ELLIE JONES

As I lie in bed, I feel the warmth of two bodies on both sides next to me. On my right is someone playing with the stray strands of my hair, while on the left is someone hugging my waist close, their arm like a comforting and safe space. I turn to my right to see these mesmerizing green eyes I know well enough to be Isaiah's. I could feel my heart beat out of my chest at how close we are. A feeling I often had whenever he was around.

"Isaiah" I say, touching his jaw and leaning my forehead into his. I'm pulled away from our slightly intimate moment by the person on my left. I turn over to see Alfie, with his strong arms hugging me. I don't feel the thrill I feel with Isaiah, but instead I feel a sense of safety. Like when I am with him, I don't need to worry about anything because I know that he will always be there to catch me.

"Alfie" I breathe out. He holds my face and I almost melt into his touch. I then feel Isaiah tug my hair and I am back to facing the ceiling, with both of them whispering into my ear, "wake up"

I jolt upwards and feel both sides of my bed. Yup, I was unmistakably dreaming. I push my hair away from my face and sit on my bed for a while to process what just happened. I ask myself why I would even dream of them, even though I already know the answer: I have feelings for both of them. This is all so ridiculous. All my feelings are one sided, and I've only met each other a couple times. I hurriedly get up and soak my face in ice cold water. Judging the current gloomy and cloudy weather, I decide to put on a pair of comfy black tights and a thick  plain beige sweatshirt. As I pack my bag, I realize how swamped I am with assignments and choose not to open up the store today and focus on finishing my work in the campus library instead. I really need some peace and quiet anyways.

"Ugh" I slam my head onto the desk, earning a few stares and shushes from those around me. I've been here for two hours and I'm slowly losing every ounce of my concentration. I thought about leaving but am constantly reminded by the assignments I have that are due soon. "Okay, I'll just take a short ten minute break" I tell myself. I lean onto my arms and suddenly notice someone familiar out of the corner of my eye. I notice that it's Isaiah and I feel so excited to see him again. I contemplate if I should stay where I am, or walk up to him and talk. I choose the latter. After finally plucking up a satisfactory amount of courage to get myself out of the seat, I see a girl walk up to him too. They talk and laugh together until she hooks her arm around his and they walk out together. They look like a happy couple, while I stand here looking like a big, pathetic, fool. I immediately sit back down and hide my face behind my books when I see them walk past me. I can't believe I was actually foolish enough to think I that stood a chance. That there is something else between us. Who am I kidding? We've only met three times in total. I was being delusional if I thought that I had finally met my Prince Charming, when in fact, I'm just Cinderella whose clock had already struck midnight.

Despite these feelings I have, I try to go back to my work. I stay in the library until 8:00 pm when I finally complete all my work. I look at the clock and decide to head to the nearby supermarket to get some ingredients to cook my own dinner. I am in no mood to go out and eat alone, or buy a meal looking like I'm going to eat it at home alone, even though I am. 

I take the bus to the supermarket where I quickly grab a trolley. The goal is to go in and out. I think of making a simple chicken and broccoli stir fry so I walk over to get some chicken thigh and vegetables. Somehow, I walk past the dessert section and see a huge array of cakes. I have no idea how my feet ended up bringing me here, but I stop to look at the selection they have. Chocolate, vanilla, red velvet, and strawberry. Strawberry cake. It brought back memories of my first meeting with him. Without really thinking, I take the entire strawberry cake that looks like it is big enough to feed a family of 5, and place it into my trolley. I tell myself that it's just stress eating, and head to the cashier to check out. As I slowly place my items on the belt, I hear the cashier ask if it is my birthday today. I laugh. I do look pretty stupid buying a whole cake at 8:45 at night, but to be frank, I don't really care. I don't reply and search for my wallet, not in the mood to really talk to anyone.

"Cash or card?" He asks.

"Card please" I say, handing him my card. "You" he says. There has been a lot of "yous" going around in my life recently. But whether it's me saying it or someone else, nothing good has ever come from someone recognizing me. I look up and come face to face with Alfie. Thank god it's not Isaiah, I think to myself. What a contrast. If I hadn't seen him with that girl today, I would be so elated to see him right now. I would probably even wish that Alfie was Isaiah. But right now, I'm glad that it's Alfie.

"Hi, I didn't know you work here, or even worked at all" I say. He tells me he works here twice a week at night.

"So the cake?" He asks. How am I supposed to tell him that I am simply just buying myself an entire strawberry cake to drown myself in sadness after seeing the guy I think I have feelings for with another girl? It would make me look so desperate and pathetic. Not that I didn't already feel desperate and pathetic, but I would like to keep any remaining self dignity I had left.

" I just feel like eating cake, is that an issue?" I say, slightly irritated. Not at him, but at myself. Buying a cake to forget about a guy who clearly doesn't even remember me because it's the one thing that reminds me of him is a just beyond desperate. I mean, who even am I? What the hell am I doing spending money on this stupid cake just to reminisce?

"Woah, someone's in a prickly mood today" he says, swiping my card. I ignore him. He stops to look at me a while and suddenly asks "Hey, do you want me to accompany you today?" My head shoots up. "You really want to hang out with me? A girl who's literally buying an entire cake to shove her face with for absolutely no reason at all." I ask, which is kind of a lie. I am buying it for a reason, just not a very good one.

"Why not? Besides, whoever said we needed a reason to eat cake?" He replies. Amen to that, I think. "Okay fine" I say. He tells me his shift ends in another 10 minutes and tells me to just wait in his car for him. He hands me his set of car keys and informs me that his car is black. Was he for real? We only met twice and he's entrusting me to his car? He must have read my expression because he continues to say that I don't look like someone who would drive off with his car and that he trusts me. 

"I wouldn't judge a book by its cover if I were you" I say. I mean, I've done some pretty crazy things today that I never thought I would do. Like almost embarrass myself in front of countless people for a guy who is already taken, and then buying a cake I only picked up because it reminded me of him, and I was initially planning to bring it home and eat the entire thing by myself just to forget this guy. Pretty cray-cray if you ask me. 

"I bet you don't even know how to drive Ellie" he says. He's right, I don't. I grab my groceries and is about to head for his car which the only thing I know about is it's color, but then I realize I have no idea exactly which black car is his. "I think I may need a little more information that the fact that it's black" I say, darting my eyes to the car park which has at least 5 other black cars. He presses the button of his keys and the car nearest to the entrance beeps to unlock.

"There, is that enough?" He asks. Okay now I really feel stupid. "Well why did you even give me the keys then? You could have just opened it from here" I say, putting my groceries down and placing both hands on my hip. "I assumed you knew how to unlock a car door, it's really not rocket science" he says. Whatever, I grab his keys and head for his car. He tells me to leave my groceries there and that he would help me bring it to the car later. I almost tell him that it's okay, but decide to leave it. Who am I to stand in his way of being a Good Samaritan am I right?

As I am sitting in his car, patiently waiting, I notice tiny details. Like how there's a small basket of mints, water, and snacks on the back seat. He probably also values cleanliness a lot, because this car is spotless, and smells great too. I check my phone and it's 9:05. I look out the car window to see if he's on his way when I see him walking over with my groceries.

"Okay, where to?" He asks, after placing my groceries in the car boot and getting in. I give him my home address, which I know sounds like a bad idea considering we're more of strangers than friends, but what's the worst that can happen? As we drive, I roll down the windows and lean against the window frame. It is a moderately short ride, but it feels so long because of how quiet it is. I just didn't feel like talking for a while. I let the cool breeze blow my hair away, and hope it blows away all the feelings of disappointment of the day.