Can we talk about it when you get here?

Neeks pls

I'm sorry

Can we talk?

I can't sleep

Call me? Nico please. I'm sorry. Please. I wasn't thinking

Please just text me back

Can we call?

Can I come over?

Please , we should talk this out.

I sighed. Chill dude.

Are you seeing these?

Wait are you hurt

One missed call from My Sunshine Boy

Wait. You're okay right?

Nico please tell me ur okay?

If you're seeing this please answer.

Two missed calls from My Sunshine Boy

Nico please. If you don't answer with something I'm going to show up at your door.

Please be okay

Look I'm so sorry I really am, please don't be reckless

Oh.

I sighed as I opened my phone. I went to Will's contact and called him.

"Nico!" His voice was so loud I held my phone away from my ear as I started trying to fish my keys out of my front pocket. "You're alive!"

I placed my phone against my ear again, bending my neck to wedge it between my ear and shoulder. "Yes William, I'm alive." I put the key in the door.

"I really don't like when you William me,"

"Yeah well," I sigh as I open my door. "Sorry," I say, but it was obvious I wasn't actually.

"Nono, you shouldn't be apologizing," I tossed my bag down and grabbed my phone, quickly putting it on speaker. "Nico. I am, from the bottom of my heart, so sorry, what I did, was so fucked. You were only trying to look out for me, and I keep thinking back on it, what I did. I'm sorry, I really am, at the time, I didn't realize it, but the more I think about it,"

"Are you sorry for smoking or sorry for how you handled it?"

There was a short silence after I asked him that.

"I'm sorry for how I handled it, and that you even found me, I didn't wanna make it your problem. And I don't want to lie, I'm not sorry for smoking, I feel like it's my body, and it's just a cigarette-" I couldn't help but slightly wince. Flashbacks shooting to the front of my brain. "-and I know that's not what you want to hear, so for that I am sorry. I'm sorry I can't give you the answer you want, but I'd rather that than lie."

I took that in, biting the inside of my cheek. "Okay, well... thanks for your honesty... I guess," I pinched the bridge of my nose, holding the phone up, a few inches from my mouth. "But don't you realize that it's not just a cigarette. It's packs! That shit adds up and is dangerous as hell."

"But I can stop if I want, it just helps me in certain situations."

"Everyone says that Will, and then it's too late,"

"Neeks, this isn't gonna kill me," he laughed, which really managed to tick me off.

"William Solace you are the smartest dumb person I ever met! You're a med student, how can you say that? And believe it? This shit kills people,"

His end was silent.

"Do you think you're just gonna be some crazy exception? You could get seriously sick from this."

I heard him take a deep breath over the phone. "Okay, fine, but I don't see why it's such a big deal to you,"

"Really? You don't see why it's such a big deal? I don't want you to die, Will, it's pretty obvious why it's a big deal,"

"I'll be fine,"

"Until you're not!" I said, way louder than I needed to. I took a deep breath. "I don't want you to get to the point till you're not. To where your brain is programmed to only want your next cigarette. I can't fucking lose you to a damn cancer stick,"

"You're not going to,"

"Everyone thinks that Will! But it just- I'm done talking about it,"

Will gave a frustrated sigh on the other end of the phone. "Why do you just keep deciding that?"

I sat the phone on the counter as I opened my fridge. "Because I'm letting you know I'm done talking about it. It's not going to go anyway, and I'm just gonna get frustrated. We need sleep-"

"I can't sleep until we handle this,"

I closed the fridge upon realizing all I had in there was expired yoghurt. Will was much better at keeping the fridge full. "Well we've handled it. You're not planning on changing, I'm against it, the end. Handled, we'll cross this bridge again later, right now I'm hungry..." I walked over to my pantry. I had quite the amount of peanut butter.

"You're kidding,"

"No, I think I'm going to make cookies. I'll bring you some tomorrow,"

Will sighed. "I know you're still upset."

"Doesn't take a genius to figure it out, William," I walked to the other side of my kitchen to make sure I had enough sugar. "But I don't wanna talk about it anymore, so I'm talking about cookies."

Will was silent for a few moments. "Look. I'm not against stopping.... But nows not a good time to stop. It'll be three times harder."

