tw////// a of lot self hate and cursing/some crying

I sat in my bed, like a lifeless body. I had just taken a shower, and Niki was now taking one in a shared bathroom. My pillow was soaking up the drips of water. However, it wasn't just my wet hair that was dampening it, but also my tears.

They flowed down my face and into the soft fabric of the pillow that wasn't even my own, doing to it being a bnb. This would be the last night I'd be using it, anyways.

You dumb fucking bitch.

Why the hell didn't you tell him?

You could have kissed him, taken a chance. You would've felt like you were in Heaven. Then when you separated you would tell him. You would've been more than just friends with him, your deepest desires and dreams come true. But no, you were too much of a pussy.

Half off my brain screamed at me

No, you did the right thing.

You should never tell him.

You would have kissed him, taken the wrong chance. You would've felt like you were in Heaven, yes, but at what cost? When you separated he would realize it was all a mistake. He would get as far away as possible from you and then ghost you. You don't deserve him anyways. 

I sobbed more as my mind went to war. Battling at what situation would have occurred if I just leaned in. Either way, no positive thoughts were thrown at me. I ruined it. Completely ruined it. I ruined the moment, ruined our friendship, ruined everything.

Now even if he did like me, he'd guess that I didn't like him since I turned away. So he'd get over me. And I'd just have to get over him. I can't ghost him, surely, but it might be best?

I tried to keep the loudness of my crying to a minimum. I sat up and brought my head to my news, sobbing quietly. That was until I hear the bathroom door open. I shoot my head up seeing Niki

"H- Oh my gosh, Willow, why are you crying??" She says as she rushes over and puts an arm around me

"Niki, I ruined it. I ruined every chance of me getting with Jaxon." I cried, burying my head deeper into my knees

"Oh Willow, what happened? Surely he didn't reject you?" She asks

"No. But I turned away. I was too much of a fucking pussy to break the distance between us and kiss him. Our lips were practically touching, Niki. But I turned away in nervousness. Now, even if he does like me which probably isn't even true, he won't anymore" I explain 

"Why wouldn't he like you?"

"Because now he probably thinks I don't like him. Or that I was disgusted or something. So now he won't talk to me as much anymore. He won't do random flirts or winks at me. We won't randomly stare at each other for what feels like h-hours anymore" I sob once more

She strokes my hair and shushes me "It's ok, Low. Trust me, he's not gonna do that. You're gonna have the same connection as before. He's probably in his room talking to Tubbo or Wilbur right now doing the same as you right now"

"I don't know Niki.."

"Look at me, Willow"

I slowly look up at her, tears in my eyes and rolling down my checks

"He likes you so much. He's not gonna give you up just because you two didn't kiss. Sometimes, relationships take time and this one is gonna be one of those. Tell him when you feel comfortable, and if that means that he tells you first, then go with it" She reassures with a soft smile

"Thanks, Niki" I say solemnly 

I went to bed that night rethinking the night over and over. Creating different scenarios, both good and bad, in my head until I finally fell asleep. Tomorrow was gonna be a fucking rough day for sure.

This is the ultimate showdown, of ultimate destiny. Good guys, bad guys, and explosions, as far as the eye can see-

My alarm blares to the sound of Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny by Lemon Demon. I shut it off and realize why my alarm was awakening me instead of Niki or my own body.

They're leaving today.

My face turns into a frown as I realize the sad truth that my best friends would be going back to their own homes.

I look over at Niki, I was supposed to wake her up but I didn't want to just yet. I decided that I'd get dressed first then wake her up. I grabbed an outfit from my suitcase and went to the bathroom to change.

"Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry" I whisper to myself, trying to promise that I won't cry when they leave

I go back out to my suitcase, looking at my jewelry. I had taken off my white half of the yin and tang necklace Ranboo gave me and I wanted to put it back on so I clip it around my neck. Him leaving was gonna hit the hardest for me, most likely. I look down at our shared ring. 

At least I'll have a part of him..

Walking over to Niki's bed, I wake her by shaking her gently

"Niki, today's the day" I say grimly

"Already?" She says as she groggily wakes up

"Unfortunately, yes" A sad smile cover my face

"I'm already dressed, going eat breakfast" I walk towards the door

"Alright, sounds good, I'll see you down there in a bit"

I close the door behind me and walk over to the kitchen. Everyone but Nick, Tommy, and Wilbur were awake. They all look at me as I walk in

"Heyyyy Willow" Tubbo says sadly, knowing damn well I'm already in the verge of tears

"God damnit I'm gonna miss you losers" I say as I look across all the faces and a sad smile

Tubbo gives me a hug "We're gonna miss you too, idiot"

Ranboo joins in on the hug again "This is gonna suck, doofus"

Soon enough everyone was in a big group hug

"What the hell? We're not even leaving yet? Why big group hug time?" Sapnap asks groggily form the stairs

"Shut up and join" I say from the middle of the crowd of people

I hear him sigh, but eventually he joins

After the group hug, which really just including me hugging Tubbo and Ranboo and everyone hugging them and each other, we disbanded.

