A week.

Its been a week now with Yussa's blood cancer and I visited her almost everyday. My house was always empty when I came back after school. No food, no laughter and no bickering. I miss everyone, everything and it was like she was already gone. Sometimes when I open my bedroom door I would wish that Yussa will be there, sitting on my bed even when I hate when someone sits on my bed. Then she would smile at me with those pearly white teeth and we would fight. But no, I'm always met with with an empty room.

I tried hard faking my smiles and my behaviour. Slowly all my friends understood that there was nothing to worry about. My nightmares were now filled with new ideas, precisely more of Yussa now. After waking up from a nightmare I would listen to her audio and sleep peacefully.

I remember, I used to wish that Yussa would slip on a banana peel and fell or just go hibernation when everyone always noticed her and not me. When everyone praised her for whatever she did, and always mock at me for being in a football team. And also when Mom and Dad only had time for Yussa. Now look where she is, she's suffering from my continous cursing of mine, Its my fault It was always my fault.

Now here I am, going to see my sister after a hectic school hour. School is just so boring these days. Its actually true that school stands for seven crappy hours of our life. And also Math which I hate the most actually stands for mental abuse to human. I don't know a thing about Math and I haven't yet found why I'm continously studying a+b the whole square equals to. Why I'm studying trigonometry, when everything is in calculator and computer to measure a building or whatever the Disney land they do with that sheet. What more surprising is Justin who is the only one who shares Maths with me in the same class have brains. How can someone act stupid and nerd at the same time ?

Daniel had being more of a friend these days. He was always there to walk me to class. I know what he's doing, he wants answers. In the library he would take a book and sit with me though he doesn't read and instead annoys the Disney land out of me. These days he calms himself by intertwining his hands with mine and he was always there with me during the practice and whisper all beautiful words in my ears. He had said,

"Smile because frowns don't deserve to trace your face. Only smiles do".

After that incident with Zee, I had thought about wearing hijab over and over in my brains and also about boys. So when Dan claims my hands now, I would take my hand rejecting him politely. I had seen his expression when he noticed that, it had pained him. He would frown and then shrug his shoulders as if nothing had happened. If I keep on doing this then in the end I'll probably hurt everyone.

Mehara wanted to know what was happening but I didn't utter a word. At times when she would look at me with so much worry in her eyes, I wanted to scream at her and tell all those things that were making me miserable. But instead I kept quiet and smiled at her. That day when I was sitting all alone in the green field thinking nobody was there, I had screamed letting my frustrations out. But Zee had seen it, he was sitting on the bleachers with a journal in his hands and was looking at me with those green eyes. I wanted to scream and tell him,

"I've being getting bullied because of you. My sister is dying and I don't know what to do".

But all I did was, turn around and walk away from the field. Leaving him with so many unanswered questions and also leaving his concerened face. I didn't want to talk to Zee because the more I realised what I feel about him the more I got nervous around him. This is how it went the for the whole week;

A)When I would sense he was heading towards me, I would dash away like a cheetah ignoring the weird expression he'd given me.

B)During practice coach said to me to pair up with Zee. What did I do ? I collapsed on to the ground saying I had a 'head ache'.

C) Once I didn't have a drive back home, so he offered. He had rolled his windows down and looked at me with a smirk then asked,

"Want a lift sapphire ?"

What did I do ? I looked up at the sky, then down and moved my head in every direction as if pretending I didn't hear it and quickly hailed a taxi.

Is this how it feels ? Does he feel this too ? For sure I'm going to die in the hands of Jennifer soon.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't realised I've reached Room 102. In my hands there were white lilies which Yussa loved. I opened the door slowly then after entering closed the door. The very moment I entered, the smell of medicines hits my nose. Yussa was sitting on the bed, her head was bent down and she was whispering something. She had a string of green pearls in her hand and she would pull one pearl down and whisper a word which I didn't catch.

