They say, life is a cruel teacher. But if it were so, why would she not bring back our answer sheets and scold us? She takes a test and leaves and you are never able to know whether you performed good or bad, whether you did acceptable or a disaster.

And therefore for me, life was a lesson. Our entire journey cramped into one big hectic lesson. And there were your friends who would laugh with you, cry with you or leave you, your enemies who would turn into diplomatic friends or stay enemies, a love of your life who would define you. Something like that.

The only better part of this lesson is that there is no one teaching us anything. We are just some students in a classroom who live their lives as they want and when the bell rings, we go outside forever.

They say that every moment defines our future. Whatever we do and however we do it in the present can answer most of our questions regarding our own future. But the point is, it can't answer all. And the point is, sometimes ignorance and innocence is not a bliss but a chronic curse.

My thoughts diverted as the faint touch of a leaf brought me back to the forest. I looked ahead at the house. The house that no longer exist in the physical world but exist here, nevertheless. I looked down at myself. My form was, yet again, reduced to a eight year old boy, too cruel to stay in his own sorry state than to appreciate the love that is given to him.

I was always sulking and I would always run away from my house and hide myself in the nearby forest of whose, a certain leaf, was now causing irritation to my skin. I walked out of the woods and saw my home with a kind of peculiarity that was both pathetic and wondrous. How many time would this scene play in my mind, I knew not. Against my will, I started walking towards it.

I pressed the doorbell and entered in without giving a second thought to any response that would come. Mom came running to see who it was. She had her apron on. On learning that it was me, she nodded and went inside the kitchen. I turned towards the Drawing room where the television resided. It was lunch and it was the exact time when my favourite show would come up.

"Sebastian is here mom!" My sister, Lily shouted as she saw me. She grimaced and stuck out her tongue in mockery. I was too tired to respond and therefore considered it best to just roll my eyes.

"I know sweety!" A reply came.

I took the chance and grabbed the remote from her hand. Without further delay, I changed the channel to my favourite show.

"Mom! Sebastian stole the TV remote. I want to see my show!" Lily shouted.

"She's lying." I said. There was no response from Mom. She might be tired of our everyday blabbering after all. Sometimes, I wondered why everyone in this house was tired.

Suddenly, Lily hit me on the chest. My anger boiled up and soon we both were fighting like maniacs. The fight ended up in Lily crying her eyes out, mom consoling her and throwing death glares at me and I, well I was always the villian.

Because of all that, I wasn't able to see the show. The first half of it ended and advertisements started showing up on the screen. My eyes would always stick to one particular add, though. And this time too, it came. The add featured a huge blue candy that looked like galaxy. It was deep blue and had a coating of glittery stars. But that was not all. Along with the candy, was the famous toy car that ran so fast, it could tear the wind apart, as my friend told me once.

I hated to go to school where they all showcased their separate sets of cars, each one with vibrant colours and sleek design. They would shove it on my face and make me jealous until my mood was spoilt and I could no longer bear their presence. I would then run away from school and go to the one place where I could survive, the woods.

Presently, I was raging in anger at my sister who always made herself the 'angel' in front of mom and dad.

"Why did you fight with her, Sebastian?" Mom asked.

"She started it." I deadpanned.

"Did you?" Mom asked Lily gently. She always talked to my sister like that. Even dad. I wondered why they were always rough on me.

Lily shook her head. My mom nodded and looked at me.

"Can you just believe me for once? She is a liar. She always lies!" I spat.

Mom gasped and so did Lily as she bursted out into another fake set of fresh tears. "How can you say that about your sister, Sebastian?" Mom's eyes were wide.

"'Cause it's true! She lies! You lie! You all lie to me!"

"What are you talking about?" Mom asked, perplexed.

"Dad told me that he would buy me the Blue Candy, the previous week. He didn't. I begged him so many times but he didn't! You didn't!" I shouted as tears clouded up my eyes. "You never listen to me. You never do as I say. There is always her!" I shrieked, pointing my finger at my sister who gasped yet again.

"Oh Sebby dear. You know that Lily's clothes were all torn and old. We desperately needed new clothes for her. She didn't have a single one to wear and it is so cold outside. So me and your father decided to buy her clothes first. But rest assured. Dad will buy you your Blue Candy as soon as he gets his monthly wage."