"Cool." Was all I said, but then I realized that was a little douchey so I sighed and went back to my fridge to make sure I had two eggs. "While that's all good and well, if you stress smoke, stopping when you're not stressed isn't the most logical of approaches. There's no clue if you'll actually be able to continue not smoking when you're stressed again,"

"But in all honesty, I don't think I'd be able to stop now,"

"And that's exactly the problem," I mumbled as I grabbed all the ingredients, then reached for my measuring cups and a mixing bowl.

"But it's not like that,"

"I'm sure it's not, Will. Just. It's whatever. I told you. I'm done talking about it right now,"

"Why are you the one that gets to decide when we're done fighting?"

I shrugged my shoulders, even though I knew he couldn't see the action. "You could've stopped too, but you never do,"

"Because that's not how fights work, Nico, they don't end till everyone comes to an agreement."

"I want you to quit, you don't want to quit, at least not now, which is literally the issue, and completely contradictory to what you said earlier about how you can stop whenever you want. That's where we stand. We both don't wanna budge, bickering isn't gonna do either one of us any good." I began mixing the ingredients, truly putting all my frustration into the batter in front of me.

Will was quiet for a good minute or two before speaking up again. "You're anger-baking aren't you?"

I took a deep sigh as I mixed the batter. "Yes, William, I am anger-baking." I didn't mean for my voice to come out as shaky as it did. I continued to knead the dough with blurry vision. "I just can't understand how you can be so smart but so dumb at the same time."

"Ouch." Will mumbled on the other end of the phone.

"But I mean, honestly. Truly, I'd like to know how you can be so much of both," I walked over to my counter to pull out a cooking sheet, having to raise my voice the farther I got from my phone. "I'm waiting for your explanation because it truly is fascinating to me."

I placed the cooking sheet in front of me and started grabbing handfuls of the dough. Will stayed silent. "I uh-" I couldn't help a small smirk on my face from knowing I had stumped him, despite the tears gathering in my eyes. "Why is this bothering you so much,"

"Because I don't want to lose you!" My voice was shaky. I hated it.

"You're not gonna lose me, Neeks," Will said softly. "I promise."

"That's not a promise you can make, you won't have any control over it, those damn things are the devil." I looked down at the work I had done. These were some very unsymmetrical cookies.

"It's just not like that, Nico."

"You can't say that," I started the oven, having forgotten to preheat it. "I just- can we stop now?" I grabbed my phone from off the counter, holding it closer to my mouth, then lifting myself onto the countertop. "I'm not mad at you, well, okay, maybe that's not entirely true, but it's not enough for you to lose sleep. We'll be fine, nothing to worry about,"

"Neeks, you're upset, more importantly, you're upset with me. That's something to worry about," I heard him sigh. "We need to work through this,"

"Welp, I don't know what to tell ya," my voice sounded clogged. "Because I don't even know what else to say,"

"Well I don't either,"

I sighed and my oven started beeping. "I feel like all this is doing is making us more upset opposed to actually solving any problems,"

"Because arguing over a damn phone never works," I heard shuffling on the other end. "I'm coming over,"

"No you're not," I said very quickly as I slid the tray into the oven.

"Can't stop me,"

"William Apollo Solace, I swear if you show up at my door you will be sleeping in the hallway," I closed the oven and leaned against it.

I heard a door open and close and then his breathing increased, I guessed he started to go down the stairs. "Then so be it,"

"Will. I swear. You better stay there,"

I heard him call out to Naomi. I heard another door open. "I want to talk, face to face. A lot of working out problems is expression reading, and I can't see your face,"

Which I was thankful for. It's easier to hide your sobs when after words you could make silent ones away from the phone. Call me dramatic sure, but the thought of the parallels between when my dad smoked and Will now smoking kept getting stronger and stronger. "Will..." it was an hour and a half drive. It was dark. The idea of Will getting hurt on his way here... "Don't."

After all, that was the whole reason they went on a break. I didn't want him driving back and forth. Probably the trauma with Bianca. That was a topic for another time.

"I'll be there before you know it, we'll talk, it'll be okay, okay? Great. Imma hang up now, I'll see you soon,"

"Will I-" beep. "Dammit, Solace."

I decided to take a shower to buy the time of my cookies baking and Will apparently coming over. What is his issue? Usually the one who's causing the problem isn't the one who decides the fighting, at least not in my personal experiences.

