The next couple days weren't the best ones. The day after I confronted Clay I didn't stream, causing me to lose my streak of streaming. I didn't want to again after that, but I knew that my fans would start to worry about me and I didn't want that.

However, my attempts were a failure. When I did stream, my usual excitement levels were at an all time low. The content I was predicting was boring, although my fans stayed. Some of them enjoyed my calm streams, while others wished for the old me to come back.

Slowly but surely, my friends began to notice my change in mood. Niki checked up on me more often then she used to. Tubbo and Ranboo tried to get me to join their streams as much as possible. Hell, even Wilbur and Tommy invited me to an improv stream that was originally supposed to just be them and Jack Manifold. 

The worst part of finding out that it was Clay who got me my success was that my work wasn't even my own. All the things I did to get my name popular within the Minecraft community wasn't any of my efforts, it was Clay's. It felt as if "Skylitdreamer" wasn't me, it was Clay.

It had been a total of 4 days since the confrontation. At this point, I knew that I needed to get over it. My view count was less than normal, my fans were disappointed with my content (even if they didn't specifically say so, I knew they were) I needed to be exciting and make good content, maybe even give them a youtube video, but I just couldn't.

I'm currently laying in my bed, considering wether or not I should stream today. That was until my thoughts got interrupted by a discord call.

It was Ranboo

I decide to answer it, he is my best friend after all

"Hey Ranboo" I say as I answer the call

"Sky! How are you?" He asks

"I'm alright, you?" 

"Good, good.."

Silence overcomes the call. I don't know why, but it hurt. 

I still have a crush on him.

Why the hell is my brain thinking that right now? That has legitimately nothing to do with the situation. But maybe that's why it hurts?

"Willow.."

Ah, real name, scary

"I know you're not okay" He continues 

I'm taken aback, how would he know?

"W-what makes you think that?" I question

"I've known you for more than a year, you're one of my best friends. I know you well enough to tell when you're not your normal self. Now what's up, you can tell me anything."

I sigh

"Heh, we really do know each other inside and out.."

He laughs slightly

"Y'know how you mentioned the other day about how Clay gave you my username?"

He hums in response 

"Well, I didn't know that. And when I found out, it hurt. I don't know, really. I shouldn't feel upset about it, but I do. Hell, I should be thankful that he suggested me since It gave me such a growth in the community but.." 

"But? What?" He urges

"But it feels like all of my work for success wasn't mine. That everything I've worked for, everything I've gotten, wasn't from me. It was from Clay. Like we're only friends because of Clay. I only got popular because of Clay. The name 'Skylitdreamer' is only known across the internet because of Clay"

I was starting to tear up as all my emotions were finally spewing out to someone other than myself

"You're wrong." He says sternly "It's your success. Yes, Dream suggested your channel, but I only collabed with you because I thought that you had really good humor and made good content. We only became friends because we mixed well, because we clicked. The name 'Skylitdreamer' is known across the internet because of your content. Does Dream make your streams or videos?"

"..No" 

"So you got popular, because you made the content. You made the jokes, and played the games, and recorded the videos. It wasn't Dream who got your fans, Willow, it was you"

My tears roll down my cheeks and I try my best not to sniff as to show that I was crying to Ranboo. Of course, that didn't work because he definitely heard me.

"Thank you, Jaxon. Legitimately. Thank you doesn't even begin to show my gratitude. You've helped me so much and without you my life would be so much worse. I care about you so fucking much, thank you." My gratitude spills out. I almost accidentally confessed my crush to him

"You do so much more for me, Will. I'm just giving back to what you give to me and it doesn't even amount to how much you've done. I promise you I care about you 10x more"

My heart swells at how sincere and genuine he sounded when he said that. Even if he didn't like me back, at least he cared about me

"It's still gonna hurt. I don't just magically feel better. But maybe I can start having a different view on the situation. Sorry about this, heh" I slightly laugh