"Good morning, what did I miss?" Niki says as she walks in

"Emotional group hug" I say as I grab a pancake made by Clay

"Oh come on, the one time I sleep later than you" She complains

We were all eating, including the ones that were still sleeping before the group hug

"Alright everyone" Clay begins, sadly "It's around 11:30 and the flights at 2. The airport is like a hour away so we should probably get goin. Pack the stuff you need to and meet up in the living room by 12" 

Everyone lets out a sad sigh and goes off towards their rooms as me and Niki go to ours

"I already packed everything, do you need help?" She offers

"I don't have much, I should be fine" I say, sadness still dripping in my voice

"I'm really going to miss you, Willow" 

"Same here, Niki. This is gonna hurt like an ass" 

We embrace each other for a long, warm hug. I was really gonna miss this.

"Alright, we can't hug forever unfortunately, get to packing" She says with a small laugh

"Ma'am yes ma'am" 

I packed the few stuff I had left. Double checking to make sure I didn't leave anything. We made our way to the living room with our bags and suitcases.

Phil, Ranboo, Tubbo, and Tommy were the only ones in the living room. I plopped down in the couch in between Ranboo and Tubbo

I just sit and don't say anything, biting my bottom lip to not cry

"You're trying not to cry, aren't you?" Ranboo asks playfully

I look up at him and smile "Don't act like you aren't either"

"Touchè" He responds

"I think all of us are on the verge of tears" Tubbo says and I look over to see his glossy eyes

"We're all emotional bitches" I say, earning a small but sad laugh from everyone in the room

"Not me" Tommy says with a crack in his voice

"That voice crack tells a different story" Ranboo says

"Oh shut up, I guess I might miss some of you" He says as he looks away

Soon enough, everyone makes their way to the living room. Tubbo was right, all of us were filled with glossy eyes and sad smiles. For a bit we all just kinda stood in a circle and looked at each other grimly

I decided to break the silence "Group hug 2.0?"

The first one to run to me was Ranboo, then Niki, then Wilbur, and eventually everyone was hugging each other. Sniffles we're heard throughout the group. We were really gonna miss each other.

I'd stay we stayed for a solid 3 minutes until Clay said we needed to go or we'd be late which Tubbo proceeded to say would be a good thing.

I volunteered to be the one to sit in the trunk this time, which Tubbo proceeded to join me. In the end, all the minors were sitting in the trunk of the car being driven by Clay. In the car was him, Tehcno, Wilbur and Niki. And us in the trunk of course.

Was this safe? 

No

Was this legal?

Probably not

Did we care?

We gave zero fucks

(FUTURE ALEX HERE: I MIGHT CRY IM SO SAD WHY IS THIS CHAPTER SO SAD WHY DID I MAKE IT SO SAD AAAAAAAA-)

The ride was certainly chaotic. Although being in the trunk, Tommy connected his phone to the car to play music and we were currently listening to the Able Sisters on full volume

"I SWEAR TO GOD TOMMY IF YOU DO NOT TURN IT DOWN I GET DREAM TO CANONICALLY REVIVE HENRY JUST SO I CAN KILL HIM AGAIN" Techno yells

We all slowly looked at Tommy and tried not to laugh at his absolutely terrified face. He did as he was told, pausing the Able Sisters all together and throwing the phone at Tubbo.

"Getting bored of walls 2-" The car speakers played, at a lower volume

We all looked at the rear view mirror to see Techno's reaction, which was nonexistent

For the rest of the ride we listened to random songs, made jokes, and most importantly tried not to cry the entire time.

Until, sadly, we made it to the airport. Everyone, but me, grabbed their suitcases and bags. We asked into the airport, meeting up with the other car of people. 

It went by very quickly. Everything from the trip in a whole, to the activities, to getting on the plane. The first batch of people were leaving.

Phil, Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, and Niki

Phil gave me a brief but strong hug "Stay safe, kiddo"

"You too, Phil. Tell Kristen I said hi!"

Tommy, surprisingly, also gave me a hug "Stupid American woman making me sad to leave"

"Stupid British boy"

"Well? Are you going to say anymore?" He asks confused

"Nope" I said with a smile, but we could both tell I was super sad he was leaving

Wilbur gave me a long hug and even picked me up off my feet 

"Jesus, Wilbur!" I yelled slightly, laughing

"I'm gonna miss you, Sky" He says as he puts me down

"I'll miss you too, Wilbur Soot"

Me and Tubbo hug each other really tight "Adios, Ms. Bee"

"Adios, Mr. Bee" I see our nickname back

And finally, Niki. We embrace each other tightly

"Thanks for a great time, Willow"

"Of course Niki, I'll miss you" 

She wipes away some tears and off they slowly go. It was sad watching them walk away, but I suppose they couldn't stay forever.

That left Techno and Jaxon, the only 2 from America that were visiting. Their flights were to be soon after so we were just waiting for them to be called. We all sat down, me between Techno and Jax.

