Songs:

Ghosts//Mayday Parade (the best freaking pop rock band)

Forget You in LA//Poema (my new obsessive song, on repeat all night)

Teenage Talk//St. Vincent (another new obsession she is amazing)

"So I'm thinking of convincing Harry to play I Swear at our wedding." I whispered to Cara who still wouldn't wake up on our couch.

She of course didn't reply and I just shrugged, and stood up. I took a step, walking away when her hand grabbed my wrist. "God no, I will cry if you do," I turned to her and laughed as she smiled. "Also I don't mean to be rude and Harry's my friend too, but don't settle too fast okay?"

"Cara, we have a child and live together in a house all alone." I pointed out and she shook her head with a knowing smile.

"Explore your options," she whispered and stood up, going into the kitchen leaving me dumbfounded.

Did I settle too fast and with the wrong one? How am I supposed to know any differently when everyone is cracking jokes about our marriage and asking when the wedding is? Oh God why am I even questioning it, we love each other right?

I got up and quickly walked into the kitchen to see Cara and Teddy drinking some water, holding their heads. "Hangovers, the only downside to drinking but it's only worse when you vomit. We should be happy we vomited though because we could have died from alcohol poisoning."

"I have never in my years vomited from drinking too much," Cara said in wonder and I just shook my head at her.

"I have but you know all about those years of my life," I softly smiled and even Teddy gave me a sympathetic look.

I'm tired of those looks honestly, they annoy the ever living shit out of me, I'm grateful of course for people who care. I just have been getting that look for years now, when I lost Shawn, when I lost my baby, will it ever stop? I hate people pitying me, it makes my skin crawl, it's the one thing I hate in this world more than closed minded people.

"What are you doing for your birthday?" Teddy asked me and I smiled, remembering I had to invite her to come.

"We're going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras you're coming right?" I asked in a hopeful tone and her jaw dropped.

"Hell yeah! I've never been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans," I gasped at this and Teddy just shrugged.

How can you have not been to the Mardi Gras celebrations in New Orleans! It's so lively down there, I love it so much, I could live in an apartment in uptown or a home in the Garden district, hell I'd even live in the French Quarter.

"I am so ready for Bourbon street honestly," Cara gushed and I rolled my eyes at the mention of the famous street.

"It's nothing special, I promise," I laughed a little at Bourbon street itself because it is not special at all.

There's just tons of drunk people walking around and occasionally the nudists or feminists walking with their nipples covered, sometimes, proving a point. I prefer to just walk around the French Quarter finding places to drink and just looking around it. New Orleans may be told to be dirty and terrible but I see the beauty in it more than everything else.

I also saw Eminem there once, which is surprising but Rae loves him and since then I do too. He's really good and puts on a good show, on top of that his music is relatable and surprisingly sad. I don't tell many people I love him but I mean who just goes out saying I love Eminem, probably Kayla if anyone.

Oh God Kayla.

"Lilli?" I looked up from where I had been staring at the sink. I accidentally zoned out at the New Orleans mention, whoops.

"Yeah? Sorry I was just thinking," I shook my head and began to wipe the counter off with a wet washcloth.

Cara lifted her elbows that had been leaning on the counter and I kept my eyes on it. I tried to not cry as my thoughts went to Kayla and I finally controlled my tear ducts.

"Um, it's fine. We were just asking where you wanted to go for Mardi Gras?" Teddy broke the silence and I smiled instantly, beginning my whole big speech.

I told them of how when I was younger I had always seen a sign for a place called the Brass Monkey. I have no idea as to what is inside of it, but it reminds me of the song I loved as a kid by the Beastie Boys.

Harry ran into the kitchen by the time we had gotten on the subject of him. "I have an interview with Niall today, I'll see you later okay. Love you," he kissed my cheek abruptly and I just stood a little shocked. I rolled back my shoulders after hearing the front door close and I smiled at Teddy and Cara.

He never just says love you, we agreed early on that we always say I love you with no I love you too because it has meaning. I guess he's just in a hurry, that's all, at least that's what I'm telling myself.

"Well now what?" Cara asked and I kind of shrugged then I remembered.

"Where did Ed end up?" I asked and Teddy answered for me.

"Harry told me he crashed at Nialls then was on a flight the next morning," I tsked and felt bad for him.

I would hate to fly hungover, that's one thing I have yet to do and don't plan to do either.

"Well Louis had asked me to help him with moving in his stuff and I think he's going to need the help today." I mentioned to them and Cara nodded eagerly at this.

Teddy got a text and frowned at us for a moment. "I have to go, Adam needs me or I'd help Lou."

"I'll drop you off on the way there," I offered and she nodded as I grabbed my keys and Cara who was rummaging for food.

I started my car and Cara jumped in the front seat while Teddy grimaced in the back. I laughed at the two of them and put on my Bluetooth music before driving. Cara controlled the music and I laughed as she put on the Spice Girls of all people.

"I can't believe you listen to this!" Cara exclaimed while yelling to Say You'll Be There and I laughed.

"I secretly used to dress up like Posh spice," I confessed and we all laughed.

As I passed Niall's house to get to Teddy's I noticed his lights were on and his car was there. I decided to not get paranoid yet and decided I would text him once we dropped off Teddy.

I wonder why his lights are on, I know Gemma isn't there because she went home with Rae last night. I know Greg isn't for a fact because him and Jessica went out of town. Maybe he's home? But him and Harry had that interview so he couldn't be home. Oh well, I'm over thinking today way too much.

"Lilli!" I slammed on the brakes and Teddy was unbuckled giving me an odd look. "You almost passed my house," she laughed as she got out and I just shook my head. She shut the door and Cara stared at me oddly until speaking.