I drag my hands down my face. He's going to drive me crazy one day. I walk into my bathroom and turn on the water. At this point, my brain doesn't even know what's happening. Everything seems to have gone by so fast, but then I realize it's been longer than a year, even two. Nothing's the same as it was before all of this.

Why do I have so many unneeded thoughts. It's kind of annoying. Actually it's very annoying. Like I don't need to have a crisis every other day. I just don't, but for some reason, I do.

I've been staying at Naomi's more than here recently, so it felt nice to take a shower in my own shower. Not that I didn't enjoy "saving water" with Will, but that usually had a lot more kissing than actual showering.

Once my hair was washed, I stayed in the shower for a few more minutes before getting out, drying myself with a towel. I threw on some random pair of pajamas, and then smelt my cookies that I one hundred percent had forgotten about.

I quickly rushed to make sure those weren't burnt and was pleasantly surprised when they turned out fine. I grabbed an oven mitt and then placed them on my stove top. "I don't even like peanut butter cookies, why did I make these?" I took a bite and really just confirmed my earlier statement.

I still ate about two of them because they were all I had in the house. That's one thing I appreciated about the recipe. You didn't need a lot. I used to survive off these things. One time, Walmart had buy one get one free peanut butter. Which for people who don't know- that almost never happens. I bought all they had on the shelf.

Peanut butter fills you up a lot. Yeah well, after having a lot of peanut butter toast and sandwiches, I needed to mix it up. Alas, looking through my mothers cook books, I found this recipe. That's how I basically finished the rest of the jars. It's probably why I don't like them as much now.

I ran a hand through my damp hair and sat on my couch. The fact Will was actually about to drive his annoying self all the way over here so we can literally just repeat our phone conversation. I could admire his determination... and I probably would have if it had been under any other circumstance, but right now I was a bit ticked if we're being honest.

I turned on some random show and watched it until I heard a knock on my door. "Neeks!" Another series of knocks. "I'm here, and I'm sorry, again, super sorry,"

I got up and unlocked my door, but only opened it halfway. "You realize this isn't going to accomplish anything more than the phone call did, right?"

"Not with that attitude!" He said, fake excitement- well not excitement... his tone reminded me more of a camp leader having to take a team of teenagers on a hike they did not want to go on. "...Can I come in?"

"No," I said, but I planned to let him in anyway, letting the door drop so he could open it wider. I walked away from the doorway and went back to my couch.

As soon as Will was in, he started moving a mile a minute. The same spill he'd already given me multiple times, but I listened anyway. "So, I'm sorry- and I want to try and come to a comprise about it, because it does help me, and I know it's a bad habit but-"

"The only compromise I'm willing to make is you stopping," I said, picking at my fingers. I had to focus on something to hide my expressions.

"Neeks that's not a compromise,"

"Tough," I said, exhaling the word out. I continued focusing on my hand, not daring to look up at the blond.

"Nico," he started. "Why are you being so immature about this? I'm willing to bend and make some sort of agreement, why can't you just consider it?"

"I'm being immature?" I said, still sounding disinterested and focusing on my hands. "Right. Cool. But you coming all the way here to talk because you don't like phone conversations, that's not immature at all. No. Not you."

"No it's not, I'm trying to get things done, I don't wanna keep fighting with you,"

"So stop smoking." I said shortly, still focusing on my hands.

"That's not just how these things work!"

"But I thought you said you can quit anytime," my voice was so monotone. I low key did feel like a bitch but it was the best tactic to not let Will see the hurricane of emotions I held behind my eyes.

"Why do you care so much if I quit. Three more won't kill me,"

"Famous last words," I mumble.

"Jesus Christ, Nico," Will took a deep breath. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Because Will!" I said, my head snapping up to meet his gaze. "Those things- nothing good can ever come from them. All they do is fuck people up and over, and sorry for not wanting that to happen to you, I'm sorry for not wanting to see you end up like that, and hell, maybe it's selfish, maybe me wanting you to complete quit for my fucking piece of mind, is selfish, but the idea, the thought, of you relying on those damn cancer sticks makes me sick, so to hell with selfish I don't you to just be another person in my life who goes downhill,"

"Nico it's a cigarette," he said, the blond was obviously taken aback as I went from 0 to like 50. "I'm not going to go downhill,"

I went back to 0. "Okay." I looked back down at my fingers, picking at my nail beds. "Just, okay." My voice wavered and my vision became blurry.

Shit.