"I'm really gonna miss you y'know" I say out of the blue

"Which one?" Jaxon asks with a laugh

I force out a laugh "Both if you" It was targeted towards Jaxon, but I let it slide

"Eh, don't worry about it. We'll still vc and play Minecraft all the time" Techno says in a chill tone

"I know it just-"

"It won't be the same" Jax finishes my sentence

"Heh, yeah.." I was really sad

"Flight 72" The announcer called

I looked over sadly at Jaxon, knowing that the flight number called was his

He sighs "I guess we gotta go now.."

"Yeah, I guess so..." 

There was so much I wanted to say. Most of which being 'I like you!' 'I wanted to kiss, I'm sorry!' and things along those lines, but I knew I couldn't

"Say your goodbyes. And if there's anything you can only say in person say it nowwww" Sapnap said, obviously hinting at something

I think Techno got the hint because our goodbye was short. 

He gave me a small hug and said "Young padawan, we shall reunite again"

"See you then, master Techno" I giggled, but it was not sincere

And back up to Jaxon's stupid beautiful eyes I go

Before he can even say anything, I run into him with a hug. I hugged as strong as I possibly could, never wanting to let him go. He hugged me back with the same amount of force, maybe more.

The tears I had been keeping in flowed out all at once and seeped into his Philza merch hoodie. I wanted to stay forever. I wanted to tell him. I wanted so many things, but I suppose that you don't always get what you want, right?

"Willow, I...." He begins, looking me in the eye but keeping the hug that wasn't as strong but still enough to keep me in his grip

What is he going to say? Is he going to tell me something? Why's he waiting so long?

"I'll miss you..." He finishes

Oh.

"I-.....I'll miss you too...Jaxon" I say with a sad smile. The rest of the time when I had sad smiled, there was some form of happiness there, but this one was pure sadness.

I embrace him once more before he has to walk of

He waves as he slowly walks backwards

I wave back and hold the white half of the yin and yang that he was also wearing

As I look back at the 3 boys I lived with, I saw that they all had the same look

"C'mere, Will" Clay says, gesturing for me to hug him

I run into his arms, crying again

—————————————————————

(IM SO INCREDIBLY SAD WTF. THIS IS MY OWN FANFIC AND IM SO SAD. IM NOT CRYING /SRS BUT I KIGHT AS WELL ME)

Dream/Clay POV

I drove through the rain from the airport back to our house. I knew Willow was hurting. I knew she really liked Ranboo, but I also knew how anxious both of them got. I wanted to do the best I would to comfort her

"You're gonna see him again, y'know" Sap says

"All of them" I correct, trying to get him not to bring the conversation to Ranboo

"Yeah, I know.." She drifts off. I could tell she was deep in thought

Welp, I suppose we could talk about Ranboo "You're gonna be able to tell him, Willow"

"But I ruined it, Clay. Completely ruined it. Next time we see each other he'll probably be over his little crush on me, if he even has one in the first place"

"Willow, you have the whole summer break. He could potentially come visit again within the next 2 months and then you can tell him" Sapnap reassures 

"But should I? Maybe I should just let our crushes fizzle out.."

"We all know that's not gonna happen" George pipes in

"Touchè" She responds

"Look, Willow, if you care about him and like him enough then you need to tell him. People leave before you know it. If you don't tell them fast enough, he'll disappear" He explains

I knew exactly what he was talking about. It was from experience

"George, are you sure?" Sapnap says quietly

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure.."

"Sure? About what?" Willow asks, confused

"I never told you about this, but I had a girlfriend. We were super close, so deep in love. It was like a cliche love story. Hell, we even said that we would be the next fairytale. That people would see our love and make a whole damn story out of it." He begins explaining

"Who was it?" She asks

"Her name was Odette. We met in Uni and even moved in with each other. However, after I became more focused on streaming. I didn't notice how much I ignored her and neglected her and eventually she grew tired and left. I didn't tell her how much I cared for her.." He goes on

"Oh my gosh George I didn't know that happened between you and Odette, y'all are so happy now.." She says, shocked 

(AN: The character of Odette and her backstory is used from ihaveajuicebox 's story, Try Again. I recommend it!!)

Willow POV

"Tell him before you lose him, Willow." He says sternly

"Next time I see him, I promise to tell him, George." I promise

*Time skip brought to you by Mcc on the 29th*

I plopped down in my bed from the small roadtrip and for the meetup in general. I was really going to miss them, but at least my fans get content and I can get back to streaming everyday. It was summer, after all

But what the hell did I promise to George...

Words: 2933

Date: May 23rd, 2021

(AN: The amount of genocides that are about to be committed now that they haven't kissed and the meetup is over... I PROMISE I HAVE A PLAN OK- Also! The next chapters are gonna be some pog filler chapters :D How many of you cried? Lemme know lol. Also! Only 2 more days left of school, and then summer break! THAT MEANS MORE UPDATES, BABY!!!! Super excited to give you guys more content over the break! Remember you are beautiful, smart, loved, and valid <33 Eat, drink, sleep, take care of yourselves!! That's a threat >:) Bye my darlings!!)

After the AN it is now 3000 words >:]

future alex:

i fucking hate it here wtf

y'all are gonna simultaneously love and hate me when they finally kiss