I don't claim to be a guru a spiritual leader or teacher. I'm not trying to state that my ideas or my experiences are the only path to enlightenment or even that I am a truly enlightened being. I'm just a person who had a very extreme an intense spiritual awakening that lasted for over a decade and that was an intrinsic part of most of my adult life which led to many different forms and stages of enlightenment and I feel a desire to share that with others. Most enlightened beings or gurus will hold a deep desire to be a spiritual teacher or a guru once they have awakened that within themselves. These are excerpts I wrote during the times of my spiritual path and while I was undergoing what I call the spiritual trials. I was still lost and confused in some form blaming a lot of my path or spiritual awakening on the location of where I resided, though a part of it may have had to do with my locale, my perspective was a little different after the aftermath of a large awakening where a person after understanding all of these concepts has a little bit of of a varying perception of the situation. 

That strong feeling is just a natural part of their calling once you have undergone a spiritual awakening- you have a desire to teach others and spread your knowledge and experience to others I believe that's also the reason why these people were awakened or chosen for awakening so that they could enlighten others and teach the masses with these experiences and allow others to know, understand and experience it as well. 

Sometimes during a spiritual path or awakening, the path to enlightenment, can be one of mostly solitude there are many reasons for this forced solitude. The forced solitude creates an environment in which a person can develop themselves spiritually and develop their energy in major and great ways, and if there were others around to assist or help them this would not be able to take place on that level. You might see people or enlightened people undergoing an awakening go sit in a cave and meditate or you might see them before to be alone on their own without a single soul to assist them and that is because being alone allows for many different processes to take place for the soul to fully develop on its own and come into being. People going and meditating for long periods of time, can also occur for different reasons but sometimes when someone is awakening there so many different elements taking place that it is impossible to exist in the real world and in society with all these different elements taking place around a person who is awakening. People around that person might be influenced  by other unconscious forces or subconsciously influenced so it is necessary sometimes to be alone and away from other human beings.  The presence of those who are awake or who are awakening can also be at heightened or illuminated states energetically and these people might be treated differently for that reason when they are around human beings who are not at that state. Humans will also treat differently those who are different so they might look at the specific people who are awakening or enlightened and treat them a certain way based on their presence so sometimes solitude and being away from society is an extremely important element of awakening.

 For me the trials I went through were very difficult to endure at the time and go through them. The things I went through made me feel like I was a walking zombie and that my soul had been destroyed and again literally confused in many different ways and by many different extreme circumstances situations people and places. The sheer amount of trauma I endured created for an immense amount of trauma energy to be surrounding me unhealed emotions experiences that were just surrounding me with and every part of my being and soul. I also underwent extreme suffering along with many spiritual elements such as synchronicities, parallels, past lives, numerology, and a whole plethora of experiences that could have been construed as spiritual in nature and part of a grand awakening. 

The status of enlightenment holds little value to me that is more about the journey and the experience and all the spiritual concepts involved nor does any status really make any difference for I was never trying to be an enlightened being I was just living my life and this journey chose me it awakened me, and called out to me in extreme ways and I had no choice but to experience and survive it. I'm here to speak about the experiences I went through and the understanding they gave me about spirituality the journey and enlightenment. The true enlightened being isn't out there working hard to prove their status or level of enlightenment or announcing it to others. They are out there trying to experience their own journey or assisting others with theirs they're in the background learning experiencing and knowing. There are so many out there who live with ego and they work hard to create a status and then enjoy being praised for their status. It is difficult to claim that these people have completely evaporated their ego into nothingness when they are in fact the most egotistical people out there. 

One of the harder parts of the suffering was that I seemingly had no one to turn to and people who I tried to get help from either ignored me, or just didn't seem to care. I had a caring family, but they too didn't seem to fully grasp what was happening and were part of the problem. It seems as if these things were barred from me during my suffering no matter how hard I tried I could not meet people the way I wanted to, despite being a very friendly and outgoing person. It was difficult to experience this kind of reality.  Part of that problem was living in the city that I was living in Florida where it was really hard to make friends and some people that live there found it almost impossible to meet other people or very difficult. However even though I feel that all these elements created the perfect place for this type of thing to occur I don't believe it was solely because of the city I was in- I believe that it occurred in this city for those reasons which created the perfect elements and then allowed all the other circumstances and situations to occur. In turn I believe the spiritual experience happened in this city in Florida because of the fact that that would be the perfect place for these specific elements to manifest and take place where as in another city I probably would have met people very easily and I wouldn't have been able to suffer the way I did in this location.

