34. What Heaven Wants, Heaven Gets

Cas was the guard dog for only that one night. The days after, Dean kept watch over me. At times, he left me alone, and after some more time, he knew that I wasn't going to break Sam out of the panic room. I wanted to though, I really wanted to.

The detox got so much worse as the days went by. It seemed the worst at night. I felt it the most at night. When I wasn't doing anything else, I spent it down there with Sam. I talked to him through the door in hopes that I could help ease his pain a little. His screams told me my success wasn't there, but there were times that he was quiet, which almost scared me into thinking something was wrong. Listening closely, though, he was only asleep. I didn't know how. He probably exhausted himself too much. When he slept was about the most peaceful time in the detoxing process.

I wasn't sure if this took a toll on me or Dean the most. Bobby was in mild discomfort, but it was different for Dean and I. Dean had gone through this before, he knew what was going on. If he saw anything, he wasn't going to tell me. Maybe it was better that he kept his thoughts to himself on that.

Sam's detox actually extended into a week, with days five and six being the better days. On those days, I was able to sleep semi-comfortably downstairs against the door. Though Sam mumbled in his sleep from time to time, it beat him screaming in pain or begging to be let out as though someone was in there torturing him.

Bobby, Dean, and I had all discussed when to let Sam out. Naturally, I vouched to have him out sooner than either of the men liked.

Today marked day eight of Sam's detox. I'd wanted him to be out yesterday, but I was outvoted; Dean and Bobby insisted that we gave it another day to be absolutely sure. I had no choice but to agree with it.

I woke up feeling extremely cold on the eighth morning. I smiled faintly noticing the blanket and pillow I received. I guess Dean was getting tired of having to carry me upstairs. I wrapped the blanket tight around me and grabbed the pillow before clumping up the stairs.

I yawned mutely, shuffling into the kitchen. It seemed I was the first one up. My eyes flitted to see Dean passed out on the couch. I continued my walk into the kitchen, rummaging around to see what I could conjure up. I needed something to wake me up. Having the goal of not trying to burn down the place sounded like a pretty alert task for me to take on.

I didn't make a big breakfast, just the simple eggs and toast. I made extra portions in hopes that Sam could be let out today. If Dean and Bobby pushed the date back even further, I was seriously going to be pissed.

I made sure to put on a pot of coffee too in case anyone wanted that. A few of us took some here and there, but it wasn't often.

"Couldn't sleep?" a voice groggily said.

"Oh, I did. I just need something to do," I replied as I watched the eggs. "Take some coffee, it's there for a reason."

"You know, it's actually nice to have someone making food. Beats having to scavenge and get something out all the time." From the corner of my eye, I saw Dean shift around to find a mug. "You expecting an army, Dak?"

"Hm?"

"That's a lot of eggs."

"You guys eat a lot," I half lied. "I have to make some extra. Besides, I know how much you like to eat." I smiled thinly.

"Uh-huh," he said skeptically. I heard the coffee being poured. "You sure there's no ulterior motive?"

"Like what?"

"Dak, we'll let him out today. You don't need to bribe us with food."

I actually looked at him with tired eyes. "I'm surprised at you. I thought you'd be against it and side with Bobby."

"Nah, it's been over a week. He should be back to his old self."

"You don't sound too confident about that." Toast popped out of the toaster, and I went to collect it. "I know Sam's changed, Dean. I know he's not the same kid I met in high school. It's not my job to pry into what made him change, I know hunting has done that. Specifically, I don't know what's made him the way he is. When he wants to tell me, I'll be ready to listen. Now, mind lending me a hand?"

Dean was cooperative in helping out with prepping breakfast. I wondered if the exhaustion played a factor into him being so nice to me lately. Lack of sleep could really change a person. But they didn't look like they got much sleep when I met them a while back. This must be a new extreme.

After a while, once Bobby got up, we all settled down for breakfast. Bobby gave me an odd look, and I knew he guessed why I made extra food. He didn't say anything about it right away, he waited until we all ate to bring it up.

The conversation was surprisingly short. Dean sided with me on the issue, and Bobby reluctantly agreed that it was time for Sam to be out of that panic room. I immediately volunteered myself to go downstairs, as that was where I'd been for the majority of the time lately. Neither of them verbally questioned me, but I could see puzzlement in their eyes.

I dropped off the pillow and the blanket on the couch before I headed downstairs. This was going to be a good day. Sam no longer had demon blood in his system, it was gone.

The basement was silent, a good sign. He had to be asleep. I approached the door, waiting for someone to come grab me at the last second, or for Cas to appear from thin air and put me somewhere else. Nothing like that happened, so this wasn't a trick.

