27. "Don't Get Too Attached."

"Come on, Dak!" Dean pounded on the door. "You gotta let us in so we can stitch you up!"

"Yeah? Trust you with a big needle? Ha, no thanks!" I said. I had holed myself up in the bathroom.

It was the day immediately after the disaster in Missouri. It was the first thing on everyone's agenda to get me stitched up properly. Fortunately, I had caught wind of their plans early and made a break for it. Unfortunately, I hadn't been smart enough to run outside.

Now, here I was, trapped in the bathroom.

"We can do this the nice way, or the not-so-nice way. You choose." The pounding stopped, but I knew Dean was still on the other side.

"You know what? Hospital sounds pretty good right about now." I rubbed my arms as I sat on the toilet.

"You'd be ten times worse, Dak. Open the door before I break it."

"You buy what you break!" I heard Bobby shout.

My head went to the doorknob. I heard gears turning. My eyes widened. Shit. I ran right to the door, pressing my full weight against it. I would fight tooth and nail. Too bad this bathroom didn't have a window I could crawl out of.

"We gotta do it, Dak," Dean grunted. "You don't want an infection, I'm sure."

"I'm not trusting you with the job!" Ugh, I wish I had the strength to move the toilet against the door.

The clicking stopped momentarily. I waited with bated breath.

"All right, looks like we have to negotiate," I heard him grumble. "What's it gonna take for us to get you stitched?"

"Nothing." I kept my weight against the door.

"Stop acting like a kid, Dak. You're twenty-six, for God's sake!"

"I have never been a fan of needles, as you can obviously tell!" I shouted.

Dean groaned loudly. "Would you rather do this yourself?"

"Hell no. Are you taking stupid pills? I don't like needles."

"And you don't like to cooperate either." It was as though I could almost hear him thinking for the long minute of quiet. "All right. If I get Sam up here to help me, will you let me do it then?"

I bit my lip, in thought. Sam would ease my worries a little. Not that I suspected Dean would do anything to hurt me. Still, I wasn't sure where he and I stood on our relationship. According to Sam, Dean was fond of me. Nothing seemed to prove that. Yeah, sure, he wanted to patch me up, but that was probably in his nature. It wasn't something out of genuine concern for me.

"Maybe," I finally decided.

"Maybe? Come on, Dak!"

"Still can't get her to open the door?" I heard Sam on the other side.

"No, she's being a pain in the ass."

"Here, back off some. We're lucky there's no window in there. Kota? It's Sam."

"I can hear you both, you know," I said loudly.

"Listen, stop giving Dean a hard time. You know as well as we do that you want your injuries to heal. Now, to be honest, your leg needs it more. We'll have to look at your shoulder to see if that needs stitching too. But we can't do it unless you let us in."

My hand found the doorknob. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Come on, Dak," Dean tried again. He sounded a little wired still, but his voice was quieter. "Don't make us call Cas to come pull you out. I'm sure he's got more important things to do."

I fidgeted with the lock on the door before I slowly pulled it open. Sam was front and center, with Dean lingering with the supplies in his arms.

"Is this really the best place to do it?" I asked timidly.

"Bobby won't let us make a mess in the kitchen."

"Damn straight I won't!" Bobby yelled.

I snorted a laugh. "O-okay. We'll have to make it work, then."

We all crammed ourselves inside the bathroom. I was the patient on the toilet seat while Dean and Sam organized the supplies. I kept my eyes away from the needle as Dean threaded it. Sam sat next to me on the tub. I rolled up my pant leg to see the bloody bandage. I bit my tongue as I began to peel it off.

I practically waxed my leg once I got it off. I swallowed down bile.

"It's gonna be okay, Dak," Dean told me softly. "You don't have to watch."

"Didn't plan on it."

We got the wound as clean as we could before Dean began. I focused on anything but him as he stuck the needle in. It didn't hurt, it just felt really disturbing. It felt even worse to have my skin come together with such thin string. Sam grabbed my hand as reassurance. I gripped his like I would die if I let go. I wasn't in pain, and I told them that during the stitching, I just wasn't fond of the way it felt.

After twenty minutes of feeling grossed out, Dean finished his handiwork. He placed a bandage over the stitching.

"There," he said. "Wasn't so bad now, was it?" He smirked.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"All right, let's see the other bad boy."

I lowered the sleeve so my right shoulder could be exposed. I flushed slightly.

"I think you'll get lucky on this one, Dak. It'll scar, probably, but it'll heal. Sam, you can help her. I'm gonna go throw this stuff out."

Once Dean collected his things, Sam took over. He crouched in front of me. I leaned down so he didn't have to stretch as far to clean my shoulder. I flinched at the cold.

"You know you'll be out of cases for a while, right?" Sam told me firmly.

"I'm fine with that," I said truthfully. "Besides, I think Bobby will like the company. We'll get to bond a bit more."

"You'll keep up your research too."

I laughed. "Yeah, I'll do that too." I hissed slightly.

"Sorry."

I kept my shoulder stone-still. Flickers of yesterday popped into my head. The excruciating pain of sharp incisors biting through my flesh. The loud growls and barks of the Hellhounds.

"You okay, Kota?"

"Hm?" I pulled myself out of my daze. "Yeah, just...thinking."

Sam reached down and grabbed a massive bandage. I held the shirt away from the injury as he gently, carefully, placed it over the wound. He smoothed out the edges so nothing stuck up. I pulled the shirt back up over my shoulder.

"Thanks."

"How's your head feel?"

I rubbed the back of it. "Not throbbing. I think it felt harder than it looked."

