You and Me

WARNING: This contains spoilers from the Manga!! If you don't wish to be spoiled, I suggest you skip this chapter altogether.


~~~


To say Hawks had changed recently wasn't enough to cover the trauma he went through. He had locked himself up in the bedroom with the curtains closed and the lights off. He was in mourning. He lost something—a big piece of who he was. Without it, he wasn't sure what to do. And you didn't know how to comfort him.


How do you relieve the pain of losing wings? How do you help soothe the scars burned into his skin—into his back? —his face? How do you help a man who has lost what made him the hero he was? Perhaps made him the man he became?


You would set a tray of food at the door and knock once, three times a day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. You didn't even bother sleeping the same room as him and slept on the couch. You were so unsure on how to help him.


Until one day, you witnessed Hawks come out to pick up his lunch. He usually skipped lunch and not once had you ever seen him leave his room even to eat. You would leave and come back to see the food was either untouched or half gone.


You didn't know what to say. He was standing there through looking at you with his broken expression and yet you couldn't find any words. Looking at him now, you can see how haggard and exhausted he became—how different he is now. It broke your heart. The man you loved was broken, and yet you still didn't know what to do. All you knew was that you missed seeing him.


Hawks let out a sigh, stepped back to close the door behind him and leave the food on the floor, but you jumped into action without thinking twice. As if your feet moved on their own and you caught the door before he could close it.


"Keigo," you breathed out, like saying his name took all the effort and air from your lungs.


Hawks only shook his head and tried closing the door on you. The need to see him and talk to him overpowered the hesitance of figuring out what to say to him. It overpowered to the extent of forcing the door open and asking him why.


He only looked away as shame weighed heavy on his shoulders. You could see the bandages bulging through his shirt, and it squeezed your heart. But you remained strong.


"I really don't want you to see me like this," he mumbled under his breath. He didn't look at you like he always did when he spoke. It was like he wasn't acknowledging your existence even though you were standing there between him and the door closing on you.


"I want to be by your side," the words slipped from your mouth without warning. Almost like they were the words you didn't know you had been holding within you all this time. How convenient they come out after all the time you spent worrying about what to say.


"I don't think that's a good idea," he replied.


"Why do you think that?" You asked as you started to silently close in on him. Your hand carefully pushed the door aside to let yourself in the room. Hawks either didn't seem to mind or he didn't hear the creak of the door.


"Because I'm a mess," he answered honestly.


"I don't expect you to be alright."


You noticed his head slightly perk up, a habit you noticed of his that was usually accompanied by his wings doing the same.


You closed the door behind you and reached down to hold his hand. The other held his triceps and gave a small squeeze to let him know you were there, even though he could tell from the hand holding his. Your head fell on his back and you let out a sigh.


"I'm sorry I left you alone. You're going through a tough time and at first I thought you needed space, but after a while... I didn't know what I could do for you. But I'm here now," you said and rubbed his arm while the hand holding his intertwined your fingers with his own. "Tell me what's on your mind," you added and placed a cautious kiss on his bandages. You made sure to kiss both spots where his wings had once sprouted from, like crimson flowers blooming.


His shoulders were shaking and his free hand clenched into a tight fist, while the other fought not to squeeze your hand too tightly. With the hand holding his, you gave reassuring strokes with your thumb. You waited patiently for him.


"I don't know... can you hug me?" His words sounded unsure and hesitant—almost delicate, even.


You were careful in slipping your hands through the spaces of his arms and torso, but he leaned back into your arms. The worry you had about touching his wounds erupted and you wanted to back up from him, but his hands pulled yours to embrace him. His hands held yours to his body and you felt him release the tension in his back. His shaking shoulders slowed and his breathing, though still trembling, began to smooth out.


You pressed your cheek to the middle of his back and heard his heartbeat. It wasn't as soothing as it usually would be, no, it was fast. You moved your hands up to cup around his shoulders and you kissed his bandages again.


"You did the best you could. I know it. You did great. It's time to rest, Hawks. You need time to heal, Keigo Takami." You whispered carefully. You weren't sure if these were the exact words he needed, but you knew Hawks. And what you were sure of was that he needed something. Especially you.


His hands were shaking but reached to lay them on top of yours.


"It's all my fault... I'm sorry," he whispered back. You winced at his words. He knew you were aware of what happened. —Of what the media said about him, and about the people around him.


"I'm not going to say it was the right decision or the wrong decision. Nor am I going to say it was your fault or someone else's," you confessed and continued, "What I will say is that you've worked so hard. Now is the time to heal then think about what should be done to fix the damage."


Hawks was silent. You wondered if what you said was what he needed—If it was an appropriate answer. You lightened your hold on Hawks to give him the option to get mad at you or something. But that gave Hawks the option to turn around and hug you.


He fell to his knees but held tight to you as he hid his face in your shirt. You ran your hands through his hair and over his shoulders. You rubbed his ears and reached to his back and neck to hold him close.


"I'm sorry...," he whimpered through shaky breaths.


"Let it all out, Keigo. It's just you and me. I'll always be here for you," you tell him.


