This is a long chapter, but it is worth reading it.
TW- rape/sexual assault, miscarriage
Derek wasn't sure what was going on in her mind while he was staring at Meredith. He had been stressing about how she was feeling after the whole hospital now knowing that she's pregnant. He knew she went home shortly after the reveal and he had been stuck at the hospital on a 24-hour shift. Meredith had paged him to an on call room the next morning and now she had just entered and was staring at Derek. She had no emotion on her face so Derek didn't know how this was going to go. He had just got her back and just hoped that it wasn't going to be the downfall of them again. But yet again, he had broke her trust, unintentionally, but he didn't know if she would see it like that.
FLASHBACK
Okay so did that just happen? Meredith thought, as she was walking back to the patients room. I guess everyone now knows I'm pregnant. Though surprising to her, Meredith wasn't mad. She was actually happy that she didn't have to announce it herself, the whole idea of saying she was pregnant to her hospital family made her feel uncomfortable. Like congrats, you had sex enough to create a baby. It just seems so embarrassing, especially with the fact that her and Derek weren't really together and not traditionally married before having a child. But she didn't really care what people thought, she was finally happy and both her and Derek were overjoyed with the prospect of having a child in around seven months time. She didn't need the opinions of everyone else, which is partly why she didn't want people to find out yet. But there was another reason why she didn't want people to find out. Even Derek didn't know the real reason, and she needed to tell him. But Meredith also liked the idea of letting him stress a bit, worrying about how she was feeling, so she decided to just stay at home all night, knowing that he was still at the hospital. Some may see it as a spiteful thing to do but she knew once Derek found out she had been pretending to be angry, he would find it funny. Eventually. So that's what she did, she got home had a relaxing bath and then had a full ten hours sleep before heading to the hospital again the next morning, 2 hours before her shift started at 12pm. She didn't know how long this overdue conversation would take, and she knew she couldn't leave it half way through. She paged Derek to an on-call room and made her way there.
END OF FLASHBACK

Meredith was surprised to walk into the on call room with Derek already sitting on the bed, looking stressed out of his mind. Maybe she should have texted him or something, Meredith thought, now suddenly feeling bad about letting his thoughts stew overnight. Maybe it was her own emotions or the ones induced by her pregnancy hormones, she didn't know but she couldn't help but let out a little smile. Once Derek saw she was smiling, he stood up and walked over to her, confused. "You're smiling? Mer, this isn't time for smiling, I'm stressing out here and I don't need you laughing at me. You gotta trust me, and I know that sounds silly, I know you're still working on that, but I didn't mean to tell everyone. I had heard about the bomb in the OR, and I remembered you told me that your surgery was in the same OR. So I went to the gallery and before looking I said that you needed to evacuate because you were pregnant and I couldn't have anything happen to you or our baby. But after a few moments of silence, I looked down to find that you were in fact not in the OR, and everyone was staring back up at me. I'm sorry, I was just trying to look out for you, I didn't realise that you weren't there but I should have looked, I should have-
"Derek just stop talking, oh my gosh I think you caught my rambling disease. I'm not angry with you. I know you did what you did out of love and to be honest I'm kind of glad that it's out in the open. But I do need to tell you something else. I probably should have mentioned it to you a while ago but I have never spoke to anyone about this apart from my mother because she was there for some of it. So I'm going to try and open up to you because you need to know this.
"Mer, I'm here for you, no matter what, okay? You don't need to worry".
"Please, can we sit on the bed to talk". Both her and Derek moved to the bed, and Meredith was scared. Worried at what he would think of her and terrified that he would leave her after he found out what happened to her. Derek could tell that she seemed on edge so he grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and Meredith gave a small smile to him then started to talk.
"So I was 15, I was a typical rebellious teenager, and you know what my mother was like, all I wanted to do was make her angry to get her attention. As I grew older, she started coming home less and less because I didn't need a babysitter. I was by myself a lot of the time and I wanted the attention. So I decided to go to a seniors party one Saturday night, my mum didn't know, she was at the hospital but I didn't realise that she was coming home that night. Anyway, I was still a tequila girl back then, yes I know I started drinking early, and I only had a couple of shots because I was in an unfamiliar environment, and then I was dancing with a few guys. One guy started to get quite touchy with me, and he was 18, and I thought I was so lucky that someone older was interested in me so I continued to dance with him. But then he whispered into my ear and told me to come upstairs and I just thought he wanted to talk because the music was too loud. I should have realised but I was 15, I didn't know what he was going to do. But as we reached the top of the stairs, he grabbed me and started kissing me, and I finally realised what he was doing. But he was so much taller then me and I couldn't pull away. He dragged me into a bedroom and put me on the bed. He started pulling off my clothes, and I tried protesting, but he was drunk and kept forcing me back down on to the bed. In the end, I realised that it was happening, that I was going to be raped and there was nothing I could do about it. He pulled his trousers down and forced himself into me. I was virgin at this time as well and I just remember the pain that he was inflicting upon me. He finished and then pulled out and left me on this strangers bed. I started crying and I couldn't breathe. That was the first time I had a panic attack, I just couldn't believe that happened to me. I quickly grabbed my clothes and put them on, but I felt so violated and I was still crying. By the time I got home, after walking for 30 minutes because the one friend I did go with ditched me for a guy and I had no car, I didn't realise that my mother was home".

