That afternoon when I finally came down for lunch and Gabrielé gave me a bowl of pasta and invited me to the shopping trip he mentioned everyday, for the first time I didn't reject his offer.
And Gabrielé smiled.
I quickly glanced up at Federico and saw him avert his eyes from me just as soon and I knew that at some level, our morning conversation was maybe, actually what he honestly wanted. I couldn't be too sure but my head was messed up and I didn't know what to believe but believing my eldest brother sounded all too tempting.
"Do you wanna leave after lunch tesoro?", Gabrielé exclaimed enthusiastically and I absently realized I actually felt bad for rejecting him everyday.
"Yeah sure Gabrielé", I nodded and for once my smile wasn't forced.
"Bene", he said just as happily, "I can finally buy the remaining things for your room then. You have been living in that stupid guest room for too long. You can even choose the wallpaper if you want to."
[ good ]
I shook my head slightly. It honestly made me really uncomfortable when people bought things for me. "You really don't need to."
Gabriel gave me an unhappy face and I realized I absolutely hated that look on him. "I- we have already missed enough of your life Fiore. If I want to buy you something I'm buying it."
I compliantly sealed my mouth shut and decided to never open it again.
But I just had to get in one last sentence however.
"Ok fine, but please don't make me buy the wallpaper. I'm horrible at decisions."
Gabrielé rolled his eyes playfully but nodded to my request anyway. I really did want to call him out on his rolling the eyes thing which Federico scolded me for all the time but I guess that kind of confidence takes more time.
***
"Why are we shopping again?", I asked the taller man next to me as we both stood in front of his fancy car staring at the huge shopping mall in front of us, "I have enough stuff."
"Because I want to buy my baby sister all that I've wanted to ever since you were a kid", came Gabrielé's reply and I, for the life of me couldn't be mad at someone who always said the sweetest things to me. It was so unfair.
"I draw the line at bath toys and bayblades though. Plushies are still allowed", I joked daringly but I definitely didn't regret it as I saw the soft smile bloom on his face.
Niccoló and Ercole wanted to come with us but Gabrielé pushed them out of the way saying he deserved the first alone time with me being the second eldest and all. Apparently he plays the older brother card quite often if the other's reactions were anything to go by but they reluctantly complied when Declan for some reason glared at them from the other side of the room. I would honestly give anything to see that dude give any other reaction.
"We'll see."
As Gabrielé dragged me to shops I would've never dared enter on my hard earned cash from the cafe, all I could do was marvel at the prettiest styles and backtrack at the price tags. The poise and air of elegance that the employees carried in the shops made me want to shrink to the other corner of the chilly rooms but I couldn't help but run my fingers through the softest silks. My mind contradicted my actions as soon as Gabrielé snatched the skirt I was caressing and put it into our empty basket.
Safe to say I had rejected every piece of clothing at a glance towards the price tag.
"Tesoro how many times do I have to tell you. I really want to do this for you. I really do want to buy you this stuff and I have a lot of money to spare", he told me sternly, "I really do want to spoil you principessa and I really want you to let me."
I shook my head rapidly, "I just can't let you- Gabrielé it's so much money."
"And I told you I have a lot to spare baby", Gabrielé enunciated slowly.
"You could much rather buy me food with all that money", I insisted an alternative. He wouldn't be around all the time for the food part anyway. It was much better than pouring tubs of cash for overpriced stuff I don't even want.
Okay, to be fair a few dresses were actually really pretty and I really want to wear them atleast once - not the point.
Gabrielé laughed lightly as if I had told him a funny joke or something, "I will buy you food and the clothes. How does that sound?"
"Not good", I stated with my arms folded against my chest.
Gabriel just laughed, "Favolosa", he said before dragging me into dress heaven again. And a small drop of guilt bloomed in my stomach. Am I really going to let him spend so much on me?
[ Fabulous ]
***
Just as my brain had told me much earlier, I literally had absolutely no control over whatever happened for thr next one and a half hours. Gabrielé was determined and my reluctance only made him more certain to buy whatever he thought I needed. At one point I'm pretty sure he put stuff in bags without even looking at them. I gave up trying to argue or pay attention to whatever he was doing roughly forty minutes back.
"I know you're tired baby but we just need to get your supplies for the month and then we're done", Gabrielé said breaking me away from mysing over the very abstract piece of abstract art. Really. What was the artist even trying to achieve?
"Hmm? What supplies?"
"Well", he began, "I assume you have periods so...?"
"Oh", I realized what Gabrielé meant and I dont know why but every thing he did, every word and every action of his made me regret my actions towards him deeper and deeper. I know I wasnt supposed to feel this way, I knew my actions were completely justified. I was overwhelmed and shocked and thought for the longest time that I was slightly insane and I was definitely right to be cautious because no matter how nice and warm they were to me, they were undoubtedly dangerous. I knew it. But Gabrielé was being so nice to me that somehow my heart and my brain were at a constant struggle. "I have enough to last me for this month. I can just get it later."
"Okay", he shrugged before we both bought a milkshake each and drove back towards his mansion.
As I sat in the silent car beside Gabrielé, slurping on the lone milkshake, my heart finslly won the struggle in my brain and soft words came out of my mouth before I could second guess myself.
"Hey Gabrielé?"
"Yes tesoro?", why does he always have to be so nice to me? Why does he have to call me sweet foreign nicknames?
"I just - I'm sorry for how I've been from the time you guys introduced yourselves to me", I honestly didn't know what I was saying right now. I just knew that whatever I said, I meant it. "I know you all are excited about this and I'm sorry I can't share your excitement. I can't promise I know what will happen when they find mom, but I want you to know that I do want to talk to you even if I leave someday."
I didn't even know if he deserved to hear it. I didn't know if I meant it or if I wouldn't fall back to my rules in that house again. But right now, right at this moment it felt right.
For a while Gabrielé remained quiet and didn't say a word as he drove the car along the busy New York streets. I know that's not what he wanted to hear and I know they intend on keeping me with them even if the police end up finding mom. I know that and I know they hold enough power to make it happen. But for once I wanted to be honest with one of them and for me that was a big step. It was my fragile trust in the purest form and to me and my hopeless brain, it was an odd sort of reassurance. There was a part of my brain that screamed at me for being so disgustingly stupid but the greater part of my shameful approval and attention seeking mind desperately wanted to hear his answer.
And suddenly a small smile appeared on his lips as he quickly glanced at me before turning back his eyes to the road.
He didn't say any words even though I knew he wanted to say many. He didn't protest or argue or agree.
But he smiled and for today that was enough.
And I smiled back.