~~~


Alternate Ending
You stared at the door that practically screamed at you to stay away. You remembered the shameful expression Hawks had at the hospital. How that expression never left his face even after he was finally let go. How he looked when you drove him home and how he never looked back at you when he locked himself up in the bedroom.


You lost track of how long it's been since you last saw Hawks. Not once has he left the bedroom, unless he left in your absence. You had to continue life as it was, but Hawks on the other hand, he was relieved of his hero work until further notice. In a single day, he had lost his wings, job, and the trust of so many.


You had seen it in the news. Watched it all as you were working then later evacuated. At first you were shocked and had so many emotions that conflicted with each other, but now? Now, you pushed it aside and waited for Hawks to recuperate. He would tell you everything in due time. You trusted him, despite what the media and others had to say.


The only thing you were glad about was that he started to eat the food you left outside the bedroom door. You weren't sure when he would do it, but you would come back to an empty plate and glass. To see he was taking care of himself was all you could ask for at the moment. To ask for more would be pushing it—not after what has happened.


But that changed when you saw Hawks standing at the doorway one day.


It was another quiet, uneventful day, when you were about to pick up his food as always. Not for a second did you expect to see a blond haired man standing at the doorway of the bedroom.


Your eyes met with his but nothing was spoken. Despite the silence, his eyes shouted to you and they were the loudest in the home. Something in you told you that he was pleading, "I need you."


You dashed to the door and tackled Hawks into an embrace—being careful about his scars. You pulled his head into the curve of your neck as you held him tightly. You rest your head on his and found yourself gripping onto his shirt.


"I'm here for you, Keigo," you whispered into his ear.


"What do I do...?" He whispered back as he held onto you. You could tell he was shaking and trying to hold his voice back from trembling. You didn't speak of it.


His broken voice that pleaded you to give him some kind of answer stabbed at your heart. Did you leave him alone in this state ever since he came home? Or was this weighing heavy on his mind even before the incident? While you thought he was recovering, he was suffering under the pressure of the decisions he made. The consequences of his actions were the heaviest burden you were unaware of.


"I don't know Keigo. I really don't know. I'm sorry...," you answered truthfully. Nothing in your life could prepare you for this question and the context behind it. How do you answer it? What can you say to help him?


You could feel his hands grip at the cloth on your back, and how it tightened as he tried to hold in his breath. You could feel his lips tremble on your neck and tears form to fall on your shoulder.


"How long... how long have you been alone?" You asked hesitantly, hoping he would truly understand the question.


"Too long," he almost whimpered out.


That was enough to make you forget about his wounds and hug him tighter. Tight enough to make sure he would never leave your embrace. Tight enough to let him know he wasn't alone—at least, not anymore.


"Thank you, Feather," he whispered.


It got through to him, and that was all you could ask for.

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