When All is Lost, One is Found

Author: Rinoaebastel

Chapter 85: Never Alone

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and gain no profit from this fanfiction other than writing practice. Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling.

AN: This story may contain scenes taken from the Harry Potter movies and books, but it's not exact dialogue, just rewording of dialogue or omission. It is not marked.

June, 1997

Stairs went on and on in an interminable climb. He felt as if each step he took was piling dread upon him. He knew what was waiting for him at the astronomy tower. It was often used for students trying to do promiscuous things at night, but this time, it was for a quiet meeting.

The pressure in his chest grew and dread filled him with every step he took.

Whatever Draco was planning, the headmaster was counting on happening soon. The old wizard wasn't a fool, and even if he were weak, he wouldn't ignore a threat directly under his nose.

The telescope came into view, making him swallow in response with a subtle movement. With a couple more stairs, he saw the headmaster. He never let his mask drop as he approached the elder wizard.

He was looking out at the view, making no move to turn to him. When he got a meter behind Dumbledore, he waited to be acknowledged.

An uneasy feeling lurked from his body, knowing, making him sense that this was going to be the last time they could have a formal conversation. As a mentor and a pupil.

Their relationship become increasingly strained year by year as each lie was uncovered. Every action Dumbledore took showed him that he was never and never would be trusted completely. That was probably why the headmaster always asked more from him than anyone else. He didn't care to sacrifice him if necessary. Him or Potter...

"Good afternoon, Severus." The weakness in the headmaster's voice, and his slow movement to turn to look at him, confirmed his health status. "I assume you know why you are here?"

"I could merely imagine." His reply was dry.

"I'm going on an important mission with Potter tonight, and I don't know what kind of state I'll come back in," Dumbledore answered with his trademark infuriating calmness.

He wasn't surprised.

"I see. And I assume you can't tell me what you're going to do." His voice deliberately showed a pinch of discomfort. "As always."

"No, Severus, but I'm counting on you to protect the castle and the students. I've made sure Hogwarts will recognize you in case I don't come back. It will secure your position here."

Part of him hoped the headmaster did not return. That would free him from his task of killing him. It was a terrible thought, a selfish thought, but he couldn't help it.

"It might not be a wise time to leave. You know Draco has finished whatever he is trying to do to murder you. I have a feeling that your departure will trigger it."

"In that case, my life is in your hands.

He snarled. The wizard's eyes widened ever so slightly. "Have you never reconsidered what you've asked of me? You could be making a mistake. What if I told you right here, right now, that I don't want to do this."

He'd tried to view it from the point of view of having mercy, but now he feared giving into the darkness after Dumbledore's death. He'd pushed away the only anchor to light that he had. What if he gave in and became evil again?

He was still only human with a mind that could be broken with stress and depression. He would be alone again, carrying the secrets of the headmaster and letting himself be a lightning rod to hate. All to make sure the Dark Lord perished under the hands of Potter.

And what if he failed? What if Potter failed?

He'd long become comfortable knowing he would die and had accepted that Potter would as well, but it made him sick to his stomach that she might.

She would help Potter, and she wouldn't give up finding a way to help him either. Her connection to him brought even more danger to her.

He sighed. He'd done all he could when it came to Potter. If he died before the right time, at least she would make sure his message would pass to the boy.

That calmed him somewhat. It hadn't been part of Dumbledore's plan and the old wizard still didn't know fully what was going on with them.

Dumbledore looked at him with hardened eyes. "What you've asked is irrelevant. I will not bargain with you, Severus. You agreed to it and I trust you to keep your word," he said. "I won't discuss it anymore." His voice was the coldest he'd ever heard it.

He pushed back the thought of killing him right there. It was way in the back of his mind, but it still flared. It was a remnant of the darkness in him that he feared would take over his mind.

With a harsh movement, he turned away and stormed towards the stairs.

His steps halted along with his heart when he discovered some intruders.

How much had they heard? How much had Potter realized. And Hermione...Why was she there? Was she going to put herself at risk again for the sake of her foolish friend?

That was a dumb question to ask himself. Of course, she would. She risked herself for a man like him, why wouldn't she for her friend?

No matter what, worry would always fill him where it concerned her.

