Ryan

Why? Why was I this nervous? It was ridiculous how I wasn't able to sleep properly last night just because I kept thinking about the lunch I'd be having today. I just had a maximum of three hours of sleep when the damn alarm rang and now my face looked groggy and unkempt. The tiny dark circles under my eyes were more pronounced. I was looking like a living dead.

As it was Saturday, there weren't any regular classes. Sebastian had gone out to bring breakfast for us. I had asked him if I could come along. He strictly denied telling me to concentrate my mind on the 'lunch'. Seb could act weird sometimes.

I was stupidly laughing by myself when the door clicked open and Ashley entered. Not the person I wanted to see first thing in the morning. Well it was afternoon but we woke up late.

"Hi there Ryan! How are you doing?" The cheerful voice seemed to fill up the dull room. I wondered if every female voice resonated in such a relaxing way. She came over to me and sat down on the study table's chair.

"I am great." I feigned a smile. Deep inside, every atom of my body was shaking with nervousness. I hated to feel this way. It was my very first time going on lunch with a family. A proper family. It was as if I was going for a field observation or something at an alien invasion sight. It all felt so weird.

"Where's your friend?"

"Um...he has gone out to get us breakfast."

"Oh. I am sorry I disturbed your breakfast time. We can leave once you both have eaten, okay?"

"Oh no. It's all right. I'll call him and tell him to cancel my share. We mustn't delay. Your...family might be waiting."

"Are you sure, Ryan?" She asked lifting her eyebrows at me.

"Yeah."

"Okay." She smiled, "And one more thing."

"What?" I ask.

"It's not my family. It's our family."

--------

I slept throughout the one hour drive to her home. She woke me up when we got there. My eyelids shrinked to the blindingly bright sunlight entering the car's window.

"We're here!" She shouted. It was probably meant for the inhabitants of the house. "Get up son." She patted me gently on my shoulder. I rubbed my eyes before nodding and stepping out of the car. Somehow, I suddenly wanted to go back to my dorm room and never come out.

It was a Victorian house with greyish paint plastered upon its walls. The place looked damp and dilapidated except her house. This house was the only one that didn't look ruined. We walked towards the porch. She opened the door and both of us entered in.

A male member was standing on the hallway. It was the father of course. He had to be at least five years older than Ashley. I smiled at him.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Ryan. I am Harold." We shook hands. And he shot me a cordial smile. Suddenly, a small girl no more than eight years old came running towards us. Ashley's face brightened as she crouched down and hugged her.

"This is Cathryn, Ryan." I gave her one of my best smiles.

"Who is he?" She asked pointing at me.

An awkward silence clouded the room. "He is your brother, dear!" Ashley spoke.

"Brother? But what about Troy?!" She thought of something and her eyes widened. I was guessing this Troy guy would be the big brother.

I was right. A guy appeared out of a room. He had a glass of water in his hand. He shot me a sharp smirk before approaching me. He handed over the glass to me. I had not even held it in my hands when he let loose his grip on it and the glass fell on the ground with the water spilling out and about the floor.

"I am so sorry!" I gasped although it wasn't me who was responsible for it. Just comity.

He smiled again. "Ah, no. It's not your fault. It's not as if you're a mistake anyways. I'll clean it up right away."

Wait. Had I heard him properly? Did he just said 'you are a mistake'? What the.... I wanted to go back so badly. For the first time in my life it felt as if that filthy orphanage was much of a heaven than this.

No one paid attention to it and Ashley beckoned​ us all towards the dining room. I thought I shouldn't react too much to it. After all, I wasn't sure if he really said that or if I heard that. I tried to improve my mood, consoling my mind that the lunch would be grand.

After taking a short tour of the whole house, whose every room was commodious and neatly arranged, we sat across the dinning table. By that point, I was feeling normal again. Troy didn't join us and only came to flaunt when Ashley was showing me the 'Games' room.

The lunch table looked delicious with a huge variety of dishes stacked side by side for us to devour. It would be the best lunch I would have since years. I was pretty excited for this.

The cutlery clinked in synchrony with plates as we started eating. Midway through it, someone tucked to my shirt. I turned around to find Cathryn giving me a goofy grin.

"You have friends?" She asked.

"Um...yeah. What about you?"

"I have many many friends and they all play with me too! Would you like to be my friend?"

"Of course." She giggled once more and resumed eating the macaroni salad.

"So Ryan. What are your plans after completing your...um, orphanage schooling?" Harold, the father, asked.

"I...I haven't thought much about it." Harold made an 'o' expression with his mouth. He was about to say something when Ashley interrupted.

"Harold don't! Not now. We all can eat for now, right?" She smiled widely at us. Harold looked at her questioningly and shrugged.

"It's okay Ashley. I would like to answer his questions." I said cheered.

"Well I was just asking about your preferences on subjects." He said.

"I like maths a lot. I think I'll do something from science, you know."

Harold gave me an expression I hadn't expected. It was a mixture of scoff and grimace. I was shocked. Was it me who was hallucinating or were these things seriously happening? I got frustrated again.

"I'd much rather prefer Arts. What do you think, Ash?" He looked at her and she looked as if she was planning to kill someone. Then was it that the expression I saw earlier was real? I took a deep breath and let it out. I decided to stop thinking too much.

