“are you calling me a sinner?”
— kim taehyung, stigma (wings album)

stigma:  a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.

—

I’ve been hiding it
I tell you something
Just to leave it buried
Now I can’t endure it anymore
Why couldn’t I say it then
I have been hurting anyway
Really I won’t be able to endure it

Now cry
It’s only that I’m very sorry towards you
Again, cry because I couldn’t protect you

"hey bella!"

the fifteen year-old kazakh-danish girl turns around, seeing one of her close friends, lukas. "oh, luke, hi."

"wanna come over later? arthur's attempting to summon an incubus." the older boy asks, a huge grin on his face.

bella shakes her head. "sorry, but i told you i'm laying low on witchcraft and the occult." the girl sighs. "i wanna focus on other, more normal things."

"i know." lukas bites his lip. "we just miss you a lot, aemari."

"we can always hang out in school." bella tries to lighten up the mood, but quickly realized that their classes don't meet, even during break. "oh right, dumb idea."

lukas simply smiles and ruffles the younger girl's hair. "don't worry, you're in the same class as emil, anyway. hopefully you two are getting close."

"yeah, totally." bella nods. "he's not as bad as i expected him to be."

"even the way you speak changed." lucie hears a voice, quickly realizing that it was just a fairy that sat on lukas' shoulder.

"i'll see you around, luka, i still have to go home and change my clothes for training." bella gave him a smile, leaving.

—

Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper
Like pieces of broken glass that I can’t reverse
Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day
You who was punished in my stead,
You who were only delicate and fragile

Stop crying, tell me something
Try saying to me, who had no courage
Why did you do that to me then
I’m sorry

"rink's closed today." otabek tells his daughter as she enters the house.

"good afternoon to you too, dad." bella mutters under her breath, getting used to the fact that her family isn't as close to her like in the past.

she didn't know what happened, exactly. however, she knows she took everything for granted. when she was still younger, her family would shower her with affection, everything that she ever wanted, but she just shoved it all away.

when bella decided it's time for her to return everything, it was like she was invisible.

bella quickly goes to her room, changing out of her school uniform into a plain white shirt tucked into a pair of red shirts.

with nothing else to do, bella takes out her homework for the day and walks over to her shelf, taking out her textbooks.

as she was doing her homework, a knock was hear on the door. "god damn it, belladonna, can't even greet us? you've been cooped up in your room for three hours ever since you came home!" mathias' voice was heard

"probably summoning another demon or some shit." onyx snickers. "hey, it's your turn to do chores!"

abandoning her math homework about theorems, bella ties her hair up in a ponytail, sighing as she opens the door.

"don't give us that attitude, belladonna." onyx rolls his eyes as mathias walks back to his room. "just because you're the youngest, doesn't mean you'll be spoiled. grow up."

bella didn't say anything but simply complied with whatever her brothers requested.

—

Forget it,
what right do I have
To tell you to do this, or that

Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper
Like pieces of broken glass that I can’t reverse
Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day
You who was punished in my stead,
You who were only delicate and fragile

"you look dead, bella." alice, one of arthur's many sisters, comments, sitting beside the younger girl. "you okay?"

"yeah, i'm doing great, ali." bella forced out a smile, keeping her hands hidden.

alice notices this and took bella's hand, seeing burns and cuts all over it, even up on her arms. "what the fuck, belladonna?!"

she flinched. "i may or may not have tried to summon a sin last night, but clearly, i failed, so."

"belladonna aemari altin, are you trying to kill yourself?" alice looks at her in worry. "your skills are not as good as when you were younger, bella. you could've died!"

bella just smiles. "i can handle myself, alice, but thanks for worrying."

—

I’m sorry I’m sorry
I’m sorry my brother
Even if I try to hide it, or conceal it, it can’t be erased
Are you calling me a sinner
What more do I have to say

I’m sorry I’m sorry
I’m sorry my sister
Even if I try to hide it, or conceal it, it can’t be erased
So cry
Please dry my eyes

"belladonna aemari kohler-altin, get down here!"

as soon as she hears her mother, bella goes out of her room, looking tired. it was 11:30 pm, she was still working on a project she had to do, and she wasn't even halfway done.

"yes, mom?" bella gulps, seeing that marika was holding a book.

her old spell book

bella stared at it, confused. she knew it was just in her room, locked up in her closet somewhere.

that is until she heard her brothers snicker.

"didn't i tell you to keep this in your room?" marika raised her voice. she rarely does this, even if she gets so angry.

"i'm sorry." bella fights back her tears. don't cry, don't wanna cry, belladonna, don't you dare cry. she chants in her brain like a mantra.

"mom, you can't stop old habits, bella is a 'fallen angel', remember?" onyx laughs.

"that's in the past!" bella says, a little louder than she intended it to be.

"did you just yell at your brother?" otabek goes down the stairs.

"ooh." mathias smirks. "someone's gonna get in trouble."

"i'm sorry." bella wipes her tears, expecting anyone from the room to go and tell her they didn't mean it, that she shouldn't cry, and that they're sorry.

but she doesn't know why she expected that to happen.

"didn't you say that you don't do crying?" onyx stands up.

"you know what, go to your room, belladonna." marika sighs, handing her the book. "and we're confiscating your gadgets. such a disrespectful child."

"that's what she gets for summoning demons and shit, and liking the occult and shit." onyx rolls his eyes as he watched bella leave.

—

That light, that light, please illuminate my sins
Where I can’t turn back the red blood is flowing down
Deeper, I feel like dying every day
Please let me be punished
Please forgive me for my sins
Please

bella sat on her bed, clutching the cross necklace her grandmother gave. "am i wrong? was what i did too much, to the point that my family hates me now? what did i do wrong?"

she looks out the window, tears in her eyes. "punish me with anything, just don't make them hate me like this."

then, she broke, letting all her emotions out. all the anger, the sadness, the anxiety, in the form of tears. she was clutching the cross too hard, that it opened a few wounds on her hand from the last time she tried to summon a sin.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry..."

—

that was the angstiest i've ever written.

so, explanation on why this happened: bc bella is already too deep into occult, to the point where she summons very dangerous beings, and to the point where she doesn't care abt her family anymore, they simply gave up on her and just started disliking what she keeps on doing, and eventually, starts disliking her as well. however, she did change her actions after turning 13, but it was too late.

— admin danielle