No one knows the reason why he wants to break up with him. He maybe looks fine, but if we look closely, by breaking him up like that leaving a big wound in himself

Gulf heard it when Mew crying outside this room

Gulf heard it when Mew asked to give him another chance

And Gulf heard it when his mom hugged him, and calm down his beloved one                                         

Without Mew knows, he is crying harder, he is in so much pain. But he should do it now, or this relationship is a toxic

Champ gives him a time to prepare himself. His parents, sister, and Techno take turns to accompany him. Champ never believe when a long time ago, Mew said that Gulf can't sleep if he is not around. And these three days, he witnesses it. He would not sleep unless Champ give him a sleeping pills

These two already share everything, their fate, pain, love, and soul. But one of them should take action to safe the other one, by risking himself

Champ comes in at his room, "Gulf.."

Gulf alone, his parents just back an hour ago. He turned his body and looked at Champ

"How are you today?" Champ asked walked closer to him

"Not fine"

"Your parents will come here soon?"

"I asked them to take a rest, maybe Techno will come here today after he finishes his work"

"Good then, let's look around the weather is nice"

Gulf was hesitant. Champ seems to know that he wants to go out of this room.

"You just stared outside through the window, you want to go, right? Let's go" Champ tried once again                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Champ bring him to the hospital park, they are walked slowly and enjoying the warm sunlight this morning.

"Whose jacket it is? I think it's not your style"

"Mew..."

Champ knew he is the one who gave his jacket to Gulf's mom as Mew's asked.

"I never want to break up with him. My chest still aches just by imagine his crying voice. I hope his jacket can calm me down just a little bit" he smiled slightly                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

For four years, three days ago. Gulf admit that he is a patient with mental illness, and want to take his full treatment

"Actually you didn't have to break up with him"

"I know..." he paused his steps, "But I didn't want to make him suffer just been waiting for me. I'll come to him first after I finish this all"

Champ nodding

They continue to walk slowly.

They choose the best place at under trees to take a rest

Champ inhale-exhale a long breathe, "I'll tell you something in psychologist"

Gulf waiting for him without looking at him, he looked at the blue sky

"When you suffer an illness, due to psychological scar you can be called it a psychogenic illness. It is developed through a mental or psychological issue"

His words can take Gulf's attention to look at him

"When you're put in the same traumatic situation you feel the urge to avoid it or become hesitant. When you run, your body lets out adrenaline, which gets rid of your gloominess. And just like that, some scientists say psychogenic illness can be treated by examining the neural circuits in our brain or the chemical compositions. But that's not how the human mind work" He paused, and smiled, "What we feel in our hearts is a product of everything we experience in life. Such as love, pain, loss, anger, violence, peace and happiness"

Gulf nodding

"What I want to say is, you will be cured. Because after you experience pain, anger, violence, and loss you still can feel peace, happiness, and love. You still hold him right here, even he is not beside you" Champ patted Gulf's chest, "His love and happiness that he gives to you have changed you in a good way to fight this illness. And my turn is I just continue Mew's part that he can't do"

Without he realized, tears rolling down on his cheek

"You make me miss him. Just three days, how can I endure it if I miss him this badly" Gulf wipe his tears

Champ laughed, "It is good, right. By missing him you have the power to end this quickly"

Gulf chuckled, "I've prepared enough, let's do this. Because I didn't want to make him wait so long"

Champ sighed, "Good then..."                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Techno comes in the evening, he brought three flower bouquets. He put it on the desk beside Gulf's bed.

"Why are you buy this?"

"Me? For you?" Techno laughed then throw his body on the couch, "Your man asked me to give that to you. He said he will always be sent you the flowers every day"

Gulf sighed silently. He caressing one by one the bouquet. There is nothing else in the bouquet.

What I expected about? He won't write anything

Then he found a paper at each bouquet

Three bouquets for three days, each day he will give me one

The first one is amaranthus and globe amaranth, the flowers are wrapped by baby's breath. Every bouquet has a baby's breath on it. Second, just five red roses. Third, Craspedia.