The lunch went on for ten minutes with perfect silence. I was happy and relieved from it. No matter what I thought, I had already started feeling miserable and so out-of-place. I didn't want to interrupt their dinner and therefore I started eating hurriedly.

"Can I ask you something?" It was Cathryn again.

I gulped down the food inside my mouth. "Sure."

She waited for a moment and then said, "If you are my brother, where were you till now? Where were you hiding?"

The eight year old watched me with fascination. So this was what she was thinking a while back. I didn't know how to answer the question.

"I was..." No words came out of my mouth.

"He was in an orphanage." Troy spoke sternly. Why did this guy hated me? What had I done to him in that half an hour that we had met?

"Troy!" Ashley scolded. All this while I could sense that she was feeling disappointed. Troy just shrugged it off, pretty much like his father. I was starting to feel a bit angry by then. I felt as if I was not welcomed here at all. It was as if they were saying and doing all those things on purpose so that I could get out. And it was working because I wanted to run away from there as soon as possible. But watching Ashley trying was the only thing making me suck it up and stay.

"What's an orphanage?" Cathryn asked.

Before I could answer Troy butted in again, "It's a place where they keep children having no parents."

"What? I don't get it!" She said, clearly perplexed.

"Troy! Enough! I'll have a talk with you after this. Now shut up everyone and eat." Ashley looked utterly furious. And I, I was sitting there feeling like shit. Shittier than shit, actually. Though it was a feeling all of us orphans felt daily but this was no short than open humiliation. I wanted to leave before things got out of hand.

The rest of the lunch was eaten in dead silence during which time Ashley could be seen thinking something and shaking her head hopelessly. And the father-son duo eyeing each other and her back to back.

Once lunch was over, Ashley made us all sit on the couch in front of the Tele like normal families do and chit-chat like normal families do. The only fault in this plan: this wasn't normal. We weren't normal.

Midway through an episode, I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and went towards the kitchen to drink water and take some fresh air to clear my mind. All this while, my anger with this stupid family was growing. Why did they even call me if this was how they were going to treat me? What was Ashley thinking? Was even she in all this? The more I thought about it, the more my mind entangled.

I was drinking water when I heard footsteps approaching me. It wasn't late when I saw Troy emerging out. I tried to act all nice and cool again.

"What's up champ?" He smirked. I just rolled my eyes and kept drinking.

"Mom sent for me to call you because she thinks your getting on the 'cry baby' mode."

Okay. That was enough. "What's your fucking problem?" I said calmly.

"Hey hey now. Don't you dare say that to me in my own fucking house, yeah?" He threatened me with a devilish laugh.

"What have I done to you?!"

"What have you done to me? Oh, don't kid me. Do you have any idea how many times my parents have fought because of you? What's with this whole shit of you suddenly popping out of nowhere and ruining my family's​ peace. I have a lot of things to deal at school and with all that rotten mood at home too, do you know how pathetic it gets? My parents, they never fight. Have never fought in years! And they are for the past month. Guess because of who? You!" He pointed his finger at me. That was when I lost it.

"It was not I who came to her! She came to me. It was her fucking decision. Not mine. I had no plans in the first place to ruin your 'family' shit or something!" I bellowed equally high.

"Fucking outsider." He muttered.

"Oh fuck you!" I stormed out of the kitchen banging the door shut behind me. Troy followed subsequently.

"What's happening there?!" A worried tone cut through the dangerous atmosphere. It was Ashley. I saw her and this time I ignored her feelings. I had had enough. I made quick steps towards the door. I just wanted to get outside the house and out of this whole locality, for starters.

"Ryan, wait!"

I crossed the threshold when I turned back to see Ashley standing at the door. Her troubled expressions getting more pronounced.

"Come back please." She begged.

"I am going." I said. I didn't want to take out my anger at her. I was boiling inside and could blast any moment.

"Why? What happened?" She asked.

"Did you tell Cathryn about me?" I spoke with my back to her.

"No. I was about to tel-"

"You didn't fucking plan anything, right? You just made me get here to humiliate me and make me feel like shit. Because if you cared enough, you could have made them understand the whole situation so that I won't feel humiliated. The small girl didn't know what was happening or who I was!"

"What? No-"

"No! What do you think of me? Am I some clown to entertain you people. The whole damn time I was in there, all I felt was like shit. A fucking outsider as your son called me! I didn't come here to get insulted for being born as a damn mistake! I didn't come here to be judged because of some subjects I like that your husband doesn't! I didn't came here for all this. I thought that this was going to be a light lunch where at least I would be greeted cordially, if not like a family." I hated myself for raising my voice at her but at that moment I hated everyone. I hated all of them including myself.

"I am so sorry if you felt like that." Was all she said.

"At this point I don't even know if I can trust you." I could hear her mingled shock and sob.

I looked at her once. "Goodbye." I said and I trotted down the steps and walked away.

And I had never hated myself or the world any more than I did that day.

×××××××××××××××ו××××××××××××××××

What are your thoughts on this chapter?

Comments and tell! Don't forget to vote and comment.

-Polluted Puck