When I woke up I felt like I was hit by a truck. The funeral was in a couple hours and I hadn't fallen asleep until 4am so I was exhausted.

I groaned and stood up, stretching my back out. I sighed then went to the guest room so I could wake Ki up.

"Wake up sleepy, we have to get ready." I said then shook her shoulder gently. "Mmm five more minutes." She grumbled as I laughed. "We're leaving in an hour, do what you will with that information." I said then left the room.

I then went to the bathroom so I could start getting ready. When I looked in the mirror I flinched at how disgusting I looked then washed my face. I felt a little bit better after doing that then did my makeup.

I wanted to look pretty enough to look presentable but not have so much makeup on that it would streak from the crying I would be doing.

I ended up curling my short hair then went back to my bedroom. I still had some time before I had to her dressed so I decided to go on my phone. I had a couple texts from people asking about the funeral but one message stuck out to me.

Colby: It was really good to see you, V.

It was such a simple text but it had my heart beating against my rib cage. "No." I said, scolding myself for feeling so happy about the text.

I couldn't understand my emotions right now, and today wasn't the day to delve into that. It was going to have to wait.

I responded to a couple texts then got up so I could get dressed. I slipped on the black dress and some heals then grabbed my bag.

"Let's go, Ki!" I called out as I walked down the hallway. "I'm coming, I'm coming." She said then opened the door. "Aw! V, you look so pretty!" She said with a smile.

"Thank you, you do too." I said then made my way towards the stairs.

When we got to the church I felt the sadness building up in my chest, knowing that I was going to have to officially say goodbye to my grandma today.

"You okay?" Ki asked as I nodded. "Yeah, let's go." I said then started walking into the church. A couple people were already here, but as many as we were expecting.

"Hi, my dear." The priest said as he came over to give me a hug. "Hi, how are you?" I asked and hugged him. "I'm okay, how are you feeling?" He asked as I shrugged. "I'm sad but ready to just celebrate her life." I said with a sad smile. "That's a good attitude." He said then rubbed my back.

Ki and I sat down in the front row of pews as people started filing in. Our friends came in and sat behind us which was good because I was going to need all the comfort I could get.

The service started and was absolute beautiful. We had a couple of the nurses she was close to give their eulogies before it was my turn. Ki took my hand and squeezed it, giving me a reassuring smile. I nodded then stood up and went to the podium.

When I got up there I scanned the crowd, feeling my nerves pick up ever so slightly. I looked over at my friends, seeing them smiling at me and giving me thumbs up. My eyes fell onto Colby's as he nodded reassuringly, then mouthed 'you got this'.

I nodded then took a deep breath.

"Grams was such a special woman. She was someone who could get along with everyone. I remember when I was a kid and she would take me all over town, spoiling me rotten. She would make friends at every single place she went, whether we were at the dollar store or at a fancy tea place." I said with a small laugh.

"There were so many good things about her that I could talk about but we would be here all day. She was kind, brilliant, and absolutely beautiful." I said then started to cry.

I looked away from the crowd for a just a second so I could collect myself.

"I know she wouldn't want us to be sad today. I know she would want us to take pictures and laugh and celebrate that she's reunited with her husband and my mom. So that's what we should do." I said and took a shaky breath.

"We should take pictures, and be with the ones we love. We should be with the ones we love." I said then wiped my cheeks and walked back to my seat.

When I sat down Ki pulled me into her arms as Sam reached forwards and rubbed my back. I was so lucky to have my friends with me today because if they weren't here I would have been a complete mess.

The rest of the ceremony was beautiful, but it was time for the hardest part.

I watched as they carried the casket out of the church and loaded it into the hearse. Ki took my hand and led me to the car we were supposed to be getting into.

"You're doing great." She said as we got in. Kat, Devyn, and Tara joined us in our car and the others went in the car behind us.

We drove to the graveyard that my parents were burried in. My heart ached even more as we walked to the burial sight. We decided to have her burried right next to my parents so she could be with them forever.

They started the ceremony by having everyone drop a rose into the grave. I felt my chest cave in at the sight of everyone doing this. It made it all real.

I was alone now.

I sobbed and turned away from the grave, not being able to look anymore. Ki was over on the other side of the grave putting her rose in, so I was standing off to the side by myself.

I let myself cry for a second before turning back around to face the grave. I stood there for a second before I felt someone lace their fingers through mine. I didn't even need to look to see who it was but I did anyways.

When I turned to look I saw Colby standing next to me, looking down at the grave, holding my hand tightly.

I felt the warmth from his hand shoot up into my chest, bringing me comfort. I sniffled then looked forwards again.

