Song for this chapter: Crash&Burn - Bea Miller

I shifted in my seat nervously with five other people that were obviously waiting for the photography class to begin.

"Hello, sorry I am late," A black haired girl spoke as she rushed into the classroom. "Our photography members are lacking so you all can join if you're interested. If you don't have your own camera you can sign one out from the school but you will have to pay the damages."

She spoke in-breathy pants like she had run all the way here, she stood still for a moment, before taking another breath of air into her lungs and setting down a big black back on the desk beside her. She explained how to borrow a camera and everyone stood up and began to form a line in front of the black bag.

"My name is Katy," The girl spoke to everyone, pushing her thick lenses upon her face with her index finger.

She had short wavy shoulder-length hair, her skin was a gorgeous shade of mocha, her face shape rounder then I would expect but she made it look so cute and her eyes were a vibrant shade of green. She was adorable if you asked me, I had to stop myself from walking over to her and pinching her adorable cheeks. I wondered how much her family already does that.

"I'm lily," I spoke up, staring up at the girl who was now biting her cheek nervously.

"I don't want to sound rude but I know who you are," Katy stuttered out while starring down at the floor. "You are the girl who is dating Nate Jacobs. You are kind of popular among everyone."

Was she scared of me? I guess I would be too if I was her considering I am not the most approachable person.

"I think you're really cute," I smiled, hoping that telling her the truth would make her less anxious, "And I am genuinely really excited to join the photography class, I have never had any interests before but I saw a poster in the hallway and I just felt drawn in."

"Really," Katy smiled, " I made those posters myself."

"Really! You are so talented, " I griped.

"Oh, thank you," Katy blushed, looking back down at the ground.

Damn. No matter what I did I was making her feel anxious. I was really shit at this whole being a decent human shit and it was showing. First, she was scared of me and now she is nervous around me, was I coming off too strong.

"It was nice to meet you," I spoke quickly. Turning back to the table to pick up one of the cameras off the table, I wrote my name into the sheet and wrote down the camera number on the sheet, and nodded my head towards Katy before I escaped from the classroom. I guess I'm gonna have to do some evaluating on how to hold a conversation without scaring her, she was just so damn cute I could help but want to be her friend. It wasn't an uncommon feeling, but I needed to be her friend.

"How'd it go?" I heard Nate question behind me, his feet scraping on the ground as he walked closer behind me.

"I got into the club, but I guess so did everyone else," I answered truthfully, turning my head to look over at him.

"I'm proud of you," Nate spoke earnestly, "I don't have practice today would you be interested in going for dinner with me?"

"I'd love that," I smiled, reaching out my hand to lace my fingers into his rough grasp.

It had been a week already since we had both mutually agreed on space, we didn't have to say it but we had both realized that it was unhealthy for us to constantly be holed up together, and we had helped reduce the fighting significantly. The urge to start a fight with him was always there, and truthfully I missed it like some sick addiction, but this time I really wanted to try to be better, to do better even.

"I'll pick you up at seven," Nate smiled as he lifted up his hand that was connected to mine and kiss the top of my hand delicately.

"Six," I spoke sternly, "By the time seven comes around I'll be far too hungry for real food."

Nate snickered to himself and nodded his head, "That will at least have to wait for the second course."

I stuck out my tongue and escaped from the white truck, and quickly walked into my house, truthfully it was awkward seeing Maddy or her parents across the street. And every time I saw her, I couldn't help but feel the burning hatred inside of me, most nights it took everything to not go and burn down her house.

"Mom," I called out, as I shut the living room door behind me.

"In here," She answered back.

I walked past the living room and seen my mom sitting at the kitchen island with a pile of paper and her cellphone in her hand.

"Lily," She breathed out, "I just talked with our neighbor, wonderful women but she was warning me about Nate."

"They were wrongfully accusing him of some really fucked up shit," I answered quickly, "The guy who did had already been charged and is going through court. So I don't get why she is still acting delusional."

"Let's pretend I believe you for a moment," My mom sighed, "You and Nate both have issues. It's really not hard to see, but you both need to stay out of trouble and you both can't go around hurting innocent people."

"She called Marsha a cunt!" I protested.

"Then egg her house, or do some shitty high school prank, Lily. Nate can not go around choking girls," My mom shouted.

It was the first time that I had seen her not only defend my actions, but she was defending Nate in her own way. I knew she had grown to like Nate but I half-ass expected some warning to stay away from him.

"Personally I like Nate, he is probably the only guy that can deal with your psycho ass," My mom snickered, "And you are probably the only girl who can deal with his psychotic ass, so watch out for each other and try to not get yourselves thrown into mental hospital would you."

My jaw nearly dropped to the floor, what the hell had happened to my mom.

"Thank you, mom," I spoke softly, "I don't know what it is about him, but it's like I can truly be myself with him you know? All that static chaos in my mind goes silent when he is near."

"Then don't let him go," My mom smiled, pulling her wine glass to her lips.

"He wants to run away once we graduate from high school. I mean I rejected the idea almost instantly, but honestly, I liked the idea of starting new somewhere together," I spilled, "And he really wants kids, but I don't think that is a good idea you know."

"You never know," My mom shrugged, "You both might be fucked up, but I am sure if you had a kid you could handle hiding you crazy around them. It's really not hard. And I would love a grandchild at some point, and not just a grandchild from your cuck of a brother. God knows the shit he would fill the poor kids-," Mom held out her glass off wine, and wobbled slowly in her barstool, "Actually, I think you'd have better luck raising a kid then your brother."

I mashed my lips together in thought. I guess that made sense. My brother was another form of evil compared to me, he was the carbon copy of my father who was a transphobic, homophobic, racist piece of shit. He was the lowest scum, hell he even made Cal Jacobs look like a sane guy. Maybe I really wasn't so bad.

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You're still bad in your own little way Lily. So no pro-creating for your psycho ass so don't even get any ideas about it. I might write an alternate ending where they end up having a kid, it's an interesting concept but then I would feel like I would have to make both of the main characters soft, and truthful blah, I hate that idea.

Fun fact: I just wrote this entire chapter with one hand because my cat demanded that I hold her the entire time. That was a true challenge.

The next chapter is going to be fairly spicy to make up for these plain chapters.