Draco threw a plate down on the counter before he pushed past my shoulder and headed towards the living room. A grilled cheese sandwich sat on top for me to eat for lunch. He was giving me the silent treatment as his anger couldn't get itself to subside.

He avoid eye contact with me all day long, and when I would catch a glimpse of his eyes they looked at me like they had done many years ago. Like I was nothing to him. He hated me, and he wouldn't deny it if I had tried asking.

"How mad are you?" I asked quietly as I carried the plate to the couch that he sat on. He didn't answer my question and stood up quickly as I sat beside him. I sat criss crossed and placed the plate in my lap.

My stomach was churning as I thought about the fight that Draco and I were in. It was my fault, and I knew that this would be the result. I just didn't know how badly it was going to affect my future and all that I had planned for us.

I put the empty plate down on the coffee table when I was finished and head back up to the bedroom that Draco ran off to. When I pushed the door open I was met with him pacing around the room while his trunk sat on top of the bed.

"Are we leaving?" I asked him as my voice broke. He turned towards me with hurt and betrayal on his face before he finally spoke to me.

"I don't know what the fuck to do." He answered honestly as his words cut through me like a knife.

"Are you going to turn me in?" I asked him quietly. "Please don't tell anyone. You're the only person that knows." I told him as tears gathered in my eyes. He picked up a book on the shelves in the room and threw it against the wall harshly.

"I am so fucking mad at you, just shut up!" He screamed. He had finally cracked after holding his temper in as much as he could all day. "I'm not turning you in because I love you, and that's what makes this so much harder! I don't know what to do, Jules!" He yelled in defeat. I put my head down as I cried, feeling like I should've just kept the information to myself.

"Do you have any idea what kind of position this puts me in?!" He asked me as his voice came out harshly. "I don't even feel like I can trust you anymore!" He shouted at me.

"Draco, I promise you can, please." I begged him as I walked towards him. "I'm sorry. I fucked up and I'm sorry!" I tried telling him. I was desperate for him to forgive me at this point.

"Juliet, you betrayed me! All of us! How could you be so stupid?!" He yelled as he pushed my hands off of him.

"Have you realized that you have never been in this kind of situation?" I tried crying to him. "He's our age! How was I just going to let him die?! He deserved better than that!" I argued with Draco.

"What, and let us get killed because of it?!" He argued right back. He moved to the opposite side of the room to put more space between us. "It's Potter for crying out loud! What is with you and this soft spot you hold for him?!" He yelled. Jealousy. That's what all of this argument between us boils down to.

He's always been jealous of Harry. Harry gets so much credit for anything he does, good or bad. He gets the attention that Draco craved for years. Almost everyone at school adored him. The students. The professors. He was a quidditch super star without even having to try. Draco had practiced all of this things for years before Harry knew of magic, and he beat him every time. Now he had another thing that Draco thought he finally had all for himself. My attention.

"If it came down to it, you wouldn't have done it either." I said calmly as I shook my head. "You don't have the heart to turn him in, or you'd do it right now. You'd be out on a fucking cross country exploration to find him, and take him back to Voldemort right this second!" I shouted. Draco turned away from me, grabbed his coat, and slid the balcony door open. He walked outside, leaving me by myself in the bedroom.

I did what any crazy girlfriend would've done if they were in this exact situation. I followed him. He stood out in the cold as the snow blew around in the air with the wind. He was just being stupid at this point.

"Draco, come inside." I told him as I wiped the tears off of my face. I shivered in the doorway and waited for him to come back. "Please, love. Come back inside. It's freezing." I said again. I just wanted to be reasonable with him.

"Don't call me that right now. I don't want to hear it." He spat at me as he kept his back facing me. I walked back into the room and slipped on a pair of shoes before I followed him out on to the snow covered porch.

"Draco, please stop." I begged him as I stepped in front of him.

"Why is it when you need your space from me when you're mad I give it to you, but when it's me you won't leave me alone? Just leave me the fuck alone, Juliet. Seriously. You're starting to really piss me off." He hissed at me as he looked down at me. I shivered once as the wind blew, not saying anything in response.

I didn't know what else to say to him. There was no taking it back. And I sure as hell wouldn't tell him that I regretted what I did, because I knew deep down that I didn't regret any of it. The whole point in telling him was to stop with the lies that I carried around, and that would just be another one.

"Please come in with me," I begged him again as I continued shivering. He looked over my head and kept his gaze out on the mountains. He didn't even seem bothered by the weather at all. "I'm not going inside until- you quit fighting with- me and talk it out." I told him as my teeth started chattering.

"Don't be an idiot. You're already freezing." He told me flatly. I stood my ground as I stayed in front of him. "Juliet, I mean it. Go in the fucking house. Just leave me alone right now." He said for the millionth time. I shook my head 'no' as I continued shaking.