"No! I want it right now!"

"Oh dear, come here son." She threw her arms wide in order to hug me but I didn't move a muscle. "Dad won't get his money until atleast a week. You will have to wait only a week for it, dear. Please understand." Mom said softly.

"No! When Lily wanted clothes, she didn't have to wait for a week, did she? Then why is it for me? Why does she get all the care? Why do you hate me?!" I shrieked.

"Don't say like that! You know how it is, don't you? The candy is expensive." Mom stood up and rushed towards me. I started running away from her. I didn't want her to come near me at all.

"I don't care!" Tears were streaming out of my face.

"Sebastian! Sebastian!" She called after me as I ran out of the house as fast as I could. I kept running until I was at a safe distance away from her, from them, from my house. I went inside the forest until dinner.

------

The next morning was a Sunday. We all were in the drawing room, watching the Tele. Mom was making breakfast for us in the kitchen Sometimes we couldn't have breakfast as dad couldn't get his money or something. Other times we had to skip two meals a day.

"So Sebastian, I heard you wanted the Blue Candy? My dad said in a playful tone. I stared at him. We were sitting on the chairs.

"So finally you heard it. After about two weeks?" He looked disappointed but quickly changed his expression.

"Guess what is there below the book." He grinned and pointed to a book that was lying across the table.

My heart started beating faster as I ran towards the book in anticipation. I lifted it and shouted in joy.

"Now kid, when you have the money and you want to buy something, what do you do?"

"You go and buy it!" I said as an immense happiness played in my heart like a tune. I saw mom at the door, smiling at me. My sister was making a rotten face. This time, I stuck out my tongue at her. She grimaced.

"I am going out, mom and dad!" I said. Both of them giggled and nodded. Without delaying further, I tied my shoelaces and went outside the house. The whistle of the cooker was the last sound I heard as I sprinted towards the shop. The shop was a bit far away from our home which was situated near a forest.

Once I reached the market, I hurried towards the toy shop. The shopkeeper made a sour face and was about to shoo me away. I waved my money at him and his eyes brightened up.

"I thought you had come to drool over the toy, lad. Seems like you have money today!" He chuckled.

"Yes." I replied solemly.

He went inside for a while and came back with heaven in his hands. The plastic cover inside which the car was encased looked too vivid to be real. I gasped. He laughed at me. My eyes were as wide as a tennis ball when he handed the box to me. I jumped in joy and thanked him.

I went outside the shop clamly. Once outside, I ran towards my home. I wanted to open the covers and draw out the motor car as soon as was possible.

The morning sun was bright and it took me quite a while to reach the forests. It was when I was on my way towards my home that I saw heavy smoke coming out of somewhere. I paced up. On close inspection, I realised that the black, sooty smoke was coming from someplace close to my house.

Panting and gasping for air, I made my way towards the commotion. I heard a shower of water at a distance. I was close enough. I crossed the woody path and took the left turn to my home.

When I saw it, my jaw dropped. I stood there and watched the scene, dumbfounded. The box slipped from my hands as all my eyes could see was raging, stark, burning fire in front of me. The fire that was consuming my whole house. There were firemen whose water hoses, were jetting out water. I was too astonished to say anything, to feel anything, to hear anything.

My own house, with all my things, were burning inside. It didn't occur to me at that time to question whether my family was inside or not.

As I gained myself back, I ran towards the the burning hell not forgetting to take the toy and the candy along with me. The men were talking about some food left upon the opened stove. I didn't pay attention to it.

"Mom!" I shouted, expecting her to come out of the house any moment and smile at me. When there was no response, I started to panic.

"Mom! Dad!" I shouted anxiously. Some of the firemen turned towards me with peculiar looks.

"Mom! Where are you?" I was about to rush into the fire when one of the men caught me by my stomach. I shrieked and tried my hardest to free myself of him but his grip was tight as ever.

"You can't go inside, boy." He said quietly as if he had realised something. What was he hiding from me?

"Why?"

"You can't."

"No! I want to see my Mom! Mom! Dad! Where are you? Look I have got the toy. I want to show it to you. Please come out..." A tiny sob escaped my lips. I stopped struggling. The man's hold on me relaxed. I waited and waited but no one came out of that burning house.

