I laid on the hospital cot feeling like things were just never going to be better. Madame Pomfrey got me an excuse for as long as I needed so I could have time to myself and try to heal. How do you heal this?

I wasn't sure what was going on anymore. I had been so isolated from the outside world, I had lost track of everything.

Eventually, I left the closet Draco had left me in. I had returned to the dungeons looking like death itself. I felt like death. At this point I was thinking I'd even want death.

I gained dozens of stares as I walked through the castle that day, but I didn't care. I was broken. I ignored everyone in the common room and went straight to my dorm. I laid on my side in my bed, ignoring all of my friends as they talked to me.

I stared at my dresser for what felt like hours. Not speaking. Not eating. Not changing. Showering. Brushing my hair. Taking care of myself.

Aria eventually pulled my hood up over my head to try and hide my wild appearance. She hooked arms with me calmly to keep me somewhat sane and walked me out of the dorm. We didn't speak, just walked. She walked me through the common room. My head was fogged as I looked around.

Blaise was in there, giving me a pitiful look. Goyle and Crabbe whispered as I walked by. Draco sat with his arm around Pansy, giggled about something I couldn't hear. Hours. That's what it took him to move on.

Hours.

No tears could fall at the sight. My heart didn't hurt any more than it already did. I had caused this, and these were the repercussions.

Aria led me to the hospital wing for Madame Pomfrey to care for. She put me in this bed and I've been here ever since. I've lost track of time. I don't really know how long it has been.

My friends gave up visiting after I would ignore them the entire time they were here. Blaise tried cheering me up a couple of times, but nothing worked. They all thought this was something to do with Umbridge and the punishment I faced that day because of Pansy.

No, I hurt myself way more than Umbridge ever would. I did this.

I did my school work throughout the day as Madame Pomfrey would bring me my assignments. She pitied me, really. She'd bring me meals three times a day. Had me hooked up to an i.v. drip so I would stay hydrated. Took as much care of me as she could.

I just wouldn't speak. Or move much. She said I'm depressed. I would have to agree. I definitely felt it.

I need to get out of here. Leave. Do something.

"Madame Pomfrey?" My small voice spoke for the first time in forever.

Her head shot around in my direction, her eyes wide at the sound she heard. She walked over to me swiftly, worried I was in desperate trouble because I had finally used my voice.

"Can you owl my mother?" I asked quietly as my voice broke. "I want to go home."

•

I slowly walked back to the dungeons, feeling my feet dragging under me after not being used in so long. I twisted and turned down the hallways, others staring at me in shock after not seeing me around in days. I was still in the sweats I was in that Saturday, not the robes that other students were wearing.

I pulled out my wand and mumbled the password to the common room. I walked in without even bothering to look around.

"Drakey, stop!" I heard a voice squeal to my left. "You know that tickles, stop!" I didn't bother looking, I just made my way to the steps.

"I'm sorry, love." I heard him chuckle lightly. "I thought you liked it when I did that." He must have tickled her again because her bloody squealing echoed through the room.

I was half way up the steps when I heard a voice I had actually missed yell out for me.

"JULES!" Blaise screamed, causing the entire common room to fall quiet. I continued walking towards my dorm, allowing him to chase after me.

I felt him catch up to me when we were out of the common room, scooping me into a bear hug. I didn't react to the hug, just stood in place while he had his arms around me.

"B." I sighed in relief, his embrace making me feel better already.

"I've been so worried about you." He told me, squeezing me tighter. "Are you okay? Do you feel better?" He asked frantically as he pulled away, looking me in my eyes.

I didn't answer, just grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards my dorm. He didn't protest, allowing me to drag him through the small hall. I pulled out my key and unlocked my door, pulling Blaise inside with me. My friends heads all shot ups at the sound of the door.

None of them spoke, just stared at me and Blaise. I took a deep breath with my eyes shut and exhaled shakily.

"I'm going home for a little while. They are sending my work to my house. They contacted my mother today after I asked them to. I'm just going to get some space." I said weakly, not making eye contact with any of them.

Aria was the first to stand up from her bed, slowly walking across the room. She stopped in front of me when she finally reached me. She grabbed my face, causing my eyes to look into hers.

