47.5 – "Do We Have A Deal?"

The second time around was much better than the first. I was sober, and I was definitely with the right guy this time. I wasn't going to wake up the next morning with any qualms. I wasn't going to have any bad news come my way.

I had my head in the pillows, with Sam over me, stroking my hair. I smiled goofily at him. I felt like I was back to my freshman year of college. I learned quickly that academics and a social life clashed pretty badly. I had been out of control, going to parties I was invited to and ones that I wasn't invited to. Yes, even a scholarly girl like me had to get out and breathe. By the end of that year, I had gotten a better grip on my life.

We shared slow kisses, with me holding Sam's face. I was very grateful that this turned into something wonderful. We needed something positive right now, even if it was brief.

"I never took you for being wild," Sam whispered. I'd shared some tidbits about my pre-demon past.

"Oh yeah." I laughed. "I got a little carried away sometimes. Don't look at me like that, it's true! Don't tell me you haven't had your one night stands." I eyed him expectantly.

"I never said that."

"Uh-huh. But I never struck you as the type. Figured that'd be more up your brother's alley."

"He ever tell you of my track record with women?" Sam looked almost afraid to ask me that.

"Um. No." I frowned. "We don't need to tell who we've been with, unless that's something you're open to sharing." At this, he looked relieved. "This is our night, Sam. You know"—I let out a tired groan as he aggravated old marks—"anything is possible. And I know hunters deserve something better than this than any people I've ever known..."

"Shh." Sam silenced my mouth with his. "Focus on us, Kota."

"I am, if you'll let me speak." My brows creased. "This world can throw us lots of curveballs. I want it to give us one in our favor."

Sam collapsed near me on the bed; I turned on my side, pulling the sheets up on me.

"If I leave—"

"When."

I blew out a raspberry. "Fine. When I leave, if, by some godly miracle, you find yourself out of Hell and back on Earth, you keep on hunting. I don't care how badly you want something normal. If your brother and Bobby are still kicking out there, you should be with them. I will never ask you to choose family over me.

"But the moment you retire, I want you to come find me. I don't care how many years that is from then, I don't care where I'll be or who I'll be with. I just want you to come find me so that I know you made it. I want to see living proof that you paid your dues and are going to live your life like we normal people do."

"Kota, you can't say that."

"I can't say what?"

"That you're normal." He threw me a teasing grin.

"Not my point, Sam," I retorted playfully. "Point is, if I don't see you, I'll know what happened. If I do see you, well..." I bit my lip. "We'll figure out that bridge when we come to it."

"Look, no matter how this turns out, I want you away from this stuff. All of it." He cradled my face.

"So, our bargain: I leave, no matter what. And if you come out of Hell and retire from the business, you come find me."

"Oh, so now you hunting is off the table?"

"You'll keep convincing me until I agree." I shrugged.

"Kota, you could do a lot by the time I'm out. How will I be able to find you?"

"You're a hunter. Use your skills. So...Do we have a deal?"

He leaned over me to seal it with a kiss. To demons, that was signing on the dotted line. The same applied for here too. I was no demon, though. Still, the deal we made felt pretty solid and sealed. Now we would let time and fate do their things.

"Okay, what's wrong?" I asked the minute I saw the change in his face.

"We've been trying our hardest to stay honest with each other, right?"

I nodded. "Of course."

"Then I think it's only fair for you to know this."

I grabbed one of his hands and squeezed it. "Can't be much worse than you being a former demon blood addict."

"You remember what I told you about...about Jess?"

It took me a minute to remember. "Yeah."

"She's not the first one I've lost, Kota."

I swallowed. "O-oh."

"I'm not saying this to scare you," he assured me. "But you have a right to know. Jess was the first, and then there was a girl named...named Madison."

"Sam, you don't have to do this if it's hurting," I said. I didn't like this expression I was seeing on his face. It looked like this was torturing him more than when he had told me about the demon blood and Jess's death.

"No, no, I need to do this," he insisted through shaky breaths. "I ended up losing her because there's no such thing as a cure for being a werewolf. She didn't want to live with what she was, asked me to...to put her down."

"Sam," I whimpered. "Stop while you're at it, please."

"There's only one more. Ruby."

"The demon Ruby?" The distaste was evident in my tone.

Sam nodded. "That wasn't something real so much as...She took advantage of me in a dark time, a time when I lost myself. She was killed before Lucifer got out of Hell. What I'm trying to say, Kota, is...I know this will sound insane—"

"Like I said, can't be much worse than what I've heard." I tried to assure him with a tender smile.

"Every woman I've slept with seems to...to bite it in the end, somehow. Now I've just condemned you to that same fate."

I sighed through my nose. "Why didn't you tell me this before, Sam?"

"I didn't want to scare you away. Every impulse told me to not let this happen, to avoid this so there's not another repeat."

"So much for will power, huh?" I joked weakly. "Sam, if you had told me this now or beforehand—Dean had already given me the lecture. I knew the risks when we started this. What you just told me doesn't change anything."

"But—"

I put a hand over his mouth. "I'm not done. I'm different from those other girls. I have knowledge of this world, I've been trained a little bit. I'm not a demon, I'm not going to betray you or Dean, or anybody else on our side. And I'm certainly not a werewolf that can't be cured." I smiled solemnly. "The point is, I'm prepared. I'll be the first to break the pattern."

"More like a curse."

I gave him a sharp look. "Curse, pattern, whatever you want to call it. If I make it, awesome. If I don't make it, and I continue the pattern...It'll hurt, and we both know that. But at least if I do end up dead, I die fighting."

"Is it bad that I don't miss the old you?" he asked, smiling sheepishly. Goosebumps rose on my legs as one of his hooked one of mine. The bridge of our noses touched. "Is it bad that I'm into this you?"

"It's so obvious now," I murmured distantly.

His brows crinkled. "What is?"

"The difference between you and him, besides the tattoo. He was...gentle, but there wasn't any...heart in it." I avoided eye contact as I made the revelation. Since we were bringing up past scars, why not bring up my worst one? "This is what I should have had that night. This is what I should have expected."

"If I could take it all away and make it better, I would."

"I know." I smiled pitifully. He'd do anything for me if I asked him to. "I know." I kissed just under his chin before yawning rather loudly.

I scooted so I could fit myself into Sam's arms. His head rested atop mine, and I put my ear to his chest so I could hear his heartbeat. It seemed like common knowledge that hunters didn't get a lot of tender moments in their lives, especially with others they cared about. It was a luxury to them that they just couldn't afford due to their lifestyle.

His heartbeat dominated over other noises. It was symphony, a calming lullaby. But I swore I heard him say something into my hair, something that I was sure was true. Three—or was it four?—words. One of the simplest phrases in a person's head.

I could have been dreaming it. But I didn't want to believe that I did. I wanted it to be real, that what I heard was right.

I might never know, because I was sure there would never be a good time to ask about it. 

**A little Sakota fluff for you all :)

Originally, I was gonna keep the fade to black and shoot right on in to "Swan Song." But then this happened. And originally, Kota wasn't to know about Sam's awful track record with women. Yet, I felt like it needed to get squeezed in there.

Thus, this outtake.

I want a poll from you all: Since you all know how "Swan Song" ends, what would you want Kota to do? Should she uphold the deal they just made? Or should she join Dean, Bobby, and the other hunters even after Sam's...well...you know. Or would she not make it to the end?

I know how this story ends, readers, but I want your thoughts on the above.**