*Feels*

Castiel had watched over the Winchester boys since the day Dean was born. It was his mission, after all. His sole purpose was to protect these boys-

Well, Dean to be specific.

But as soon as Dean became a big brother, Castiel knew that Sam had to be protected just as much. Sammy meant everything to Dean, and Dean meant everything to Castiel.

The hardest thing about Castiel's job was the one rule he had been given.

He was not to interfere with the Winchester's lives. What will be, will be. Castiel was to observe Dean Winchester until he was given further instructions from another angel.

That was all. 

But as Castiel watched Dean Winchester's life unfold, his job went from being easy to very, very difficult.

When Mary Winchester died, Castiel cried and longed to venture down to Earth, just for a second, to give Dean the hug he so badly needed.

Watching Dean being brought into the hunting life felt like a stab to the angel. He had seen what hunting did to other people, and Castiel hadn't wanted that life for Dean at all.

Then there was the fatal day that everyone in heaven remembered.

Dean Winchester was ten years old, and he had made a mistake. 

And his father hit him for it.

Castiel had lost it, screaming and swearing and demanding that he be let down to Earth to rip John Winchester to shreds. His rampage was never forgotten by the other angels, and that marked the moment where they all realized how much Castiel truly loved the Winchester boy.

John Winchester had struck his child, but it wouldn't be the last time. Every time he was mad, or Dean did something he considered wrong or disappointing- Dean had to pay the price.

And Castiel was forced to sit back and watch it, unable to do anything other then swear revenge and scream, and cry. He cried, cried for the boy he loved, but couldn't help.

Heaven became more of a hell while watching Dean in pain.

But no matter how bad John hit him, Dean always went to the same person to patch him up and make him feel okay again. Bobby Singer.

Bobby Singer, in Castiel's opinion, was more of an angel then half of the ones in heaven. He was the one who would reassure Dean that it was okay, that he'd make the pain go away- that Sam would never know just how awful their father really was.

And when Dean was fifteen, Bobby Singer became the human that Castiel was most grateful for.

When Dean was fifteen, he had a crush. Castiel wasn't surprised, for Dean always had crushes. But this crush was on a boy, which was something Dean had never had before.

The elder Winchester boy had realized that he was not straight, but rather, bisexual. The change didn't make a difference to Castiel- he adored watching Dean get flustered by the cute boy. But it made Dean nervous. Made him afraid of what his father might do.

It slipped out of Dean's mouth one day. He accidentally slipped up, and told John that he liked a boy. John's reaction was so harsh that Castiel thought he might be sick, despite not having the actual ability to be sick. 

The night after, Dean stood shakily in Bobby's bathroom, his physical wounds patched up by the old hunter. But the realization that his father hated him for something he couldn't control- that left a gaping hole in Dean's heart. Castiel longed to fill it, but he knew he couldn't. Not yet.

So Castiel watched, curious and ignorant, as Dean Winchester stared at himself in the mirror, contemplating something that made Castiel hesitate.

John Winchester would never accept the fact that Dean liked boys. They all knew that. But Dean had looked up to his father his whole life; he was one of the only role models Dean had.

And to be called out as wrong, as a disgrace and a disappointment- to be utterly shunned by the person who's opinion you valued most?

Dean couldn't handle that. 

He picked up a pen and a crumpled piece of paper, writing something on it as he started to cry slightly. Red flags went up instantly in Castiel's mind and his eyes widened.

No. Dean couldn't. He wouldn't.....Would he?

But as Dean set down the pen and took a small knife out of his pocket, Castiel knew exactly what he was about to do.

"NO!" The angel screamed, yelling over and over again like his life depended on it. He begged- begged for someone to let him go to Earth, for someone to let him save Dean, to show him that there was another way, but no one listened to his pleas.

It was not time for Castiel to interfere yet.

And so Castiel was forced to watch, sobbing, as Dean Winchester, with tears in his eyes, slit his wrist.

But just as Dean was about to turn the knife on his other arm, a knock sounded on the bathroom door.

"Dean?" Bobby's rough voice asked. "You alright in there?" Dean paused, breathing heavily, blood dripping off his arm, the red drops landing in the sink and on the floor.

Dean didn't reply. Instead, he viciously dug the knife into his other arm, intent on finishing the job he had started. But he dug to deep, and let out a small cry of pain.

"Dean?" Bobby's voice demanded, suddenly worried. Dean started to cry harder, the knife slipping out of his bloodstained hands and clattering to the floor. Bobby tried the door, but found it locked, of course.

Dean hadn't wanted anyone to walk in and find him before it was done- especially not Sam.

"DEAN!" Bobby's concerned voice yelled out, banging on the door. Dean barely heard him as he sank to the floor, quietly crying as blood seeped across the floor.

Castiel was screaming up in heaven. Screaming and crying, for that was all he could do.

A loud bang shot through the air, and the lock to the bathroom door blew out. Bobby Singer stormed in, dropping the gun he had pulled as he took in the sight before him.

"Oh hell." Bobby swore, dropping beside Dean's crying figure. 

"Leave it." Dean cried out, yanking away as Bobby reached for his arm. "Just let me die, Bobby."

"Everybody's gotta die, boy, but you ain't dying here." Bobby declared. Dean cried harder.

"I've.....I've got nothing but pain here." He insisted. Bobby resisted the urge to slap the teenager across the face. Instead, he wrapped towels around Dean's arms, hoping to slow the bleeding.

"You listen here, boy, and you listen good." He ordered. Dean glanced up at him helplessly, but he listened as Bobby went on.

Castiel listened too, still crying.

"I know your life ain't easy." Bobby declared. "And I know, this life sucks and your dad... well, he's a pile of scum sometimes. But you just gotta get through that, you hear? You gotta toughen up, and get through it. If not for yourself- then do it for your brother." Bobby shook his head. "How do you think he would've felt if he'd walked in here, and found you dead?"

Dean took a shaky breath, thinking about it.

"I know your dad thinks somethings wrong with you, but don't listen to him." Bobby ordered. "There's nothing wrong with you at all, son. Hell, you're probably one of the bravest damn kids I've seen in my whole life. And seeing you like this....." He shook his head. "Well, that just breaks my heart. People other then your dad live in this world, Dean, and they care about you. I care about you. Sam cares about you- and if anything were to happen to you, it would rip us apart. I need you to stay strong, Dean. I need to know that this won't happen again, because if it does, and I ain't there to save you....... It'd kill me." Dean's tears stopped, and Bobby grabbed a first aid kit out of the cabinet, ready to patch him up all over again.

"Bobby," Dean said shakily. ".....Thank you."

"You don't ever have to thank me, kid." Bobby insisted. 

"Please....Don't tell Sammy about this."

".....I won't." Bobby promised, slightly surprised.

Dean never hurt himself after that day, and Castiel never forgot what Bobby Singer had done.

That was why, years later, as Dean Winchester stepped into the other room to call his brother, and Castiel was left alone with Bobby Singer for the first time,

Castiel hugged him, hugged Bobby like he was a long lost brother.

"What's this for?" The scruffy hunter demanded.

"For saving Dean when I couldn't." He whispered.