Her dark brown hair is no longer there, not even a trace. Her cheeks were swollen as if someone had beaten them up. Her skin was much pale and had red shade. Her black eyes had lost all its beauty there were dull like the colour grey. She was so lost in her bubble that she didn't see me entering. When I kept the lilies in the vase and that's when she looked up smiling at me. Her smile was contagious, nobody could ever get rid of it.

"Assalamu alaikum" I said kissing her forehead.

"Wa alaikumussalam" I hugged her inhaling her scent but it didn't smell like the old times.

"Ow ! "she winced with pain and I quickly shot up from bed to look at her.

"What ? What's wrong ?" She motioned me to take the pills that were kept on the table. I quickly dashed taking a glass of water and the medicine. She gulped them and kept her hand on her chest. She calmed herself by taking steady breaths. I squeezed her shoulders giving her comfort.

"What happened Yussa ?"

"I had a bone marrow biopsy today".

"What the heck is that ?" She chuckled softly.

"A needle is inserted into the bone of my breasts to obtain a sample of bone marrow for study. In getting to know more about my well being. So when you hugged you had contact over there and it hurt".

"I'm so sorry" I said looking down.

"Its okay"

This is not the first time, she had done many scans. There was this barium swallow in which she had to swallow a barium mixture which she said was disgusting, It made her vomit almost her intestines out. She had surgical removal of tissues and replaced it with stitches. Whenever she bent or turn she would cringe with pain. Yousi had taken her in his arms to her room after the surgery and not even once looked at her. Because if he sees her in pain, he will probably go insane. He had to become strong for her.

There were CT scan, Brain scan, bone scan and what not. Bronchoscopy was another thing, here the doctors had to check the passage of air into the lungs. So they inserted a narrow, flexible tube called the bronchoscope into her nose. It reached the voice box, down the trachea and into the large airways of her lungs. She couldn't move anything as she felt the tube inside her body.

Yet she said She was okay. After each and every test, she came back smiling showing her white pearly teeth. And also Hilma was always with her. We had been best friends since then, all the three of us. She would bring movies and snacks then three of us would enjoy ourselves. She had helped Mom, Dad, Ahsan and Yousi. She brought them hope.

Hilma was the most active among us and she would always remind us of Allah. Even if Yussa didn't have hair she made her wear a turban and Yussa loved it and learned the importance of hijab. Mom had started wearing it too. Dad, Ahsan and even Yousi had started going to masjid. They were learning quran together. Hilma had taught them all. The only one who was lacking in it, was me. I still didn't believe, I need much more time.

"What are you doing ?" I asked her as I noticed she was still with the string of pearls and whispering something. She looked up and saw my gaze towards her string then smiling proudly she said,

"I'm counting my blessings and thanking Allah".

I can't believe she said that. Doesn't she know that Allah was the one who was giving her pain ? The more she needs to get better she was only weakening day by day and Allah didn't do anything for lessening her pain. How could she ? Anger boiled within me as I clenched my fist. All those days frustrations that I builded inside was coming out.

"Have you gone mad ?!" I yelled which made her wince at the sudden shouting and she looked up with those kind black eyes.

"Can't you see Yussa ? You are freaking dying day by day. Instead of helping you, Allah is only hurting you more. Allah was suppose to help us. To show us a way. Bu-but Allah is so-

I couldn't say anymore as those tears I have build up for days started spilling out. I swallowed the dry lump that started forming in my throat. She was shocked because Izza khalid was finally letting it out.

"How could Allah do this to us ? I haven't been the best Muslim but for sure I'm not a bad person. This is isn't fair Yussa. He was cruel. Why would he do this ? Yussa you can't just go and fall under his feet. He is-"

"Izza ! " She whisper yelled.

When I looked at her, I realised she was agitated and furious. Her petite heart rising rapidly and this wasn't good for a patient. Then she kept a hand on her chest and calmed herself. She looked at me, her face expressionless and opened her arms towards me. I stumbled over the comforter and reached her. She hugged me tight and let me sob freely.