Spiritual trials, the path, and the concept of suffering...

The trials that I endured I labeled as spiritual trials because they were all occurring within a spiritual context and within a great spiritual path. Innately I knew that these were spiritual trials kind of similar to maybe one of the Prophets of the Bible had to go through of course I don't want to compare myself to a spiritual Prophet of the Bible but just something in similarity. These were strange bizarre trials that we created on an external level and had nothing of my own doing. Nothing that had anything to do with me this was all occurring within the label of spiritual warfare or other a concept of things occurring in what are considered to be unseen dimensions that were manifesting in my life. There were many people in my life that seemed to just want to do not so good to me and it made little sense to me at the time or ever would, and began occurring at a rapid pace at some point.

I've never seen one human being be bothered by so many people much less a young harmless female who is petite and passive and just a normal person. This was not the life I grew up with and it was not what I was expecting of my life at the time.  I grew up with a pretty normal childhood and a pretty decent family my father was a doctor and I was a very ambitious and studious person. Sure I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and I actually chose not to go to medical school or do a higher profession but I didn't know that my desire to not choose a profession would leave me down this path. There were many bizarre crazy elements present from energy vampires, to numeric data, synchronicities, parallels, past lifes, to a harsh spiritual path that was full of mostly horrors, trials and a lot of confusion that mostly lead to endless suffering, and more confusing trials that came thereafter.

I intentionally did not want to be a doctor at that point my life I had already come to realization I had a very strong connection with God I decided that I wanted to renounce any worldly profession and I just wanted to take my own path and see where life took me at that point I was expecting that may be a revelation would come to me and I would finally choose a career of my liking or maybe I'll get married and have children. I do not think or could ever imagine the things that I endured or the supposed renunciation of this world would lead to such a scenario. It's almost as if I ironically chose the spiritual path without truly knowing it.I said to myself that I didn't want the status associated with doctors and that I didn't want people to have a deep respect for me simply because I was a doctor. To be honest I don't think that was a valid or  wise choice to make or a rational choice it was in fact a foolish choice to even think that way but innately I believe that I thought that way because somehow I knew that I was going to take a spiritual path. Now I always considered myself a deeply spiritual person and someone who had a strong connection with God, and I always prayed to God and turned to God and growing up I thought that I had experienced a few manifestations from prayer and I felt that God was close to me and answered my prayers most of the time. I never thought that God ever turned away for me or that he was not there for me.

That belief changed once my suffering begin the time when my suffering and spiritual trials begin suddenly it was as if God turned away from me and all these terrible things were happening to me that made no sense to me I had a strong psychic ability that I was not aware of and I could sense all these things it's also sense that it was going to get worse and there were times I begged God to please not allow this to happen to me to please not turn away from me.

Somewhere deep down in somewhere very obviously I knew that God was involved with all that was happening to me that there was something going on on a higher level that I did not fully understand at this point I felt like a battle of some sorts and somehow God was involved in this battle and allowing these things to happen to me. Maybe after 3 to 4 years of suffering at this point I could sense that it was going to get worse and I really have the time wanted to  not continue this spiritual path  because I knew instantly that I was going to continue to suffer and that it was not going to end and I did not want to have to go through the suffering that I was going to have to go through.  I did not want to have to endure the many years that remained of the suffering that I had to go through and my instincts intuition and psychic feelings were not incorrect they were very correct I had to go through many more years of extreme ridiculous suffering that made absolutely no sense to me and bizarre trials that continued on and on and went back to back. The strange thing about these trials was that there seem to be no way to stop them I could not stop them and I could not control them I was forced to endure them regardless of anything that seem to happen and I had no strength to get up and move I was forced to have to deal with these trials but at the time I did not understand why. It's as if I was put on a roller coaster and forced to endure all these bizarre strange scenarios and circumstances that made little sense to me.

 This was the suffering that did not end,  after one two or three years it was the suffering that continued and  my mind body being in soul constantly had to endure nonstop trauma to a point where I developed chronic fatigue but also to a point where my soul was literally a confused soul. The suffering that I experienced greatly saddened me not necessarily because it was happening to me but because it was happening to it very innocent kind human being who really was a very good person and had done no wrong it made no sense and I kept saying to myself I'm just suffering for no reason there's no purpose to the suffering.  I kept trying to find a purpose to it but none of it made sense to me. I thought that I was a very compassionate person and I did not need to learn compassion I did not need to learn humility because I was a very humble person as well I grew up a certain way and the kind of person that I was was very laid-back and passive so for all these terrible events to be happening to a kind passive humble human being sadden me on many levels when I used to think and look back at the things that I went through it was very upsetting for there are many people who are not very good people and who do not go through anything even remotely close And yet there was the kindest person and most compassionate going through ridiculous does our trials that made no sense. Extreme suffering can actually develop and create a more compassionate and loving person and that's something I learned after many years of undergoing this kind of spiritual path. 