"Are you okay?" She asked and I just blinked really long and shrugged.

"I'm not sure, but I'm sure Louis can cheer us up," I smiled a little and sent out a text to Niall to see if he replies.

"Of course he'll cheer you up," Cara muttered and I pretended like I didn't hear it.

Although I did and it made me smile, just a little.

•

Louis was asleep once we got there of course but his back door was unlocked. We just had to jump his fence to get there but the only problem with that was Cara face-planting. I had helped her wipe the dirt from her face but I knew she was going to have a bruise.

We were hovering over him thinking of ways to wake him up without him being mad. Cara suggested quite a few vulgar and crude ways including me naked but I shot them down. I finally agreed with her suggesting that I wake him up, and that I whisper in his ear. I leaned down to his ear and smiled a little, "Lou, wake up." His eyelids fluttered but he didn't fully wake up. I gave him a little shake but he wouldn't fully wake up. "Louis," I said a little louder and he groaned, turning over.

I heard mumbling but I couldn't tell what he was saying so I tapped his shoulder. He flipped over with wide eyes and his mouth hung open, a little drool pool on his pillow.

"I thought you were my mom," he croaked with a soft smile and Cara stepped into his view.

"Hello Tommo, you ready to unpack shit?" Cara asked with a laugh and a thumbs up as he sat up in bed.

Cara ran to his window and opened up the curtains, letting the sun pour in his room and his eyes.

"Jesus, what time is it?" I looked down at my phone and laughed.

"Noon."

Louis shrugged a little and slowly swung a leg out of bed to get up. He stood up and pulled Cara into a hug, then gave me a kiss on the cheek and tight hug.

"About the unpacking.." Louis scratched the back of his neck and Cara and I exchanged looks. "I may or may not need to paint a few rooms," he gave us a sheepish smile and Cars groaned.

"I'm ready to paint, but I can't in this," I stared down at my denim shorts and sheer tank top. Cara was in a huge shirt of mine and shorts so she was ready to paint.

"I've got something," Louis unzipped a suitcase and passed me a shirt that looked even big for him. "It's my dad's." My mouth formed the shape of an o and I nodded, going into his bathroom to change.

I shut the door behind me and sucked in a sharp breath, holding back my cries. Every single time I look at Louis I think of that baby we made, the baby we lost. I couldn't help it as tears escaped as did my facade if happy I've had. It's slowly fading away and I know it's all about to blow up in my face.

I shook my head at my thoughts and stripped my clothing, putting on the huge shirt. I realised I couldn't wear my shorts but it didn't really matter because the shirt went down to my knees. I pulled my hair back into a high ponytail and finally walked out. Louis was the only one in the room and I have him a questioning look.

"With the time you took I already showed Cara the room," he explained and I just nodded, following him out. "Do you have on pants?" He asked after a second and I shook my head.

I blushed a little bit so I buried my face in my hands, why am I like this today?

"Um, no," I bit my lip and Louis just smiled a little before turning into a room. It was pretty big and reminded me of the size of Williams room. I saw the yellow paint and Cara already rolling it on the wall.

"What took you so long?" Cara asked not even turning around and I bent down, grabbing a roller myself.

"I didn't think it was that long," I simply replied and got a tray to pour my paint in. I poured in a nice amount and rolled it onto my roller, then rolled it onto the wall.

Louis stood beside me doing the same thing and we shared my tray, Cara however was on the other wall doing fine by herself. Well that was until she couldn't reach that far up the wall. I watched at her roller fell out of her hand, onto her face causing her to fall flat on her back. She laughed and looked to Louis and I. "Hey at least I didn't get paint all over me." I pointed at her head and Louis laughed really loud then covered his mouth. Cara's hair hadn't been pulled back and nearly all of it has gotten in her paint tray. She slowly pulled a chunk of it out and around for her to see, then groaned.

"Where's your bathroom?" Cara asked Louis as she stood up and he stifled his laughter.

"Just use the one in my room," she walked out holding her hair, a pout on her face.

Louis and I looked at each other and just busted out in laughter over the last few moments.

We continued to paint in silence until Louis sighed and I looked to him. He whipped out his phone and began to play music which happened to be Eminem. I smiled really big to myself as he went back to finishing Cara's wall. I muttered the lyrics under my breath but when the chorus came I had to sing.

Now hush little baby don't you cry, everything's gonna be alright. Stiffen that upper lip up little lady I told ya'.

Louis looked over at me surprised and I laughed a little. "Rae took me to a concert once and I've been hooked since." He nodded, impressed and came over to my wall to help.

I was minding my own business rolling the paint onto the wall when I felt something cold and wet splatter me. I looked down at the shirt and it had yellow spots on it. I looked up at Louis and he had a smirk on his face, holding his roller up in his hand. I grabbed a paint brush and wet it, quickly putting it behind my back. I stepped closer to him and leaned my head up towards his, then quickly swiped the brush across his face. He frowned at this but only until he wiped off his face with his hands. He smiled at me then wrapped his arms around me putting handprints on the shirt. I gasped at this and tried to push him away but he began to tickle me and I laughed uncontrollably.

"We haven't been alone in a while, or well not when you've been sober." Louis turned me around and let me go so we could talk.

"It's kind of against the rules," I bit back a smile at my joke and Louis laughed while nudging my shoulder.

"It's nice, there's a word I can't think of-," he started but I knew what the feeling was.

"Refreshing."

He smiled thoughtfully at this and bit his lip a little, "Yeah, refreshing."

•
Filler but oh wellll,

Lots of love, M.