Good news is, you're not dead yet.

Text from; Unknown                                                                                                                                                               This is Elena! Gilbert, if you want to save my number.

Save number as:  Elena Gilbert 

Text to: Elena Gilbert                                                                                                                                                             Thank you for being kind.

I HAVE RETURNED TO THE SMALL HOUSE, my hands are still sweaty and my breath smells like stale kale.

If I am anything today, it is exhausted and I can't imagine doing anything else than taking a nap right now, on a bed, not on a chair.

I enter my room and see that my bed had already been made, a gaudy floral pattern seems to stare me down. Asking me to surrender to sleep.

I crawl under the covers and get into a fetus position, I cradle my knees in my arms and rock back and forth slowly, it's the only way I can sleep in a house anymore, especially when I'm alone.

I am young and excited, the face of a beautiful man graces my presence. I hold his hand and I dance, my white, lace dress flowing through the wind.

"Tomorrow, you will be officially mine. Forever." I laugh at him and I can feel the dimples in my cheeks pop out, I make a pirouette in his arms and I wish I could stay here forever. This place where nothing matters and everything floats.

The sound of a gunshot vibrates through the air, he looks in its direction, everything fades.

I awake with a loud gasp. I put my hand to my mouth in an attempt to keep the sound in, always careful of making too much noise, what if someone just now notices I am here?

My phone is ringing next to me, has I been ringing this whole time?  I don't remember, I can only hear the deafeningly loud sound of a gun. The number is unknown.

"Paloma Arends," I say into the microphone, my voice is stern as always.

Out comes the voice of a boy edging onto a man, timid. "Hey Lola this is Matt, we met earlier? Look Caroline gave me this number, could you keep her company tonight? I have something to take care of." I get up out of bed and stretch while Matt talks, the joints in my knees pop.

"Yeah sure, how is she?" Matt doesn't answer for a bit, contemplating the question.

"She was kind of weird this morning, but it's probably nothing." I hum into the phone while looking through my closet, ready to change into something. I check the time, it's seven p.m.

"Okay, I'll take a quick shower and they I'll leave."

"Thanks Lola, you're a saint."

"Hardly," I hang up the phone.

The fluorescent lights hurt my eyes, the white walls force me to remember things I'd so much rather forget. Caroline's room is easy to find, Caroline Forbes is the kind of person who radiates so fiercely that finding her is never a real search. You can feel her, hear her, smell her, before you ever lay eyes on her. The blonde girl is standing in the middle of the hospital room, she is staring into a mirror.

Before I can begin to talk Caroline screams. It's a scream of desperation, I recognize it and its so loud that I can feel my head banging. I run for her, obviously, and grab her by the shoulder, but she turns to meet my eyes so fast it frightens me and I loosen my grip. No human is this fast.

When Caroline is fully turned around she doesn't look like the happy, bubbly girl I know. There are grey veins pulsing underneath her eyes, her lips are covered in something red. Blood.

I get pushed against a wall, my head slams into the hard surface and it bounces off. Caroline is holding my neck so tightly, forcing my throat closed. I can't breathe.

"You can't tell anyone Lola, you can't!" Once again I know I don't have to listen to her, but when she looks into my eyes like that I feel my head opening up.

"I can't tell anyone."

"You'll do what is say?"

"I'll do what you say."

"Great, because I'm starving."

Caroline's sharp teeth sink into the tender skin of my neck. I can hear the skin rip and can feel all my nerves burning, screaming. It's a familiar sting. I don't let out a sound.

"The doctor said I'm good as new. He signed me out. He said that I didn't have to wait till morning, so call me when you get this." I am sat on the hospital bed. I don't remember much of the things that have happened. All I know is that I am holding a bandage around my neck, pressing it hard to stop the bleeding. Caroline throws me a scarf and I tie it on tight, I might just choke like this.

Caroline opens the curtains carefully and checks outside, "it's dark, thank god."

She turns to me "I'm so sorry about that Lolly. "

I don't know what to respond, I am just staring into nothingness. Into a void that I can't explain and I'm not sure I want to explain. Caroline talks but she doesn't have to, I understand.

"Okay, so what's the story?"

"I felt self conscious of my scar."

"Yes, good. Okay, so I'm gonna take off. I'm the committee chair for the carnival and I'm worried it's a complete disaster. I mean god bless Elena, she does not understand the word fabulous. Once again I'm so sorry about that and if you could just forget that I bit you that would be great, I'll see you at the carnival in a bit?"

My brows scrunch up, "forget about what?"

"I don't know how it works, but it's brilliant."

I can feel it poking through this veil, the memory. But I don't think I'm ready to know yet.

There are enough bright lights here to reach infinity. It reminds me of home, where there was always light and always sound and the parties never stopped. There was way too much cocaine in spotless bathrooms, sometimes I forgot that they had a different purpose, buckets of the most expensive champagne on the menu. "Put it on my tab" was often yelled by us, the rich kids who had never paid for anything in their life. The only time we'd see cash was in the hundred dollar bills we'd shove up our noses so the coke had the biggest reach.

