It was different this time.

How could it not be?

Michael was locked up in Dean's mind, trapped, but who knew how long Dean could hold him there. And if Michael broke free and took over Dean again, there was only one way things would end. The world would be destroyed. That knowledge had to take a toll on you.

Cas was no better. Living in the uncertainty, never knowing when the Empty would come for him. It was torturous, never knowing what day might be his last. Never knowing what glimpse would be the last time he ever saw his family.

But despite everything that scared Dean and Cas, everything that was so unknown about the future, they found a way to move on. They had to, for Sam and Jack's sake. For the sake of each other, if no one else.

Things went back to normal as much as they could. Sam and Dean went on hunts, they spent time teaching Jack new things, talking with the other hunters.

But some things changed. Some things, it was just impossible to act like everything was normal during.

Dean and Cas's relationship was one of those things. It was eating away at them, keeping such big secrets from each other. Dean knew how it would all end with Michael- total annihilation, or something worse in Cas's eyes. Cas knew he had sold his life away- he just didn't know how much time he had left.

Dean didn't sleep anymore. He found it unnecessary. It was during sleep he was most vulnerable; it was then that he most suspected Michael would try to lunge for control of Dean's body once again. So Dean didn't sleep. The power of the archangel trapped inside him kept him from needing it anyways.

Cas never slept. Angels didn't have to. But now he found himself spending long hours with Dean during the night, while Sam and Jack slept. 

At first they just talked. Talked about everything. Repaired the relationship that had so many holes, fixed each other's invisible wounds, and reassured each other that nothing could come between them.

That they still loved each other.

And they did. More then ever. They just didn't show it as much. Things had been so good between the angel and the hunter until Cas had let Lucifer out of the cage. 

They had tried to go back to normal after that, but things never calmed down enough for Dean and Cas to get a moment alone. A moment to show each other just how much they loved each other.

And then Michael had possessed Dean. But then Dean had come back, Michael mysteriously gone.

Cas didn't tell anyone about how much the Winchester had cried afterwards. How much pain he felt, how badly he regretted allowing Michael to take control. Cas had just listened and held the hunter, figuring it was all he needed to do.

It hurt his heart to kiss the Winchester when there were tears streaming down their faces.

But this time it was different. It was something they had to do.

It was night, and Sam and Jack were fast asleep in the bunker. Dean and Cas, as usual, remained awake.

And instead of talking, they remained quiet as Dean pressed a kiss to the angel's lips, and Cas kissed him back.

They moved slowly, lips locked, fingers trailing down, unbuttoning shirts, peeling off layers of jackets.  

Because it was different this time. Both of them were hiding something, but neither wanted to hurt the other, so they didn't dare to share.

Their hands moved slowly over each other as Dean pressed Cas down onto the bed. But while their bodies moved slow, their lips worked fast. 

The kisses were more then just passionate. They were longing, needed, like a breath of fresh air after you've been underwater for too long. They kissed like there was no tomorrow because, well, they weren't sure if there would be one. 

Shirts off, Dean's hands traveled more downward, sneaking under the waistband of Cas's pants. The angel's breaths shook, but he didn't say a word, inching his fingers down towards Dean's waist.

Their lips never ventured elsewhere. They just kissed, passionately because there was no other way. Everything they couldn't speak was said, kiss by kiss.

I'm not going to lose you.

I love you.

I'm going to die.

There's nothing you can do.

I don't want to leave you.

I need you.

Desire seemed to fade from their minds as hands stopped wandering. It was a conversation now, two lips locked with each other, saying everything the people didn't dare to. Cas had Dean's face cupped in his hands, shaking slightly as he kissed Dean harder then he ever had. 

Dean's arms wrapped around the angel, his eyes glossy as he kissed Cas back just as hard.

And they held it there, until they finally broke apart for air.

They never had to tell each other that something was wrong. 

It was just different this time.

And while Dean and Cas didn't know the exact details of what their loved one had done, they knew what the outcome would be.

And so they kissed. They let their hands roam each other for as long as they wanted, because neither of them knew when they wouldn't have each other anymore.

Neither of them knew which kiss would be their last, so they had to make every single one count.

It was just different this time.