It seems Mew has given him messages through the flowers. It just flowers but the third bouquet has another meaning for Gulf. It's like Mew was given up on him and just wishes Gulf on good health

He fell on the floor, buried his face between his palms. The pain forced him to cry.

I broke my rules for you

Techno comes closer and gives him a hug. He wouldn't care to asked, he just patted on Gulf's back

The rules that I wouldn't break up with you, the rules that I will always stay beside you, the rules that I will always hold your hands

I broke it all

I am the one who broke it, but it's given me a big wound inside here

He cried while pinched and grabbed his chest. He leaned his head on Techno                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

In the morning, Gulf's mom meets Champ and Techno at Champ's office. She left her son who is sleeping peacefully. She still wears the same clothes as yesterday, her hair a bit messy, but she always smiled warmly to everyone

"Are you okay, Mom?" Techno said while sitting closer to her

She just smiled

Then Techno continued to tell them about Gulf's yesterday

"Three days and he always cried painly" Gulf's mom replied

"He still thinking that Mew is the one who abandons him, he still thinking that all of this is his fault"

"But Gulf..."

"We all know, No. He is the one who want to break up, but his brain can't process it like the way we were thinking"

"Will he be fine? Moreover, he didn't start the treatment yet" Gulf's mom asked

Champ gives her a warm pat on her backhand, "He is strong more than we expected, he is strong more than me. If I'm on his position I never let Mew go like this, but Gulf chooses a different way. His pain double, not triplet but he can survive it till the end"

"You know him well more than me" Gulf's mom giggled

"How about Mew's condition Mom?" Techno asked

"Same as Gulf, worse. He didn't want to come out from his room, he stayed at his parent's home. Fortunately Nong Tong and Nong Run came to take care of him too"

Both Techno and Champ sighed

"We are decided to take care of them separately. Both of them must be taken care of by a doctor mentally and physically"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

The very first therapy Gulf does is psychotherapy. He started it at his second week, his first week was so heavy for him, he always reminiscing Mew's voice, Mew's cried, all about him at their last time met

It makes him blamed himself, Gulf blamed himself because he loves him because he was met him before because he depends on him too much.                                                                                                                     

In his second week, he had more calm. Champ always take him out from his room once in a day to do a small exercise like walking in the park, stretching at midnight or just talking in his session while enjoying the sunlight or the moonlight

Champ has his own method to take care of him. Usually, a BPD patient didn't have any desire to hurt themself or suicide, but for Gulf it's different.

As Champ said before he needs to learn more about Gulf, he really means it. He learns more about him while Champ give him therapy                                                                                                                                                                                  

At the first psychotherapy session, Champ gathers information about him, about what he needs, about how he felt. So Champ can decide what kind of therapy he needs, what kind method should be used, such as a group method or personal method

Champ does it slowly but surely, he tried to gathers Gulf's emotion about Mew. He knew Gulf tried to fight it by himself, so he wants to Gulf trust on him too, as he trusts on Mew

"He may not be my first love, but he is my first love who is able to treat my wound. He was also the first person to be able to make me totally depend and trust him. He proves me about his sentence that love is without expecting anything in return from our partner, he showed it very well for four years" Gulf's voice has trembled, he looks at nothing in the blue sky, "But I think I made him suffer a lot by fell in love with me. So, I think I didn't deserve him this much, right?" He tried to giggled

"You already did great, Gulf" He replied and smiled and him even Gulf didn't look at him

"I am not normal, right?" He paused a moment, and gazed at Champ, "Anxious being his love, anxious because he didn't text me, anxious because a take so long to back home"

"Everyone feels anxious" Champ leaned his back on the chair, he gazed back to Gulf, "We wear seatbelts, we don't leave our homes when there is a storm, we would walk back when we forgot to turn off the gas. We just not able to acknowledge it, but anxiety helps us get through all the difficult moments, we often encounter in life"

