ISAIAH PHILIPS

After spending a lot more quality time with my mum whether it's bringing her to places she wishes to visit, or playing card games with her, or even just chatting with her, it's almost time to return home. Our flight is in a couple days so I'm helping us pack some things in case we forget anything. I also have a lot of paperwork to fill out before we can leave, so I figured I would do so today.

"Hi love," my mum says as I'm folding some of our clothes. "Hi mum," I say giving her a kiss on her cheek. I know she's excited to return home after spending so much time doing this gruelling treatment, but I'm not too sure how I feel about returning home.

"Right, I'll just be off to complete some hospital paperwork, I'll be back soon," I tell her before leaving. As I wait for my turn, I sit down and check my phone. I open my chat with Ellie, even though I know there wouldn't be a reply. Actually, I already knew she wouldn't reply any of my texts a long time ago when they were all only being delivered and never read. So, I use the chat with her as my own little diary. I tell her about my day, how I feel, how mum's treatment is going, what I've been doing, and most importantly, how much I miss and love her. I know it seems stupid, but it is my own little way of escaping reality. Though I know there's little to no chance of her even reading my messages when I send them, I still do it every day, clinging on to that tiny bit of hope, that she will one day open up our chat and read my texts. I don't even need her to reply to them, even just reading them and knowing how I feel is enough for me. Enough is something I might have to settle with more often now.

"Hi. Today is what I'd like to believe to be my last day at this godforsaken hospital. I'm currently in this long line just to sign some forms that I'm sure will take equally as long and I'm getting extremely bored just sitting here. Mum is doing well, she tells me she's comfortable, but I'm not sure if she's actually feeling that way, or just telling me that to make me feel better. Anyways, I'm going to fly back to London soon in a couple of days. I know you're probably busy, or out hanging out with Alfie, or doing something, and that you've probably already moved on. I wish I can say the same about myself. That I've moved on. I still miss you every day, love you every day, but even more so, I wish you all the best every day. Now that I'm coming back, I want you to know that I won't be a bother anymore. I only wish for you to be happy, despite how much I love you. Okay, it's almost my turn now, I have to go. :)" Says the long message I sent her. Not all my messages were this long. Some were extremely short, some were similar to this, and some days I might not even send her a message.

"Mr. Philips?" One of the nurses call out, and so begins my long signing of forms that I have no clue about. Wish me luck Ellie.