ELLIE JONES

Is it possible to still feel the euphoria of yesterday today? Because that's how I'm feeling now. I have a Night Shift at the cafe today, so I still have some time before that. I hear soft swift knocks on my door and tell my mum to come in.

"Hi, I found this book in the store the other day, think you forgot to take it," she hands me the book Alfie wrote. The one with all his little handwritten notes. Taking it from her hands and thanking her, I open it up. I read all the tiny notes and details to learn more about each character, and their true feelings. The ones not written down in black and white. I'm able to read the book from Beaux's perspective instead of Alfie's. I'm shocked to find that she always saw him as a friend as compared to a romantic partner, and that Alfie's feelings have always been one-sided, he just never knew. "No! Don't ruin this for me!" I groan.

I keep reading, slowly being reminded why I love this book so much. I flip to the last page after going through a whole new world of emotions, looking through the world with the eyes of a young girl, who is never able to see the love Alfie has for her. It's a shame, they would've been beautiful together.

At the final page is a letter. To...me?

"Dear Ellie,

I hope you enjoyed the journey with Beaux, because I know she enjoyed walking it with you.
Despite the challenges she's faced in her life, thinking she's not deserving of love, she found it in the person she least expected. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. Kind of like us. From the moment I met you, you reminded me of Beaux. You're introverted like her, and your view of the world is so naive. Your view of love, is even more perplexing. You view love as a challenge, as a risk, as a bold move to protest against the world who hasn't been the fairest to you. That's something I admire about you, something I love about you. But maybe that's why you chose him. The dangerous, riskier choice. He's willing to risk it all for you; and so are you. I'm only willing to catch you when you fall, and I will never be as brave as Isaiah. I like you, so much. You might even call it love.
I know you might never give me a chance, but deep down I think you know that you've had feelings for me before. They might not be as strong as the ones you have for him, but they were there before, and maybe if I try hard enough, they'll be there again. I don't want to push you, or force you to love me, but I just want you to know that despite my one-sided love, I'll always be here to love you. Until the day you find the love it takes to give me a chance, I'll wait. I'll be your safety net when he drops you, when you forget your harness when doing the worlds most dangerous things with him, and when you feel like the world is against you once again, I'll stand by you to show you that it can be us.
It can be you and me against the world.

From your one-sided lover,
Alfie"

I close the book, not sure what to think of this sudden epiphany. I never knew his feelings for me were so deep, so... real. I lie back down covering my face with a pillow, trying to process my feelings. Honestly, I would be lying if I say that I've never felt anything for Alfie, because I have. I just don't think they were ever as strong as the ones I have for Isaiah. I stay like this until it's time to leave, my head telling me to carefully consider Alfie's feelings.

Feelings. Why are they so complicated? Why can't I just love one person and hate the other?

"Ughhhh!" I scream into my pillow.

I see a message from Isaiah.

"See you later :)" I throw my phone across the bed. "No more! Please no more!" I beg. I don't know who I'm begging, but whoever is listening, please make this stop.

I get ready and walk to the cafe where I'm supposed to meet Isaiah at. He isn't there when I reach so I quickly place my things in the room.

"Hi," he says when he enters. I give him a small smile. Should I tell him about Alfie? Or will that make him mad? I don't want to keep secrets from him though, and a guy confessing to me is a pretty big deal, right?

"So uhm, I got a letter from Alfie," I walk out of the room. "Oh really, what did it say?" He follows behind me. "That he likes me, romantically," I say causally. I thought that if I said it blatantly and straightforwardly, we could get over it. His eyes shot up, and I instantaneously say "I don't feel the same." Which isn't entirely the truth, because there was a point I felt the same.

"Are you sure?" He asks. I nod, but I'm not. I'm not sure about the entire situation at all. We continue the rest of the day in silence, which is of my own choosing. I weigh the pros and cons of both of them, which might seem weird but it helps. For Alfie, the pros were that he was caring, he reassured me when I needed it, he comforts me at my worst, and he's good looking, which is a nice bonus. As for the cons, I can't list any, other than the fact that he's not Isaiah. For Isaiah, boy is the list crazy. For him, the pros were that he makes me happy, and he loves me. That's really it. I want to put "thrill of my life" under pro, but I'm not really sure if it is a pro or con, and I'm even more unsure if I've spent enough time with him to put it under the pros column. So let's just say it's a neutral point for now. As for the cons, he has regular mood swings, he doesn't really let me into his life, he's hurt me before, and there's really no telling if he's going to repeat the things on the cons list again. So far, Alfie has 4 pros and 0 cons, while Isaiah has 2 pros, 1 neutral, and 4 cons.

The obvious choice would be Alfie: the better option. The one with absolutely no cons, at least not yet.

"Earth to Ellie?" Isaiah snaps his fingers in front of me and I shoo the two lists away.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you" I say.

"You look... out of it today. Is everything alright?" He asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say.

Yeah; I'm just writing a list of the two boys I have to choose between because my heart can't choose. Everything is absolutely fine.