Kasey's POV

September 12, 2019

"Guess who's homeee!" Ben called out as he opened the door to our apartment, adjusting one of his bags on his shoulder. There was a silence as we made our way inside.

"Spoiler alert: it's us!" I chipped in, dropping my bags. Our apartment was still silent.

"Where is everyone? Maybe we're just not missed," Ben joked, and I laughed, before letting out a yawn. I was a little exhausted from the traveling we'd done today, but I was so happy to finally be home. After wrapping up filming in New Jersey, Ben and I had taken a quick trip down to Cape Cod. I'd been many times since Boston was pretty close, and my cousins had a house on Martha's Vineyard that they let us stay at. It was beautiful as always, and a great way to unwind after finally being done with filming. 

"Oh, hey guys! We were just up on the rooftop. Looks like we're just in time," Dan said, strolling in through the door with Mike and Josh. 

"We thought you guys just hated us," Ben laughed, and Ben and I quickly exchanged hugs with the three of them. "Didya miss us?"

"More than anything!" Josh said cheerfully. "August was lonely without you guys but I can't wait to hear about everything."

"Will you guys still be our friends once you're movie-star famous?" Mike joked and we giggled. 

"Promise we will," I assured.

"Now. Where is he?" Ben demanded. None of us had to even think to know who he was talking about. 

"Well C-" Before Dan could continue, Casey walked through the door with Hammer running in front. He started barking vigorously, and Ben bent down to greet the tiny dog. He practically jumped into Ben's arms, and started happily licking him over and over. 

"Aw, Hammer! I missed you little guy. So much." Ben kissed the top of Hammer's head.

"It's safe to say he missed you too," Casey laughed. Ben and I had barely been able to see Hammer much this summer with our busy schedules and being away. Luckily, we had the best friends in the world who always took such good care of him. I smiled at the happy greeting, and grabbed my phone to snap a quick picture. 

(authors note: LOL why does hammer look so funny in this i just realized and its making me laugh)

Once Hammer was satisfied with the welcome, he settled down and Ben and I put our bags away and we moved into the living room to chat with everyone. I half paid attention to the conversation as I snuggled with Hammer. 

"So you start West Side Story rehearsals soon, right Ben?"

"Yeah! Monday actually. It's crazy," Ben nodded. 

"Exciting stuff!" Josh clapped his hands together. "What about you, Kasey? What's up for you next?"

"I wish I knew," I shrugged and gave a small smile. "Still waiting to hear back from some auditions and stuff. Don't have a lot of hopes, though." 

"Hey, keep your head up kid! You're young and talented. There is definitely something out there for you," Dan told me. 

"Thanks," I smiled at him. "We'll see." I still wasn't very hopeful, though. It had already been a lot of "no's", which anyone can expect in this industry. It was still so discouraging, though. With so many of my friends getting involved with new productions, it was easy to feel a little discouraged. When would I get the "yes"? Was Newsies really just my peak? I wanted so badly to be involved with something new. 

"Yo? Kasey?" I snapped my head up, pushing away all the negative thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"We're heading up to the roof." I nodded, and began to follow everyone up to our spot on the roof. We'd turned it into a pretty zen place, with string lights and a floating chair, along with other chairs and tables. We'd even brought a fire pit up, so now we were planning on making S'mores tonight. We'd invited some of our other friends over, so soon Sky, DeMarius, Kaitlyn, Becca, Alex, and more of our usual crew arrived. The presence of my friends helped to distract from my exhaustion and anxiety about audition stuff, and soon I was talking and laughing with everyone. I got to catch up with everyone and hear about everything new with them, and I was able to tell everyone about my summer. 

"I can't believe you went to P-town without me!" DeMarius complained as I'd told him about out trip. "Don't tell me you guys got matching 'Cape Cod' sweatshirts...." 

"Guilty," I shrugged. "Basic, I know." DeMarius pretended to gag, which made me giggle. I promised we'd gotten him a box of salt-water taffy though, which made him happy. 