At this point, Derek had tears running down his face. He wished he could have been in Mer's life when she was younger, and helped her to not feel so lonely. He was extremely angry that someone could be so cruel, no he had no words to describe what that vile person did to Meredith. He pulled her in closer and just held her, because he knew she needed the comfort. He couldn't believe the fact that she hadn't spoken to anyone about this but he knew how hard it was for her to open up. Meredith then went back to the night she talked to her mum and told Derek what happened.

FLASHBACK
"Meredith I have been waiting for you for hours, I got home from the hospital at 9pm expecting you to be home and it's now 2am. Where the hell have you been?", Ellis said but then took in Meredith's appearance and quickly ran to her side. She knew that she was not the best parent, but to see her child in this vulnerable position brought tears to her eyes.
"Meredith, what happened? Are you hurt? Please Meredith talk to me".
All Meredith could do was hug her mum and start sobbing uncontrollably. She had never really been this close to her mum, but at this point, she needed this comfort. It was the only thing that made her feel safe at the time. An hour went by and Ellis had brought her to the sofa and sat her down. This was when Meredith started to tell her what happened.
"I went to a party, I know what you're going to say, and I shouldn't have gone. There were many older people there and I was just dancing around. But before I knew it, I was being dragged upstairs by an older guy and he forced himself on me. I tried and tried to get away from him, but it was no use, he wouldn't stop. I'm sorry mum, I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm sorry".
Meredith started crying again in her mum's arms and Ellis whispered comforting words into her ears. She couldn't believe that this had happened to her little girl, and she had tears rolling down her face, thinking about how this could have been prevented if she was at home instead of being at the hospital all the time.
"Meredith this is not your fault. Do you hear me? You did nothing wrong. You're only 15, sweetie and that horrible person who did this to you, knew better. It is completely unacceptable for you to think you did anything wrong. Do you understand me? Don't blame yourself for this, ok Meredith?". Meredith and Ellis spent that whole day in each other's arms, just comforting each other and being there for one another.
END OF FLASHBACK
"It turns out the guy was someone from out of town, but we did manage to report him and he was sent to prison. As the weeks went on, my mum was still my one comfort but I started to move on with my life. However, then two months after it had happened, I started to feel really nauseous all time and my mum realised that something was up. There was no protection used that night and I hadn't had my period that month or the month before. My mum went to the shop and brought some pregnancy tests and came back to see me crying in the corner of the room. It was like I was experiencing the whole night again, and I couldn't breathe. My mum gave me a paper bag, and slowly I started to breathe at a normal rhythm again and went to the bathroom to take the tests. They all came back positive, but I didn't even get time to think about what I wanted to do", and at that point, the tears that welled in Meredith's eyes were let out, and tears poured down her face. Derek brought her closer into his chest, and in that moment, Meredith registered that he had not left her. He didn't think that she was a whore and ran away from her. He had stayed.
"The next morning, I woke up and I just knew that something was wrong. I started to get out bed, and then when I looked down there was a lot of blood on my bedsheets. I ran to my mums bedroom, she had stayed off work for me because I didn't know what I was doing with the pregnancy, and I told her what happened. She rushed me to the hospital, but it was too late, I was already miscarrying. I didn't even know if I wanted a baby, but then the choice was taken out of my hands. I could feel the stares of the nurses, a 15 year old being pregnant, but if they had known what I had been through, they wouldn't be staring at me with disgust. They would be staring at me out of sympathy. The poor girl who got raped and became pregnant and then miscarried the baby".
Meredith looked up to Derek to see him crying as well, and just held him tighter and they sat on the bed, not saying anything, just sitting in the silence in their embrace.
"This is why I was hesitant to tell anyone about the pregnancy, but we have our appointment today so hopefully everything should be okay", Meredith said, breaking the silence. Derek hadn't said anything because he couldn't think of any words that could give any comfort to her.
"Meredith, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I can't even think of how hard it was for you to go through that, but I hope that you never feel that pain again. If I ever find out that guy is out of prison, I will kill him. And I mean it. I can't put into words how disgusted I feel about what he did to you. But I'm sorry that you lost a baby. No matter what you were going to do, I'm sorry. I am going to be here this time, don't you worry about that. I could tell before you told me this that you were worried about what I would think. But Meredith, this just shows me how strong of a person you are. To go through that at 15, with only your mother by your side and to still be standing here today. I am so proud of you, for being strong enough to carry on with your life. To finish school and to go to medical school. To get here, now a doctor. You should be proud of yourself too, Meredith. You have achieved a lot after being knocked down so many times".
"Thank you, Derek, for being here and listening to me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I-
"Mer, it doesn't matter when you told me. I'm just glad you trusted me enough that you felt you could tell me".
"Thank you, Derek. I do love you"

Wow, I felt quite emotional writing this. I wasn't even expecting to include this in the story, but as I started writing this chapter it just came to me, and I felt I had to write it down. At the point, i think this is really the turning point where Mer realises that Derek don't going anywhere and that he truly loves her and she loves him too.