37. God Help Us

This game of tracking down Dean wasn't fun. Yeah, sure, it let me be alone with Sam, but I still wasn't back to my old self around him. I blamed Satan for that one-hundred percent. Sam was still very careful about what he did around me. Needless to say that our relationship was at a bit of a standstill. I had a feeling it'd get past this obstacle. I would say it was a minor hurdle, but being tricked into bed by Satan as he posed as your boyfriend wasn't a simple thing to get over.

Our little tracking game came about after our recent case involving the Whore of Babylon. When Dean had the opportune chance, he'd taken off in the Impala, leaving Sam and myself to tend to an injured Pastor Gideon at the time. But the biggest issue Sam and I had was our worries that Dean was considering saying yes to being Michael's vessel. He made it clear that he wasn't going to, but Sam and I didn't trust his words.

So now that's what led us to hunting down Dean to a motel. While on our trip, Sam had filled me in about a certain someone Dean had feelings for, a woman named Lisa Braeden. He suspected that was where Dean had run off to after the whole Whore of Babylon incident. I couldn't disagree with Sam on it, because I didn't know his older brother like he did.

We'd found Dean's hiding place thanks to the Impala. Before we even began to search, we did the logical thing of asking the clerk the room number. We walked side by side, eyes scanning for the room number. Out of habit, I reached for Sam's hand and grabbed it.

"It's been a while since you did that," he noted softly.

"The only way to counteract the trauma is with progress," I told him firmly. "I'm not going to let Lucifer decapacitate me in any way. He's not going to get an advantage over me again, and I'm not going to let him use me to hurt either of you, especially you, Sam."

Before long, we landed at the room number. The door was mostly closed, so all I did was prod the door, and it moved from my touch. We peeked in to confirm that Dean was in the room. He looked to be doing some packing with the big box on the bed. He taped up the box before I could even look at the contents and wrote a name on the box.

"Sending someone a candy-gram?" I broke the silence as I stepped into the room.

Dean acknowledged us with a rather pointed look. "How'd you find me?"

"You're going to kill yourself, right?" Sam asked. "It's not too hard to figure out the stops on the Farewell Tour. How's Lisa doing, anyways?"

"I'm not going to kill myself."

"No? So Michael's not about to make you his Muppet? What the hell, man? This is how it ends? You just...walk out?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"How could you do that?"

"How could I? All you've ever done is run away."

I could feel the stab from here even though it was meant for Sam. I kept a firm grip on his hand so I wouldn't do something stupid like cross over to Dean and slap him across the face.

"And I was wrong," Sam told his older brother. "Every single time I did. Just...please. Not now. Bobby is working on something."

"Oh, really? What?"

Sam and I looked at each other. If I had known he would say that, I would have tried to make up a case.

"You got nothing and you know it," Dean snapped.

"You know we have to stop you," I told him.

"Yeah, well, you can try. Just remember: You're not all hopped up on demon blood this time, Sam."

"We know that." I pulled my hand out of Sam's to fold my arms over my chest. "But we brought help."

On cue, Castiel appeared behind Dean. Dean spun around, and before he could do anything, with a touch to Dean's forehead, Cas knocked him out cold. I cringed as nobody went to catch his fall. I shook my head.

"If he had his head on straight, this wouldn't have been necessary." I scratched behind my ear. "Thanks, Cas. Come on, let's get him loaded and hauled back to Bobby's."

* * *

"Yeah, no, this is good," Dean said bitingly. We'd managed to get him, Sam, and myself back to Bobby's in one piece in a peaceful manner. Sam and I had slept the rest of the night off once we got back here. Cas had made his way here much quicker with his way—this wasn't long after Dean had woken up. Since Dean woke up, he's been a grumpy grizzly. "Really. You know, eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches but tonight, tonight's when the magic happens."

"You ain't helpin'," Bobby told him.

"Yeah, well, why don't you let me get out of your hair, then?"