"It feels like we only see each other twice a year," Sky said as he sat down next to me later in the night.

"I know! I miss you Skybell!" I smiled at him. "I'm so glad to be back, though. I have the rest of the year to catch up with everyone and you, too."

"Well I won't be around in the city much longer unfortunately," Sky said. I raised my eyebrows.

"What?"

"Mean Girls tour, we leave soon. Later this month," Sky reminded me. Of course. I'd completely forgotten that Sky had landed a role in the Mean Girls tour earlier this year, something he was so excited for. We were all excited for him, too. 

"You're right, I'd forgotten about that. It seemed so much further away when you'd told me about it," I admitted. 

"I know, I know."

"Tour life again, huh?"

"Nothing will ever beat Newsies on tour, though," Sky promised me, and I smiled. We talked for a little while longer, and I kind of drifted off to my own thoughts again as the group continued to chat.

 It felt like everyone around me had a plan and a project to look forward to. I was very happy for them of course, but it was making me more anxious to not know what's next. I usually liked the spontaneity of this career, but with auditions not going as well as I'd planned, it was stressful. The "no"s I'd gotten over the past couple of weeks hurt each time. I really only had a few more people to hear back from, so if those are also "no"s, what do I even do? Unemployment was scary. Actors could joke about it forever, but it really was stressful sometimes. I was starting to understand why Ben had stressed out so much over this after Tuck closed. My career had just been "go go go" ever since I was 15, so to be finally hitting a rut like this was hard to deal with. 

"Hellooo? Kasey?" I snapped my head up for the second time today, my cheeks flamed as I was embarrassed to be so lost in thought and to keep being caught.

"Sorry. What's up?"

"You down to go out tomorrow night?" DeMarius asked.

"Of course," I smiled warmly, and then felt an arm around me. I turned to see Ben sitting down next to me. 

"Hey," I greeted him. 

"Hey. What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been pretty out of it since we got home. Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine. Just tired," I assured him. 

"Bullshit." he responded, with a mischievous smile. "I'm not stupid. I know you're not tired."

"False. I'm actually exhausted, Benny," I raised my eyebrows.

"What was it? The stairs up to the roof? Those always get me," he asked, which made me laugh. 

"There we go! That's my girl," Ben exclaimed, happy to get me to laugh. "Apart from being exhausted, what's really up?"  I wasn't fully lying, I was tired. But I was dumb to think I could keep anything from Ben, he knew me too well. I didn't want to say anything though, I didn't want to make it seem like I wasn't happy for him or my friends. They deserved their roles, I was just stressing on my own.

"I've just been stressed about my career, I guess. I have nothing lined up for me and that's scary," I sighed. 

"I get that. It is scary," he nodded understandingly. 

"I keep losing role after role, and it hurts."

"You and I are very similar, ya know," Ben said. I raised my eyebrows, asking for clarification. "We both had a pretty big career start at a young age. We both got lucky with some great things, not every performer gets that. So when you finally start to hit a rough patch, it feels like the end of the world."

"Exactly," I agreed, relieved that he understood.

"I've been in your position, so I get it Kase. Getting rejected stings more and more each time, even though it's normal for this industry. But it's just like what you tell our students in Santa Cruz- never give up." 

"You're right."

"Even if you keep getting rejected, keep auditioning. And who knows, maybe the people you're waiting to hear back from have a role for you. And in the mean time, you get to sing a fun lil song about unemployment!" Ben winked. 

"Oh god. You're gonna start singing, aren't you?"

"Unemployed, unemployed, we are..."

"Unemployedddd!" Josh joined in. I laughed at them as they sang the song parody they were so proud of making. After getting a few lines in, Josh disappeared again. 

"You dorks," I rolled my eyes with a smile. "But thanks Ben, you're the best. I needed to hear all that."

"Of course," Ben kissed me. We spent the rest of the night catching up with all of our friends, and I did my best to stop stressing out. 

