Song for this chapter: Cellophane- Soren Bryce // This song is 100% Lily

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[ Rape flashback ]

"Jason," I whimpered, "Please, you don't have to do this."

Jason continued to peel away at the very clothing that protected my skin. Ripping and tearing at the very fabric that was the one thing that stopped his cruel toxic hands from tainting my skin black forever. If he did this. I would never forgive him.

I couldn't move. I was conscious--I could feel the warm tears dripping down my face, I could hear my own voice pleading for him to stop, I could see the sinister smirk on his lips and the red beeping light of the camera recording.

What did I do to deserve this?

He could have just asked. He could have just fucking asked me.

The words in my mind repeated on loop watching the face of my beloved friend who was ravaging my body. He knew my body like the back of his hand. He knew me and he was taking the only thing that I had. My dignity. The ability to say no. He was ripping it away from me like it meant nothing. I was scared. I was fucking terrified. And there was no one to save me.

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"Lily," Nate shouted, "Lily, wake up!"

"Stop," I gasped, peeling my eyes open quickly.

Nate's hand was gripped around my forearm tightly. The feeling of him shaking me awake still hazily in my mind. The lamp on the bedside table was already turned on and Nate was sitting beside me with a look of horror on his face.

"Are you okay?" Nate questioned breathlessly.

"I'm fine," I spoke flatly, rolling onto my side away from Nate's prying eyes.

The tears started to fall down my face silently, I blinked slowly trying to take in the nightmare, but the pieces were growing fuzzy, and the painful memory was already fading away. But the dark feeling still lingered in my chest, the same eerie feeling that would linger for days after the same nightmare I'd have for months.

"You were having a really, really bad nightmare, I couldn't wake you up," Nate spoke frantically, "You looked so scared, and you kept shouting someone's name."

"I'm okay," I whispered, wiping the tears off my cheek with the edge of the blanket that was in my arms reach.

I turned myself over to face Nate and placed my cold palm against his chest, absorbing his heat, and melting away the terrible dream. Normally in these situations, it scared me so much to have contact with any human being for a while. Jason was my friend. Jason was the first boy that I ever loved. I guess it wasn't real love. We had a future planned together, we had a plan to tell my brother. I thought he loved me back. But someone who loves you couldn't hurt you like that. They wouldn't videotape doing those awful things to not only me but so many other girls. But in the end, It was my fault. I was the one asking for it. My own brother won't even talk to me now.

"Who is Jason, lily," Nate spoke calmly.

"Leave it alone," I pleaded, laying my back flat against the bed. My eyes gazed at the plain white ceiling. He isn't going to drop it. I should just tell him.

"Did he hurt you?" Nate questioned, leaning forward in front of me

Nate's dark eyes stared into mine. His eyes were scanning my reaction to the question. There was no point in lying. He already knew so much. I weakly nodded my head up and down. The hard look on his face softened.

"Oh, Lily," Nate spoke gently, "I'm so, so fucking sorry."

"Nate," I whimpered out. My lip quivered as more tears fell down my flushed cheeks.

"Come here," Nate cooed, pulling my body into his. "I'll fucking kill him for hurting you."

"No," I gasped, "It's old news."

"You still have terrible dreams about? How is it-" Nate paused, "I should have never shown you that stupid fucking video. I'm such an idiot."

"Nate, just stop," I pleaded, "It could have been the video, who knows. But just stop blaming yourself."

"I should have known though. But I know you, you already took care of the situation," Nate teased, with a small smirk on his lips.

"Well, the arson I told you about. That was his house. And he is serving a length sentence probably getting ass fucked as we speak. So the situation is old news," I grumbled.

"I know nothing about you, Lily Cooper. You're such mystery," Nate sighed, "I want to trust you. I want to be with you. But you are making is so fucking hard when I don't even know you," Nate spoke gruffly.

"So now you're getting mad at me," I griped, pulling away from Nate and sitting in an upright position.

"No. I'm not," Nate groaned, "But, you met my family. I told you something huge. I don't know anything about you at all. Besides the fact that you have terrible mood swings, you're angry all the time, and you're like a sex maniac."

Nate sat up straight in front of me, a look of annoyance in his eyes.

"So what now you want to share our feelings and be all lovey-dovey? We said three words that don't mean that much they are just a feeling that we have for each other," I sighed, knowing my words had come out harsher then they were meant to be. "The more we get to know about each other, the deeper we get involved, Nate. And I am not ready for that."

"Then what are you ready for?" Nate questioned, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"This. I'm ready for this," I answered quickly.

I leaned forward wrapping both my arms around Nate's shoulders, our lips were inches apart. My eyes watched Nate's facial expression in an attempt to understand what he was thinking or feeling.

"I just want us to be like this for a little while. Just before it all gets too complicated," I begged, furrowing my eyebrows.

"We can play pretend but we are already both in so deep, lily. And this is all complicated," Nate spoke in a saddened tone.

"Shh," I cooed, pressing my lips against his.

Nate staggered for a second before his lips were forcefully moving with mine. I wasn't sure about anything, but I was sure about him. I was sure about the way he made me feel. The way his lips silenced the voices in my head and the way his arms calmed even my worst anxieties.

This wasn't going to end well. Something that feels this amazing never ends well. But I just want to enjoy it. At least for a little while longer.

"You have won this round but this is a talk that will need to happen sooner or later," Nate spoke breathlessly, pressing his forehead to mine.

"Okay."