~July 9, 2021~

"Benny, take the trash out please." my mom demanded.

I let out an annoyed sigh. "Yes, Ma."

I picked up the two black trash bags into my hands and poked the door open with my foot. I then walked outside and started making my way over to the garbage bins.

All was well until I heard a squeaky voice call out my name. "Benjamin!"

I immediately closed my eyes in annoyance. Oh, God, here we go.

"Benjamin, wait up!" Alex pleaded once more.

I spun around to look at her. She smiled when she caught up to me.

"Hi." she panted.

I glared at her, a word not escaping my lips. She gasped. "Oh! I'm sorry! Do you prefer Benny?"

I rolled my eyes before walking away. I was trying my hardest to show her I wasn't interested, but I don't think she was getting the hint.

"Um, okay," she sighed. "I realize that you probably don't like me that much and I'm sorry. I know I came on a little strong when we first met, but I promise I'm not that annoying."

"Cool," I mumbled, not paying attention to anything she was saying.

"Uh," she hesitated before speaking again. "I want you to know that I'm not trying to break your relationship apart or something. I-I'm not really looking for a boyfriend right now."

"I didn't ask what your intentions were." I sassed. "I'm just trying to take the garbage out."

"Oh, okay..." she muttered.

I continued walking, thinking Alex would leave me alone, but she didn't. She continued to trail behind me.

"So, um, how are you liking it here so far?" she asked.

"I liked it better when you were gone, that's for sure..." I mumbled under my breath.

"What?" she questioned.

I looked at her then back ahead. "It's fine."

"Well, that's good, I guess," she muttered. "Um, how's your girlfriend?"

"That's none of your business." I spat.

I saw her swallow. "Oh, right...s-sorry."

I then threw the garbage bags into the bins and spun back around, Alex still behind me. She ran to catch up with me by my side.

"Um, I have a question for you." she stared up at me.

"What." my voice had no emotion in it.

"How long have you been playing baseball for?" she asked.

"Since I was a little kid. My Dad taught me." I explained.

"Oh, cool!" she smiled. "Could I meet him?"

A sad expression planted on my face. My shoulders slumped down as I stared at my feet. Alex gasped. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know-"

"It's fine." I interrupted. "I just wanna be alone right now."

I then walked into our apartment, slamming the door behind me. Tears welled up in my eyes as I slid down the door.

All these years I had thought I had gotten over my dad's death, but really, I had just been numbing all my feelings. I pushed them down in my heart so far, I didn't realize they still existed.

Well, now they were free again. I sobbed loudly, getting my mom's attention quite quickly. She ran over to me.

"Benny?!" she shrieked as she knelt in front of me. "Benny, look at me."

My breath was shaky, my hands were as well. My whole body was shaking.

"Ben," my mom placed her hands on top of my hands. "Baby, it's okay. Breathe."

I tried to breathe, but I couldn't. I felt like everything was slowly closing in on me. I looked around but my mom cupped my face with her cheeks.

"No, honey, keep your eyes on me, okay?" she demanded.

I darted my eyes back to her. She rubbed my arms lightly.

"Baby, I need you to try and take some deep breaths, okay?"

I nodded slowly. She started slowly breathing in and out.

"Follow my lead," she commanded. "In...and out."

I did what she asked. I slowly took in a deep breath and exhaled shakily.

"Good job." she smiled softly. "Just a few more."

I did it a few more times until I was calm again. She squeezed my hands.

"Okay, can you tell me what happened?" she asked nicely.

"I..." I tried to cough the words out. "I guess I just realized how much I miss Dad...I-I've been trying to hide it for so long but it just hurts too bad."

"I know it does, honey, but you can't hide those feelings, okay? It just makes everything so much worse." she sighed. "And it's okay if you're not over it. If you need to cry about it, I beg you, please do it instead of doing something worse, alright?"

I nodded. "Okay..."

Now's probably not the time to tell her about the cut on my arm...

"I love you," she whispered as she pulled me into a tight hug.

I squeezed her back. "I love you too..."

N A T A L I E
point of view.

I lay in my bed bored out of my mind. A small groan of annoyance left my mouth. There's nothing to do.

I picked up my phone and just kept waiting for Benny to text me or to do something. But nothing ever happened.

"Ugh!" I exclaimed in anger.

I smacked my phone back down and stuffed my face back into my cool pillow. Come on, Benny! Gimme something!

I then heard something fall in my closet, making me jump out of my skin. I shot up from my bed, my chest rising and falling fast with my heavy breathing.

Once I pulled myself together, I slowly walked over to my closet. I pulled the door open and a bunch of things rolled out.

I groaned angrily. "Great."

I knelt and realized this stuff wasn't even mine. It was a bunch of baseball stuff. Did Benny leave this here?

I picked up one of the baseballs and nearly felt my heart burst out of my chest.

"I love you to the moon and back, mi amor. I hope to see you soon <3."
- Benny

A huge smile painted my lips. I rubbed the baseball with my thumb before giving it a soft kiss.

I examined the other contents of the box. It contained a bunch of his hoodies, his shirts, and some of his hats.

I can't believe he gave all of this to me...

I picked up one of the sweatshirts and realized it smelt like him. I squealed with joy.

"Yes!" I laughed happily.

I hugged it tightly, the smile never leaving my face.

••••

author's note:

I'm so jealous of Natalie lmao. this book is almost done! I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE NEW ONE AIDBWISB. stay gold, luvs💕
~Olivia🧸🤍

{9/18/21}