I felt my heart break when it was my turn to throw my rose in. I hadn't stopped crying, but the tears flowed more as Colby and I walked to the opening in the grave.

"I love you, grams." I whispered then tossed the rose in. When we walked back to the group they were all smiling softy at me. I smiled back then turned back to the grave.

They said a couple prayers then finished up with the ceremony. Colby held my hand the entire time, rubbing his thumb gently along the back of my hand.

I knew I probably shouldn't have let him hold my hand but I knew he was just trying to offer me some comfort since I was an absolute mess.

I eventually did pull my hand away so I could turn to the group. "I'm gonna visit my parents for a second, but if you want to meet us back at the house you can." I said and wiped my nose.

"Do you want someone to come with you?" Ki asked as I shook my head. "No, I want a minute alone." I said and looked towards the grave again.

"Okay, I'll be over by the car. Take your time." Ki said as I nodded and walked away from the group.

When I walked up to the grave I sighed. "Hi mommy. Hi daddy." I said then laid a couple flowers on their grave. "I hope you're taking care of grams. She probably was so excited to see you. She always talked about you, mom." I said then sniffled.

"I miss you all. I'm gonna try and stay strong on earth for you. I'm gonna try my hardest but this is so hard." I sobbed out as I picked at the hem of my skirt.

I stood there for a couple more minutes before going back to the car. Ki was standing there with open arms. "You okay babes?" She asked as I nodded and hugged her. "Let's just go home." I said then let go and got in the car.

I kept my head down for most of the drive as I picked at my nails. I wasn't in the mood to really talk to anyone right now. I just wanted to lay in bed and be sad.

When we got to the house everyone was already there. "You gonna be okay?" Ki asked quietly as I nodded and got out of the car.

We walked inside and went into the living room. "I'm gonna go get changed, I'll be right back." I said then went upstairs.

I got changed into sweatpants and a sweatshirt, then wiped all my makeup off and put half of my hair up into a top bun.

When I went back downstairs I sat on the couch next to Sam and Kat. "How are you holding up?" Sam asked as I pulled my knees to my chest.

"I'm okay. Are you guys hungry? We can order pizzas or something." I said, changing the subject. "That sounds so good right now." Jake said as Tara nodded.

"Okay. We can order pizza." I said then grabbed my phone. I ordered the pizza then rested my chin on my knees, watching everyone.

I still couldn't believe that they were here. I didn't understand why they would come all this way to be here for me when I left them with little no contact for months.

I didn't deserve them at all.

We spent the rest of the night just hanging out. I didn't contribute much to the conversations because of the mood I was in but just being here with everyone was good enough.

After a while I got up to go get myself something to drink. When I got to the kitchen I grabbed a bottle of water and chugged it.

"Jeeze, thirsty much?" Colby teased as I laughed a laugh I couldn't feel. "Yeah, a little bit." I said then screwed the cap back on. "Can we talk?" He asked as I nodded. "Yeah..I wanted some fresh air anyways." I said then gestured to the front door.

Colby nodded then led the way outside. I could feel the nerves building up in my chest as I followed closely behind.

We walked down the street for a minute, the awkward silence filling the air.

"I'm sorry for what I did." I said, breaking the silence. "Don't apologize. I know you didn't want to hurt me..you just wanted to be happy." He said and smiled sadly at me.

"It was shitty...I should have at least talked to you after I left but I didn't. I was a fucking bitch and I'm sorry." I said and hugged myself as the cool night air sent a shiver down my spine.

"You weren't a bitch, V. You wanted a clean break and that's okay. If it's any consolation I never stopped caring about you." He said as I frowned.

"Why though? After everything I expected you to never want to be near me again." I said as we sat down on a bench that was a couple feet from the house.

"I could never do that, V. I just wanted you to be happy. That's all I'll ever want." He said as I looked away from him, feeling my eyes water.

"You made me the happiest I have ever been but it scared me..it scared me that you could make me so happy because you could take that happiness away so fast." I said then looked into his eyes again.

He looked at me thoughtfully for a second before he shook his head. "You don't have to be scared, V." He said then leaned in closer.

I felt my heart beating out of my chest as I sucked in a breath.

Just as his lips were about to meet mine we were interrupted by his phone ringing. He groaned slightly as I looked down at the illuminated phone.

I felt my heart crack in my chest when I read the caller ID.

Lucy

"You should answer that. It seems important." I said then stood up. "Vi-" He started but I shook my head. "Don't worry about it." I said then walked down the street and towards the house again.

I heard him let out a breath as my eyes welled with tears.

I didn't know how I was supposed to feel, but I couldn't ignore the pain in my heart as I walked.