-

Ben and I stumbled out of the bar, giggling. We were very drunk, obviously, like usual after a night out with friends.

"We should probably go back in and find Dan and Josh. I dunno if they'll be able to even walk home," I laughed.

"I'm not going back in, we barely made it out," Ben shook his head vigorously, and we both laughed again. We started walking with an arm around each other for support, but we still kept staggering. Our walk was slow, and we honestly weren't even sure if we were heading the right way. It didn't matter though, it was funny to us. However, we stopped laughing pretty shortly.

"Kasey?" I sharply turned my head to see who was calling out to me. We were still outside the bar, so I figured it was maybe one of our friend's. My vision was a little blurry, but I squinted to try to make out the person staring at me. It was a middle-aged man, with dark hair and a beard. I didn't recognize who he was, until I caught a glimpse of his blue eyes with a gray tint- eyes just like mine. Oh my god. I nearly fell over. That's.... my dad. No. You're making this up. Right? No. It was him.

I hadn't seen him in nearly ten years, and I hadn't planned on ever seeing him again. Why is he even here, in New York? I recalled earlier this year when my mom told me about her phone call with him, where he said he'd planned on moving back to the east coast. But how did he find me, here? Why do I have the worst luck? Why is this happening to me?

"So it is you, huh." my dad spoke in the same harsh voice I hadn't heard since he left. Tears pricked my eyes, as I was flooded with memories that I didn't want to remember.

"W-what are you doing here?"

"I'd heard you moved up here. You're a big dancer now, huh? Impressive," he nodded, slurring his words. He was drunk, the usual. He never got help. He was still an alcoholic.

"And you're still a lousy drunk," I muttered. I could tell that made him angry, but I didn't care.

"Looks like you turned out the same way, huh? You're just like me. A lousy drunk, face it." I could feel more tears welling in my eyes.

"No," I argued, almost panicking. This was the absolute worst time to be running into the person who ruined my life. How did I let this happen? What if I was really turning out to be my dad? I broke my rule, and now I was paying for it.

"You'll never be anything else."

"No. No, I'm nothing like you."

I woke up, gasping for air and sitting up almost straight. Ben sat up right away and wrapped an arm around me.

"Kase? What happened, you okay?" I felt myself slowly shift back into reality, even as tears filled my eyes. I was at our apartment. I wasn't at a bar. I still haven't seen my dad in nearly ten years. We didn't even go out this weekend, Ben and I had skipped the bar for our own date night. I assured myself that I was safe and at home.

"Bad dream?" Ben asked, searching my face for an answer while he gently rubbed my back.

"Yeah," I stuttered, feeling the tears silently run down my cheeks. He wrapped both of his arms around me, and held me as I sniffled. Even though it was just a dream, it reopened some old wounds that had taken so long to heal. I felt so stupid to get upset over something as small as just a dream. It had just felt so real. I had calmed down now, but Ben was still cradling me.

"Wanna talk about it?" Ben whispered.

"It's so stupid," I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I'm acting like a child now."

"No you're not," he assured me, and then kissed my forehead. I hesitated, but then told him about my all-too-realistic dream.

"That's intense, Kase. Don't be mad at yourself for being upset. I'm really sorry."

"It's fine. It was just- I never want to see my dad again. Even in a dream."

"I understand that. I hope you know, you are nothing like him though. Not in the slightest."

"I know," I nodded.

"I'm gonna go make some chamomile tea, okay?" Ben rubbed my back gently, and then slipped out of bed and quietly crept to the kitchen. I smiled as I noticed Hammer had hopped on our bed with all the commotion, his tail was wagging and his ears were perked up. I patted the space next to me, and Hammer happily made his way over, curling up onto my lap. He started licking my face, which made me giggle as his soft tongue tickled my skin.

"Didn't mean to wake you buddy," I whispered as I stroked his fur, and he responded with a soft growl. I took a deep breath as I continued to pet him, trying to calm down still. I felt stupid to still be having dreams and thoughts like this. But these things take time, sometimes a long time. I was just glad Ben never judged me and always supported me. About five minutes later, Ben came back with two mugs of chamomile tea.