The spiritual path involved isolation and a lot of injustice and spiritual warfare with having to do everything on your own nobody would help you you have to learn to help yourself survive the suffering support yourself and heal from the suffering. It's as if many just turned on you or mistreated you on a huge level. Crazy things seemed to be happening  that were controlled by a higher force or power that made no sense to me. Within it was every element of spirituality possible occurring in an extreme and heightened way designed for you to have to go through an experience very obvious but also very surreal. Despite being an innocent kind woman I was unable to meet any men and many men treated me badly despite being a kind friendly person I seemed at the time to be unable to make any true friends and was forced into this strange isolation. The path was basically a path where a person is forced to be on a roller coaster buckled in and taking down a path that you didn't want to go through completely alone without any external help from anyone with extreme and bizarre trials and circumstances that made no logical sense, but that were all spiritual in nature. At first you stopped at the path innately your soul knew what this was maybe from previous lifetimes or maybe due to social evolution however this path was extreme and your soul had to experience it at first he laughed at it but when I got worse that's when you begin taking it seriously and went through many extreme phases of spiritual crisis due to what you had to go through. I was knew that things were happening on a higher level so it was something that was within me that was known I knew I was an old soul and that I had a higher and deeper understanding of humanity in the human race there were things about the human race that I didn't understand I did not understand other peoples jealousy hatred desire to harm others and so many other concepts that are present within the human being. I even recall telling my sister ones that I'm a higher soul and higher evolved being however that concept never came forth to me until I experienced what was enlightenment for the path to spiritual awakening. For me I was a very compassionate and kind person I thought I had a great deal of empathy and was generally a pretty good person when my path of suffering began none of it made sense to me I didn't understand why this innocent kind friendly female who had done no wrong to anyone was going through extreme and elevated phases of suffering not only suffering but nonstop suffering and nothing else for the path that I experienced wasnt a  suffering within the normal realms of life or reality- this was a path of only suffering and nothing but suffering back to back nonstop for a long period of time. This was a spiritual path I endured and it occurred for a long period of time outside of what I considered to be the normal realms of what people consider life. It was a large and grand journey into awakening.  

There's no such thing as truth-truth is only the art of being able to recognize the fictitious belief that we hold- something that has been formed by our reality and environment those truths do not exist that way they're only theories until something has been proven.

True enlightenment allows you to be connected with those all around you the one with everyone be in tune feel and understand everyone and everything around you and loves you to be part of the greater level of consciousness and awareness heightened awareness on an extreme level. Evil exists as a part of the unconscious part of our nature the manifestation of that portion of our unconsciousness which has not been tapped into which is untouched which we are working from an acting upon through a complete hive mind nature something that has not been brought forth into our consciousness this is where evil arises from a lack of awareness of the conscious. Of the unconscious I mean that which is existing deep within that we have not worked on yet if that work has been done and we are fully aware for nature and are being in our thoughts and our actions we can stop every evil action thought feeling to even take place within us. Not only is the love and light that you attain going to eradicate any form of evil or anything that is of the dark and out of the light but you were going to be able to control every feeling any notion that you possess in order to never hold any concept of that which is not complete love and light evil will flow through you and disappear completely it will not be a part of your mind or your state of being In anyway shape or form. 

Humans give far too much credit to the ego and ego functions-what they don't realize is that the ego is only a minor part of the complete state of being a solid being. The ego truly has no real significance or importance it is only of the importance that we give to it. In focus of the ego isn't in turn one thing that actually gives more credit and power to the ego which really is only a minor part of our souls and beings- what we learn to do during a path awakening in on a path to enlightenment is not a way to transcend the ego but to be able to diminish it and allow love and light to take over that portion and to fully engulf the ego  along the ego to become slowly dissolved and eradicate it through various means of potential and extreme suffering.  And at that point the ego's abilities become less and less and love and light take over where the ego once was formed and we are then able to harness the powers of our true being- our light being where the ego may not be there fully there will still be residue of the ego left. At this point we should be able to fully control all in and outgoing functions and thoughts in our mind and all capabilities within so that the ego really has no place or power.  Our goal is to squash the ego and diminish it. This can also be done by excessive training of the mind and suppression of the ego initially.