She slowly wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a warm embrace. I felt Blaise join us from behind me, the other two soon joining. I picked up my arms and wrapped them around my friends. I wished that this had meant something to me. That I felt something. I had no emotions.

They all slowly pulled away, looking at me to make sure I was still okay, like I was a fragile object they would break at any minute.

"I'm in a really bad place right now," my voice broke as the tears gathered on the edge of my eyes. "I think I just need to go see my mommy." I felt a tear slide down my face. I felt like a hopeless child.

"We just want you to get better." Dani sighed as she rubbed my back gently. "We hate seeing you like this."

"If you need anything from us, you know we are here for you. Always." Maggie added, giving me a small smile. I nodded my head, letting them know I already knew that.

I slowly walked over to my bed and packed up my trunk. I took all the essential things I would need when I returned home. The last thing I saw in my drawer was the necklace from Draco. I picked it up slowly, twisting it in my fingers. I put it in the trunk and shut the lid.

My friends all helped me grab my things as we made our way out of the room. We walked down the stairs to the common room again. I was preparing for what I already knew was in there.

I didn't see the blonde head of hair next to Pansy on the couch anymore. She noticed me enter the common room, causing her to get up from her seat.

"So, they finally let you out of the looney bin?" She giggled, walking up to me as I tried exiting the room. I looked at her, and continued walking. She isn't worth anything anymore.

"You know, they say you got locked up because of my boyfriend, not Umbridge. And you're still wearing his sweatshirt around like a school girl with her first crush!" She giggled, referring to the clothes I had to change back into when Madame Pomfrey released me. "Did your friends tell you that's why you were locked up? That Draco rejected you when you asked him to date you so you finally went mad?" She chuckled. "And you said he wouldn't want me."

She was practically chasing after us now as I was ignoring her and her words. I didn't care anymore. I was getting out of here and didn't need to care.

"Did you not learn your lesson the last time you ignored me?" She seethed, still trying to keep up with us as we walked through the halls of the castle. Maggie finally spoke up.

"You are seriously a fucking stalker, Pansy. Grow up." She spat at her. Pansy just laughed in response.

"She can't even stand up for herself, has to have her friends do everything for her. What Draco said about when you were admitted to the hospital wing was right, you are pathetic." She spat at me behind me.

I wasn't sure if I could even believe that wasn't the truth anymore. Draco probably did say things about me now, and meant them. It wasn't an act. He hated me.

However, that didn't stop the anger that pulsed through me when she said the words to me. In a quick motion I dropped the trunk on the ground, turned around to face her. She wasn't prepared for the sudden stop and walked right into my hand that had reached up and grabbed her neck.

I had quickly pulled my wand out and pushed it into her throat. I had never felt like this. Cold and dark. No sympathy.

"I swear on my own life, Pansy, I will hurt you in ways that you have never imagined if you don't just leave me alone." I said through gritted teeth. I could feel her quick pulse under my fingers. Her eyes were wide in fear at my actions.

"What?" I asked faking pity for her, "Are you scared? Worried I'll do something to you? Draco not here to save you or something?" I quizzed her, my voice coming out in an intimidating way due to my new cold nature.

I sound like a bloody Malfoy.

"Jules, that's enough." Blaise grabbed my wand, lowering it from Pansy's throat. "Walk away." He said, making me look him in the eyes. I released my hand, letting Pansy go. I slowly picked up my trunk from the floor where I had left it.

The crowd that was gathered around us had suddenly parted allowing for someone to get through. I looked over in the direction to see who was walking towards us. Anger started running through me quickly.

"Ah, Malfoy!" I faked excitement. "Hope you brought Filch with you!" I continued to sound excited. I turned my attention back to Pansy, "He forgot to take out the trash." I told him, a look of disgust appearing on my face.

I didn't even give Draco a chance to respond. I continued walking out of the castle, my friends following behind me, still helping me carry my things towards the train station.

"Okay, I'll be the first to say it." Maggie spoke up, breaking the silence, "You are badass!" She chuckled.

A smirk slowly spread across my face. Maybe I could get used to this.