"Thank you," I smiled as he handed me a mug. I sipped my tea quietly for a little while, neither of us said anything. 

"You feeling better?" Ben finally asked after awhile, and I nodded. I took one last sip out of my mug, and then set it on my nightstand before laying back down in bed. I snuggled up close to Ben, resting my head near his shoulder. 

"You sure?"

"Mmhmm," I nodded again, closing my eyes. 

"Okay," he gently kissed my cheek, which made me smile. "Wake me if you need me." 

"I love you," I mumbled to him as I started to fall asleep. I was so thankful for how much he cared about me.

-

Ben's POV

November 1, 2019

My eyes were closed as I stretched out, all I could think about was how exhausted I was. We still had about an hour left of rehearsal, and I couldn't bear to think how tired I'd be by the end.

"Ben?" I opened my eyes, and Isaac was in front of me. 

"What's up?" I smiled at him. 

"A bunch of us are going out to eat after we're finished, you in?"

"Uh..." I was so tired, but I didn't want to miss out on any time with our cast. "Sure!" I finally decided. I'd probably regret that later, but whatever.

 We were about a month into West Side Story rehearsals, and things weren't as I expected to be, you could say. I loved getting to be Riff and I loved performing, but the producers and directors were very over demanding sometimes. The choreography was intense, and on top of that rehearsals were longer than average. We were all tired, and very overworked. It was definitely starting to show too, which caused our producers to be even more demanding. It wasn't a good cycle. Long story short- things were kind of a mess over here. 

I was in a permanent state of stress, but I was trying my best to hide it. I was supposed to be the "care-free zen" guy, and I'd rather it stay that way. I'd already spent so much time working through anxiety and stress over the years, and I didn't want anyone to think I was back at the beginning or anything. Maybe I was a little too stressed, but I was fine. I think. I didn't need anyone worrying about me. Things would get better, anyway. I took a deep breath, and slowly got up so we could get to our last bit of rehearsal. 

-

After a long day and a night out with friends, I was finally back in my apartment. I was feeling a little bit more relaxed and less tired after going out to eat, and after having a couple of martinis with dinner. See, things are going to get better, I told myself. I shut the door behind me, and called out a "hello". 

"Hey, Ben! Come on in here," Dan called out from the living room. I slipped my shoes off and took my coat off before quickly making my way to the living room.

"What's up?" I smiled, greeting Dan, Josh, Casey, and Kasey. 

"How was rehearsal?"

"Well-" I thought about going on a rant about how things really were, but instead I just opted with a "it was good". I plopped down on the couch next to Josh, and noticed a weird silence.

"So uh..." I scanned the room, and everyone had a weird smile on their faces, Kasey's being the widest. "What's... going on?"

"Ugh I can't take it anymore. We have to tell him," Casey sighed, as if she'd been holding in a breath.

"Tell me what?"

"Okay okay," Kasey started. 

"Kasey booked broadway!" Josh shouted, interrupting, which led to cheers. 

"Wait, what?"

"I did it, Ben," Kasey grinned at me, standing up excitedly. "I got the call." That was all I needed to hear to immediately engulf her in a hug, and spin her around. 

"When did you find out?" 

"Just a couple hours ago," she exclaimed. "Moulin Rouge. I'm going to be in the ensemble. Oh my god, I'm going to actually be on broadway," she giggled excitedly. 

"I'm so proud of you Kasey," I smiled and kissed her. "I knew you could do it." I knew she'd get cast in something soon, and I couldn't be happier for her. It was hard to see her so discouraged for awhile, especially since I knew exactly how it felt. She deserved this more than anyone, I couldn't think of anyone more talented and hardworking.

"Kasey booked broadway everyone!" I shouted, and engulfed Kasey in a hug again. This time everyone joined in, and we had a big group hug. 

-

hello i hope you are all doing well :) i have been so busy lately ugh