"We're done talking about this, goodnight." I get up off the couch and walk into my room. Will, being so bad at understanding what 'we're done talking about this' means followed me into my room.

"That's not how this works,"

"Okay you can keep going if you want," I said as I closed my closet doors. "But I'm going to bed, hit the lights, would ya?"

"No. Nico you're being-"

"Fine, I'll do it myself then," I sigh, walking next to where he was standing, having to reach over him to flick off the lights. "Goodnight," I smiled, the second most amount of emotion I had given him all night.

I walked over to my bed and got into it. I got into a comfortable position and actually tried to go to sleep. Will gave a few protests before sighing. He sat down on the end of my bed.

Not sure what it was, but just laying down, I guess my adrenaline stopped. Thoughts consumed my head. The first tear dropped, sliding down my cheek. I was being a baby. There was no need to cry... I didn't cry, not like this. I usually let it build up much longer. One was followed by another, and before I knew it, I was biting my lip to hold back sobs.

I tried to make sure it wasn't noticeable by any means, but Will wouldn't fucking leave and eventually a choked out sob managed to escape and my body shook with it. "Nico?"

He knew I was crying, there wasn't a way he didn't, so hiding it wouldn't work anymore. Managing to scramble up all dignity I had left, I began to speak. "Please just go." Speaking was a bad idea. An awful, horrible, stupid idea. As soon as, if not during, speaking there was no more holding it back. I was now officially crying. The types of cries that you do in the shower when it just becomes too much. The tight feeling in your chest you get. The hot, wet, fat tears that roll down your face. The pained noises that escape your mouth, rather you try to hold them back or not.

"Neeks..." I heard Will say as I felt his weight shift on my bed, getting closer to me.

"Please Will," I said, my voice coming out like someone was squeezing my throat.

"I'm sorry," he said again, but this time, there was more weight behind the word. "I'm so so sorry," I felt his head press against my shoulder. There was a beat of silence. I felt him kiss my shoulder. "I'm done, I'll quit." He whispered.

One arm was holding him up, the other wrapped around me. I shook my head. I went to speak, but before I did a pained noise came out. "I don't want you to quit because I'm upset," I said. I turned around, Will moving his head away as I did so. "I want you to quit because you want to quit," I sat up, looking away from him, knowing my face had to look dreadful.

He sat up with me. "This is reason enough for me to want to quit," One of his calloused hands reached out to lead my face back to facing him and he wiped away my tears. "I never want to be the reason you feel like this,"

I just looked into his bright blue eyes, saw the look they held, and then brought my hand up to cover my face as I continued to cry. Will wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. "I didn't know it actually upset you this much, if I had I wouldn't have even thought about continuing, I'm sorry, Nico, I really am,"

I nodded my head, which was the only way I could think of to let him know it was okay and I forgave him.

I needed a few more moments to just cry, but eventually, I took a shaky breath to regather myself before pulling away and looking back into his eyes. I reached up and planted a kiss on his lips. "I'm sorry too," I said, and when he went to say something that was most likely going to be a protest, I kissed him again. "I should've just talked to you about it, told you everything."

"You had your reasons," he said, pressing his forehead against mine. "I shouldn't have pushed you so hard to talk."

"I probably would have done the same thing," I said, a shaky laugh coming shortly after. "...It's late." I said, pulling away and taking his hands. "Can you stay here tonight?" I didn't want him driving back in the dark like this. Plus he was warm. Going to sleep next to Will >>> going to sleep without Will next to him.

"Yeah, I was hoping you'd ask," he laughed.

I couldn't help but smile even through the tears. "Then let's go to bed, I'm tired,"

He nodded before kicking his jeans off and joining me again, this time us both getting under the covers. He pulled me close to him and kissed in between my shoulder blades. He didn't say it again- but he expressed it in other ways. Ways I could tell just by the way he held me.

He was sorry.

I knew Will would never intentionally hurt me. It wasn't in his nature. I knew he had to feel pretty awful right about now.

I wrapped my hand around his and brought it to my lips, kissing his fingers. A silent reassurance of everything's okay.

Sorry for the angst y'all I just felt I had been too boring lately. Needed some drama to spice shit up.

Also sorry for the late chapters. I have no internet ,,, yay :( anyWAY i write the chapters offline on docs and transfer it when I'm at a place with internet so, yknow. It just be that way sometimes.

Stay safe and drink water y'all.