This was different. I almost get a little dizzy when looking at these lights, when remembering all the shit I used to pull before. Before and After. Before my parents were murdered and after.

My eyes feel tired and the constant flashing really isn't helping me, I feel like I've been through hell and back, I just can't remember why.

I see Damon Salvatore first and for some reason the sight of him gives me comfort. He is standing next to a man whose face I can't quite make out.

"Paloma, you're here too." Damon says, that little one sided smirk on his face.

The two men are watching an arm-wrestling competition, a black haired boy and a blonde man are battling it out.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world Damon, I quite enjoy watching two hot guys arm wrestle. I didn't see you as the kind of guy for that, but to each their own." I smirk at him.

"Heh, funny. This is Stefan, my little brother. Stefan, Paloma, she likes Lola better, so please always call her Paloma." I flip the black haired man off and turn to Stefan instead.

He looks like someone I used to know. Like a far away memory. Like someone I met in a club once and we danced and it was good, but I never really saw him because of the bad lighting.

"Nice to meet you Paloma." He nods sweetly, he has beautiful eyes.

"You too Stefan."

The older man beats the raven haired boy, he looks excited, pumping his fists into the air.

"Okay, he's the champ. Who's next?" Damon puts his brother's hand into the air.

"Stefan wants to go!" The younger brother seems exasperated with these antics.

"Sure I'll give it a shot."

Lola laughs and Stefan notices. She has one of those laughs that rings through your ears, how she has dimples in her cheeks. Just like she used to have.

I start hollering for Stefan, supporting him. He smirks at me and it's a cute smirk.

"Get him Stef," Damon says and I notice how he looks at his little brother, fond.

However, it doesn't take too long before the other man beats Stefan, forcing his hand into the table.

"Ouch,"  I make a hissing sound with my tongue.

"Ugh, you didn't even put any effort in!" Damon says when his brother gets back to the pair, disappointed in his brother's strength.

"Stefan you tried, that's what counts. I'd love to stay here and hear you bicker, but there is a hot boy over there, craving my attention." I wave at the pair sarcastically and am almost tempted to make a reverence when leaving them, where did that come from all of a sudden?

The blonde man is beautiful and has been staring at me for way too long now, I won't be missing my shot. He reminds me of the celebrity kids in New York who decide that they don't want to live in their parents' shadow anymore, so they go off and smoke weed and surf all day long. On their parents' dime of course.

This man seems more real however, like he actually likes to surf.

"I'd love to try but I don't think I have a chance." I say, coyly looking at the table and then back at him. He smiles with all teeth, which are gorgeously white and straight.

"I'd love to see you try, I'm Mason Lockwood." The man puts out his hand and I take it, it's strong and big, still a little bit sweaty from his efforts. I can see how he won.

"Lola Arends, nice to meet you." Mason smirks at me, his lips look inviting, his tongue pokes out ever so slightly. He leans on the chair next to him.

"So, what is a girl like you doing in a town like this?" I realize that I must look a little out of place on this small scale carnival. I am wearing a soft pink tight skirt with matching scarf and heels, as always. A white dress shirt is tucked into the skirt and pearls decorate my ears.

"Oh I just moved in with my aunt. Sheriff Forbes?"

"You're Caroline's cousin! I think my nephew might have a thing for her."

"Who doesn't have a thing for Caroline Forbes?"

"I think I prefer her cousin," he says flirtingly, I giggle and I know it's fake, but I would really like someone to love me right now.

I spot Caroline out of the corner of my eye.

"Speaking of the devil, there you have her. I'll see you later?"

"I'd love to."

Caroline and Matt are at the ring toss, Matt has a big pink teddy-bear in his arms.

"Care bear!" I yell and run for my niece, I haven't seen her since I left hospital this morning.

Caroline hugs me back tight and weirdly I can feel her nose sniffing my scarf. I can feel her take a deep breath before she moves away from the hug.

"Mattie, Lola and I need to talk in private for a bit." My faces scrunches up in confusion and I raise an elegant eyebrow. Matt nods and kisses his girlfriend.

I follow Caroline into a mostly abandoned parking lot, I feel like a dog on a way too tight leash.

There is a man sitting on the ground, his nose is bleeding, he is leaning against one of the parked cars. I approach him slowly and carefully, I don't want to startle the poor guy.

"Hey, you okay?" I ask before I get thrown back against the hard ground. I land on my back and am desperately trying to get air into my lungs.

My eyes open again after the initial blow, I can see Caroline sitting on top of the man form earlier, she turns around and her mouth is covered in red.

"I'm so sorry Lols."

"What for?"

"This."

The scarf gets ripped from my neck and I feel it burn my skin. Then its that familiar sting of two fangs diving into my neck, but this time I scream. I can feel my life being sucked out of me and slowly start to lose consciousness. My eyes flutter shut with Caroline still on top of me.

I hear a man's voice when I come to, my head is spinning, I see fangs everywhere around me, dripping blood.

I think the voice might be Stefan's but I'm unsure.

Flesh invades my mouth, a coppery thick liquid streams down my throat.

"You'll be okay Lola."

I believe him this time. I force myself to let go and fall into the nothingness that scares me most.