"The first place that perceives anxiety..." Champ continued, "is our amygdala which is located deep down the limbic system. And in order to calm the anxiety we feel, we need certain types of neurotransmitters such as serotonin, GABA, and norepinephrine. Neurotransmitters are created by a certain person or thing. It could be someone you know, like Mew or your favorite activity"

Gulf sighed, "Here we go again" He chuckled, "I'll tell Mew later that you always talk something that I can't understand if I can still meet him"

"You will... definitely..."                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

In the fourth week Gulf has started his therapy, it is not easy for him. He must to reminiscing the old memories, the bad and good memories kept drowning him every session

Sometimes he would be extremely angry, then he cried a lot. Sometimes he can be a happy person in the world, then he remembers he didn't deserve the happiness

It's always been rough for the first time, but he has all the best support system. He has his family, his best friend, his best doctor, and flower bouquet from his beloved one                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

Champ gives him a regular schedule of his therapy. Twice per week for dialectical behavior therapy, this therapy to manage emotions, tolerate distress, and improve the relationship. Once per week for mentalization-based therapy, type of talk therapy that helps to identify his own thought and feeling. And twice per week for systems training for emotional predictability and problem-solving, this therapy involves his family and best friend.

For the left of the days, he will take enough rest, deep talk or small talk with Champ

Champ told Gulf and his family that he need about 20 weeks to finished all his therapy and get better

Learning to manage emotions, thoughts, and behaviors takes time. Recovery takes time.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Champ give him a reward as he has done a great from the very beginning, he gives Gulf a book. Its has brown color as the cover

"Write here if you miss him, by gazed his flowers didn't change anything. Later if you better and come out from here, give this to him"

Gulf take the book by two hands, he looked at it

"Oh... you didn't have to follow what I tell to you, you can do what you want with these"

"Thank you..." He smiled happily

This is the first time for a month Gulf smiled like that like he found something new that he can't be found before

"Don't just cry, and blame everything at yourself if the felt of missing someone is coming. You can do so many things, and later you can show them to him"

He nodding like a baby. Like a baby just got a new toy                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Day by day his condition is better

He rarely cried or blame himself

His family and Techno still coming to accompany him through all this the long way

He has a new activity since Champ give him a book. Now, Gulf has already finished his second books

At first, he will write at night, every night

Then he writes every time, sometimes he just giggled alone, sometimes his tears just rolling smoothly on his cheeks

No one knows what he wrote, but every time he said "I miss him" he will take the book then wrote something

About the flowers that still coming until his second month, Gulf made it into the beautiful things

Half of those flowers are already dried

He framed it, he arranges it carefully, he poured it with resin then he placed it on the table and on the desk in his room

There are a some dried flowers bouquet was hanging down on the wall

Every day he would do these activities after he has done his session, his room changed to become very beautiful room

Every corner has flowers                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Tonight Champ want to take him out as usual. He comes to Gulf's room. All the nurses and doctors who come to his room will be smiled just by opening the door because his room has a nice smell and beautiful on every corner

"Are you alone tonight?" Champ sat on the couch and let him finished his work

"Hmm... Techno will come later, he still has dinner with his co-workers" He replied without looked at Champ. He give full of attention to his frame.

"Let's do some exercise"

Gulf stood up and sighed, "Let's go, I have done" he smiled

"Can I get one of this?" Champ pointing dried flowers on the table

"Sure, I have a lot" He added a gesture with his both hand, "I'll give to the nurses too later"

Then they are walkout from Gulf's room to the park

"Did something good happened, Gulf? You look so happy..."

Gulf shook his head, "His flowers just arrived for today, I think the flowers will stop coming. It's late, but it's okay"

"Tong and Run want to come over, they said they are missing you"

It's made Gulf paused his steps and look down

"I'll tell them if you didn't want to meet them"

"I think not now. By meet them it makes me want more, it makes me remember everything about him"

Champ just nodding

He asked Gulf to copy him by doing a stretching like him

Both of them move their head to the right and left, move their legs like chasing by something, move their hands up and down

Their laugh can be heard by everyone who passes at the park