"Cry Izza. This is what you need" She whispered kissing my hair.

And I cried.

I said a lot of incoherent things during that one hug. I buried my head against her neck and ranted tearfully. I don't care that she couldn't do anything to ease the agony deep inside me. This was enough. In her arms being like this was everything I needed. She lifted my face and gently cupped my face and wiped my angry tears then kissed my forehead.

"Why don't you ask yourself ? I know you wouldn't have an answer for that. You know Hilma gave me a book and I read that 'If you want Allah to speak to you, you should read the quran. And if you wish to speak to him, you should pray'. Simple. Don't you think ?"I wanted to say something but I bit my lips and held back.

"Is this why everybody is praying ?" She nodded her head smiling.

"So obviously you had pray to him and asked him to give your health back. But I don't think that has being granted yet" I said as in matter of fact.

"He'd never say that he'll grant them immediately. Maybe you don't know what will make you happy, like he does. Maybe he is saving you from something now and later give you a whole lot of it".

"Yussa you don't have time" I said my voice shaking.

"I know that, maybe this world wasn't mine to enjoy. My days where already numbered. Isn't it great ?, that I know my death day's arrival. So I can use this whole lot of time to utilise for Allah".

"Stop-

"You dont get it Izza. I-I haven't done anything to please Allah. He gave me everything without even asking. My family, friends, shelter and many more. And what did I do ? I hung out with boys, I never read quran, never prayed and never wore hijab. I got so many certificates in my university and school. But I don't have anything to take to Allah tomorrow. He just wanted one thing: To pray to him to tell him how glorious he is. And yet I never thanked him". As she said those beautiful words my heart leapt with pain and more hurt.

I saw my sister's eyes welled up with tears. Her weak body shaking as she sobbed. I hugged her quickly and slowly patted her back. We both were crying now.

"I'm so happy. You finally cried" she whispered into my ears. I have finally cried in front of my sister and It felt as a burden was taken from my shoulders.

"You know Izzy ? Allah doesn't really owe us anything. Our family. Our health and everything. He doesn't owe it to us, yet he give it to us. He is so precious. So magnificent". I stayed frozen as I pondered over the words she said.

"He was there when those nightmares came to you Izzy. You know why he tests you ? He tests those people whom he loves more. He is checking whether you will break this tie with him. My death will also be like a test. But you shouldn't back up. The more he loves, the more he tests".

Allah loves me ? Even if I hadn't prayed to him in my entire life ?

"He is so generous Izzy" she whispered.

"Hey lovely people !" Hilma barged into the room and her hands were filled with shopping bags. I slowly pulled away from Yussa and wiped my tears with sleeves of my hoodie.

"I'm going for a namaaz (pray)". When she heard that she smiled so brightly and I can see hilma was also proud at me.

"Yussa you are not going to die. You are going to live. Heard that ? Promise me you won't give up".

I showed my pinky towards her to which she pursed her lips. She was the one who brought that pinky in the first place and now what ? But she smiled sheepishly and intertwined her pinky with me. I acknowledged Hilma and went towards the prayer room in the hospital.

It was a small room. I followed the steps to take ablution (wudhu) in the chart that was hung on the wall. I have studied how to namaz from Dada and recalled them all. I wore the prayer dress and the hijab. I felt protected as I covered myself.

After a long time I prayed. For the first time I grasped the idea of speaking to my lord. I was lost on my way and Allah had found me. I could hear him speak back as I pray. He comforted me when there was no one. He loved me unconditionally and I promise from today onwards I'm going to love him back.

I was in my last raka'ath as I kneeled in supplication and recited the Arabic verses Dada had taught me. In the middle I forgot but I tried hard remembering them and with much difficulty said those verses. Then I lifted my index finger in 'shahdhah' (were you say you are a witness of Allah and his prophet).

Then I twisted my face rightwards and said 'Assalmu alaikum warahmathullah (peace be upon you).

Then towards the left 'Assalmu alaikum warahmathullah (peace be upon you).

