40. "Are You Ready?"

The moment I got back from my session with Dr. Bagley, the reality had set in. No call from Sam or Dean, so they were still out rescuing Adam. I'd told Bobby about my session, and he was proud to hear it.

Now, here I was, at night, back to my worried state of mind. I didn't know how Bobby kept his worry hidden, I showed mine easily. I bit down on my nails but never tore them off. I was getting to that point though. Every minute I didn't hear from the brothers, my worry grew. Well, could anyone blame me? The very people who took me off the streets, my adopted family I guess you could say, was going up against some serious firepower by the name of Zachariah.

I hoped they got Adam out okay, and I hoped they all came out alive. But I wouldn't know a thing until I got the call. I had good news to tell them when they'd come back.

The hours went by, and eventually I was the only one awake in the house. Bobby had went to bed a while ago. Lucky him.

I sat on the cot, with my phone beside me. I kept my eyes on the window, eyes flitting to each junker I could spot in the scrap yard. I smiled fondly as I remembered I told Sam my life story a few months ago. How I was so open with him. He'd deserved to know. I wonder if Dean knows. I never exactly swore Sam to secrecy. I bit my lip.

If anyone outside of Sam knew, they never came forward about it yet.

My fingers ran along my phone. How long did it take to get to this place? I didn't recall the Winchesters ever saying where Adam was being held. It had to be out of state, I would have had a call a long time ago if it hadn't.

I exhaled loudly in the dark, leaning my head against the window. For some reason, I didn't feel vulnerable right now. Maybe it was because I knew Bobby's place was the safest for me right now. Maybe it was because I felt a newfound strength after my therapy session.

I forced my eyes to stay open. I didn't want to knock out and miss the call. They had to come back. We'd all be goners if we lost the Winchesters. But Cas was going to meet them there, so their chances have to be good. But remembering what Cas told me about his limited powers, I wasn't sure how big of help he would really be.

I never checked the time on my phone, because I knew if I did, minutes would only pass, not hours, or even half hours. My nail lightly scratched the window. I kept myself in a tight ball.

First came the loud vibration that nearly made me wake up Bobby. Then my phone lit up, making my eyes almost squint shut. With slow limbs, I grabbed it.

"Sam?" I yawned.

"What, no traditional 'hey,' at least?" he teased.

I laughed. "How'd it go? Did you get Adam out?"

"About that...Things didn't work out like we'd hoped."

I rubbed my face. "He's dead, isn't he?"

"We don't know, Kota."

"What do you mean you don't know?" I shifted on the cot.

"We tried to get him out, but Michael was coming, and we couldn't get the door to open..." He sighed. "And Cas went MIA because he sent all the angel guards away, including himself."

"I don't think I want to know how he managed that," I said quickly. "But you and Dean are okay, right? In one piece still?"

"As in one piece as we can be. Look, we may not make it back right away, Dean looks about ready to pass out—"

"We'll get back to Bobby's, Sam," I heard Dean's voice faintly. "I'll get us there."

"In one piece, I hope," I voiced. "I don't think Bobby or I would care if you guys crashed for a night somewhere, really."

"Dean insists that we can get there," Sam told me. "So don't freak out if you hear the door open in the middle of the night, or in the morning, whenever we get there, okay?"

"Got it. I'll make sure to tell Bobby that in case you guys come back later than expected." I yawned. "Just take it easy, and make sure you crash the moment you get back, all right?"

"Yes, Mom," Sam said teasingly. I stuck my tongue out, though he couldn't tell that through the phone. "We'll be there soon. Get some sleep, Kota."

"Goodnight."

I put myself back-first on the cot, with my phone perched on my stomach, my hands formed a net around it.

Knowing that the boys were okay, it didn't take me long to knock out.

***

I didn't know how I was capable of screaming still. My lungs felt like they were on fire, my throat felt very scratchy and raw. I didn't know what blood didn't cover on my body.

I gasped for air through sobs, feeling my body tremble from the fatigue. I was dirty with layers of my own blood crusted over my skin. My clothes were torn, my wrists red and raw from the shackles I tried to fight against. If they were any tighter, they could have popped my hands and feet off.

That seemed to be the only merciful thing about this, that I didn't lose my limbs. Though, there was still the chance that that could happen to me.

"I-I have nothing y-you want," I sputtered. "J-just let me go." I hung my head.

"No, no, don't droop," purred the velvet voice. I grunted as his hand firmly picked my head up to have our eyes meet. "I love to see those pretty gray eyes. They're captivating."

My upper lip quivered in slight anger. "Why don't you just kill me already?"

"Why make it easy?" He shrugged. "If he wants to play hardball, I'll do the same. I tell you, princess, you're a real stroke of luck. If you hadn't come across them, I would have never had this move in my pocket."

I spat in his face. He merely blinked at me, his eyes were cold and unamused. His hand moved from my chin to my throat. My hands clenched and unclenched. I couldn't tell how hard he was holding me, my throat was sending violent throbs throughout my body.

"Sometimes you do irk me," he admitted. "But I need you alive. Think of it this way, princess: as long as he's stubborn, you live. Once I win, I won't need you anymore." He let go of me and began to circle my torture chair. "You see, the nice thing about this is that I can torment him, and he doesn't know if I'm telling the truth or lying to him. Then again, I did tell him I would never lie to him. It drives him insane to know what's going on with you but not know where I'm doing all this." He came to my front, placing both hands on both of my arms, so our eyes were locked again. "You're the perfect Achilles heel."

