Song for this chapter: Chase Atlantic - Triggered

Nate Jacobs

The minutes ticked by so slowly, with each passing second the ticking seemed to grow louder on the stupid white clock that hung above the entrance to the chemistry lab. Everyone worked away filling out the pop quiz that was served to us the second class had begun. No one muttered a word, the deafening silence mixed with that annoying fucking tick of the clock was beginning to drive me insane. I shifted in my seat anxiously, anticipating the last ten minute of class. I shouldn't have let her walk away from me this morning, I should have just chased down her stubborn ass. Now she was out doing god know what. And with her, it wasn't bound to be something good. But that's what I liked about her. She was challenged to me.

"10 minutes left," Mrs. Andrews spoke looking up from the stake of papers in front of me.

I'm such a fucking asshole. That's all I could focus on. My mind looped over the shameful words making it impossible to even read the first question on the top of the paper on my desk. Lily brought out a side of me that I never knew existed, she made me feel happy, even when she was being a brat I couldn't help but smile and just want to kiss her forehead. I wanted to fight away the demons that battled in her mind every day. But, I couldn't even fight my own. I cursed myself for never getting her cell number or learning any way that I could contact her. I don't know anything about her, I wouldn't even know where to look for her first.

Lily wasn't just being irrational. And I wasn't going to deny that there hasn't been more to the story. God, if only she knew the shit I was doing behind her back. I knew we weren't together, I knew that we hardly knew anything about each other but it still all just felt so wrong what I have been doing to her. It wasn't supposed to mean anything. I just wanted to get inside of her pants maybe once or twice, indulgent in the snarky little attitude that caught my attention. The plan was to just fuck around while I worked my shit out with Maddy. But all week after McKay's party I couldn't stop thinking about her, and I mean I literally could not stop thinking about her. The way her skin felt against my fingertips, the way her lips pressed against mine, her warm walls wrapped around my fingers. No girl has ever made me feel that way.

I was addicted to Lily. It scared me. It scared me so fucking bad. I am the literal definition of a piece of shit. I break and hurt everything I touch. Lily doesn't deserve that. And what terrified me more was my dad meeting her. I know there is a side of her that she masks with her anger. When she smiles it makes my heart skip a literal beat. She makes this hollow feeling in my chest feel full. And it scared me that someone I hardly knew could make me feel like a fucking human. She made me value the time that was spent with her, she made me want to be a decent ass human. But when it came to being with her or making the right decisions I always fucked up.

I shouldn't have lied to her about only ever taking her to the dock, I don't know why I lied. I guess it just slipped out in hope that it would make the situation better.

I should have just told the truth last night. I was just tired and awkward and I would have loved to stay in her embrace but it was all just happening so fast and I shouldn't have opened my phone and responded to the text message from Maddy. And I sure as hell shouldn't have stayed up talking to her for another half hour after I got home. My dad only gave a shit about if I am late for practice, he could honestly care less if I never came back home as long as I had good grades and a scholarship under my belt. And next week the family will be serving our famous chili that wins every single year at the Carnival, and Lily will be bound and determined to go. So there go the never meeting my piece of shit father.

"Jacobs," Mrs. Andrews barked, breaking me out of my thoughts, "Class has been dismissed for a few minutes already. You have been trapped in your head all day."

"Can I do a retest?" I groaned, rubbing at my neck awkwardly. I can't believe I wasted an entire hour thinking about Lily. But then again that is how all my other classes have gone.

"You can spend tomorrow's lunch retaking the test. I hope you figure out what's on your mind because you aren't getting another chance after tomorrow Jacobs," Mrs. Andrews scolded with a smile, a little bit of tough love does a person wonders she would always say. She was such a sweet lady and she was an even better neighbor. She baked the best banana bread.

"Thank you," I sighed in relief, cramming my chemistry binder into my backpack while Mrs. Andrews waddled away with her hand draped over her very pregnant belly.

"

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and began to dread walk to my empty truck, which wasn't going to be easy with the waves of people and the boys who would be wanting to talk to me. Her blonde hair caught my attention as it swung effortlessly down her back, but what my attention more was the smile on her face will she talked to that Jared guy. My blood began to boil in rage watching her laugh at something that he was saying. Maybe this is how she felt when she saw me with Maddy. I didn't like that she walked away from me so angrily this morning and now she was laughing with some fucking idiot. 

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Another chapter is coming tonight! I am so sorry for the delay in chapters, but I hope a little filler chapter in Nate's point of view makes up for it xoxo Caylen