Sitting on my prayer mat I lifted my hands with much eagerness and started saying all those burden which I was carrying. I cried and spoke about so many things. Believe me, you all know that I'm not at all a talkative person and here I was speaking to someone. He was only listening, never judging me. I cried alot and then with one last sujood (prostrate) I got up, removed the prayer dress and exited the room.

I was so lost in my thought as someone roughly bumped my shoulders. I stumbled side ways and hit the wall. The guy didn't even stop to help as he continue to walk faster. I only noticed he was wearing a brown le'vis t-shirt, his white converse shoes and his dark brown hair. That too from the back. Dumbegg.

I rubbed my arms and then started walking towards room 102. As I reached there Hilma was getting out of the room, her face shows she was shocked. But when she saw me she just gave me a side way smile and rushed somewhere.

What's wrong ?

Before I could open the door I held it back because I heard noises in the room. One I recognise was Yussa's and the other one belonged to a guy.

"You betrayed me !" The guy almost shouted.

"Calm down Yaya" Yussa said and she was actually pleading.

"Dont you Yaya me ! You know what Yousuf said when you weren't there for the first few days ? That you were staying with the Osmans. Unbelievable, with the Osmans, you clearly said that you hated them. Yet I believed in the lie"

Yussa ? You didn't like the Osmans ? You were faking it ?

"Please" she said with her voice trembling so this time his voice calmed down. This guy know Yussa just like Yousi.

"Then after three days I tried asking him, cause I knew you won't stay there for that long. But he wouldn't say a thing. He kept lying to me that you had an appointment at a three day spa, that you were shopping with your sister. God dammit ! you had said that your sister hates shopping !"

What's happening ?

"Yah-

"No you listen to me. I was so alone. Yousi never listened to the lecturers. He was always in another world. His eyes were always red, he lacked sleep. When he comes to my home his knuckles were blood red, I knew he had being going to gym. Yet I kept quiet, because the last time I had asked him he shouted at me and threw the flower vase that you had gifted. It shattered all over my room".

"Let me speak !" Yussa half yelled.

"No I didn't finish ! Then I started spying on him and that's when I listened to the therapies he bad been talking to the phone. The medicines he written on the paper. I followed him to physician. All those headed me to the topic I never wanted to believe. Cancer.

You know first I thought it was not you, maybe someone else in your family and that's why you've being staying with them. So I followed him here and without the nurse's notice grabbed the register and found everything. I found out that- that Yu-Yusra khalid was having cancer".

At the last part I know, even without looking he must have completely broke apart. I had enough because Yussa might need me. So I opened the door and head inside. He was there standing in front of her and she looked up at me. He also slowly turned towards me. This was the same guy which bumped into me.

"Oh Izza !" Yussa exclaimed. She motioned me to come and I went towards her. I laced my fingers with her then rubbed her knuckles and helped her in calming herself. The tears were ready to spill out but she held it back as she continued looking at the dumbegg. I wanted to shout at him for hurting my sister. I was going to charge towards him but Yussa interrupted.

"Izza meet my best friend Yahya Ishaq. And Yaya this is my sister Izza".

He nods his head at me and I smiled in return. Now when I look at him, his anger has calmed down. His black rectangular glasses ride down his nose and he shifts to push them back up. I could see his dark brown hair and deep honey brown eyes. He has freckles scattered across his nose. His light tanned face revealed strong cheek bones. His body was fit and looked like a nerd. A hot nerd actually.

Yussa had said 'best friend'. But why did that best friend title made him tense as she said it ? The way he looks at her even in this stage told me otherwise. Like the same thing Mehara says,

'I know it just by looking into Zee's eyes when he stares at you. Darling he likes you, more like he loves you'.

I had smacked her shoulders when she said that. Now I might say for these two people.

I could see the way Yahya looks at my sister. Its not how a best friend looks at each other. He loves my sister. But he is late. Too late for a miracle to happen.

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Greetings ladies,

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