder, handwritten, a neat perfect note from her father.

'Is this what you wanted to find, Cassandra? Look at what they are writing about you, look at all the rumours. You are better than that, our family is better than that. Did you really think I did not know about this? Taehyung is my client, Cassandra, I am watching him as much as I am watching you. Did you think he was good enough for you? He is nothing without me, everything he has, everything he owns, everything he achieved, he owes to me. Did you really think I would let a no one like him date my only daughter? He could never be good enough. You deserve so much more. I want you, Cassandra, my only daughter, my eldest child, my own blood to take over Song Entertainment one day. You have trained for this all your childhood and teenage years, this is what your life is supposed to be, don't throw it all away now for some boy. I will find you someone more suitable. I have let you break free and live your own life for two years. I let you go because I thought it would help you realize that you belong in Korea, you belong here, with your mother and me, training to take over my business one day. I am afraid letting you go and making you think you were free did the exact opposite. You only got more confused and distanced yourself from who you are truly meant to be. I am trying to help you here. I am trying to help make you understand that you do not belong in America or with the people you call your friends, you do not belong with Kim Taehyung. Song Entertainment is your past, present and future, you can never change who you are. I have realized over the course of the past weeks that you do not seem to realize this, you have different plans for your life so I have decided to meet you at the halfway point. I am away for two days but when I return I expect an answer. You will find a contract in the bottom drawer of my office desk, I want you to carefully read through it and make your decision. I am asking you to agree to continue your schooling and training to become the head of Song Entertainment one day, I am asking you to move back to Korea and stay here until your training has ended, you are allowed to leave the country for short trips and you do not have to choose this house as your permanent stay if you do not wish to do so, I will gladly organize a different accomodation for you to stay at. I am further asking you to break all ties with the people you have met while you were away including Kim Taehyung. I cannot tolerate them interfering any more than they already have, they have no place in your life and future career. You are allowed to see Jungkook whenever you like, he is free to come back and live with us but if he chooses not to it is none of my concern, if he chooses to stay in the United States of America I will ask him to change his name but that is nothing you have to worry about I am already working towards discussing this matter with him. I am not forcing you to agree to an arranged marriage, I do however expect you to choose a partner that meets my expectations and benefits our family name. In return for your part of the agreement I am willing to offer you conditions I will have to meet that benefit you. You do not have to live with me or see me other than for obvious business affairs, you are free to see your brother whenever you like as long as it does not get in the way of your training. You are free to see your mother whenever you would like and I will let her move out and distance myself from her as long as that is her own wish and it does not bring any damage to our family name. You have my word that none of your friends, Jungkook or Kim Taehyung including their families will be harmed. That is the agreement, you move back here, continue your trainining, cut off ties with you aquaintances from America and drop out of American college to become my heir and the future CEO of Song Entertainement, I will allow you as much freedom as possible as long as you complete your training to the best of your abilities and behave as expected from a Song. I want you to think of the consequences if you refuse, Cassandra. Think about the power and connections I have. I can make Taehyung lose everything, I can make Jungkook lose everything, I can forever lock your mother up and never let her see the light of day again, I can make sure you never get a job or education in America or wherever you may go again. This is not a threat, I am simply asking you to do the right thing. I will see you in 48 hours.

P.S. There is nothing else left in this office worth searching for, your mother is gone until you sign the contract, don't bother looking for her. Do not attempt to run away'

The note wasn't signed, no goodbye, no nothing, it ended with a threat. Cassia felt Sooyoung's hand on her arm shaking her. She knew she wasn't listening but her head was completely zoned out, eyes glued onto her father's note and Taehyung's folder. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her phone in one of the drawers, she reached for it. The sim-card was taken out, of course.

"Sooyoung?" Cassia finally found back to her voice.

"Are you alright, Miss? I heard someone calling us earlier, we need to hurry up and leave!" the maid's voice sounded panicked.

'There is nothing else left in this office worth searching for'

"I need a phone" Cassia mumbled before meeting Sooyoung's eyes. "Is there any chance we can get our hands on a functioning phone?"

Sooyoung gulped before taking a deep breath, lost in thought for a moment. "I think I might know of-"

"Great, let's go!" Cassia huffed out and grabbed Sooyoung's hand in hers, she didn't bother to properly put the folder back, she knew none of the staff were allowed to look through her father's stuff and he already knew she was in here.

Maybe the note should have surprised her, make her freeze and struggle to catch her breath, terrify her even but Cassia knew there was nothing to think about. He wasn't really giving her an option, he would have his way no matter whether she agreed to it or not, like he had said himself 'think of the power and connections I have', exactly.

Why should she be foolish enough to think that a signed contract would prevent him from harming the people she loved? That wasn't how things worked with him.

If she agreed to his conditions and signed the contract, of course he would sign it too and assure her things were fine, he would make it seem like he was meeting his end of the agreement when in reality he would still secretly mess with the people she loved and assure they weren't able to contact her ever again.

No matter whether she agreed to it or not her father would make her his puppet again. And freedom? That wasn't something you coud partially have. You were either free or you weren't. You were either dead or you weren't. Partial freedom was another one of his tricks. And Cassia was done playing along.

The only way out was to beat him in this game.

Cassia only felt more determined after reading that note, he sounded desperate to remind her of his power, he openly threatened her, something he never did. Whenever he did, the true message was hidden away, he only ever hinted about possible consequences never openly spelled them out but this time, he did.

He was scared.

And why would someone like him be scared?

Because he knows he is losing.

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A/N: hello my lovely readers💖

I have been horrible with updates the past weeks and I feel awful because of it. I'm working throughout all of summer, trying to save up money for moving out in Autumn and it's been really tiring. I also don't wanna put out half- ass chapters that are rushed and I'm not happy with. I'd rather take longer but update a chapter I'm proud of.

I hope that's somewhat understandable! Tell me what you thought of this mega long chapter, vote if you liked it and comment your opinions💖

Over 15k that's absolutely insane.. Also HI to all the new readers, please don't be silent and feel free to comment your thoughts!! It motivates me like crazy!

Thank you so much for all my loyal readers that keep reading, voting and commenting shout out to all of you, you know who you are and just know that I love and appreciate you so so much!! ❤️❤️❤️

me right now:

All the LOVE IN THE UNIVERSE!!!

xx Umi