season 4 episode 5

Buck Begins
🚨

After that night with Bucks parents, Lindsey didn't think it could get any worse. But it did. Buck showed up at her door, not even giving her a chance to say anything, he immediately walked into her house and started pacing.

"Buck."

He didn't say anything. He just kept pacing. "Buck, what's going on?" She walked towards him, grabbing his arm and turning him towards her. When his eyes met hers he seemed to calm down. "Buck I can't help you if you don't tell me what is going on."

"I have an older brother...had, I mean had. He's dead and it's apparently all my fault." Lindsey's eyes widened at Bucks words, "What? Buck what are you talking about?"

"His name was Daniel. I was only a baby when he died. He had cancer." Buck explained. Lindsey looked at him still in shock. Out of all the things she thought he was gonna say, it wasn't that. "To help Daniel they could have done a bone marrow transplant. But neither my parents or Maddie were matches. So, they had me. I was a match but the cells didn't graft."

Lindsey soaked in his words, "Wait, so you're parents only had you so than they could do the transplant?" Buck nodded, "Yep, they only had me for parts. Defective parts, as it turned out."

"Woah," Lindsey stepped closer to him and placed her hand on his neck, "You are not just parts. You're Buck. You are an amazing firefighter, brother, boyfriend, and everything in between."

"I doubt my parents would agree with that." His eyes left Lindsey's and instead focused on something else. "I'm a screw up. The reason i'm here, my purpose, was to save my brother and I couldn't even do that."

Lindsey used her hand to pull Bucks face down to look at her. "No, Buck that was not your purpose, not matter what your parents think. You're so much more than that, okay? Buck you've found your purpose, as a firefighter at the 118. Buck you're a hero."

"How am I supposed to save others if I couldn't even save my own brother?" His eyes bored into hers and she could see the tears in his eyes. "What happened with your brother is not you're fault. You were a baby. You can't focus on that."

He didn't say anything else, he just pulled her into a hug. Lindsey really hoped that he would listen to her. He needs to realize that he's so much more than parts.

Lindsey and Athena were responding to the factory fire. By the time they got on scene, everyone had been evacuated. Or at least they thought everyone.

Buck had apparently disobeyed orders, not a surprise there, and went to save a man who was still trapped inside. But the building was engulfed in flames and was collapsing. Buck and the man ended up trapped inside.

Lindsey waited patiently while the 118 went in to help Buck. The feeling of nervousness and anxiety wasn't something new. Every time Buck did something crazy she would get anxious, but he always made it back. And she prayed that he would again.

It felt like hours but it had only been minutes. Lindsey twisted at her rings as she starred at the door. She felt a hand on her back and she turned to see Athena. "He's gonna be okay. It's Buck, he always is."

The doors opened and Lindsey watched as they walked out, Buck and the man with them. Lindsey's eyes scanned over him. He was soaked and muddy. His hair was clinging to his forehead and he looked exhausted.

He was taken over to the ambulance where Hen checked him out. Lindsey gave them a moment before walking over to him. "I almost gave up." She heard him say. "But you didn't." Bucks eyes moved over to her. She gave him a soft smile and made her way next to him.

"If you guys hadn't come in, then..." Buck went on to say. "But we did. And we always will." Hen smiled at him. He took a deep breath and Lindsey kissed the side of his head.

They watched as the man Buck saved was wheeled past them. "Without you, that man would be dead. You saved him, Buck." She whispered to him, giving his shoulder a squeeze. Buck reached his hand up to grab hers. Connecting their hands, he gave her a tired smile.

"They said it was a big one. They weren't kidding." Athena said, making her way over to them. "Firefighter Buckley here pulled out the very last victim." Bobby said, everyone could hear the proudness in his voice. "Of course he did."

"Yeah, than everyone else had to pull me out." Buck told her. "Well, I'm sure whoever you saved is just glad you were being Buck." Buck shook his head with a laugh, "I don't even know what that means."

Athena took a step towards him, "You never give up. That's what being Buck means to me. But whatever you do, don't stop."

"I told you, this right here, this is your purpose. Just being you is all we need." Buck looked over at his girlfriend. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her into his side. "But if you do anything like that again, I swear..."

Buck laughed, "It's my job, Linds."

She smiled when she heard his laugh, "Ok, fine! But one of these days you're gonna give me a heart attack." Buck looked down at her, "You know, you always say that but it hasn't happened yet."

"What? You want it too?!"

"No, Linds..." The two laughed and Lindsey was just glad that he was smiling again. She was glad he was safe. "I really love you, you know?" Buck nodded, "Yeah I know, and I love you a whole lot more."

🚨
sorry this is such a short chapter, but there's a couple coming up that will be longer

bucks whole story line makes me so sad, like the fact that he only saw himself as defective parts kills me