You wanted angst? I give you angst.

(Also don't pay attention to the timing and how it should probably be July by now in the story, just go with it lmao)

June was almost over. Summer break always goes by so fast. Of course, I still had another month of it, but it was already half over. I enjoyed streaming everyday and growing more with my community and friends. It was nice to not have to cut my streams off early due to homework or studying, which quite frankly I barely even did. 

I was currently streaming on the Mcsmp with Ranboo and Tubbo. The Mcsmp wasn't really known for its impeccable lore like the Dreamsmp, but we did have small little plots here and there. That's what we were doing today.

There were also some more members added. Of course there were the original 10 people from the winter group, but we had some more. And currently, everyone was in the server. I pressed tab

Skylitdreamer

Ranboo

Tubbo_

Tommyinnit

Quackity

Captainpuffy

Ph1lza

Technoblade

Nihachu

Wilbur Soot

Georgenotfound

Dream

Sapnap

Jack Manifold

Snifferish

Awesamdude

Karl Jacobs

Hannahxxrose 

Justaminx 

LanuSky

Purpled

The_Eret

Ranboo, Tubbo, and I were sitting on a large bench that we made on top of the first house in the server, me and Ranboo's. It had an importance much like the discs to Tommy, but for me and Ranboo. And with importance came greediness. Those who wish for the sense of happiness to be taken from someone.

And in this case, those of which were Quackity, Niki, Clay, Sam, Tommy, Sapnap, Minx, Lani, George, and Hannah. Half of the server against us. Of course, we had one more person on our side, but it surely wasn't enough against the powerful people on the enemy's side. 

The war was fought. A war that didn't need to happen, quite honestly. They wanted power. Dream promised them that if they destroyed our silly little beds, that they'd have power. Did they not understand that it's not the objects that have importance, it's the memories the objects bring.

So when they broke the beds it hurt, yes, however that didn't mean that we would suddenly loose power. The nonexistent power at that.

But the lore was over already. We ended our streams off with use staring at the setting sun. 

"Well, I'd say it was a good stream" I say as I crack my knuckles

"I hope the viewers enjoyed it" Ranboo adds on

"Eh, even if they didn't, we enjoyed it. That's a really good script you made, Willow" Tubbo compliments

"Thanks! I've always really like writing and stuff so it's cool to write my own script"

"Aren't you doing it on the Dreamsmp as well?" Ranboo asks

"Yep! But it's nice to do it on my own server as well" 

He hums in response and we stare at the virtual sky that is slowly being sparkled with white stars

"I'm really glad that Dream recommended I watch you, Willow" Ranboo says  out of the blue

Wait, what?

"Huh? What're you talking about?" 

"You didn't know? The way I found your channel was from Dream giving me your username. I asked for a small streamer and he gave me you" He explains like it was obvious

So what he's saying is..I didn't earn all of my success on my own..

"O-oh..I didn't know that.." I respond trying not to sound upset 

"Well, I guess now you know" 

"I think I'm gonna go now" I disconnect from the server "Cya guys"

I leave the call before I can even hear their goodbyes

I really thought that I earned that on my own. That Ranboo found my channel randomly. Not with my brother's help. I told Clay specifically that I wanted to earn this on my own and he went off and told one of the biggest streamers my fucking username to collab with me.

Should I even confront him?

Of course I should.

I slowly get up and make my way to his room. Was I pissed? Yes. But was that the only emotion I was feeling? Hell no. I was upset, I was confused. Most importantly, I was disappointed. Not particularly in Clay, but in myself. This meant that I didn't earn this on my own, that I didn't get my success for myself, I got it from Clay.

The entire reason I didn't wanna stream in the first place. The entire reason why I let him have the spotlight. He would always have the success, wether I knew that or not. Which I suppose, I always really did.

My hand slowly rises to his door to knock. My originally plan to confront him was to be mad, but after my overthinking, I feel that it'll be more of asking "why?" then being mad

"Come in!" Clay yells from the other side of the door after hearing my knocking

I grab the doorknob and twist it slowly but surely. This was it. The bad thing that would go wrong after all the glory.

"Hey Clay.." I say vaguely 

"What's up?" He asks, not realizing the sadness in my voice

"I had a bit of a...question I suppose"

"Ok, what is it?" He turns around from his gaming chair to give me his full attention

"Do-" I pause, scared to confront him "Do you remember when I first got the dm from Ranboo when he asked to collab?"