Sam, Cas, and I were all spectators. I lingered by Sam, Cas was being Mr. Solitude near the entrance to the kitchen. We were all packed into the study.

"What the hell happened to you?" Bobby demanded of Dean.

"Reality happened. Nuclear's the only option we have left. Michael can ice the Devil, save a boatload of people."

"But not all of them. We gotta think of something else."

"Yeah, well, that's easy for you to say. But if Lucifer burns this mother down, and I coulda done something about it, guess what? That's on me."

"You can't give up, son."

"You're not my father. And you ain't in my shoes."

I grabbed Sam's arm, feeling the tension crackle in the study. I had a bad feeling this was going to go in a not-so-nice direction.

Bobby pulled a gun out from his desk, setting it on the table. He took a bullet out from one of his pockets and examined it.

"What is that?" Dean asked, speaking on my behalf as well.

"That's the round that I mean to put through my skull." Bobby sat the bullet down in front of him on the desk.

My grip on Sam's arm grew tighter. I felt sick to my stomach all of a sudden.

"Every morning, I look at it. I think, 'Maybe today's the day I flip the lights out.' But I don't do it. I never do it. You know why? Because I promised you I wouldn't give up!"

My eyes went to Castiel, who was grabbing at his head in pain.

"Cas, you okay?" I voiced.

"No," he grunted.

"What's wrong?" I moved away from Sam to go towards Cas.

"Something's happening."

"Where?"

I stumbled back as Cas disappeared, bringing up a sudden gust of wind that blew papers around in the study. Way to keep us updated, Cas. Maybe he'll be back soon. I sat myself back down on the cot while Sam went into the kitchen. I rubbed my face with my hands. And here I thought Dean had been so insistent to not let Michael take his body. Now, here he was, on the verge of giving in.

Maybe the message wasn't getting through to his thick skull. Sam wasn't going to say yes to Lucifer, so why should Dean want to say yes to Michael? But if I look at it, Sam has more motivation to not give in to Lucifer. Somehow Dean is losing his. Maybe he's almost out of fight in him. But how was that possible? I barely knew the brothers for a year, and I could sense that Dean had an abundance of fight in him.

Dean had vanished, probably into the kitchen. I rubbed my arms while Bobby watched me quietly.

"Holding up okay, kid?" he asked. He'd been told about the incident with Lucifer not long after the issue happened. The boys had to tell him though, I had still been pretty shaken up at the time. But even the brothers had a hard time getting the story out.

"I'm getting through the days," I admitted, barely smiling. "The cases help a little." I looked towards the entrance into the kitchen. "He does too."

"Did you ever think to...to get yourself checked out? Or find some help at least? It's been a little bit, Dakota."

"I haven't had the time to get dropped off at a hospital."

"If I could, I'd drive you to one myself right now."

I smiled timidly. "I know you would, Bobby."

"But I'm serious, Dakota. Get someone to take you or drive yourself to get some help. It'll be the best thing for you."

Bobby reminded me of my dad a little bit. He'd always wanted what was best for his little girls.

I turned my face away as a sudden gust of wind exploded in our faces. I heard the familiar rustling of paper. I turned back only to see Cas had returned with a body. Jesus.

"Help," he said urgently.

"Guys!" I shouted, jumping out of the way as Cas moved the body onto the cot I had just sat on. I backed off, hearing the boys come into the study. Bobby wheeled himself out from behind his desk to get a good look at the stranger. I looked to the brothers before I looked back at the body.

"Who is it?" I asked aloud.

"That's our brother," Sam said.

**Sorry to the folks who were looking forward to Kota's adventure with the Whore of Babylon. Didn't think it was a crucial enough episode.

But this one? Oh yeah. Hella yeah this one is crucial, I think. I mean, it's critical that Kota at least meets Adam. And you know, I think Bobby's come to like Kota. Almost like she's an adopted daughter of his.**