My hand hesitated on the handle. I could see my arm shake. I didn't know why I was nervous. Wait, no, I wasn't nervous, more like excited. Okay, so maybe there was a little anxiety, but only because I hadn't actually seen Sam for a little over a week. I didn't imagine the panic room to hold a fridge or a bathroom. He had to be starving.

I pulled the door open.

All was calm. Sam twitched in his sleep, he was lying on the cot. He looked so young, almost peaceful. I crept into the panic room, leaving the door wide open. My nose wrinkled at the odor. He definitely needed a shower. He needed to feel clean again. He needed to be tended to.

I knelt by his side, running my fingers through his hair. His hair was like mine: easy to tame with just running fingers through it.

"Hey you," I whispered as his eyes opened and met mine.

"Kota?" I saw a faint trace of fear in him. The fear in him made me wonder what the detoxing made him experience. It didn't sound like anything good.

"I'm me. I'm really here." I placed my other hand on his arm as proof. "Jail time is done, Sam. How're you feeling?"

"A little wiped still, but I'll manage. I'm sorry you had to hear me."

"I can't tell you how many times I wanted to rip open this door and comfort you, but no one would let me. They wouldn't let me in if something went wrong."

"I wouldn't have wanted you to. Detoxing is dangerous with me alone."

"So I heard. I was right outside that door, Sam. Every minute I could, I was here."

"Why?"

"I hoped that maybe I could help in some way. I was taken away a few times. Two times I woke up to be on the couch."

"Why did you do that to yourself, Kota?"

"I didn't want you to be alone. You said my name a few times, I'm not sure if you remember those." I shrugged. "Come on, this isn't a trick. You need to air out. More importantly, you need a bath. You're probably starving too."

I pulled Sam off the cot, keeping my fingers laced with his. I practically led him out of the panic room and shut the door firmly behind me. In a quick movement, I put myself against the door and pulled Sam to me. He caught on fairly quickly, holding me against the door, our mouths coming together.

I was sure in what I wanted now. These past few days made me realize that this world could end any day. I could die any day. Sam could, Dean could, Bobby could, and hell, even Cas could die. This was one life I was living, and I didn't want to end it with any regrets.

I yipped when I was lifted off the floor, held between the wall and his body. Our foreheads were together, the heat crackled in the space between us. His hands sent a burning trail on my legs.

"What changed your mind?" he asked.

"It's now or never," I panted. My fingers dug into his locks. "I would rather try than not try at all. So what if the universe is against us? We'll make the best of it, no matter the risks."

"What happened to the Dakota I know?"

"The apocalypse changes people." I smirked.

Our mouths went back to business. The door behind me felt cold while Sam felt the complete opposite. This felt right. This was long overdue. This was something I should have committed to from the first kiss. I mean, if Heaven wanted us to be together, why try and fight it?

Too bad there wasn't an explanation as to why Sam and I were matched. Maybe we had to figure that on our own.

"Whoa, hey, hey, break it up, kids," Dean's loud mouth interrupted us. Sam and I pulled apart, both rigid. "Thought something was wrong when I didn't hear anything."

"Since when do you have acute hearing?" I said. "We're fine."

"Yeah, I can see that. You good, Sam?"

"Y-yeah," Sam stuttered, looking at his older brother, who looked downright disgusted as he stood on the stairs. "I'm good."

"And this?" Dean gestured to our position.

"It's new," I said proudly. "Why bother to fight what Heaven wants?"

"Not that again," Dean groaned. "You have no respect for authority."

I scoffed. "Authority? You? Dean, our lives can end at any moment. You really think I'd want to die and feel the guilt of not trying to go for this?"

"I don't want to have this discussion." He waved his arms around.

"You don't have to." I shifted as Sam set me down on my feet. "Sorry, Dean, but..." I shrugged. "What can we do?"

He was a grumbling, skulking figure as he headed back up the stairs.

"I assume he gave you the lecture too?" I looked up at Sam.

"I have a feeling he got to you first."

"He probably did. At least he didn't tell just me." I looked to the stairs. "We better face it instead of avoid it." I grabbed his hand. "Ready?"

"Ready."

**Yes, this is real. No dream. The detox time gave Kota a lot of time to think about what she wants.

After all, why fight what Heaven wants?

Oh, and big brother Dean...well, his reaction was kind of predictable, right?

So, a quick poll: Including Kota, who is your favorite pairing with Sam? Personally, if I take out Kota, canon wise, I don't know...I guess I'm kinda biased to Ruby only because of Genevieve and the fact that while watching season 4 I remembered the key fact that she and Jared are married (which is the most adorable thing in the history of adorableness).

P.S. Dedication question: Name the season and episode which this song is from. First one to do so gets this chapter dedicated to them!**