"Bite me," I snarled.

"Oh, don't tempt me." His lips twisted into a sinister smirk. "I already did before, remember? And boy, did you love every single nibble." Our noses touched, I could feel my heart desperately trying to escape. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down.

This is my dream, I should be able to control this. I should be able to change it. But why can't I? Can Lucifer slip into my head while I'm asleep, or is he stuck in my head and I have yet to get rid of him?

"It'll happen, princess." His voice sounded changed. Warped into a familiar voice. No, it's not him. It's not Sam. It's Lucifer, he's trying to screw with my head. "It's only a matter of time. Come on, look at me." He grabbed my face rather harshly. "Look at me!"

Terrified by the biting tone, I forced my eyes open. The trembling worsened as I saw Lucifer had morphed himself into Sam. Into the man I trusted, the man who gave me a life off the streets. But this wasn't Sam, I could see the little things that made him Lucifer. The twinkle in his eyes was different, the smile was not loving. His stature was that of a villain, not of someone who cared about me.

"The end is coming." He exposed a toothy smile. "Are you ready?"

***

I jumped upright only to have my head collide with something hard. I heard a hiss, and I fell back onto the cot, feeling my head throb. Damn. Groaning, I opened my eyes to see Sam, who was rubbing his head too.

"Geez, Kota," he grumbled.

"Sam." Instead of getting off the cot like a normal person, I stood on it and jumped onto him. He held me tight in his arms, kissing my neck as a greeting. I sighed in relief, having my hands run through his hair. "So Dean was right after all, huh?" I pulled away a little.

"Yeah."

I jumped down once Sam didn't want to support me anymore. "Speaking of the man, where is he?"

"Probably passed out somewhere."

"Mm, you should too." I sat back down on the cot, seeing my phone at my feet. I picked it up and put it on the windowsill. "No word from Cas since I talked to you?"

"No."

"Hope he's okay."

"I should be saying that about you. I didn't give you a concussion, did I?"

"I don't think so. Did I give you one?" I asked.

"Well, I don't have double vision, so I don't think so."

"Good." I fit my fingers through his. I leaned against him, sighing through my nose.

"Zachariah is dead."

"Hallelujah."

"And...Dean's changed his mind about the whole Michael thing."

"He's not giving up?" I looked up at Sam.

"He's not giving up."

"Good." I smiled weakly. "That's good to hear. Just means nobody's backing down now."

"Are you?"

"Am I what?" My brows creased together.

"Well, earlier you had a freak-out about how the worst is gonna happen and that you'd amscray if you thought there was no shot in Hell that we'd win this."

"O-oh." I cleared my throat. "Well...then I guess this is the perfect time to tell you that I went to a therapist earlier."

"You did?"

"And a hospital to get checked. I'm cleared."

"And the session...?"

"It was a little difficult, but I got through it. She helped me more than I thought." I snorted, rubbed my forehead. "I only told her about the...you know. Nothing else." I sighed. "This is just so trying, Sam. Sometimes I think I can handle this, but then sometimes I think things are getting too big for me to handle, you know? I mean, this is bigger than me being the neighborhood exorcist. Now I'm a partner in crime to a pair of hunting brothers and their pet angel.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm with you guys till the end. I can worry about everything, but I'll never turn my back on you guys. You need all the help you can get. Yeah, I'm not qualified enough to be a hunter, but that's okay."

"Is it bad that I wish you weren't saying this?" Sam murmured.

"I'm not sure," I said slowly. "Why?"

"It's just...I knew the risks taking you in. Sometimes I wish I hadn't. Sometimes I wish I had just let you go on about your business."

I put my head on his shoulder. "It's just a tangled up mess, Sam. There's nothing we can do about this now. Maybe in the future there's a chance I can run away. Right now, I don't have a shot." I chuckled lowly.

"If there's a chance, I want you to take it. First shot, go for it." I felt his chin on my head. "By then you'll have paid your dues with us."

"You guys need to find a way out sometime too."

I heard him snort. "Yeah, well, that's easier said than done, Kota."

"But it's possible. Anything is." I yawned. "If I can find the strength to fight my battles, you, Dean, Cas, and everyone else can defeat Lucifer."

I moved away from Sam so I could resituate myself on the cot. Without me saying a word, he adjusted himself beside me, with me curled against his side. I put an arm over his chest, and he grabbed one of my hands in his, putting it over his heart. I looked out through the window. We let the calm silence blanket over us.

If there's a chance, I want you to take it. First shot, go for it. Oh, there was no doubt in my mind that, right now, I'd run away and never look back if I could. I'd want that new start, supernatural-free. I'd want to bunk down with some family I knew I had roaming around. Find a stable job, something small, before I ventured into the profession that I really set my heart on.

But would I want to do it all on my own?

**I think out of Kota's dreams, this was one of my favorites (kinda sick to say that, I know, but it was fun to write, I guess that's my justification). And like I said, Kota will worry till the end of days, but she's sticking it out. 

Well, she has to, otherwise Sakota would have a more difficult time existing.**