"Promise me we'll be okay. That you don't hate me and that we're going to be fine." I told him. That's all I needed to hear.

He scoffed once as he uncrossed his arms. He turned around and made his way back in the house, leaving me behind. I followed behind him, taking a deep breath when the warm air inside finally hit me. I shut the door and followed him like a puppy, just wanting any sort of affirmation from him.

"Look, Juliet." He said flatly. This can't be good. "I'm leaving. I'll come back later, but I can't stay here and have you trail behind me while I think things over. I just need you to leave me alone right now." He said hollowly. I bit the inside of my cheek as I nodded my head slowly.

I crawled onto the bed behind his trunk and curled up in a ball. I grabbed my blanket from the top of the bed and laid it over me as I felt my tears forming again.

"I do love you. And I'll never stop. I think we'll be okay. Is that what you need to hear from me?" He asked as he sat in the edge of the bed. I nodded my head as my sobs started parting through my cold lips. He let out a deep sigh before he spoke again. "Okay. I'll be back tonight. Don't let yourself get so worked up, I don't want you getting sick." He told me. He crawled over to me and kissed the top of my head, letting his lips linger for a moment.

I sat up quickly and wrapped my arms around his neck before he could get away from me, letting my loud sobs fill the air. He wrapped one of his arms around me, knowing how badly this was hurting me deep down. He could really hate me, but he'd never stop comforting me if it would make me feel better.

I don't deserve it, either.

"I'm sorry." I cried. "I'm so sorry, Draco. I don't want you to hate me." I repeated. He let out a shaky breath before he pulled me closer to him.

"I know." He said flatly. Gee, that's really convincing. Thank you, Draco. "I'll be back later, love. Please don't follow me. Just stay here and try to calm down while I do the same." He said as he pushed me away from him and stood on the floor. He apparated himself away quickly and left me in the room once again.

Alone.

•

I sat on the large couch under a blanket and watched the fire in front of me with a red and puffy face. The room was full of present by the Christmas tree, just like Draco had promised me this morning before I ruined everything. I had added his to the mix as well, hoping that we still had a chance at returning to normal by the morning.

I heard the front door open and shut, making me lean up and look towards the sound. I could hear footsteps on the first floor, making me realize I wasn't alone in the house anymore.

"Draco?" I called out as my voice cracked. He appeared into the doorway a few moments later looking unbothered. His face was tired and I could tell he was stressed out. His sweats were damp from the snow, and he looked like he had experienced a day from hell.

I looked down at his hands and saw that he carried a small bag in one and a cup in the other. I moved my gaze back up to his face as he stood still.

"I brought you a milkshake and some fries." He said softly as he held them up and stared at me. I burst into tears as I heard the words leave his mouth, making me cover my face quickly with the blanket to catch my tears.

This is exactly what I was talking about this morning. I don't deserve any of this. I make the stupidest decisions on the planet, make his life more difficult than it needed to be, and he still comes through with anything. I. Could. Want.

"I don't want to hear you cry, please stop." He said gently as he took the food to the kitchen. "I hate it. It's easily the worst sound in the world. It makes me feel like shit." He huffed as he plopped himself down on the opposite side of the couch.

"Well, I make you feel like shit all the time anyway so I might as well cry about it." I argued with him as I kept my face covered. "I wish I wasn't so stupid. I kill the headmaster. I let Potter go. I get in trouble at school for stupid reasons. I manage to ruin my relationship all the time. I can't do anything right." I cried harder as I kept myself wrapped up in the blanket. It was silent as Draco didn't respond for a moment.

"Would you feel any better if I gave you a hug?" He asked me quietly. I didn't answer as I crawled over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I buried my face into the crook of his neck while he picked me up carefully and placed me in his lap. My crying didn't die down, and if anything, I believe it had only gotten worse. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad anymore, I promise." He whispered as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm so stupid." I repeated as I continued sobbing. He shook his head while he hugged me close.

"Come on, Jules. Don't let this ruin our trip. Let's just let go and move on. It's not worth all this crying." He tried to convince me. I wasn't buying into it.

"You have to hate me. There's no way you don't. I've done so many stupid things in the past, and you've never looked at me like you did this morning when I told you my secret." I cried to him.

"Yeah, and you know what," he told me as he moved my face out of his neck and held it between his hands, "I thought it over all day today when you let me have my alone time. I feel so much better now. You're not the only person in the world with secrets, we all have them." He told me casually. "I realized that if anything I should be thankful that you finally shared the truth with me. That you trust me enough to confide in me and not hold the information to yourself forever. That you love me enough that you thought that I deserved your honesty before I spent my life with you. And that you know well enough that I'd protect you and that I wouldn't rat you out for what you did." He said as he wiped my face off for me. 