"Yeah, I understand that. And don't think that your feelings aren't valid. I understand your standpoint on things and it's natural to feel that way" he reassures "No need to apologize"

"You're like a therapist or some shit" I laugh

He chuckles "I suppose so...Wanna stream together? We can record a video if you want"

"That sounds awesome"

——————————————————————

"SUP CHAT HOW ARE YOU FUCKERS DOING TODAY??" I yell as I start my stream 

I look over at chat that's saying "HI" "SHES BACK" and "SHES BACK TO NORMAL"

"Yes chat, I am back to my normal self. I felt like shit for a bit, but I'm gettin better now! Thanks for the support everyone" I chuckle

"I'm also here with Mr. Boo man! We're gonna record a video to make up for my shitty content recently"

My chat spammed "POG" and think along those lines

It felt good to be back

——————————————————————

Although it took me a couple days to fully be myself on stream, it was nice to have my viewers back. Of course I was still a little salty about Clay, but I tried my best to ignore it. Although, I secretly knew that it'd effect me again sometime in the near future.

I was playing some Minecraft bedwars on Hypixel since I was bored. Until I heard a knock on my door 

"Come in!" I yell, trying to kill the person on my screen but failing terribly

I look away from the screen after I die to see Dream, Sapnap, and George standing ominously in my room in front of the doorway with their phones in their hands.

"Whaaaaats goin on?" I ask with a confused face

Suddenly, at full volume I here "Ayo, Perish, this sh- hot, boy"

"Wait what why-" I stutter out, knowing what's coming next

"PEOPLE CHANGE LIKE THE TIDES IN THE OCEAN, AT LEAST I THINK OR AM I DEAD WRONG? FOOT ON THE BRAKE AT THE LIGHT I DON'T NOTICE I SIT AND WAIT TILL THE NEXT SONG" Their phones blast

"WHY IS IT FULL VOLUME-" I try to yell over the music

"20 HOURS IN AN OLD VAN. UP THE EAST COAST, THROUGH THE COLD WIND. DROVE 20 HOURS BY THE OCEAN. UP THE EAST, WHAT A ROAD TRIP."

They walk a little closer to me, grins in their faces. While I was petrified on what the hell they were doing. They were like little goblins and I wanted to punt them off a bridge.

"NOW THAT INTERSTATE IS PAVED WITH MEMORIES" Now it wasn't just their phones, but all of us screaming the chorus

"OF A PAST LIFE I LIVED WHEN I WAS 18. AND EVERY WINTER I THINK BACK TO WHAT WE USED TO BE. IN THAT PAST LIFE WE LIVED AT 18"

"I REMINISCE ABOUT A PAST LIFE-" I start singing but realize that the music was no longer playing and the boys were no longer singing 

We burst out in laughter

"WHY DID YOU STOP IT" I yell

"Because we have an announcement" George answers

Now I'm intrigued

"We are going in a Roadtrip!" Clay yells

"We're going through 9 states. Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Oregon, and Washington. Then in Washington, we'll catch a flight back to Flordia" Sap explains

"YOOOOO THAT SOUNDS EPIC!" I yell and all the boys smile

"Good, because it took a long ass time to plan" Clay says with a sigh

"It's gonna be 9 days, each day a new state. We'll look at some landmarks and stuff and then move to the next state the next day" George explains more

"Pog! Roadtrip, roadtrip, roadtrip" I start chanting, spinning in my chair

"Roadtrip, roadtrip, roadtrip" The boys join me

This is either gonna be really fun or really..interesting...

Words: 1478

Date: June 7th, 2021

(AN: another shorter chapter, but nonetheless i hope you enjoyed ! i know many of you didn't want angst and wanted the roadtrip, so here you go ! i'm actually going on a roadtrip pretty soon. i might take a break during the time where i'm going out of town ! but that's something for another time. take care of yourself, loves ! eat. drink. sleep. i'm very proud of you !! remember you are beautiful, smart, loved, and valid <33 bye my darlings !!)

future alex: i'm not longer on break btw lmao