He raised his chin and descended the stairs with more haste than he'd climbed them.

-/-/-

He entered his office, his body so tense with dread and anger that he didn't have the energy to bother slamming his door or throwing anything. He'd been through that already. There was no benefit in destroying anything anyway.

He looked down at his desk and saw the quill Hermione had given him. Taunting him about the mistake he'd made with her. He reached out to take it when he felt a warm pressure against his back and around him. His already tense body went rigid. He hadn't heard anyone come in. A familiar scent came to his nose, and he closed his eyes, indulging himself for just a moment. She shouldn't be here, and shouldn't be doing what she was. But Merlin, he didn't know just how much he wanted this, how much he needed contact, until this witch had given it to him. He opened his mouth but she spoke before he got a chance.

"I'm not going to leave," she whispered, her voice caressing him down to his soul. "I don't care if you shout, or even threaten to hex me. I'm not leaving you alone."

He allowed his body to relax somewhat. He bowed his head, his focus never leaving the quill on the desk. Her embrace tightened.

Didn't she understand that this was unfair to her? He was unable to give her what her heart desired and for him it was a taste of what he couldn't have.

But just for this moment, he'd forget the future. He'd let vulnerability take him.

"I don't wish to fight you today." He said the sentence slowly, proud of how even his tone was. He reached up and placed a hand over hers, caressing her skin with his thumb. He released a little laugh. It was foreign to even his ears. "Do you realize what you've done?'

"No, what?" she said, sounding slightly panicked.

"Hermione, you've accomplished much and now you can add that you've defeated the bat of the dungeons today."

She squeezed him. "I'm glad to hear that, you stubborn man." He felt her forehead press against his back. "I want to be here for you no matter what you have to do. I know it's hard, I accept that it is, but that doesn't mean we can't treasure the present. We have to do what is necessary in the future, but right now let's just...be here."

"I still don't like it, but I have no choice." He meant that regarding both Dumbledore and his growing feelings for her. His growing need for her.

"And that means you're worthy of salvation," she said. "Because you are a human with morals and you know this order is ridiculous. I know it is."

"Yes."

"I won't think less of you, because your actions might save everyone." She took a deep breath. "I'll make sure others know what you are doing for us. I will do everything I can to make sure you live through everything. I vow that to myself and to you."

A question weighed down his tongue. "You would rather I live than our dear headmaster?"

The sentence came out sardonically.

"I heard what he said to you and saw the way he acted," she said. "He's not the man I thought he was. I don't want to see anyone die, but he is dying already and can't be saved. You can, Severus."

Hermione Granger would never lose her stubbornness, but he didn't want her to.

"Foolish woman," he whispered, letting a bit of affection come through in the words.

"You are stuck with me," she said. "I'm supporting you from afar. Besides, I can reach you with my Patronus now." He felt her grip loosen, but she didn't pull way.

"I wanted to tell you something else," she said and entwined her fingers with his hand. "Harry and Ron and I won't be at Hogwarts next year. We're doing a task that Dumbledore set for us. One he didn't tell you about."

He forced himself to relax even though he really wanted to tense up again. She was yet another pawn in Dumbledore's plans.

"It's better that way. You're a muggleborn. When the Dark Lord gets involved with this place there will be changes. Even if I'm appointed as headmaster, I will have to follow his orders and do things that—"

"You don't have to say anything else, I understand," she said, her voice muffled by the fabric of his clothes. "But I will be with you. Please don't think you don't or can't have my support. You are worth everything to me."

"I..." He found himself unable to continue. He really was hopeless. He'd submitted to her presence and kindness.

"I know the great secret Dumbledore didn't want to share with you. That's another reason I'm here. The secret has to do with Horcruxes. Harry told us about everything. We have to destroy them all."

Horcruxes? Parts of the Dark Lord's soul? That explained why Potter had a part of him inside him, and why the boy had to die if they wanted the Dark Lord to fall.

He squeezed her hand, beyond grateful for her revelation. For her trust. "Hermione," he said and turned around, giving in to the need to see her. "Thank you."

AN: And then....he falls. But, this time, she is there, showing her caring fangs. Hope you liked it and let me know what you think. See you next Saturday.