"Yeah?" He responds, questioning for me to continue

"I was so proud of myself. I thought that all my hard work had finally payed off. That I had done something successful.." I don't look him in the eyes out of fear 

"Go on?" He urges

"..So why?" 

Our eyes finally meet, sadness in mine and realization in his

"Why would you let me lie to myself?" I continue

"Willow, I- you still gained success on your own" He tries to change my mind, but fails

"No, I didn't. I only got a lot of popularity because of Ranboo. And only got Ranboo, because of you. It all leads back to you. It always has. Mr. Success is what you've always been, I should've guessed that's what you'd always be"

My eyes were glossy as we stared at each other. I felt betrayed, and worthless, and insignificant. And quite honestly, that's what I was.

"He wouldn't have collabed with you if he didn't enjoy your videos?" His defense sounded more like a question than a statement

"Is that a question? Or a promise?" Sass drips in my voice

No response. He knew that he fucked up. He probably that I was pissed at him. Which, yes I was, but I was more pissed with myself. That I hadn't tried hard enough to gain my own success.

"Willow, I'm sorry. He asked for a small streamer and I thought you'd be really happy and I-"

"It's fine, Clay."

Lie

"I'm fine, don't worry."

Lie

"Are you sure?" He asks

"100%" I answer sternly 

Lie

tw/////// self hatred, rude words to herself, overall just being super disappointed in their self :/ will have a summary at the end if you don't wanna read it !!

I abruptly get up and leave, the tears already starting to spill from my eyes. After most of our disagreements, we'd hug. But I didn't want a hug. I just wanted to be left alone to cry, quite honestly. 

Really, the only reason I cut him off was because I felt like I was overreacting. My head was screaming at me once again as I plopped onto my bed and let the tears flow

You're overreacting

Why are you mad?

You should be grateful that he recommended you 

He could've said any username but he chose you

You got success, that's what you wanted, right?

Yes, I wanted success, but I wanted it to come from myself.

You're so selfish.

He's done so much for you and you're mad at him for helping you.

What is wrong with you??

I need to stop with these negative thoughts.

Grabbing my phone, I opened Twitter. Surely scrolling through it would get my mind off everything. However, my timeline wasn't very exciting at the moment.

Maybe I could look at some dms? I get a lot of messages from my supporters, that'll lift my mood

end of tw **BUT IT RETURNS ONE AGAIN WHEN YOU SEE THE USERNAME "I_STAN_DREAMWASTAKEN" SO BE SAFE PLS !!**

Twitter dms:

GriffinPufftheGamer

hey sky !! i rlly like you're content and think you're very pogchamp :] proud of you *hugs from uncle griffin*

Skylitdreamer

omfg this rlly made my day, tysm uncle griffin *hugs from lil ol' sky*

——————————————————

Itsave_

heyyyyy, just wanted to say that you're very epic and poggers and you really help me thru a lot of stuff so tyyy <3 

i hope you have a good day and stuff

so yeah

lmao i'm so bad at this

Skylitdreamer

yooooo tysm, you're v epic too B] my fans help me through a lot just as much as i hell them, probably even more lmaooo, have a good day !!

**help

lmao

——————————————————

bobbywastakenandfound

yo! ur like one of my favorite streamers and i wanted to say thx even tho you'll never see it lmaoooo

anyways, have a good day, cya

Skylitdreamer

well, i saw it !! lmao

hope you have a good day as well, stay safe <33

——————————————————

i_stan_dreamwastaken

honestly, you're only a popular steamer bc of ur brother

ur content isn't even that good lmao

it's all just dream doing it, hate to break it to u

Skylitdreamer

thanks for telling me the obvious <3 have a good day ! /gen

——————————————————

They're right. They're all right. All my haters, even some of my fans. They've told me time and time again about how I'm popular due to clout. They aren't lying. Honestly, all my friends only watch me because I stream with famous people all the time.

Do I even have any real fans..?

Words: 1591

Date: June 4th, 2021

(AN: You bitches wanted angst, I give you angst. tbh, it's not rlly good angst tho :/ sorry for that, but i needed to do the ark eventually. i promise that my angst in the future will be better, sorry !! anyways, i hope you enjoyed it. not the best i've done, but i suppose it's not the worst. probably not cry worthy, but none of my book is cry worthy to me but it's also bc i don't cry to a lot of stuff. enough about me ! remember to eat, drink, sleep, take care of yourself bc you're fucking valid !! you are beautiful, smart, loved, and valid <33333 bye my darlings !!)