"Hey Steve, what about the people inside?" I shot my head in the direction of the voice. I heard one of the men shouting the question to the other. The Steve guy saw me looking at him. He just shook his head at the man who had questioned him. The latter quietened.

I strange realisation hit me. I ran up to Steve. "Where's mom?" I asked desperately. Steve had the same expression as the man who had stopped me before. That was when my doubt turned into a reality. But I was still not ready to believe it.

"Why are you not answering me? Tell me!" I started hitting him in fright. Steve crouched down and pulled me into a tight hug.

"No! No! No! No. Noooo....." Tears flowed down my cheek like water from a fall. I couldn't feel my hands. I couldn't feel my body. All I could feel was a burning sensation on my face as the water kept flowing out of my swollen eyes.

"Noooooo!"

I woke up in panic. Big beads of sweat were trailing down my forehead. For a while I wasn't aware of my surroundings before the dorm room began to register in.

"Seb? Seb! Are you alright?" I heard the panicking voice of Ryan close to me.

I looked at him and nodded. I tried to control my rough breathing.

"Did you have another one of those nightmares?" He asked worriedly.

"Yes." I said as I finally calmed down.

"Why are that happening again? They stopped for a long time ago, right?" He sat down next to me and kept his hand on my shoulder as if supporting me.

"I don't know." I said, rubbing my eyes and gulping down the water Ryan had offered me.

"What are they about? You never tell me." Ryan asked.

"It's nothing."

"C'mon. Tell me. I might be able to help."

"No. It's nothing." Ryan sighed and muttered a whatever.

Today was Sunday. After what happened at the beach, Ryan packed his things in the afternoon and would leave the next day.

Suddenly, I felt very alone. What would I do without him? Our friendship had become so strong over the years. Would I be able to deal with these recurring nightmares on my own?

"Hey." Ryan spoke after a while.

"What?"

"I am going tomorrow."

"I know." I grimaced.

"Would you like to come with me?" He asked.

"What? What are you saying?" It wasn't possible.

"Seriously. I was about to tell you this but with all the packing and stuff, I forgot. So, are you in?" He grinned.

"For real?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"I can't." I said after thinking for sometime.

"Why?"

"Think about your mother!"

"My mom insists that you stay with us. After all you planned the beach thing, right? She told me." He smiled at me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Could I ever be a part of a family again? How could I be this fortunate? It felt as if I was having a sweet dream after a nightmare.

I looked at Ryan and he pulled me into a tight hug. "It's gonna be alright, whatever that is happening to you." He said while we were still hugging.

"So?" He pulled away and looked at me.

Could my mistake ever be made alright? Would I ever be able to forgive myself? Would my parents ever forgive me? Would my sister? Too many questions were raging on my mind.

"It is you who told me that every new beginning is only possible after an unregrettable end." Ryan said.

Would it have been any different if I would've been there on that day? Yes it would have. If I were at my house at that time when it caught fire, I would not be sitting here. The guilt I had in my mind was not because of the fact that I was the sole survivor of the diaster. It was that I could never make happy memories with my family.

On that day, I went straight away to the toy shop without giving a second thought to my family. Why didn't I hug my dad? Why didn't I kiss my mother a small bye? Why didn't I played with my sister? How could I take them for granted. There was always a guilt. There would always be a guilt, wouldn't there be?

"What are you thinking, Seb? Are you ready for it. Please say yes." Ryan begged me. Too many things were on my mind.

"Can I do this, Ryan? Am I worthy of it?" I blurted out.

Ryan was taken aback by my question. "Of course! I don't know what you are talking about but all I know is that you are my best friend for a reason and a noble person. Whatever it is that is preventing you from agreeing to come with me, stop thinking about it. If you have made a mistake in the past, there is always room for change isn't it? There is always one, Seb. And that is why Ashley, I mean Mom, could come to me and ask for forgiveness. And I agreed. And look where we are today.

"Mistakes can never be covered up, Sebastian. Out lives are written in pen. But they can be cut and a new paragraph can be started afresh. Of course, the page would always look dirty at first sight. But with time, more pages would be filled to create a masterpiece."

Ryan sucked at giving advices. But this time, I laughed at him.

"Oh c'mon. I am not too good at this. So tell me, are you in for it?" I smiled and nodded. He gasped and hugged me.

Someday, I would tell Ryan about my story.