"It looked pretty hard, Kota, from where we were standing."

"Well, I guess I won't be firing guns anytime soon." My other hand reached my bandaged shoulder. "That'll be a bitch."

"Hopefully you won't have to see a lot of action for a while."

I got off the toilet seat to embrace Sam. I held him as tight as I could without causing me pain. He held me delicately, like if he squeezed too hard, I'd shatter. This was the most awkward place to hug, in a bathroom of all places. Still, I felt like I needed this.

"We're gonna beat this," I whispered. "We will."

As we sat there in silence, I thought I saw something in the corner of my eye. When I turned to look, nothing was there.

Maybe I was seeing things.

* * *

We all took it pretty easy the rest of the day. There was still a gloomy air around the house, but I was feeling the fatigue more than anything. I ended up crashing any place that felt comfortable, which at one point even included the floor.

I moved very little around the house. Most times I found myself outside, just like I did now as the sun was setting. I stood amidst the broken cars, wondering what was going to happen from here on out. What did Lucifer bring here to Earth? When were we going to have to face him again?

"Not hungry?"

I exhaled neutrally. "I didn't know when we were going to eat. Figured I'd air out."

"Better come in now while it's hot. How're you feeling, Dak?"

I turned slightly to Dean. "I'll survive." I lifted my chin up. "Something on your mind?" The look on his face told me that something was.

"I guess this is the best time to do it."

"Do what?"

"Talk to you on my own."

"What's this about, Dean?" I tilted my head. "If it's about your trust issues—"

"I need you to understand something."

I took a minute to gather my thoughts. "Lay it on me."

"You're trying your hardest to keep up with this, I get it. You're making it a lot farther than I expected you to. To be honest, a lot of the times I thought you'd get yourself killed with a stupid decision."

"Did you come here to bash me or to actually talk to me about something legitimate?"

"You can't let things cloud your head."

I shifted. "What things?"

"I see the way you look at him. Sam. I see the same look in his eyes when he looks at you." Dean looked very uncomfortable, fidgeting a bit. "This isn't about being the big, bad brother, though I do play the part very well. I'm telling you now, you can't grow too attached."

"E-excuse me?" I took a step back.

"You see what we do, Dak. It's not a clean profession, if you can even call it one. You're already a target by association. You go deeper with Sam, and you'll make that target grow so big it'll cover you entirely."

"Whoa, whoa," I cut him off. "What are you talking about?"

"Look, I'm no expert, but I can see a lovesick puppy from a mile away."

I wrinkled my nose. "What are you on, Dean?"

"Very few hours of sleep, and some alcohol."

"So you're drunk."

"I'm pretty sober, Dak."

"What you're talking about doesn't make any sense."

"You only say that because you can't see it," he told me, taking a step closer to me. "It's the little things that will lead to something big."

I ran what Dean was insinuating through my mind. Sam and I were in love? Um, I was pretty sure that wasn't true. Had we become closer since I got pulled into this whole mess with Lucifer, the angels, and the demons? Yeah, it was easy to see. We'd gotten pretty personal, or at least I had, last night. If anything, we were closer than we had been back in high school.

But in love? I was pretty sure that wasn't true.

"If you haven't already noticed, Dak, the monsters have a thing for finding our weaknesses and exposing them." I knew that all too well, with how the demon had possessed my sister and wiped out all of my family that night, except for me. "Imagine the danger you two would be in if they found out something like that were true. It'd be just as worse if they were wrong. Any sense of a bond, they'd take it and use it. Just picture it for a second."

I could, oh so easily. I could see me being the stereotypical damsel in distress, always being abducted by the bad guys. The girl who was always helpless and couldn't escape her captors. The girl that would easily die if she wasn't found soon enough. The girl who would be tortured to insanity because of her insane loyalty.

I hugged myself. But that wouldn't be me. Unlike the damsel in distress, I would find ways to try and free myself. I wouldn't sit around and wait for my rescuers unless I had absolutely nothing left in me to do anything on my own.

"You have no way out, and I know you know that," Dean told me softly. "You need to keep the target on you as small as possible."

"Why are you telling me this? You and I aren't buddy-buddy."

"I'll give you that," he admitted, shuffling. "I don't trust you as far as I can throw you, but I don't hate you to where I'd let you do reckless decisions that can not only risk your life, but others' as well."

"It's nice to know you don't hate me." I barely cracked a smile. So Sam was right; Dean didn't hate me. We weren't like brother and sister, we were tolerant of each other. I could take that for now. I'd rather have Dean as a friend than an enemy, especially with what I'd seen lately.

"Bottom line: don't get too attached. If something happens to you, it'll only make the pain worse."

"Have you given Sam this speech yet?" I wondered.

"I hope I don't have to. Now come on, we're missing out on food." He beckoned for me.

I limped to join Dean as we headed back in the house. Something occurred to me.

"You were there," I noted aloud. "Outside of the bathroom. That's what started this."

"I'd rather warn you now than never warn you at all." He shrugged. "Don't take it lightly, Dak. I mean it."

"If what you're saying is true, I never intended for it to happen."

"I know. Things happen in the shittiest of times. I could be wrong, but I doubt I am. Just...don't let it escalate."

If Dean was right, and I was praying to God that he wasn't, I knew I was going to have one hell of a difficult talk with Sam later down the road.

**Well, now...we're in a bit of a doozy, huh? Sakota seems to take baby steps, and then big brother Dean doesn't want it to happen. What do you think his motives are? To me, they seem obvious, but I want your interpretations.

Is Dean right? Is Kota just oblivious? And what about our Sammy boy? Voice your theories!**