"Don't get me wrong, you know how to piss me off like know other. Sometimes I feel like you use that skill to your own advantage a little too often." He chuckled as he looked me up and down. "I was beyond angry. I can't recall a time that you made me feel that upset. It's been a long time since I have been so mad at you that I could hurt you if I didn't hold myself from doing it. But, all these things that you think you are so horrible for, I realized that they all have positive sides to them as well. I looked at everything like an adult, I took my space and thought about all the possibilities, and I still came home to you because you are worth it. You are still the one that I love with all of my heart and then some." He said in a hushed voice. I laid my head on his shoulder in hopes that my headache would subside as I listened.

"And," he continued speaking so that I could rest and just listen to him, "I understand that you don't want to see something happen to Potter." He sighed in defeat. "However, you have to promise me that at some point you'll stop with this nonsense. There's only two outcomes to this in the end, and you need to remember what side you're on." He started to lecture me. "You know that there is no switching when it's convenient. You're on the safe side right now. A side that we were both raised to believe in. Just remember that long enough to help this end and keep yourself alive, and we'll worry about the rest 5 minutes later when it's all over." He mumbled while he laid his head against my cheek.

"I know, I just panicked." I said honestly. "His eyes looked at me, and he was so scared and-" I stopped to clear my throat as my tears were choking me up again. "He looked so much like you, Draco. He was in a horrible situation that he couldn't escape from easily, and for a split second his eyes flashed like he knew his time was up. He needed help and I wanted to help him. I couldn't just do that to him, I've known him too long to be the one that got him killed." I cried. Draco nodded once as he processed my side of the story.

"I used to feel that way, too. You think I liked how it felt to fight with him all those years? To go against him in the bathroom because he knew the truth about what I was? He almost killed me for crying out loud. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed picking on him most times. I knew he deserved better, but I didn't care. His misery brought me joy, even if it made me feel worse later when I thought back on it." He told me like it was nothing.

"But I'm warning you Juliet, we're in to this too deep now. There's no mercy rule. Voldemort isn't just going to forgive you because of the things you've done for him in the past. If you stand between him and Potter, he will not hesitate to take you down first. You've seen him do it time and time again. Is that really what you want?" He asked me. I shook my head 'no' as I squeezed Draco tighter. "Exactly. That's not what I want for you either. I'm sure your parents don't as well. At some point we just have to let go of the idea that 'maybe Harry doesn't deserve this,' because in the end it's either Potter or us, and call me selfish, but I'm not taking that bullet for him." He said in a stiff voice. I nodded my head, understanding the point he was trying to make.

Sadly, I knew it was all true. I couldn't be the hero forever, and I was no Gryffindor who had the guts to attempt that. At some point I just had to let it go, and I think we've reached that point.

"Your milkshake is going to melt. It's chocolate, I know it's your favorite." Draco mumbled against my hair as he changed the subject. I stood from his lap slowly and walked over to the kitchen to get it. I didn't have the appetite to eat, so this would suffice.

When I returned to the couch, Draco pulled me down so that I sat on his lap once again. I drank the milkshake through the straw and laid my head on his shoulder contently. He chuckled once as he rubbed my hair back on my forehead.

"You're lucky you're this cute or I probably would've been mad at you for a lot longer." He said in a hushed voice as he studied my worn out face. "You're like my little baby," he teased as he cradled me and rocked me back forth. I didn't stop him as I shut my eyes softly and continued drinking the milkshake.

Draco held me like that for a few minutes, planting a few kisses on the top of my hair every once in a while. I felt like I could fall asleep at any second, my body was so worn out from the energy I had put into sobbing and crying for hours. The good thing was that the milkshake was replenishing some of my fluids.

"You're going to need a pain reducer, aren't you?" He asked me as he placed the back of his hand against my forehead. "Do you have a headache?" He mumbled while I nodded my head slowly. "Okay. I'll get you one before bed." He promised me.

I barely opened my eyes before I leaned forward and placed the milkshake cup on the coffee table that sat in front of us. I laid on Draco once again and let my eyes fall shut like they were.

"Here's our plan, are you ready?" He asked me slowly, waiting for a response to see if I was actually listening to him or not.

"I'm ready." I mumbled against his skin causing him to laugh.

"Okay, we're going to go get lots of rest tonight, because I could tell by one glance at your face that you've exhausted yourself. We're going to wake up in the morning and take a nice hot shower together. Then I'll cook us our breakfast, consisting of more than just French toast," he added on, causing me to start laughing lightly as well. "Then we'll open our presents, where you will find one of the best gifts you have ever dreamed of." He chuckled. "Then the rest of the day is up to you, my love." He told me, tucking a stray piece of my hair behind my ear. I nodded my head, liking the sound of his plans.

"Okay." I whispered as my brain started shutting off. Draco hummed once while he rubbed the hair on my head.

"You can sleep now. I'll get you to bed." He whispered back. "I love you more than you know." He mumbled.

"I do know." I barely whispered back.